| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/23/2007 10:07:38 PM | Let's have a meeting of the minds on this one guys and gals.
I have taken a few lumps with respect to this issue in recent times from single mommies but I do honestly believe this topic merrits intelligent discussion.
I say one way or another, a boy or girl needs a male figure in their life....A positive one of course.
A truely well rounded and totally complete kiddo cannot hatch from a single woman ever or man for that matter. In my humble opinion, those kids miss out on some fundemental things.
Any ideas from POF's best? | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/23/2007 10:15:38 PM | | Children need positive male role models, boys or girls, they don't necessarily have to be a father. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 12:45:26 AM | Now this will probably sound bad but...
Me, my sis, and 4 closest of my friends grew up without our fathers. Me and my sis haven't seen my dad for since we were 5 or 6, never even heard about my friends' dads over the years either when we know each other over 20 years. I don't believe you need to have a father in your life. You do need a guidence from a male's point of view. We all grew up pretty good in my eyes. Most of us but 1 have good families. The boys learned to shave with out dad, learned to fight with dad, and now we're learning to be good fathers with a dad. But again, I'm only speaking from my personal experiance and the ones closest to me in the same boat. Others may disagree.... | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 1:16:28 AM | definitely a boy needs a father figure in their life. As a single parent of a teenage son there is so much to talk about modern relatonships that I try to discuss with him but he is just uncomfortable talking about with a female too (especially his mom: who wants to hear their mom talk about sex) but what do you do when the only male figure head in their life is their father who does not believe in one on one relationships and won't even discuss the topic of protection. I know my son is reluctant to talk to any male figure in my life even my brother has tried to talk with him as he has not been in contact much with his father and he avoids the subject of sex and committment and relationships.
I think it truly depends on the child. A male perspective is an advantage but better to have one perspective who is trying to teach their child the importance of commitment and caring then nothing at all. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 2:27:15 AM | I firmly believe that a child needs two parents in its life, whether its one full time and one part time.
This is something that really winds me up, how in gods name can someone turn there back on a child and not want anythign to do with it !!!
I know quite a few single mothers whow would be glad to have the father around even once a week but then you here that the fathers dont want to know !!
Yes, there may be more in the background going on that im not told but it seems a terrible situation for a child to grow up in | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 4:43:18 AM | OP- Yes, they do need them. It is extremely beneficial to have one, and certainly fathers play an extremely significant role in a childs life. My sons father isnt much of a father (limited time, not a good role model, not consistent, not a financial support, etc), but the little time he spends with him is still very meaningful and important to my son. Provided the dad isnt a danger to the child, then the relationship should always be encouraged and supported.
I think the reason you run into debates is that some single mothers have no option to have dad involved... he simply isnt, or passed on, etc. These mothers take offense when someone tells them their child is being raised as "less than" by not having that connection. It certainly does mean something to the child, but these parents have to do the best they can with what they have. They can compensate for dads lack of involvement, and many of their children will turn out just fine. Does it mean that dads are unimportant or replaceable? Absolutely not, but it means we all have to do the best we can with what we have. These women (rightfully so) are tired of being attacked and will come to the defense of their children and parenting.
Now there is the other segment, but I presume you're referring to... that are the dad bashers and dismiss the roles dads play. Those people need a kick in the rear to wake them up. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 4:47:11 AM | | I think its important to have a male influence not neccessary a father! If the father is not involved and will not be involved by his choice... Many kids do well with an uncle, grandpa or a close male family friend! It would be nice if all fathers (even some mothers) took their job as a parent seriously but reality is some don't... | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 5:02:16 AM | | I'm a single mum with a 3 year old son. I think it's important to have a male role model for children but it doesn't necessarily need to be the father. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 5:13:27 AM | Well, not to make this a somantic issue but the word "need" is throwing me off. Of course, if we are talking about absolute, bare "need", as in survival...no one "needs" either parent. Orphans DO grow up and turn into ok people, right?
