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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.      Home login  
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 UnforgivingSky
Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 1
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.Page 1 of 1    
I met this guy on this website. We hit things off great, he ended up being my first love and first real realationship.

The thing is that he kept talking about his Ex all the time. So I told him one day, obvisouly he was offended because a couple days later he ****ed me out (online of course) told me, you can't forget your first, your too imature for me and he ended it, erasing all contact from me. Of course I cried my heart out, because I was in love with him and he was my first.

A week later, he e-mails me saying how sorry he was, the way he acted was imature and that if I wanted we can work things out and get back together.

Now I'm not sure at this point, I still want to stay in contact and I do miss him, but the thing is I saw a side of him that scared me and I don't know if I can trust him again. If he broke my heart once...I'm sure he'll do it again. Right?
 whitedahlia
Joined: 12/15/2006
Msg: 2
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 4/29/2007 9:01:50 PM
I think you just answered your own question. Never EVER go against your gut feelings. Also, past behaviour often is a good indicator of future behaviour.
Cut that line loose NOW! He sounds like an emotional piranha. Keep looking for your angelfish. Good luck,
WD
 wizard4749
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 3
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 4/29/2007 9:06:48 PM
Ok I can tell you this from someone who loved thier ex with all my heart.If someone I was pursueing told me I talked about her and it bothered her.I would stop.Because I wouldn't want to hurt her.And If I cared and did as he did I would have said sorry by the next day.And what is it that you could work things out.The only one here that has something to work out is him.All you did was tell him of something that bothered you.Your gut instinct is right.He'll do it again,and try to come back again.You deserve better and now you know why he has an ex....Just my opinion
 davedave951
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 4
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 4/29/2007 9:16:45 PM
As you said he kept talking about his ex all the time and do you wanna know why he was always talking about his ex ? I am going to tell you why because I think you are a nice, sweet young lady.

He was always talking about his ex because his ex is always on his mind. He is not over his ex. It is called being " emotionally UN-available ".

Now do you want to continue being involved with a guy who is NOT ready to move forward with a relationship with you and who is still emotionally attached to his ex ?

And...... you are most correct..... you seen a side of him that is not very appealing. For starters he lacks any communication skills. Getting so pissed off to the point of breaking up with you simply because you tried to talk with him about something he was doing that was bothering you. Not a good sign AT ALL.

Oh.... and do you know why he got so pissed off ? Because you hit the nail right on the head when you bought up his constant talking about his ex and nobody likes to hear the ugly truth. * He ain`t over her *. If he was over her, she would not be the topic of the majority of his conversations. You would be the topic .................

Instead of being a man ..... he acted like an immature child and stammered and stomped.

This is a time for you to be strong AND smart.

Now go do the right thing.

Peace
 db1otw
Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 5
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 4/29/2007 9:19:28 PM
He's playing games with you. Kick him to the curb. If you let him back into your life he is going to think he has the upper hand in the relationship, that he is the one who will dictate the style and pace. Tell him to beat it. Or lead him on and give him a taste of his own medicine.
 Geneseo
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 6
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 4/29/2007 9:51:49 PM
People keep talking about their body parts, as if they could communicate.

"My heart says this"

"My gut says that"

Well, using the same metaphore, they are talking out of their asses.

Continuing with Magical thinking, let's continue playing the metaphor game, just for poops and giggles.

If you needed surgery, would you take the advice of a well trained and highly qualified surgeon, or a person who's only job is to put one item on a gadget in an assembly line, day after day, after week after week, year after year.

Because your brain is qualified to make decisions for you, because it has experienced life, it regulates your hormones, your breathing, you blood pressure, emotions, mental calculations, tells the differences between colors, understands the writen and spoken word (sometimes of several languages), it stores memory, and can play them back. The brains qualifications are almost limitless.

Your heart on the other hand, pumps blood. That's it. So why listen to a pump?

But getting back to reality, it is only your mind that "speaks" to you. Your heart does not.

If you are going to think in metaphors, then you will live in a world of make believe and sound bites, and not reality.

