| Why when a man opens up women slam the door shut?
Posted: 4/29/2007 8:46:20 AM | | Men are always accused of not being open or communicating our feelings. Why when I'm open the woman's interest seems to fade? I put myself out there to the most wonderful lady and when I did she gave me the "I CARE ABOUT YOU BUT". Until I opened up things were going great. I'm thinging woman really like the bad boy who is closed up and ignores them. It seems a woman will hangon to a guy like that for years until he totally hurts her. Are there any woman who really want a man who will communicate his feelings to her or should I close up? | |
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| Why when a man opens up women slam the door shut?
Posted: 4/29/2007 9:19:26 AM | Whoa. Don't put us all in the same category. I prefer an articulate guy who can open up and express himself. Although I tend to think the really, really mushy stuff is just so much BS, I do want to hear what a guy I'm with thinks and feels.
Perhaps she just wasn't ready? Timing can be critical to those sorts of discussions. Reading the other person is a big part of communication.
Or possibly you did pick the chick who is interested in the aloof bad boy who treats her poorly.
Don't change your MO because of this, though. There's someone out there who will appreciate it. Best of luck! 
Cheers
LB | |
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| Why when a man opens up women slam the door shut?
Posted: 4/29/2007 9:50:44 AM | I had to respond to this...
Its hard to say why this happened to you...
But most women love when a man opens up..but it depends on so much...
What the conversations were like.. the timing...etc....
If it looks insencere some would back away... and go a bit slower etc...and see
dont think its all of us because is not.
hugs
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| Why when a man opens up women slam the door shut?
Posted: 4/29/2007 10:42:38 AM | How did you open up to this woman? What was the topic about? You don't get into specifics (understandably so), so it's hard to answer your question. When a man opens up to a woman, we look at his body language, his tone of voice, what he is actually saying, and the timing of the conversation.
Timing can be pretty critical. Example, I was dating my ex hubby. We were suppose to be at a party for Christmas. He comes to me about 1/2 hour before we are suppose to leave for the party. His slacks that he had bought were too long and he wanted me to hem them up. There was no way that I could hem them up by hand that quickly. I grabbed some scotch tape, and hemmed them up with tape. I was pretty pissed at him with his timing. So yeah OP - if you open up and it's a last minute thing, your timing may not be good, and she'll get mad and slam the door. Worse, put you on the couch that night. | |
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| Why when a man opens up women slam the door shut?
Posted: 4/29/2007 11:41:13 AM | What I have realized is that men and women alike can and do share feelings that
may be inappropriate at that specific time.
I know this sounds hypocritical, but women want a man who can communicate, but
"sharing" too much too soon can be a down fall of a relationship.
I'm a pretty forward person, and generally have no problem sharing how I feel about something, but it's the timing and diplomacy I lack at times.
Something else you need to consider as well, is it may not be YOU as per say. Maybe it was something you said, that brought out an old emotion she has never dealt with. | |
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| Why when a man opens up women slam the door shut?
Posted: 4/30/2007 3:32:12 PM | Why not just be yourself, and if it means that some women do not CLICK with you , so be it, thier loss right?
Yea, some people cling on to hurtful, and resentful relationships, that in the end ae teh outcome which is expected.
Maybe it is like wearing a blanket of anger. It is easier, comfortable, and predictable results.
Good luck out there | |
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| Why when a man opens up women slam the door shut?
Posted: 4/30/2007 6:02:02 PM | | It depends on what type of feelings your communicating and how soon you're communicating. I dated a guy once for about 3 weeks when he 'opened up' and told me he was madly in love with me and could never see himself with anyone else and he wanted me to be the mother to his children etc. etc. for about 20 minutes. All this after 3 weeks of dating? That was a little extreme, especially since he barely knew me. Then there's also some secrets that might scare women off, like if you told them you had a fondness for little boys or something like that. | |
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| Why when a man opens up women slam the door shut?
Posted: 4/30/2007 7:26:50 PM | Most men seem to be only capable of one extreme or the other - closed up totally or a walking emotional mess. Women want neither. We want someone who can show emotion sometimes, but not every second of every day. We want someone who can control their emotions but not so much that we're in the dark.
Showing too much too soon isn't a good thing, not showing enough over time is also not good.
A select few men know there is a grey area and a balance to this. Basically, outside of major cirumstances such as great tragedy, death, etc. we want to know how you feel when we ask. If you aren't sure when to show emotion, follow that guideline.
