| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 4/22/2007 4:09:39 PM | Hi....I am a parent of a six year old boy who is severe adhd and bipolar. It is a difficult road but I have recently written a song about some of the drama and helplessness involved.....It has helped me I hope it will help others please post your comments....The songs video is on you tube I have included the link on this thread......please enjoy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSU8cuhqHXM | |
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| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 4/22/2007 9:09:32 PM | How did you know your child was bipolar ? What kind of symptoms manifest in young children ? I am an ECE/ Special Needs Resource Educator and am curious.
If it helps you to know -- I admire any parent that can stick around when the going gets tough...I wear a few badges of honour myself--
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| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 4/22/2007 11:10:40 PM | | well as i understand it....the exact same symptons that are exibited in adults can be found in children.....the symptons of mania.....grandiose behavior, hypersexuality irritibillity, and more importantly the cyclic effect....of ups and downs.....i call my son the no grey area.....meaning he never has a normal day....its either all bad....or all scarily good...meaning so good something is bound to go wrong...... | |
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| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 4/23/2007 2:47:06 PM | | i have a 3 almost 4 year old and i have been told he has adhd and i see alot of bipolar in him as well.but i have been told that he is to young to be tested for bipolar.he father has bipolar and he is on meds for it and his father has it and is on meds and his fathers mother has it. it is so strong on that side of the family.i was married to my sons father for 3 years and saw all the ups and downs from him.and i see my son go through the same ups an downs.it is really hard some days cause you never know what will set him off.but then some days it seems to be easy.all i can tell myself is that things will get better.(but do they ever)i love my son so much it hurts to see him go through this at such a young age.i have been trying to get all the help i can to help him but i get know where with it cause they keep telling me he is to young.im so scared that if i cant get him help while he is young that things will get really bad like there are with his father.is there anything that you can tell me?? | |
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| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 4/24/2007 1:24:36 AM | | I work and look after/support a lady who is 35 yrs old, and has bipolar/adhd. Her average age is 4/5 years, and some days are really difficult, tiring but also have good days. I can understand and sympathise with you on how hard it may be, but be proud of what you are doing. | |
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| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 4/24/2007 7:40:11 AM | | i am very proud of my son he is a blessing from god he has really come a long way in the past year.but sometimes at night when i watch him sleep i start to cry and think to myself why did this have to happen to him.what did i do that was so bad.then i go back to what i have read,and if you come from a side of family that has a storng side of it you will have it aswell..but why do children have to go through with this its just not fair to them.my son is so loving an caring and yet some days he can be really mean but i know that is not him just the behavor and that helps me get through my days.i have two more children and sometimes i think he will go after them in one of his bad days and i have not seen that yet thank god cause they are babies.and sometimes i feel like i am the only parent out there that is going through this but i know i am not to anyone that is going through this with there child all i can say is love them hold them and just keep telling them you are there for them no matter what day you have.my heart goes out to all | |
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| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 4/25/2007 12:34:24 AM | It was a really great song, I cried. I feel your pain my son has just turned 5 and has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I have been fighting this battle since he came into my custody about 2 1/2 years ago. I adopted him ain November and have finally been able to get him into a psychatrist. He also suffers from FAS and Severe seperation anxiety (this is what jeffery dalhmer suffered from). Let me ask you a question does it sometimes seem that they (the doctors) use your son as a ginny pig? Or is that just me? I know that meds are a dime a dozen these days but their lets try this has left my son zombiefied, had him halucinating, and using the bathroom on his self. just wondering if you feel this too.
I love the song. I have got to get my mother to listen to it. The things that you say are what we feel daily. How do you save them? I wish I knew I guess that you just love them and hope that one day they will be leveled out enough to live a normal life. At least that is what I am hoping for. God bless you!
