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Posted: 4/28/2007 3:08:34 PM | **NEW**** FEATURE for Women: DO NOT DATE LIST
What do you all think about this new feature?
 All these helps because I don't have enough words. | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 3:11:19 PM | | I don't think that it will be a good feature. Anything that marks someone could be used as a weapon and the victim then has that on them but doesn't deserve it. I hope it goes by the wayside. Bigfish tries out a lot of things like winks or showing friends on profiles, but they disappear after a time of trial. Hope the Do Not Date feature disappears as well. | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 3:20:05 PM | If someone added me to a "do not date" list, I would file libel, slander, and defamation of character charges so fast that there wouldn't be time to delete the post.
If YOU didn't hit it off with a guy and choose to exact your revenge by blasting him in a public forum, you are wide open to such charges. Plus it is such a one sided thing, nobody knows what really happened, but his reputation would be ruined, possibly over some childish snit by a scorned woman. Does the guy get a forum to tell his side?
Someone who would do that to me should plan on working the rest of their life and sending the paychecks directly to me. My lawyer is a slimy piece of crap and he wins HUGE dollars for stuff like this. I will own your house, your car, and everything you earn forever.
Low life thing to do. Maybe YOU were such a biatch he was mean to you in self defense. You women are not blameless in most cases.
I am quite shocked to see anything like this, given the legal implications. I am not a lawyer but I did take a lot of pre-law in college, and this is textbook defamation. | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 3:22:00 PM | It doesn't really matter to me. I'm OBVIOUSLY already on everyone's do-not-date-list.
Heeeeeeee! | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 3:31:11 PM | I agree Eddie, I'm really surprised this feature is already in use. Scary to think that someone may just have a grudge against another & add a name to it. Maybe it just wasn't a match & someone is very spiteful.
The only possible way at all I think it would be of any benefit is if it was to alert everyone to a true sleezeball..stalker or someone that has done harm to another. I don't know, its a very fine line POF is walking here it seems like to me. I have mixed emotions on it for sure. | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 3:53:50 PM |
to alert everyone to a true sleezeball
However, is "sleazeball" not so open to interpretation that it could still be harmful?
On the main thread I posted words to the effect that the prissy prudish types likely think every man who ever tried to kiss her goodnight after a date is a slimeball. I can envision one of the paranoid young girls, who grew up in this terrible society of violence and such, posting "He was ALL OVER ME" if a man tries to kiss her goodnight after a dinner date. And based on HER interpretation, the guy gets on some sad list.
You can't legislate against stupidity. How many women take their boyfriend back after catching him cheating? Who is the dumb one there? How many women stay with men who hit them?
As long as there are women who just want SOMEBODY in their life, be it a man with a violent temper or a serial cheater, men will continue to prey on those women.
The other side of the coin though is that even guys who have never treated a woman that way are looked at with suspicion because of the men who repeatedly abuse women. I know of one from here who caught her "wonderful man" in bed with his ex TWO WEEKS after she laid her heart on the line for him. And then took him back. So who's fault is that one? His for doing it (yes) or hers for being dumb enough to think it won't happen again (also yes)?
However, does it merit a slanderous, defaming post on a public forum?
Women seem to have this "I need to look out for other women" thing. What other people do is nobody's business, and that goes for both genders. My ex was the meanest woman on earth, but I didn't go out and slander her to every other man she might have dated after our divorce. Not my business.
And in fact, with my warped sense of humor and outlook, I am actually glad another guy got mentally abused by the steamroller. Made me laugh, in fact.
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Posted: 4/28/2007 3:56:59 PM | Its been mentioned by people in threads past that they liked the idea of a list to add undatable or players too to warn future prey...
Its a fine line, there are many reasons you may choose not to date someone....IF used properly it could be a fine tool, but if used by someone to get even with another it could be hurtful.
I'm sure I would be added to a do not date list or two! We are not all compatible. | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 4:01:40 PM | | I do agree with you, I don't think it right to put something like that on a public forum, but to go a step further here. What if its someone that could possibly harm someone..as in a stalker? What if its someone you felt was truly unstable & had the potential of hurting someone? | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 4:15:50 PM | | Dreams, if you feel someone is that unstable and a threat, you go to the police, not POF fave lists. | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 4:23:34 PM | | I'm not sure how this works, but, could this happen: Say a woman really wants a certain guy all to herself. Could she add him to a "do not date" list, thereby decreasing the chances other local women will go out with him? I think this feature has a lot of potential for abuse. | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 4:36:23 PM | the person you add to the " do not date list" can only be seen by the other women on your favorites list.
the women i have on my favorite list are great women i have met here and wouldn't use this as a tool to keep a man to herself. then again most of the women on my list would probably see i stopped seeing someone and would already know why i stopped seeing someone or refused to see someone. | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 4:50:11 PM |
wouldn't use this as a tool to keep a man to herself
DSL, you absolutely can not say that with 100% certainty. When the elusive grail is in sight. do you really think you're opinion of them will win out over their getting "the guy", particularly when at that moment they are looking through the love colored glasses?
A few months later, when it fails, they'd come back to the flock, but I have seen lifelong friends never speak to each other over a guy. Human repsonse and emotion is nothing you can measure or predict.
This is really a bad thing. | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 4:56:22 PM | Personally I really thought this was an adult site, so having said that why do you have to scourn someone for life just because he or she did YOU wrong? I would think that after you had a few emails or phone conversations that you would know if you wanted to date him or her.
I'm not going to BLACK BALL someone just because we didn't make it as a couple,that is totally out of line as far as I'm concerned.