All others will fall over on either side of the fence and come here and post threads about not knowing how to show emotion or showing it and going too far, to which we have to come and post responses like this.
That is all. | |
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| Why when a man opens up women slam the door shut?
Posted: 4/30/2007 7:32:12 PM | | OP, we can definitely talk! lol :) I have ditched guys for NOT opening up and for denying their feelings. All I want is a man that makes it known to me how he feels. Even with a "moody" guy I could learn the moods and respond to them in ways that are helpful. | |
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| Why when a man opens up women slam the door shut?
Posted: 4/30/2007 7:38:30 PM | | You're basing your labeling of all women based on only one. That's pretty sad, but that's your choice. Thing is, if you expect that out of the next one, it'll be a self-fulfilling prophecy. May want to seriously rethink that before you brand another woman. | |
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| Why when a man opens up women slam the door shut?
Posted: 5/1/2007 11:56:03 AM | This is just anecdotal
Men are supposed to be men.. and "women" generally want a "man" (naw that can’t be true can it) even though the roles are/have changed.. Many if not most Women do not need us to take care of them anymore but its hard to let go of 1000's of years of evolution. I think women need to know your solid.. maybe not a stone but very solid. I if you can't take care of your own stuff, subconsciously many women think how can you handle her stuff to... Whether she needs you to or not.. Its part of the role we play and what makes us attractive as a mate over just another one of her girl friends except with facial hair and bad gas.
The guy that hasn't learned that “you don't give women everything she wants and asks for”... is just her friend that often is not even respected as that and can end up walked all over. One thing is for sure he will never be her lover, mate, partner or in her eyes her equal
Men and women push each other’s boundaries.. Whenever we allow those boundaries to be crossed (either/or) respect is lost on one side, resentment is gained on the other and failure is just a matter of time. One of those boundaries is often the emotional roles we are meant to play.
Just my life’s experience. | |
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| Why when a man opens up women slam the door shut?
Posted: 5/1/2007 12:05:28 PM | | if she said "I CARE ABOUT YOU BUT" ,then this means she does not have the same type of romantic feeling for you that you have for her. This has nothing to do with bad boys or why some women like them. This has to do with someone just not sharing the same kinds of feeling for you that you obviously have for her. You really cant force those kinds of romantic feelings . I know because i have tried. I dont think what you are upset about is women not wanting men to open up ,which most of us do by the way, but the fact that she did not share your feelings. | |
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| Why when a man opens up women slam the door shut?
Posted: 5/1/2007 12:13:51 PM | Perhaps when you opened up there was something about you that was not easy to deal with - something that made the person you were considering a relationship with, turn from their way of thinking about you!!!  | |
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| Why when a man opens up women slam the door shut?
Posted: 5/1/2007 1:44:09 PM | dude...she was just not into you.
You think things were going well before...what did you open up and say and when...women love a guy intouch wihth his feelings but there has to be appropriate time and place...he has to be intouch with where she is in the relationship and is she ready to hear that much of you? You didnt ruin it by being open.... maybe it was not working for her...and she really only wanted to be friends. | |
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| Why when a man opens up women slam the door shut?
Posted: 5/1/2007 4:33:43 PM | All the women I met were:
(a) I opened up BEFORE they fell for me, and then immediately backed off.
(b) I got to know them and went out with them and they totally fell for me, AND THEN I opened up, and they didn't care.
Don't open up about a personal issue that makes you seem weak, and incapable, until they've fallen for you. Then they don't care.
Works for me. | |
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| Why when a man opens up women slam the door shut?
Posted: 6/29/2008 6:39:34 AM |
Most men seem to be only capable of one extreme or the other - closed up totally or a walking emotional mess.
(a) I opened up BEFORE they fell for me, and then immediately backed off.
(b) I got to know them and went out with them and they totally fell for me, AND THEN I opened up, and they didn't care.
This is why I don't fall before I get to see what's behind the door. | |
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| Why when a man opens up women slam the door shut?
Posted: 6/29/2008 6:56:24 AM | OP - You're basing this statement on experience you had with one woman. We also don't know exactly what was said and how it was said: maybe you opened up on something that was a deal breaker to her, maybe you cried like a bebe and she didn't like that, it doesn't matter - she wasn't for you.
At the end of the day, you weren't compatible. The person that you are compatible with will not mind you opening up and will in fact appreciate it, so stop the generalization as that will hurt you more moving forward to date than opening up to the right woman. | |
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