CM | |
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| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 4/29/2007 8:51:51 PM | | its like this my dear christian mom..........its truly one day at a time......i am not christian in principle of thought....and I suggest that you keep the child away from any would be ministerial staff that attempts to pray, or exorcise, or anything else.......its a biochemical problem at the micro molecular level of the brain.......and it takes a room of people to help decipher how to get a child in the right direction.......its like teaching a kid to ride a bike that is incapable of learning....and cannot have training wheels.....its takes a lot of human patience and kindness and the reward for that sacrifice is a child that can graduate highschool and go on into a productive life.....doctors often look at children as ginea pigs simply because there is not enough data on childhood onset bipolar disorder and unfortunately the bipolar mania episodes in boys especially are ruled and treated as adhd, add, and just plain boy roudiness.......my family cannot have a visit with my son because they refuse to use the medications during his visit.....they think all he needs is a good wooping..........if they could only drink from my cup for a moment....they would see.....oh they would see......i suggest further counseling for caregiver of a bipolar child.....that is the most benefitial thing in the world for me is to see a counselor......sometimes i get so stressed all i do is cry and ache with the pain of lonliness.....and the littlest thing will send me into a frenzy of tears........i refuse medication for myself as i want to alert and alive to aid my son....i have also lost a precious woman that i loved dearly.......and miss every moment of the day..........which on occassion can compound my stress.....lonliness makes you sick....it really does....and not having anyone to talk to or relate too.....its a lonely cup....my life.....hope that helps.... | |
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| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 4/12/2009 3:24:24 PM | My daughter is bi-polar and 28. She has attempted suicide 3 times and almost succeeded the last time. I was so angry with her for putting me through that. I know I shouldn't be angry but it is so hard to believe that having a mother who loves and cares about her meant nothing. When I asked her if she thought about me while she was taking the pills she replied "ya, but I knew you'd get over it!!". My God, how does any parent get over their child killing themselves? She is the parent of an adorable 41/2 boy; how could she leave him? The doctor tried to explain to me that she is in so much pain that suicide seems the only answer. I rarely see the manic side of her just the depressions which can be severe.
It is so hard being in her life. Her irritability is through the roof most days so it is hard to enjoy time spent with her.
I feel like no one understands what I go through and how hard it is to deal with her. Her father has not been in her life (his choice) since she was 13 months old so I have done the raising of her by myself. I am sad that we don't have the closeness I want. She is very critical of me and everything I do and yet I try so hard.
I have had to set up boundaries to stop being hurt. I refuse to beg her to help me anymore as it always causes a fight. She resents doing anything for me even though I used to do alot for her. We haven't spoken in a month. Today is Easter Sunday and even though I sent over a gift for my grandson I will not get a call thanking me. It is just expected I guess. I am sooo tired of dealing with this; it just rips your heart out. The men I date don't understand the illness so it can be difficult when they see me crying over something she has done to hurt me.
I would love to see this thread keep going. I think the only people who understand our pain are those going through the same thing.
God bless you all and Happy Easter.  | |
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| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 4/12/2009 4:41:26 PM | Wow! I feel your pain...my son was diagnosed at the same age...4 psychiatric hospital stays before the age of 10....It's crushing....family and friends don't understand. They think it's a lack of discipline and poor parenting. I have so many stories...
I got involved with a support group of parents going through the same...it was my saving grace.
Now, my son is almost 15...it gets better with age and maturity...but after years of trying different medications (new****ails every 6 months because they always seemed to work for only a certain amount of time)...He was finally diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome (autism)...have you tried respirtol? It's the only medication besides Zyprexa that works...Zyprexa's not good though...causing huge weight gain.
There are behavioral schools and NPS's (non public schools) that cater to children like ours...ask for a change in school placement and a new IEP if it's not the right environment for him...sooner or later his self imagine will be affected by all of the negativity...he needs to be somewhere that he can flourish and thrive.
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| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 4/13/2009 5:41:42 AM | Blondegirl, do you not understand that your daughter has a chemical imbalance that causes this and if she is untreated, she truly does not have control over what she does? My X is bipolar, I know exactly what you are dealing with but it is his choice not to seek help and medication.
