| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/24/2007 9:59:52 PM | ok here it goes
once ppl read my profile find out i got 3 kids that i`m fighting for cusody for they get scared away.
do you think the fact of a single father is a bad thing?
plez leave me a few comments thank you
mike | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/24/2007 10:46:27 PM | I don't think the fact that you have 3 kids is what is scaring them away.
It might have to do with the fact that you are "fighting" for cusody
Or people just don't know what cosody is?
Or it might be the honesty in your profile name.
Or because you don't have a spell check program installed.
On your profile you say you drink CARLING more than 3 times a week, and you also say that you spend all your weekends with your kids so basically you drink when you are around your kids and you do this while you are trying to get custody of them???
GOOD LUCK
You should probably get your s**t straightened out before you try to involve anyone in your life. Most people run from drama filled situations.
I have three kids and I have had very little problem meeting women, be it on here or anywhere for that matter.
Maybe you should have a more realistic expectation about the type of person you want to be with.
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/24/2007 11:02:06 PM | | Single moms will love the fact that you're a single dad that takes care of business. But to be honest even I (a single dad) would be a tad hesitent to date a single mom w/ 3 or more kids. It's a catch 22 the only ones that will appreciate this are the single moms, but yet in still the single parents may be a lil hesitent to put themselves let alone their child(ren) in the mix with 3 other little ones | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/24/2007 11:09:10 PM | a woman's point of view????
well doll, i think you are having the same problem that most women have!
women are avoiding your profile for the fact that you have three kids # 1. just as men do it to women with kids, the fear of being "tied down", the responsibility involved, getting attached to the kids and than having the relationship wind up not working out,
most people both men and women do not want to part much with their everyday routine that they have become accustom to!
some women and men can "deal" with the "drama" of custody battles, of fighting with the EX's all the time over who is the better parent but some people just want a problem free life as much as they can make that possible.
there are many issues related to you having three kids and women avoiding that factor as they are in mind of "dating" someone new.
its not just you though be assured! it happens to women in the same respect!
dont worry, there are some women that the fact that you have three kids and are fighting for custody will not matter to! but remember (everything starts as a friendship first) i wouldnt look too much into it actually, because that girl...will find you attractive and she will except you for who you are....three kids and all! she will welcome everything with pride! | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/24/2007 11:24:05 PM | Being single mom myself I think that both of the guys are correct in their own ways.
1. Holding up a beer in your profile photo for me shows that you are a regular drinker.
I do not nor will I tolerate anyone drinking around my children.
2. The drama of a custody battle is a lot more than I would want to deal with trying to
get to know you. I would not want to hear all the time about what your ex is doing
now. It has nothing to do with the kids.
3. I understand completely about spending time with your kids but if you are trying to
get to know someone who does not put their kids first or does not have kids they will
not understand the priority of your children.
4. Your profile also has a unsaid truth that you are showing you are still in the party
stage of being single. You seem to have yet reached the ready to settle down stage
and if the lady that you are talking to wants to settle down that would be a read into
the profile to see if he is what you are looking for.
5. Try the other photo of yourself with the white shirt where you are smiling as your
profile picture.
6. Last but not least something to think about what are you offering a female in your
profile?
Hope this helps and good luck to ya!
CM | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/24/2007 11:56:22 PM | I totally agree with the other posts here.
I don't know how long you have been on this site, but I have a hard enough time connecting with people and i only have one child.
Here's a story for ya!
I was on another site and there was a guy who had custody of his 4 kids, which I thought was a good thing. We spoke for months and we were excited to finally meet.
I flew up to WI (with my daughter) to meet him and was awakened with the reality that this guy had a "Nanny" caring for his kids and running the household. He worked during the time I was there (as a truck driver). I barely got to see him the entire time. I spent more time with his kids than anything..
I also found out his wife abandoned the family to do drugs and was still calling all hours of the night (lots of drama), the oldest child played "Mama" and the next to the oldest tore up the house and threatened suicide while I was there...he was also somewhat brutal to his siblings and disrespectful to me.
The second to the youngest clung to me from day one and cried when we came back home asking if he could come with us back to GA.
The youngest, who was 4..was still wearing diapers and slept with his dad.
Now, you tell me....would you have stayed or called the Family Welfare Authorities, because that's what I wanted to do. There was WAYYYYY too much drama and alot of red flags there.
Although I am open to dating someone with 4 kids, I only have one and that would be a HUGE responsiblity to take on and frankly, I'm not sure I could manage (just being honest).