But, i think your point is that are kids better off with a dad than without? Probably. The more adults who love a kid, the better chance that kid has in my opinion. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 7:59:16 AM | | Boys (and girls) need a male role model, but it doesn't need to be a father. I grew up without a Dad and I turned out alright. Now I am a single mother (by my own choice) and my son isn't missing out on anything vital, he has a greatgrandfather, a grandfather, an uncle a godfather and all of my friends husbands who love spending time with him. Between them they have varied interests from music to video games to fishing and he will exposed to people with many more differing views and talents than he would otherwise because they all feel like they can contribute more to his life because there is no father in the picture. I think he will grow up to be more well rounded than he would have been and I know that when the time comes there will be any nyumber of decent males around to teach him how to wrte his name in the snow and shave and talk about girls. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 9:39:59 AM | How easily the expression of they don't need their "biological father" is so overused.
If that is truly how so many women see it then why do you insist on dragging the obvious sperm doner through the mud???????
Why not just go to a sperm bank, at least the guy would 50 bucks out of the deal.
We could just start putting it all in a catologue for you or develope a web site so you could pick out the desired genes without ever having to leave the house.
Sorry not sugar coating it, just calling it as I keep reading it over and over and over again...................... | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 10:04:30 AM | no father is better than having one that is detrimental to their overall growth
i, a female, CAN teach them to shave, i CAN teach them all about sex (and have already started with the oldest btw), i CAN teach them how to fight, i CAN do anything and everything in terms of raising my kids but
and this is a big BUT..
they still need and crave that male attention and perspective
I cannot for even a second deny this fact because it is all part of that vital balance .. yin/yang if you will
i agree.. it does not have to be the father yet i can't exclude him just because I don't agree with many things the father does but he is still my kids father .. i am their yin, he is their yang.. they are complete with our love during both good and bad times
it is up to me in my duty as a parent to ensure that i provide both male and female influence in my kids lives they can learn from and nuture their growth from
its tough to be so choosy in this big world of ours but it can be done.. i will continue doing all i CAN do and look/provide that positive male influence untop of their fathers so yes kids can do without fathers but really it is wise to provide that male influence
my .02 | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 10:22:13 AM | I agree with a post up there about foster and adopted children. Most of them grow up without both parents, yet they turned out all right. I have a friend that was a foster child and was placed in foster home to foster home. He had some difficulties understanding how a family is "supposed to be", but with time he figured it out.
It helps to have a father figure, but it doesn't need to be daddy if he's not around. I'm also living proof of that since my dad wasn't there since I was 6. All he ever taught me and my sis was to swear like a mother f*cker. Don't think I need to know that to grow up do I?
I know single parents that are raising their "special needs" children by themselves because the other don't want nothing to do with it. Bad thing is a few mothers are the ones that ran off so they don't have to be there. Even though these single parents are having a hard time with their children, at least these children are getting the love they need and not a parent that feels they need to be there. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 10:31:34 AM | | onlychild.. im curious.. who would you say is your male influence from since its not the father? | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 10:58:23 AM | I know my ex-wife has yearned for her father, even though he passed away, when she was young. She covets any picture, or piece of him, she can get her hands on. From the stories I have heard, he was NOT a good guy, but that doesn't change things. Her mother went through different men as my ex grew up, and she really wanted the male attention, unfortunately, she got some of the wrong kind of attention from an uncle, and a step-dad, that left her kind of messed up. It needs to be a GOOD influence.
Ultimately, women that are vindictive at their children's dads, are causing a lot of problems. THOSE kids, that have good fathers, are missing a great thing. Those children that have crappy dads (and the same can be said about moms, too), need to get help to find other, positive male role models.
The best case scenario is both parents to love and raise the child. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 11:13:32 AM | Yes, I believe you are correct that it is in the best interest of a male child to have a male figure in his life, however, sometimes that is impossible for whatever reason...whether that means death, divorce, etc. etc. Sometimes if you have a choice between no male figure or one that has a negative influence, then you have to go with the no.
That is when God steps in and will give that child whatever it needs.
I not only feel this way about the absence of a male role model, but also female....
God won't give us what we can't handle....that goes for children too. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 11:26:12 AM | Sorry - "god" has nothing to do with how my daughter turned out.
