| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/28/2007 3:05:01 PM | What's wrong that all us ladies are ready to give up the dating scene???? 
What's your thoughts? Is it age, are we all too set in our ways?
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| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/28/2007 4:09:16 PM | I'll add my 2 cents worth here...
I came to POF a year ago when my friend told me about the features here and the luck he had.
I've met or hooked up with a number of guys on here and only one would I be able to say was/is a man I would trust with my heart. The rest of the men here have the lines down to a science that make you believe anything so they can add you to their list of conquers. Not all are this way...but once you have enough hard knocks in a row you wonder if its even worth it anymore.
And I'll be honest here...we feel we have three options..
1) give up
2) keep faith we will find a great guy eventually
3) give them a dose of their own medicine. | |
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| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/28/2007 5:43:12 PM | OR maybe we need to slow down, take our time, and quit wanting all of our ooompa looompas right now. we are getting older and want things to happen asap instead of taking the time to just enjoy getting there. it's a wonderful process, getting to know one another,we just tend to be in a hurry and jump right in to something with someone we don't know. most of us, myself included are guilty of this, how can we expect guys to be patient when we aren't?
we do need to give up on the instant relationships, if we don't let them simmer for a while it just won't turn out right. and it's ok to stick to your standards and values.if you know "the lines" don't fall for them.do you really want to be with someone that dishonors your values and uses lines on you? get comfortable with being by yourself 'cause you may have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince. | |
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| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/28/2007 6:38:42 PM | A male friend of mine and I were having this same conversation yesterday. He really wants a relationship and I don't.
A relationship to him means having someone to do things with. Possibly moving in together, having the female touch in his life (which means someone to cook, clean for him I'm sure).
In my mind a relationship means possibly moving in together where I would have one more person to clean after and cook for. I already have two kids of my own and have raised three step children. I don't want another person WANTING from me. Why can't we just hang out every once in a while and leave it at that? I just don't see the benefits of a relationship as I get older except maybe regular sex, and I haven't found anyone who can do that better than myself these days.
Even when my male friend and I do stuff, he wants me to plan it, me to get everything ready for it, etc. He thinks he is doing me a favor by letting me do this but it would be so nice if he would plan and do and let me just enjoy every once in a while. When I do stuff with my female friends, we all chip in and plan and do. I have lots of friends and family so a relationship just doesn't provide any benefits to me. | |
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kasie
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Joined: 4/14/2007
Msg: 5 | |
| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/28/2007 9:26:26 PM | DSL I just HAVB to agree with you on most of what you say...as for your number 3,
" I couldn't do to someone else what I don't want done to me" sooooooooooooo that being said...I gave up... Now I just live and enjoy it..After all, it may be over tomorrow.
My two cents:
Life is too short. Enjoy what is here while it is here and let what happens happen!!
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| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/28/2007 9:52:55 PM | No it's not our age nor that we are set in our ways. And just what in the hell is wrong with our age and morals?? Not one damned thing. I too have just recently let my wall down to try again after so many years. Well the next day it was back up twice as strong as before. I refuse to just settle nor be just a piece of ass for any man. So if that means being alone for the rest of my life then so be it. However, I had the attitude Do unto them before they do unto me. But I am not that kind of person and couldn't do it. (Wish like hell I could)
Just my 2 cents worth at age 62. | |
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| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/28/2007 10:53:46 PM | I originally came to POF to prove to myself once and for all that there really isn't someone out there that is my soulmate. I was going to give it a try until last Christmas and then just take up knitting or something to fill my time. I told myself I would be satisfied if I knew that there was no one and I wanted to believe I could go on then and just do something else.
Here's what I actually have proven out. Firstly, no matter how hard I try to kill the desire to have someone in my life, I can't do it. It's still there and isn't going to go away unless I have a relationship to fulfill it. Knitting won't fill the void, pets won't, and neither will friendships. In all probability, however, it is an ache I will just have to live with. And I don't know why it is such a burden to live with that. But it is very difficult as many here know. The irony of it is that I can get guys I don't want, but they just don't fill that empty spot. It has to be one I want, but this is the great mountain I've been unable to climb.
What disillusions women in this dating game is that guys say one thing yet do another. It would be so wonderful to just have a man do what he says. How refreshing if you didn't have to wonder if what he were telling you was true. Oh how great it would be if they were still there strong tomorrow after they kissed you today.
I am one who is very disillusioned with the men on POF. Been told things. Been rejected. I have pulled back to a place of safety from being an "event squeeze." Yet I can't seem to completely close the door. As I said it is very hard to live with the disatisfaction of no relationship. Maybe one of these days, I'll figure out how. | |
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| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/28/2007 11:59:28 PM | Dr K, as always you have hit the nail on the head. I can attract the ones I don't want and get the brush from the ones I do want. Thats why for now, I have tried burying the urge to find someone under TONS of work to get done. I'm not 1000% positive what or who I want, but I know being alone is not gonna take care of my need.