A counselor explained things to me one day that made sense. In speaking about my daugther's ADD and her being unmedicated on weekends based on reading on the subject, he asked if I would withhold medication from a child that was diabetic. My response was of course not, and he asked why I would not give my child medication I knew she needed to correct a chemical imbalance which is essentially what one is doing with insulin?
He also told me that when people behave the way that bipolar people do, you can imagine someone hanging out a window and hurling insults at you. You might be angry, sad, hurt. But if you knew that person was mentally ill they would say the same things and they wouldn't hurt you. She is menally ill and your parenting while I am sure was wonderful, didn't matter because until her chemical issues are controlled, her brain is not going to function in a remotely normal way. | |
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| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 4/13/2009 8:53:12 AM | ^^I do understand her problems. Have been to the psychiatrist many times with her. She is medicated and has been on probably every medication there is. I do believe she can choose who she is nasty to. She doesn't treat her friends or my parents that way. She knows she can't act that way at work and has a very good job. I have been there 150% of the way for her. I have taken her son to give her a break. I have asked her several times to go for counselling because I feel that her father's decision to not be a part of her life is part of her problem. She goes to a counsellor once or twice and then quits. My son has ADD and he was medicated up until highschool when he refused to take any more meds. It was his decision and I wasn't going to force the issue. I truly understand depression. It is in 3 generations of my family and we all go to the same pyschiatrist. She appreciates how hard it is to parent a child/adult who has bi-polar. I have sat in her office and cried over my daughter many many times.
Yes she is mentally ill. But that doesn't make being mean and nasty to me any easier to swallow. Nor does it make the ride to a hospital to find out if she is dead any easier to take! | |
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| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 4/13/2009 9:55:08 AM | I can feel for you and certainly if she has been on the meds and can control her behavior when she wishes then you are right in feeling the way you do but I see this as kind of like the reverse of my issue with my mother. She is NEVER going to change ergo I need to set better boundaries with her and keep working toward seeing her as the whackjob hanging out the window. Whether it is really true or not is not really the issue, it is learning to control your reaction, which again, for you it is feeling abused and unappreciated which is pretty much the case for me but it is also the person who is "supposed" to love me unconditionally.
That counselor also told me that the majority of psychological problems would be gone if we took could, should, would, out of our vocabulary. For one, we would set better boundaries because we would not be directed by the way families are supposed to act toward one another, and second, you do not internalize the messages so they don't have the ability to hurt. If your mother or daughter is not supposed to behave in some perscribed way, when they don't, they are just being people we can choose to or not to hang around.
I know it is simplistic and I am doing some reading in this area, toxic parents, negativity and turning around one's thinking. With your situation I imagine you figure out what you truly want to do for her, like watch your grandson. Now, that's a no brainer because you want to spend time with him so you can more easily perceive it as providing him with your quality attention rather than taking something off her back.
If she is being ugly, find ways to hang up, shut the door, or otherwise remove the nastiness from you life for that particular day. If she doesn't get a rise out of you, she will stop because she will recognize that you have now become like her grandparents and friends, aren't going to tolerate her b.s. With everything but the child care you have the reason and right to refuse, just make an exception with that because you are punishing the child by not seeing him if mom is acting ugly. | |
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| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 4/13/2009 11:16:15 AM | Package deal you are absolutely correct. I have been told I have to set boundaries..as painful as they may be. I didn't even celebrate Easter with her or my parents this weekend because I didn't want to argue with my parents about why she wasn't invited. When she has come her for dinner in the past (Thanksgiving) she complained about what had been made, ate what she liked, got up from the table and went outside to wash her car. Didn't even take her plate to the sink. The guy I was seeing at the time was up at 6:00 a.m. to start what ended up being a lovely meal. Because my parents are old and sick I certainly didn't expect them to help with the dishes. So there was my boyfriend and I doing the dishes after being in the kitchen all day.