Sit down, relax, and let your brain work out the conflict that it is experiencing. You already know the right answer to your question, you just might not like what the right answer is, that is why you are experiencing conflict of your emotions.

Meanwhile, your heart is still just pumping blood.
 Bk2
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 7
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 4/29/2007 9:53:05 PM
Hi Unforgivingsky,

sadly this guy is still into his X.......enough talk about him....

you say your afraid of him..... please listen to what you felt..... luckily you were not in the same room with him...... anger management issues for sure..... run .... you are free of him.....

move on with your life and find a man that can discuss things maturely.....you had grounds to voice your concerns......he lost it with you..... not appropriate to be treated like this...and to break it off.... sad.

..... this guy is a flip-flopper...... this will also continue.....

cut all ties is my recommendation -sounds like things are strange...... remember to keep notes of conversations, tell your friends about him..... be very safe.........and be prepared for a confrontation..... I imagine he is a bully...

Wishing you the very best....

O:)
 wizard4749
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 8
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 4/29/2007 10:23:36 PM
Because your brain is qualified to make decisions for you, because it has experienced life, it regulates your hormones, your breathing, you blood pressure, emotions, mental calculations, tells the differences between colors, understands the writen and spoken word (sometimes of several languages), it stores memory, and can play them back. The brains qualifications are almost limitless

Talking out our asses.First off the brain can exprience nothing without those body parts It can't see without an eye.It can't feel without nerves.Infact without bodyparts it's useless.And in case you didn't relize the ass doesn't talk .So I geuss you use metaphors also.....
 Geneseo
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 9
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 4/29/2007 10:32:37 PM

First off the brain can exprience nothing without those body parts It can't see without an eye.It can't feel without nerves.Infact without bodyparts it's useless.And in case you didn't relize the ass doesn't talk .So I geuss you use metaphors also.....


Your point is well taken. However, those body parts are tools for the brain. And yes, the brain would not be useful without most of it's tools. However, the tools do not process information, they merely provide it.

and yes, sometimes I do use metaphors, however in this case where you quoted me, I did say something like "So to continue with the metaphor...."

My problem with metaphors is that I believe that often times, people actually start believing that they are real.

For instance, when they talk about their heart telling them one thing, and their brain something else, they fail to realize that it is the brain telling them both things, and that there isn't a little magical being inside of them, giving them a deeper meaning to a certain situation. That was my main point.
 wizard4749
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 10
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 4/29/2007 10:34:50 PM
Ok I understnd what you mean.I took what you said wrong.....
 Geneseo
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 11
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 4/29/2007 10:39:21 PM
Ok I understnd what you mean.I took what you said wrong.....


That's ok, it's late, and I'm tired. Besides, at times, I am also guilty of "talking out of my ass" and think that I am smarter, then I actually am
 loyal T
Joined: 8/10/2006
Msg: 12
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 4/29/2007 10:46:45 PM
OP: They say all's fair in love and war. It is annoying to feel one has to listen about someone another knew before they met you. IF he contacted you again and apologized he may have thought about how that may have offended you. His apologizing is a good thing in itself and communication is key to understanding instead of second guessing. Talk about this to ask him why he has to bring her up,what she has to do with you knowing him any, and if he is going to keep doing this does he realize how much that discourages your interest in him and does it matter if that does? He needs to see how you feel and that you would not do such a thing to him. IF he is your first love, try to work it out BECAUSE it is not fair to someone else to let them hear about him often if you just walk away from him and look elsewhere without resolving it.
 Buh-Bye!
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 13
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 4/29/2007 11:18:13 PM
Run fast.....

You saw the real him. It will certainly surface again.

Cut your losses, you sound like you are on your way to healing and acceptance now. Don't set yourself back. It's much harder the second time, and you will be beating yourself up for "knowing better"....
But I sense you know this by your post!
 Kramer111
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 14
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 4/30/2007 9:28:36 AM
trust your gut...trust your instinct gal that is why we have it.
 Guardian_Of_Gaea
Joined: 6/13/2006
Msg: 15
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 4/30/2007 9:54:15 PM
Personally, I think Loyal T hit it right on the money...