My outlook right nw is whoever I find will be there with me and have common interests without me having to state them or draw them to it. | |
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| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/29/2007 12:01:41 AM | | I wanted so bad to have someone to call my own but everywhere I looked I found duds...then the other day as I sit alone @ my favortie bar, it dawned on me, I have no one to answer to, no one waiting for me, no ones schedule I need to fit into or try to fit someone into my schedule ...I'm free to do what I want, when I want and how I want. Because of the mutual requirements of a relationship I decided I dont want to be bothered with it, I like my freedom. I have given up looking for anything more then friends. Now I am not saying that if the right person came along and swept me off my feet that I wouldnt comply, until then I am going to pull a William Wallace here and say "Give me freedom" | |
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| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/29/2007 5:02:46 AM | I had to reply to this thread especially after checking the date I joined this site. It will have been two years in August. I think I may have set a mile stone here and maybe time to do some rethinking on my part. I can't say that I have not met a few along the way but nothing more then just the occasional 3 dates....and I wonder to this day why that is like that. It isn't like I was really rushing anything. At least not from looking at the original join date.... | |
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kasie
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Joined: 4/14/2007
Msg: 11 | |
| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/29/2007 5:49:23 AM | Sorry ladies.. (and Steve) lol I had to post again. Sharon you are right. We all have that DESIRE to have another in our life. I for one know exactly what your saying and "NO" there is no knitting, dance classes, event partaking, drinking, etc that is going to fill that empty ache BUT..... We have desire for all things that are bad for us and learn how to either curb it or satisfy it. I myself have quit attending a lot of the events because I saw too much going on. There was this one and that one going home togther one night then a week later seeing someone totally different, then yet another week later ANOTHER... I don't want to partake in "puff puff pass pass" so to speak. It also made me see that people that I thought I knew, I did not. I have made wonderful friends but only MY TRUE friends still see me outside of POF events. I can count them on one hand.
I suppose I personally could pretend that I just really am not ready. I enjoy my freedom and not having to answer to anyone, however Im still lonely and know that something is missing. By trusting that God will provide, I know that I won't have to settle for anything less than what I want. Sometimes you have to take the gem out of the covering to find its value underneath. I am so learning that here lately.
 
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| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/29/2007 6:41:03 AM | Kasie, you are so right! I have cut back on the events as well, even though I had a lot of fun and met so many people. I will attend still but just not so regularly. I want to be like Colonel Klink from the television program Stalag 13 who said, "I know notink, I see notink!" I have no desire to be an "event squeeze." This is where you get kissed and belly-rub danced at the event, but when you leave you don't see or hear from that person. Then they are off with someone else at the next event. Some guys have more than one woman they are talking with at the same time, too. Much like selecting melons in a supermarket, they squeeze, scratch and sniff to get the best one. Trouble is those that get squeezed, scratched and sniffed but don't get chosen are left feeling very low. But women just have to get to the point where they recognize that these guys have major flaws. The ones who get chosen are in danger that a better one will come along and they'll be left in the dust as well.
I hate to point out negative things without going to the positive side and dwelling on that. Therefore, what is the answer to these things? First off, we have to believe that there are good guys out there. Strong and dependable, they won't go from woman to woman. They will actually pursue us. Wow! What a thought!
Also, it is possible to have a wonderful life no matter what status we are. We have to be our own best friends and love to hang out alone with ourselves. I actually have a fun time with just me. I enjoy my own personality and the way I look at things. Somebody is really missing out here, but if they don't want that, I'll take it! I'm not sitting here pining away, but am laughing most of the time.
We just have to hold to the fact that "no good thing will He withhold from those that are called to his purpose." Just wait for the good. | |
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| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/29/2007 6:59:33 AM | This is a thread I should avoid... everyone is being so open. I can either be honest, or not post....
I've never had difficulty with putting the past behind me very quickly, so I am more than ready to give myself to a relationship. I've been on this site for a little over a year. In the 3 1/2 years that I've been "single" again, I've dated a few men (only 1 from POF) ranging from a few weeks being the shortest time, to 6 months being the longest time.
I'm constantly being told that I "intimidate" men, that I need to "lower my standards" and stop being so "picky".
My response to both of those-- I know "who" and "what" I am, if a man has a problem with that... it's his problem, not mine. Anyone that I am friends with appreciates that I'm not wishy/washy, that I don't change what I have to say according to who I am talking with, and that I'm always honest with them without being rude or cruel. I am not willing to give up "who" I am, and if a man expects me to do that... there is something seriously wrong. I would no longer be the person he was attracted to in the beginning!
