| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 1:55:27 PM | What do you call a guy who treated his wife like a queen for 12 years, made her feel special everyday, we got a beautiful 2-story pool home, I nursed her back to health, stayed faithful to her all of the time we were together, took her on cruises, out to Las Vegas for her 40th birthday with a $1000 bucks cash to spend, bought her a $45,000 SUV (the truck of her dreams), etc., etc., - A CHUMP?????
She woke up one morning and decided she didn't want to be married anymore, she told me that it wasn't my fault and that she lost her identity and needed to find herself again.She says she wants to remain friends and she is moving out to Texas "to find herself again", she has spent a lot of time out there traveling on business and I am beginning to wonder if she has "a better deal" out there. Can anyone out there tell me what I did wrong to deserve this?
Thanks | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 2:00:18 PM | We’re called ......... Single Guys lol.
At 17 years - I got the “I need to go find out who I am” ........... huh
It is the female version of “The Little Red Sports Car” | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 2:08:28 PM | | Ahhh - gotcha, the ole Mid-Life "holy crap I'm old" stuff. It's funny I'm 45 and never went thru it, I must be weird. | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 2:10:03 PM | | I don't know anything about your wife but I have seen this before. Those that marry for security leave for better security. Still wants to be friends in case it doesn't work out. Or... it's what the previous poster has said. | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 2:14:08 PM | | Some relationships just have a time frame. No matter what you do they just go stale date. Have just had a similar situation happen to me ,but life goes on!! Most of us when we look back at a relationship we tend to focus on the positive. If it was all positive then it may not have ended the way it did. Perhaps you should look at what went wrong. Learn from your mistakes you can't learn from what you did right, nothing to correct. | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 2:19:05 PM | There are females early 40s to mid 50s all over the world doing the very same thing.
They have been a wife and mom most of their life. The kids get raised and out on their own and the gals says ........
“NOW IT IS MY TURN - FINALLY” - mine was 43 when she got “her turn”
She was FINALLY accountable to no one.
She was married right out of high school - never was single and had two kids right off the bat ............... | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 2:46:43 PM | | She came from a broken home so divorce is something she was familiar with. There was a lot of unhappiness in her past that I tried to help her through it. She came into our relationship with a lot of personal baggage that I thought (silly me) she would have overcome by now. Thank God we never had kids, that might have been a big part of it too. We both had the "if it happens, it happens" way of thinking but she worked around a lot of twenty-somethings that were pumping babies out like buns out of a bread oven. It's funny she is sending me mixed signals right now, one moment she is in"friend-mode" and treats me that way and last week we met to go over the sale of the house and she gave me a full hard kiss like she used to in the "good ole days". It's really strange. | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 3:58:18 PM | | ^^^ Well I would advice you to cut off contact with her. Mine held on for three years under the “friends” crap and I finally stopped it. It was just keeping me in limbo. | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 4:21:01 PM | Dear, dear. You have to know deep down in your heart that this isn't about you! Sad to break the news, but the world doesn't evolve around ones own self even though at times it can feel that way. Don't take it personally. You did nothing wrong. Hey, do you think we can get together? I think you did absolutely everything right! If I were her, I certainly wouldn't let you get away! Her loss, not yours. When she does "find herself", (she probably never will) , she'll have a rude awakening and she'll realize in hindsight, what a terrible mistake she made by leaving you. Also, maybe she doesn't feel that good about herself and doesn't think she deserves a good man who treats her kind and with respect and truly loves her. Sounds like she has unresolved issues.
Grieve if you must, then move on. Nothing in life is as constant as change. You have a whole new life that's waiting. Embrace it. You'll find better and more meaningful love once again. Be patient!
Susie | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 4:25:40 PM | | It's mid life crisis, try this site.... midlifecrisisforum dot com. It's very good and helpful. | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 4:27:54 PM | You did nothing wrong, you were being you , please stay true to yourself. You mentioned she had past baggage that she never worked out, well now she has to do it. A lot of things happen to women as they age and usually when perimenopause hits (somewhere in the 40's) they step back and re-evealuate their life and hopefully do some personal housecleaning. Don't take on her issues. Let her go. Be polite but sever all physical contact, no kissing.
Maybe you just grew apart and stopped taking care of each others emotional needs. Things don't fill up the deep hole inside yourself if you are not feeling loved or appreciated.