I was in the States last week and managed to get a copy of the movie "Cars" for my grandson for Easter. I sent it to her via my parents. I doubt I will even get a thank you but I know my grandson wanted that movie so that is all that matters. She ruined Christmas (which has become a family tradition) by being in one of her "moods". I had bought my grandson some beautiful clothes and she was mad at me for buying him clothes because "he didn't need them". What single mother doesn't appreciate her mother and grandmother dressing her child and very well. I ended up leaving my parents crying and not talking to her. She has ruined more Christmas's than not. That is not fair to my parents who are old and sickly. I always wonder at Christmas if this will be the last year I will have both of them so I go out of my way to make everything nice for them. Then she comes along and is nasty, complaining about something and doesn't even help with the clean up!
I often wonder how she would feel if her son treats her the same way...I guess time will tell. | |
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| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 4/13/2009 4:47:40 PM | Thank you crazy rocker.....the timing was perfect to hear your song! I am a parent of a 7yr old with severe ADHD and in the midst of the battles with schools, peers etc, who think it is about 'more discipline, better parenting, just an excuse for bad behaviour etc', it's not a bad child or bad parenting, but 'others' can't see that. I set him up for success and often 'control' a lot of his life, the situations we are in, the social groups, steering clear of judgemental people and the unknown ....yet it's not enough
The words that impacted me the most....schools calling every other day, the 'help me' , working to pay for medicines and the 'anger' portions.
Him and I talk a lot about the ADHD and how he has to work harder to control than other kids, and I know he tries, when he has that ability. It's the impulse moments of anger that can blow everything 'good' he has accomplished.
I just want to find a way to stop his pain and make it all okay, more research and more education, for others to understand this is biological...not behavioural | |
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| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 4/13/2009 6:38:02 PM | I want you to know that life with a child diagnosed with bipolar and ADHD is one I have lived and a very difficult one to live. My son, now 18, was diagnosed at age 6 with bipolar/ADHD/temporal lobe epilepsy. He went through many medicine changes up until age eight when we went to the 3rd neurologist. This neurologist put him on Trileptal, man what a difference, we had a great few years. Puberty hit, and it all went to he**. We have had many hard times over his years, but NEVER GIVE UP.
They said my son would never read past 2nd grade, he would never graduate high school, he will be on disability because he will never hold down a job. Let me tell you, my son is in college. Yes, you heard right, college. He has goals just like everyone else, but he also knows his limits and works with his doctor to help him overcome these. Since turning 18, he has quit taking his meds, which his doctor is ok with at this time.
A couple things that were the most difficult for me was relationships. People do not understand and will NOT stand by you when the times are hard, even his own father didn't. And the other, my other children feel neglected. They are now older, but this has really caused complications in their relationship. I only hope one day they will realize that he has no control over these things he does.
A few pieces of information as a mother and special education teacher. If the school will not give your child what they need, FIGHT THEM by finding out your rights and exercising them, DO NOT GIVE UP, make your child do the right thing (it is really hard, but he/she must know right from wrong and must know that just because they have this is NO excuse and they still have consequences), and TOUGH LOVE is the BEST love you can give this child.
I have had my son arrested 3 times in his teens because he HAD to know that he does have consequences for his actions. I wish you luck with your son. I had no help from anyone, not even my parents. | |
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| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 4/14/2009 4:03:39 PM | Personally I cannot comment on your thread because I did not become bipolar until i was an adult and have never met a child who is bipolar. I cannot phathom what those of you with children who are bipolar must go through. As an adult I know what I have to do to maintain my health. However for a child who has never experienced anything other then this condition and then have to learn to understand it and deal with it.
I know and remember what it is like to be normal according to society. These children must have a great deal of difficulty coming to terms with their feelings and emotions considering they have always had them and know no different. How do you explain what is happening to them when they think their symptoms are just normal life . | |
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| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 4/15/2009 12:43:56 AM | .
Age 5: First day of kindergarten - almost the last for a few years. Anybody who tried to share or take or trade for anything I had was dealt with mercilessly. Brother begins to beat me.
Age 6: First incident I can remember where a large group of people stopped what they were doing and stared at me.
Age 8: Last time I was motivated for academic achievement.