Get your life in order and take into consideration your children while looking for a mate. They, too, have major adjustments going on in their lives....adding a new woman to the mix is just going to be bad at this point IMO. I would wait awhile and get the kids through this hardship between you and your ex....oh...and lay down the booze dude!
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/24/2007 11:56:40 PM | My personal opinion...
When I look at your pictures I feel very threatened, your eyes are amazingly piercing but they look like they are full of pain and desperation (theres a better word but I can't think of it). Its not a pretty sight for a perston to see when they look aat a person for the first time.
Plus the fact that you are holding a beer in your hand yet you are fighting for custody of your children and the fact that you drink more than 3 times a week might be quite a turn off. I'm not saying change, but good luck sweetheart. You may want to start taking care of yourself before you even think about taking care of your children or a signifigant other.
Just may wanna fix up the pronunciation on the profile. But kudos to you, you're one of the few that know how to learn paragraphing. | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/25/2007 10:04:26 AM | My last LTR was with a man that didn't have children (before him, I was married to my children's father). We waited a while before I introduced him to my kids, which at that time were ages 7 & 9.
Of course all became attached, my daughter was on the verge of calling him 'dad' when things started to go south in our relationship. He always thought I put the kids before him (well duh) and that became an issue.
I've since decided to date men that do have kids but I have restrictions within that rule. They must not be under the age of 10, must have a mommy somewhere as I won't play that role to someone elses children, nor will they to mine. Like now, I won't live with a man until after my kids are out of the house (4 more years to go whoo hoo!) so I will never again have to worry about their hearts being hurt as they were before. With children, come conditions. Some people don't want to deal with that, be man or woman.
(I do have a point here honest)...
The way I read your profile, it reads as though there is still a lot of drama going on with your ex and the custody battle. Ask yourself this, would you want to get entangled in that drama?
Side note: KUDOS TO YOU FOR BEING A MAN AND SHOWING HIS KIDS YOU LOVE THEM. MORE SHOULD FOLLOW YOUR LEAD! | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/25/2007 12:38:30 PM | Hi.
Im a single mum. Got 2 kids by different dads and that aint to appealing to guys in reality either Trust me. Live with one of my kids and not the other, long stroy and very messy, been like that for 9 years. Going through residency battle again now actually so I know how tough it can be.
Ever need to talk bout it - I probably have the answer and Im a good listener.
Karen | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/25/2007 1:19:20 PM | Hey Mike, was browsing the forums and saw your posting. Everyone who has commented has some valid points ... and I agree, you just need to give it some time.
There will be those who do not want to add to their family or become an instant family or worse yet go from the frying pan into the fire. Don't look or expect to much from the outset. Remember your kids are first and you are second. Having a social life helps to maintain your sanity and makes for a good support network but even a good network takes time to put together.
You are a good looking guy so you shouldn't have any trouble getting offers. That being said I suggest you rethink your picture collection. Stick with pictures 4, 6 and 8 to start. They are good and show a lot of your personality. You have just the right mix of seriousness and humour in those 3 shots.
Definitely get rid of the beer shot though.  ... Not a good picture for, or of, a responsible father. This will send out the wrong signal in more than one way.
Best of luck Mike!
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/25/2007 1:32:10 PM | Truth? Because it is your fight, not theirs and that is where your attention is right now, not with developing a relationship. The fact you say "fighting" means a nasty ex and what woman wants to get in the middle of that from the beginning? Not to mention the financial implications, the emotional drain, the fact all your weekends are about your kids and that you just got out of a 12 year relationship.
Sorry, but I would never get involved with a resume like that. It is what is is right ow, I have not said these things to be mean, but from someone looking for a long term relationship with someone. These are not things I want.
Maybe when your situation changes and the issues are resolved, your profile can be updated and you can start anew with a fresh and positive attitude.
Be happy about life in general and I'll bet it will translate to other areas of your life as well! | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/25/2007 1:37:17 PM | well to be honest, the photos put me right off, and then there is the name. and the fact that you were with some one for 12 years beeen single for a year and looking already says to me that you are not ready yet,
I am a single mum and yes some times it is hard, but most of the time its good, if someone is not intrested in me then i hope they have the guts to mail me back and say so and why if they can, and most of the time it is because of distance not because i have a child,, perhaps you should think before you write your profile
and remember most women dont just want to Hang out, they want more. | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 4/25/2007 5:48:05 PM | Well, I'm a single mom with three kids, so I can feel your pain. When my marriage of 12 years ended, I spent a year focusing on my kids (we have joint custody, but they have always been with me). Their dad immediately began dating, and is now living with his gf.