Good luck. Start looking after yourself. | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 4:35:34 PM | Wow, nothing new there. Ever heard of roy masters? fhu do t kham. He tells what happens when you let your woman get out of control. You blew it and it's too late for her but not for you. I suggest that you never ever tell that story again to anyone other than your best friend. Thats what he is there for. Never ever! It makes them run so fast...Good news, you are single and still young enough to kick your self in the butt and get it back on track! She is a tramp for cheating on you, take it personally and learn. Time will help hopefully but nothing helps like a great BJ from a new partner...no lie! Hell there are plenty of fish in the sea! All the best brother get laid!
G | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 4:39:22 PM | Hey,
I bet you a hundred bucks....she is cheating dude, infidelity, an affair( what a nice word for such a horrible betrayal). Friends,yeah right....do your friends treat you like that?
DON"T BE A CHUMP...DOORMAT...DON'T LET HER USE YOU ANYMORE!
Sorry, been through it,life sux sometimes.
Good Luck | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 4:58:42 PM | | hey iluvlife dou, what did you do wrong? NOT A THING ,MAN. i think people in general are restless, they aren`t made to stay with one person forever. think how many people stay married for 30 or 40 years anymore. i can`t think of anyone right off, can you?the only thing you did was love her with all your heart, one thing i`ve learned , you can`t make someone love you , no matter how hard you try.as far as remaining "friends" goes, that is totally up to you.i don`t think i could do it after all she put you through.anyway, keep the faith and find a woman that can love you as much as you love her...tom1066 | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 5:22:28 PM | Hey bud, do be careful, she is taking her half+ in the divorce. She very well may find she "wants" you back. You marry her again then will get her half+ again which leaves you with 1/4 or less of what you had. Not saying this is her thing but I have seen it happen before and for the man it's a no win situation. If you take her back the original half should be tossed back in the pot and maybe a pre-nup for your protection. Remember "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me" it works in this situation.
I wish you luck, but treat her like warm nitro, fun to play with and dangerous as hell.
Kodiak8 | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 5:31:05 PM | Hi, i would first like to say I am really sorry you are going through this. I will pray for you to find answers and wisdom as well as guidance to know what to do. Secondly, I would like to recommend this book: Love Must be Tough by Dr. James Dobson. I believe if you read it a light bulb will go off and if you follow it, there is a chance of reconcilliation, not a guarentee, but a greater chance than if you have no road map at all, and if nothing else you will for sure gain the respect and dignity you deserve. Well, may God bless you and may He hold you tight through this trial in your life.
Geogiagirl1 | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 5:34:43 PM | i hate to say this, but i think she has been having an affair. she most likely met this person over the internet or someting, or perhpas it is someone that she met through her work. you didn't do anything wrong at all from what you have said, but it could be that she felt taken for granted. i don't know.
now, this relationship that she is having from a statistical standpoint has little chance of lasting. i'd say, only about a 5% chance. it will most likley end in a year or two at most, maybe less. that being the case you can either wait it out, and take her back (becuase she will probably want to come back), or you can say "screw it," and move on.
couples CAN survive affairs if they are very very emotionally mature and able to forgive. those that do survive can really get to the reasons as to why the affair happend in the first place. those that dont survive can't forgive eachother and move on. couples that don't survive tend to get third parties involved too much in the "who did what" issues of the break up. once third parties get involved they'll start telling you what you should or shouldn't do, and this is really not always the best advice. it is best to keep your own counsel in such matters, or only chose one close person with whom to really vent to.
i hate to be so blunt but that is how i see it based on the information that you gave. she split "out of the blue" because she had been doing things wrong behind your back for a long time. in order to not feel like a bad person she has to some how make it out in her head that YOU did someting wrong, or that you deserved to be treated that way. you're probably sitting there completely confused and i don't blame you!
i am sorry this happend to you. this sort of stuff is sooooooo painful. you'll be in my mom's prayers ( i don't believe in god so i always have my mom say prayers for people when she goes to mass...i figure if god is going to listen to anyone it would be her...)
lar | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 5:42:14 PM | | Sorry but "finding myself" or leaving or any other such silly reason translates to "I'm ****ing someone else and I think I'm in love with him so I'm going to string you along just in case it doesn't work out so I can come back, chump". Men do it to women too. You didn't do anything, it's not your fault, and you can't beat yourself up over it. You will get through it and look at it this way, at least a man your age can still find a hot young woman to date, while she's going to get kicked to the curb by the Texas guy eventually and figure out she threw out a good thing when she had it. | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 5:54:23 PM | you let your woman get out of control. You blew it
How do you LET your woman get out of control? OP, this guy has his head shoved up his patutie. Don't listen to a thing he said, except maybe the BJ part.lol
You did NOTHING wrong. You can't CONTROL another person. You can give them all the reason in the world to stay,but you can't MAKE them stay.