Never forget the greatest thing Shakespeare ever wrote:

"To err is human, to forgive, divine."

Give him one chance. If he blows it, dump him.

I know I've been in situations where I've blown up from having my defenses penetrated, and the worst feeling in the world is being abandoned without forgiveness after repenting for a horrible deed.

~ David
 ajax99
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 16
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History
Everyone Makes Mistakes
Posted: 4/30/2007 10:08:52 PM
He's having trouble moving on and he made a mistake.

I would recommend giving him a second chance, but be somewhat guarded.

What probably happened is that he and his ex saw each other a few times and whatever happened between them failed.

He realized that he hadn't given you a fair chance and realized what he was missing after his last failed attempt with the ex-girlfriend.

I would be very clear that you are not going to be dumped every other week and keep coming back for more. Let him know that you forgive him this time, but he can't treat people this way and expect them to be around when he decides it's convenient.

The right thing to do is to give it one more shot. If he dumps you again, you know that at least you tried and he's a total jerk, not that you wouldn't forgive one mistake and wonder for a long time if you should have.
 Wasser Nixie
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 17
Everyone Makes Mistakes
Posted: 5/1/2007 7:00:34 PM
There are generally 2 types of people. Those that can forgive and forget and those that can forgive but not forget. I (maybe stupidly) believe that people can make mistakes that they honestly regret and deserve a second chance. Since he's at least had the courage to admit he was wrong, give him the benefit of the doubt and another chance. You know what they say..."nothing ventured nothing gained."
 luv2laff4u
Joined: 3/20/2007
Msg: 18
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History
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 5/1/2007 7:21:28 PM
I agree with whitedahlia, you answered your own question. If this was a new relationship, the focus should have been on the two of you and not your exes. This is not to say that you should never discuss your ex, because at one point you cared about that person, but it is not something to build a new relationship. I think while we should learn from previous experiences, we should not let them color our future ones. Of course, I am single and still looking, so what do I know....lol.
 UnforgivingSky
Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 19
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 5/2/2007 7:42:29 PM
For some reason your post and two or three other people spoke to me. Why not give him another shot. If he ends up being a jerk again, yeah i'll be upset, but i'll be stronger and know better. I will watch my back, because he will probably do it again. But he knows his mistake...

We will be seeing each other soon...Hagout...Just being friends...If things go well then maybe we'll get back together. I'm just going to let it flow.

Thanks for your comment.

-Brittany
 UnforgivingSky
Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 20
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 5/2/2007 7:43:34 PM
I will keep what you said in the back of my mind, with Loyal T's comment too.

Thank you.

-Brittany
 luv2laff4u
Joined: 3/20/2007
Msg: 21
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History
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 5/3/2007 7:00:36 AM
Hey Brittany, good luck. I hope that this time around is better for the both of you.
 HealthNut69
Joined: 5/1/2007
Msg: 22
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 5/5/2007 1:41:55 PM
Yes, you are right!
Run far and fast in the other direction. I'm guilty of doing the same thing, following my heart when I KNOW what I should or shouldn't be doing. Of course it easier said than done but be strong. There are plenty of fish in the sea, lol, and the right one will come along and treat you the way you deserve. You won't have any doubts either.
Good luck!
 navyb!tch
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 23
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 5/5/2007 8:41:08 PM
When men or women talk about past relationships to new people there usually insecure about themselves. Go out for a cup of coffee and talk about his insecurities and yours. If you talk about it things could get better. Let me tell you something, the guy i lost my virginity too cheated on me and when i found out i was furious, and i followed my heart and we've been togather ever sence and thats going on three years. just think about what i said up there with the coffee and chat see how it works out and go from there.
 Xwing
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 24
My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.
Posted: 5/5/2007 8:45:55 PM
Don't go back! Do whatever it takes, unless you want more tears. Be smart and fall for somebody that won't give you the typical push and pull, love you when they need you garbage.
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > My mind is telling me no, but my heart is saying yes.