Age 11: Strikes home that I have no friends. People approach w/caution.
Age 12: Meet two serious bullies. Because I don't understand anybody else's behavior and no one understands mine, very, very few people understand the effect on me. History has shown me the likely reaction of anyone I tell.
Behavior becomes worse. Family all agrees on my rebellion, lack of discipline, carelessness, spinelessness, I don't grasp that parental lectures on "don't fight" don't always mean that.
I begin to stutter.
Behavior reaches new peak. Parents take me to ??? doctor who prescribes medication (Ritalin?). Immediate relief noticed by everybody. My paternal grandmother, who lived with us, throws fit, afraid I will be damaged and stigmatized if I continue to take meds. Bullies parents into not renewing prescription. Progress vanishes. Breakdown.
Age 14: New home. My room is the farthest from all others. I don't get a door - door from hall closet opened all the way to cover 3/4 of open doorway. Room is on the way to laundry/garage; anybody at all wanders through without any warning. I don't get a bed but an old sofa.
Age 16: Parents notice I am having problems and take me to a psychiatrist. Tells me I'm depressed & I go berserk. He recommends weekly treatment and possibly meds. I say no. Life until then had convinced me that I am worthless and I already feel guilty about their waste of money on me for incidentals like food. I say I'm okay and my parents drop it.
Age 17: Attempted suicide. No one notices.
On the way to college car struck and totaled plus dental wreckage only 20 miles from home. My parents collect me, take me to dentist, turn around and take me to college 400miles away. Leave me in front of a dorm with all my stuff, in the rain. Mom failed to get dorm room. Another learning experience.
Sex!
Age 18: Adult!
Telling a bipolar child from a brat.
Bipolars have huge mood swings for no reason.
Brats have goals.
Brats are happier.
Bipolars have few friends.
Brats have friends.
Bipolars only confused by punishment.
Bipolars usually more grateful.
Brats have a plan.
Brats actions have a point.
Bipolars usually more creative.
Brats try to control group activities.
Bipolars are sneakier.
Bipolars better with pets.
Brats more successful. | |
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| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 4/15/2009 10:00:33 AM | | For those of you dealing with bipolar children, I highly recommend checking out the Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation. They are an excellent resource. | |
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| childhood bipolar disorder parent
Posted: 6/27/2009 2:18:30 PM | blondgirl24
I am bipolar, and what packagedealx3(?) said about being suicidal is absolutely correct. When one is suicidal, NOTHING MATTERS. The psychic pain is so intense, that sometimes, if one is lucky, they can escape the pain through sleep....for a while. I spent the most part of a year in bed. All day...every day. I would go to the bathroom, and make myself a sandwich now and then. When there was nothing to eat, I would go to the convenience store, and buy anything pre-packaged, or instant to eat.
I was moving, and I hired movers for 5 extra hours to do the packing for me. I have valuable family heirlooms....I slept while strangers packed my Grandmother's expensive crystal. They could have stolen it, and I not only wouldn't have noticed, I wouldn't have cared.
I don't mean to be disrespectful, but while reading your posts, I noticed that no matter what you said, or who it was about, the emphasis was on how it affected YOU. Including your daughter's suicidal ideation...again, no disrespect meant....y0ur daughter said that you "would get over it" if she committed suicide. Would that possibly be because the way you talk about how it would affect you, she maybe thinks that you don't really care about her? Maybe that's why she's nasty and irritable around you?
This type of behaviour is very familiar to me...I was brought up with it. After I got my head sorted out a bit, I approached my family with it. They didn't understand that their behaviour was contributing to my depression. Nothing changed, so I have distanced myself from them.....literally....moved two hours away.
Moving on....tough love is helpful for people with bipolar disorder. Bad judgment, and impulsivity are two of the hallmarks of bipolar. Consequences sometimes convince the bipolar that they should think carefully before they act. Sometimes it's really hard to take strong action against someone you love, but in the long run, they will very likely be much better off.
I feel for all the parents of children who suffer concurrent bipolar, and ADD..... | |
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