My heart goes out to you Bro. BINDERDUNDAT!!! Hated it. Try to do some nice things for yourself now. Let this be your time. Always be true to yourself. Not always easy, but at least you'll be able to sleep at night knowing that you did everything that you could.
Good Luck
L8TR | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 6:19:51 PM | | Actually Greg was correct on his philisophical perspective. He never said keep control of her, He said he shouldn't of let her get "out of control". HUGE difference. And he is absolutly correct, if that's what he meant. You don't have to try and control a person to keep control of a relationship. Once you let any person..male or female get out of control, then they will eventually take advantage of it and continue on walking all over you. It is up to you how much you let a person singe your relationship. But for as long as he's been together with her, it's hard not to try and forgive her. That's a tough call. And no man is a chomp for forgiving his wife for betraying him. He's just stronger them most men are. I for one am weak to my pride and dignity and won't tolerate that type of behavior. But, that's probably why I am single and looking and never been married. Anyway, my personal opinion is to find out where your desires lie. If you can forgive her, then do it. If not, then move on. Don't keep her around just to fullfil your void. Be strong and do what's right for you. If you can't forgive her and you continue to accept her back, then you're doing the same thing to her that she's doing to you right now. Which would make you a hypocrit for even coming on this forum and complaining about her actions. GOOD LUCK & GOD SPEED! | |
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lfrl
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Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 21 | |
| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 6:32:23 PM | | Of course as the famous saying goes "there is always three sides to every story, yours her and of course the truth" Now if you are telling the complete truth ( which I don't doubt you are) you did absolutely nothing wrong to deserve this. People change, things change and sometimes life just sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!You will in time move on and feel better, hang out with your fellow fishies in kind and we will help you through this ick!! | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 6:33:46 PM | quidoaviano-----------Possibly------------I stand corrected...................
L8TR | |
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Rayna
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Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 23 | |
| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 7:39:45 PM | Hello Iluvlife dou,
I am 37 so maybe not as much life experience as you or some of the others. However, I do know as a woman, I was in a relationship like that. We never got married THANK GOD! and I don't have any children. I cannot answer your question as to what you did wrong. My sister tells me that I am "wayyyy too nice" and that if I would be more of a **** guys would treat me better. Not sure I agree with that theory. I am still clinging to the hope or maybe "fantasy" that the nice guy is still out there somewhere. I DO know this.....you cannot blame yourself. You didn't do this, she did. SHE made this decision and you just have to accept it and move on. Life is way too short to waste it wondering what you did and what should have been and all of that. I know, I lost my mom and dad within 6 months of each other and then my boyfriend the following year. Just take the heartache and the effort you put into that and all the "what if" questions and put it too good use in another area of your life. You sound like a nice man, but I must say that there are always 2 sides to every story. I just wanted to say something to you as I just broke it off again with an ex----well, HE broke it off AGAIN. Soooo, as ususal.....here we go again! LOL I wish you all the luck in the World and hope you find happiness again. Take care of YOURSELF....always remember that.
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 11:22:09 PM | | i am of the 3 sides to every story camp...these ppl who say he nothing wrong,,who knows? none of us were there...Treated her like a Queen? Perhaps, she was put on such a pedestal that there was no way to go,,but, down? Or, was she a teen when you got with her , then grew up? So many factors,, so little time... | |
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| What did I do wrong????
Posted: 4/22/2007 11:55:06 PM | | Sometimes in a relationship their is no completely wrong or right person.The term injured party is a legal term that rarely is based on the complex reason's a relationship fails.I try to live in the moment with an awareness of my immediate situation.Perhaps you missed her signal's of unhappiness by not picking up on her body language,word choice and all the other nuance's we use when relating to other people. | |
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