I raised her. I give credit to how great she is because of my love and parenting, and the wonderful people who have surrounded her, giving her love and support her entire life. Just wanted to say that, as it is important to me to give credit to the right people who are actually here and exist.
If you want to give the credit to your god, that's OK too :)
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 11:31:51 AM | whitetigeress...
Never had a father figure. My mom never trusted another man ever since my dad. I will admit that I had a hard time growing up, but with what I learned and never had as a child growing up, I know give to my son so he won't go through the same crap that I did. I'm not saying all children doesn't need a father figure, but there are lots of children that don't have one and turn out ok. It just so happens that there are also children that don't have a father and they turn out bad as well.
If I had a male influence, I would say it's from teachers and people at summer camps and so forth. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 1:21:56 PM |
If I had a male influence, I would say it's from teachers and people at summer camps and so forth.
that's awesome!... see, we do draw it from somewhere
granted we, as parents, should give lots of consideration where we providing both male/female influence for our kids.. like i said, it can be tough to be choosy | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 3:07:29 PM | lol Well not considering myself POF's best ... but I was referred to a TERRIFIC book recently, thanks to one of POF's best.
I am in complete agreement that boys and girls need both positive male, as well as female, figures in their lives. You worded it very well this time. lol I wondered where the OP's thread went about the Extinction of Men. THOSE opinions (or the WAY in which you WORDED them) were why you had difficulties with single moms.
Ideally it would be the mother and father, but in the absence (body OR mind) of a father, it could also be the step-father, grandfather, uncle or male family friend. It can also be a 'Big Brother', a teacher or a minister.
The book is called "Wild at Heart" btw and is awesome! A great read for single men AND women, as well as parents. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 3:25:56 PM | | i believe children should have a male role model in their life...but i dont think they NEED one...many people have grown up with out a father and turned out great....what every child needs is a good caring,strong parent. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 5:57:22 PM | | Parents come in all sorts of types. Boys do need their father's but,,,,if the father is not interested the Parent who shows up for the job is the one they will count on, rely on, call when they are sick or need someone. Boys and Girls need their Parent or Parents period. Who ever shows up . | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 6:23:57 PM | | i am a single mother of two children and another on the way. yes, children need that postive male role model. i am lucky that their father is a good man who has regular contact with his children. in cases where the biological father is absent, uncles, male friends, and grandfathers are a great substitute. i have a son and nearly two daughters and i have worked my a*** off to ensure that their father is a part of their lives and doesnt feel alienated. so, my answer is yes. children male or female need a good strong male role model. | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 7:51:34 PM | I do agree that boys need a male influence, but I am going to give you the young widows perspective.
I did not ask for this journey of raising a child alone. My son was wanted by both of us, but because of complications from a trucking accident, my husband passed away when I was six months pregnant with our miracle baby. Our son is now three years old and starting to ask about his dad.
I have to make do with all that I have. My son loves his grandpa, but since I had my son when I was 37 my parents are in their early 70's now. I go to a great church and I am glad to see that one of the above posters said that teachers were influential.
(sorry if I had some spelling errors, I'm on vicodin for an abscessed tooth which is getting pulled tomorrow) | |
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| Boys need fathers...Period
Posted: 4/24/2007 9:04:17 PM | | I read all the posts and everyone says the same thing,boys don't need the Father,just a good male influence...Well,let me throw a wrench in this theory...Step-fathers...hmmmmm...I grew up with one my whole life,so coming from experience he wasn't the same. He cared for my physical needs as a child,but the physical needs is only a small portion of the total child..and a small one at that. Now also...most sexual abuse,don't have the % available this instant,but did learn about it while in school is from step-fathers,not real fathers. The fact is,yes,step-fathers are better than nothing...but the real biological ( and non-alcoholic,non-drug user) fathers is absolutely the best possible thing in a child's life. I know that there are hypothetical situations to deviate from this and some beyond our control like absenteeism and death. Divorce sucks...let's face it,most of it is for selfish reasons and if you just stayed for the kids,well...sacrifice is hard sometimes,but well worth it. | |
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