"Lower my standards"? "Picky"?? I am selective, just as every one SHOULD be! I am not into "serial" dating and will not go out with someone just for the sake of having a "date". If I don't believe I could be seriously interested for more than a few dates, I won't go out with them even ONE time. Why do people think there is something wrong with this?? To date someone that I would not really be interested in having a relationship would leave me feeling unsatisfied. That wouldn't be fair to me, and really unfair to HIM with being the substitution for someone that I haven't met.
Unlike CK, I consider seeing peoples behaviors at the events as an advantage... it tells me who to avoid if I would have otherwise been interested.
On the flip side... I'm lonely. I would love to have a relationship. But, I no longer expect that to ever happen. I keep coming to the events because I've made a few friends that I ALWAYS looks forward to seeing. I can and do see some of them outside of the events, but it's just nice to know that on certain nights I'm not going to sit home alone and I can instead enjoy the company of people that I truly do enjoy being with. | |
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| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/29/2007 7:23:26 AM | | Jackie..I know exactly where you are coming from on this one. I have been told I intimidate men....which I didn't think was possible coming from me. I look at myself and think how is this intimidating. I have no expectations anymore of having a one on one relationship with any of the male species. Do I like that thought?....Nope...but living in a reality based world....that is what it is. I have attended events..put who I am out there...and well here I am. Can I live with it like this?....Yep!....The options at this point are rather limited. I like me for me....and I know who I am....and I can be my own friend. I never thought any of these traits would be such a turn off to the opposite sex but I have to think otherwise now. | |
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| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/29/2007 7:44:11 AM | ohhhh jackie,sweetie, don't be lonely. you are good company just being by yourself doesn't have to be lonely. | |
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| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/29/2007 9:41:40 AM | What a great bunch of ladies you all are. Very strong in your beliefs & who you are. I can relate to so much of what each of you have said. Before this thread I'd been sitting here feeling alone in the way I felt, but now see its very much like alot of you.
It has given me alot to think about, good & sometimes bad but so very nice to know I'm a little normal
Thanks for all the feedback, I really appreciated it & needed it. | |
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kasie
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Joined: 4/14/2007
Msg: 19 | |
| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/29/2007 9:47:12 PM | | hey mud...we could say the same thing but we wont cuz we love ya,, I will be sure and tell ya thatt if I ever get too meet you.. | |
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| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/29/2007 10:03:57 PM | Christy, your right but not ALL men are like that but I must say that "some" woman do the same things when you said ..."The rest of the men here have the lines down to a science that make you believe anything so they can add you to their list of conquers"
I have had my share as well of those lines you stated.
Jackie, yes you are intimating lol well to some maybe lol Your Beauty scares them but people like me know your a sweetheart and have a pure heart any many other things to offer I won't mention lol
Kathy aka Kasie, your just too damn cute with a total awesome personality and I love you to death and I know that God has a man for you somewhere, he's just testing you right now lol
I feel the women should not give up so easy yet be aware of players and fakes out there cause there are many, I have even been named that at one point cause of all the female friends I have made in the past year but those that really know me know I have a heart as well and looking for my last and only, so what if I have to kiss a few frogs along the way lol BAD BREATH they have !! lol
Keep your head up Ladies and be patient cause there are many good guys out there !! | |
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kasie
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Joined: 4/14/2007
Msg: 22 | |
| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/29/2007 10:14:54 PM | Brian are you trying to tell us something
Thank you for the compliment and Im sure that someday a man will see it...
as for you...they just dont know your heart. I have personally talked to you on a very personal one on one level and know you as a real person...Those of us that do know you..well....Im sure it is their loss and YOUR gain... 
NOW....where the HELL werre you tonight when you shoulda been visiting all of us at Luckys...geez... a girl comes to see her buddy and he aint there... | |
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| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/30/2007 3:46:48 AM | Hey, mudflap, I thought you were signed up to be at Lucky's. To answer your question, the Grumpbusters will be appearing again soon for a de-grumping of EastSideEddie. So ladies, get ready to take on THE MAN! This will be a date he won't soon forget, and we'll uncover that big Teddy Bear.
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| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/30/2007 4:17:38 AM | Brian-- Thank you! As long as no one looks back at my birthday party and sees someone dancing for me in **** *******, they will never know I bribed you to say that!! You're a sweetheart, too!
The de-grumping of Eddie!! That will be a pleasure!!! | |
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| What's happening with us ladies?
Posted: 4/30/2007 4:19:52 AM | Seems like you ladies are looking for the same "PERFECT" guy---
Well-here's a news flash for you --The perfect guy doesn't exist --
and if he did --he would probably be boring as hell--
None of us are the same- thank God---
We are not all like you "Ex" or you 're cheating boyfriend was , and I sure don't need a woman just to cook and clean my house--I do just fine--
If you want to just give up--that's your choice -- sad -you don't have any more confidence left--and being vindictive is weak way out-jump on the bus --the world is full of people like you--Just don't stereotype me
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