I felt that I needed to give my kids time to get used to the idea of mom & dad living in different cities and also to get used to the idea of being the only go-to person my kids have. It's only after a solid two years that I have felt ready to wade back into the dating pool (it can be a scary place!) I can only imagine the mistakes I could have made should I have started dating earlier.... Perhaps you may need to reevaluate that which you seek?
Good luck to you in your battle for your kids. I'd have to agree with the other posters that you may want to reword your profile, it sounds kind of combative and aggressive. | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 11/16/2007 12:10:35 PM | | Have to agree with the others..holding bottle of beer in a photo is a red flag. The ladies have the same concerns men do when it comes to datingsomeone with kids. To much drama., too much risk and potential headaches involved and your kida are not their problem. Why date someone with kids when there are others without kids you can date without having all of the issues that come with dating someone with kids? | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 15 | |
| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 11/16/2007 1:08:21 PM | pulling up threads that are months old, to spew that education eh.
"why date someone with kids, when there are others without kids you can date"
well i have children which why i come to the single parents forum.
do you have children?
There are many benefits from a single dads perspective to dating a mom with children.
They undertand what it is like for one.
You can have fun outings with children
Group adventures
You gain the love of your partner and their children
Your generalizing with this question of yours.
You make it sound like dating a single parent is a nightmare. IT"S NOT.
Firstly most single parents wouldnt even involve thier kids in the early stages of dating to being with.
Secondly most single parents wait until the relationship takes on a more serious tone before involve the kids.
Couples need their own time to build a new relationship.
With the way relationships are today, many divorced couples etc, single parenthood is the quite common. Children are a blessing from God.
"to much drama, too much risk and potential headaches"
how about your drama and your headaches, ever look in the mirror? | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 11/16/2007 6:49:30 PM | "to much drama, too much risk and potential headaches"
how about your drama and your headaches, ever look in the mirror? --that guy John is a damn pain!!
I would date a man with 3 kids, just for casual dating--that I can say for sure. But would I want a LTR,? Off hand I think not because I have 3 kids of my own. It's scary thinking of a future where me and my man are going out with 6 kids I don't think I could deal with that!! So, my point is that maybe the women aren't necessarily scared off, but if they have more than 2 kids and are looking for a LTR, perhaps they view such a large family as overwhelming. And who knows, perhaps if I gave it a try I would like it...but I would definitely be nervous / reluctant.
Also, as mentioned before, I would handle the custody issues first before delving into anything serious. It can bring too much of an emotional rollercoaster to your relationship. In time, I imagine you will find what you are looking for. Most women I know, although some are reluctant to date a man with kids, can definitely respect the fact that you are taking care of them and would be willing to take a chance on that type of responsible man. Wish you the best | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 11/17/2007 2:16:55 AM | ^^^
Kind of ironic. Women with 3 kids won't date you because they don't want a guy with 3 kids. And women with no kids don't want you because they don't want the baggage. Either way you're screwed. | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 11/17/2007 7:57:53 AM | | I have 3 children one has moved on and I have had custody of my 2 sons from the beginning. I never dated anyone until all legal issues were resolved. In my opinion you should never bring someone into a messy situation. Custody battles can get nasty and that is between you and your ex,new relationships should start with a clean slate. I will agree with you OP that it is very difficult to date when you have custody of your children. I am having the same problems but if someone really cares about you they will accept you and your children and if they don't my advice "Keep Fishin" | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 11/17/2007 7:19:34 PM | Hi there single dads,
I will happily date a single dad with kids. I have one son but he is 18 now.
The guy who wrote this has a drinking problem. It says on his profile he drinks often. This could be his no. one factor.
Get that under control and you'll be okay.
Take care, Cheryl. | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 11/18/2007 2:10:45 AM | | I think it could be more to do with the custody battle you have trying to get custody of your kids, its a messy business for an outsider (a woman your seeing) to be involved in. When a man meets a woman with kids they have to accept her kids so why cant it be the same when a woman meets a man with kids! I personally think its great what you are doing, makes a change to know there are men fighting for their kids instead of running away from responsibility, you should keep fishing the right woman will come along all in good time and you keep fighting for what you want, good luck with your court case! | |
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| single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away???
Posted: 11/18/2007 10:07:27 AM | I'd judge more on the details but in general;
1) I actually want a single dad (I'm really not as interested in a man with no kids or a man with adult kids).
2) I admire a man who is fighting for custody of his kids. Nothing negative about that, in and of itself.
However, again, the details is what would make the difference. | |
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