There all all kinds of people out there so use your past experience as a guide to the future regardless of age. Amen Coach B | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 7:28:42 PM | Here is what I posted on the public forums about feedback on this....
Just because I would have a woman on my favorites list doesn't mean that I know and trust her judgement. I could have her on there because she has a great profile, I have enjoyed her postings or because I have met her at some of the local events.
I personally would not want to get a "tag" line of I don't think he is date worthy because if she is a true friend that I value her judgement she would have already told me about her issues with that person and I would have the entire reason behind why she and he didn't get along.
Added to that, if she is someone I trusted I probably wouldn't date him just on the problem of I would be uncomfortable hanging out with her and enjoying time with my friends.
As far as the other women who are on my fav's list... I don't care what they think about a guy.. I know that some things are different with each person and just because they didn't get along --- either as friends or lovers --- who is to say that he and I wouldn't have a better shot?
True players are very apparent if you sit back and watch for a while --- especially if you meet them at events.
You just need to get rid of the feature --- or if you keep it make it available for both men and women.. and I should be able to say if I think a woman would be bad for a man to date because it is possible that I see that too...
If I get to pass judgement --- by all means open the playing field and let me enjoy the full realm that is out there! | |
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Posted: 4/28/2007 10:15:58 PM | | I totally agree with EastSideEddie. This is a very dangerous thing to have on the forum. I already know of a person that at most events spend most of the night bad mouthing one of the men. He has never said anything bad about her. She did not realize that he was my friend, I was literally about to knock her off the chair, but I promised the man I would not cause a scene. This whole Do Not Date List is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of for an Adult Site. And just WHY aren't the Men afforded this opportunity as well? Gosh suppose the men could do this, I'm positive I would be on many Do Not Date List because I hurt their ego by not going out with them or did not put out on the first date. Oh Well Get Over It, you weren't doing me a favor by Letting me have sex with you. Yep even at my age I get the weirdo's, I tend to attract them like a magnet. | |
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Posted: 4/29/2007 6:27:00 AM | Quite happy this didn't last. You can't make rules for the exception.
Nobody seemed to want to admit that there are women who behave in the very same manner as the guys who would risk being blacklisted.
And one extremely militant woman, under the faslse pretense of being a feminist, managed to bring in rape statistics. I have a lot of respect for TRUE feminists, but the quasi feminists who use the label to excuse themselves for hating men turn me off.
And how funny it is, that small group of women that fit that character profile, hate men, fear every man on earth, etc.... remain on POF and solicit dates.
Wouldn't it seem logical that someone fears that every man on POF is a potential sex abuser and is looking to extort money from her would just leave POF rather than hang around and expose herself to what she perceives as risk?
I don't get it. Though I DO notice that it is primarilythe very young girls who grew up in a more violent society than us baby boom people did that feel this way.
I always ask this question and rarely get an answer.....
About 17 gazillion people went out on dates last night. (Sadly I was not one of them.) If one man perpetrated a violent criminal act and raped a woman, we hear about that one case on the news. Why don't we hear about the other cases where people went out, had a really good time, and nothing violent happened? (Because it isn't news and doesn't sell papers!)
This also shows how POF is WAY too big a part of very many people's lives. These conversations take on a tone where the entire world revolves around POF. That's nuts. | |
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Posted: 4/29/2007 10:37:57 AM | I wasn't bringing rape into this at all. I guess my mind set was more on what had just happened at VA tech when I was talking about someone dangerous. And yes I agree the police is the place to go.
Hope that clears things up alittle.
Gosh now I'm confused. I've gone back over rereading your post Eddie. You seem very angry at some of us women?? I am not a man basher. I believe women can be the same as some men out there.
I get so confused when mention is made of a persons post without naming the name. Shucks just put it out there. Don't leave us all wondering....hmmmm who'd he mean | |
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Posted: 4/29/2007 11:32:15 AM | It was the admin post that ran 44 pages, and one very militant woman from New Jersey made a big deal that this was going to equal safety. It would not do anything of the sort. Isn't there ENOUGH gossip going around without the system endorsing it?
I only get mad at that small group that accuse men they don't know of doing things they never did. That militant bunch that assumes every man alive wants to rape them, molest their kids, steal their car and burn their house down. And there are a few dozen like that on POF. That bunch should all get together and live in a cement bunker where they don't have to feel endangered "out there".
That bunch was in favor of this, and I am fairly sure that had that policy stayed in, it would have turned into nothing more than a hen party bashing men who didn't treat the women like they wished to be treated.
Do you like the guy that EVERY one of your friends is with? | |
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Posted: 4/29/2007 11:36:59 AM | | Yes absolutely......ooooops I think you edited. Noooooo I don't like everyone they are with....but TG it's their life not mine & as much as I make not like them it's my problem to deal with not theirs. | |
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Posted: 4/29/2007 2:43:20 PM | I believe ive already been secretly put on that their do not date list... | |
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Posted: 4/29/2007 3:06:21 PM | Well, to be on that list, first you have to HAVE a date.....
I just saw it as too much of a potential for bitter women to ruin men's reputations just because the woman thnks she has some kind of axe to grind with him. Without our knowing we were being spoken of that way.... that is kind of slimy. One woman may not get along with a guy because of an oil and water personality thing, yet he might get along finw with others, but she could ruin his opportunity if she got into a snit and posted something about him. Everybody doesn't get along with everybody. | |
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Posted: 4/29/2007 3:10:57 PM | Mud I didnt put you on that list and if you were I would tell ya  | |
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