| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 3:01:05 PM | So I have been seeing someone for a couple months and this has been a long term relationship. due to that, i only see him once a week and its becoming increasingly difficult for me to tolerate this lack of attention. i want to let him know that if he doesnt see me more often, im going to have to find someone thats more local. i dont want to sound mean but i also want to make sure I get my point across so that there's no miscommunication on this issue.
Any advice on how I can verbalize this to him? | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 3:05:20 PM | You said it's long term, but I think you meant long distance?
Well...whatever you say, just know that if he isn't in a position to change things, he could say goodbye. Is that cool with you? | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 3:08:02 PM | yes i did mean long distance for the record.
it is okay with me because if i continue like this i will want to be with other people and even though we arent officially together i am too old and tired to be sneaking around his back to get attention elsewhere and i just dont think its worth it. | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 3:10:12 PM | Well then, if he agrees to give you more, will it be enough for you, or will you still want attention from a local?
Edit: Oh, my. I'm beginning to think he's not the fella for you. | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 3:14:06 PM | it depends on how often he will be able to come up to visit me. we havent done anything physical for almost 2 weeks and is leaving in a week to go on a 2 week vacation. i kinda just want to figure things out one way or another before he leaves. i cant be happy in a relationship if i only get physical with a guy once a week. i mean who can live on that without being tempted to go somewhere else??!!  | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 3:22:13 PM | "i dont want to sound mean but i also want to make sure I get my point across so that"
Why does "Hun? I'd love to see you more than just once a week." have to sound mean or make you sound like an a$$?
You have a LDR and you see each other once a week? You're doing pretty well. | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 3:24:08 PM | | i tried the nice approach and all he says is hell try harder but he has to work a lot and cant see me as much as he likes. thats great and all but i feel if i dont explain why i want to see him more often, he wont understand the full gravity of the situation | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 3:32:36 PM | | he lives totally out of the way for me. i dont like driving so much and he's about 30-45 mins away depending on traffic so it doesnt really make sense for me to do that. going in to this relationship, i told him my adversion to driving so far and he claimed he would make it work but so far it isnt and i dont think he gets it. | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 3:38:14 PM | OUT OF THE WAY?
30 minutes is across town for most folks. I commuted to work for 3 years farther than that.
If you can't put forth enough effort to go see him, then accept what you get. He's got a job, and a life besides you, so stop playing princess and get off your butt and put some effort into creating the relation you are seeking. It's not going to come on a silver platter.
YOU are the one who dosn't get it. | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 3:38:37 PM | | 30 to 45 minutes is not a long way .After months of dating, being in this relationship it would not hurt for you to make this drive every now and then maybe you do not want this relation ship to work? | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 3:44:06 PM | | to me its a long way and hes well aware of that. i drive about 2-3hours a day to work and the last thing i need to add to my commute is driving to see him. i explained this to him very clearly and im hurt that he seems to be disregarding my feelings and just neglecting me in general. | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 3:45:10 PM | | Totally agree with posts 10 & 11, and sneaky, you just made yourself sound like an @ss. I was driving an hour and 15 minutes to see my ex cause he didn't have a car. I still drive to see my current bf (about 25-30 mins depending on traffic) but he also comes to see me. I think you need to get off your @ss and go see your man if you want more. I work 2 jobs and my bf works till 7pm every night and we still manage to talk on the phone every day and see each other at least 4 times a week if not more, so your excuses are nothing but that, excuses. | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 3:48:10 PM | | I used to drive 3 hours on a daily commute to work. 1.5 each way. And i hated that. But to drive half that for the right woman? No problem. And i have done that, as a matter of fact. The woman at the gas station said i spent a lot of time and money at her store. I said yes i do. I guess i need a smaller car. | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 3:49:31 PM | 30 to 45 minutes away? That's a LDR to you? LOL! You're so funny!
Okay, so look, you told him you'd like to see him more and he said he'll "try harder"? But he's also telling you that he has a busy work schedule. So, really, there is no "try harder", is there? This guy is content to see you just once a week or so and that's all you can expect the way things are. Nicely tell him you want to see other people and find some local guys to date. In fact, hold off having sex for a while with anyone, date several guys and see who works out the best after several dates and zero in on them. | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 3:50:46 PM | | i mentioned in a previous post that we arent official yet which means he isnt my bf. if he was then i guess i could drive to see him once in a while. however, i do question whether or not i should take it to the next level if he doesnt put in more effort. i dont want him to think that he can neglect me and get away with it. | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 3:53:40 PM | 30-45 minutes is long-distance?
not to be rude but......
Being honest, this relationship doesn't sound very important to you. If it was, driving 30-45 minutes would be no biggie at all whether you have other commuting to do or not. I can't believe you would consider sleeping with other people rather than sharing the effort, if it's a relationship of importance to you.
But on the other hand, if he only makes the effort himself once a week or less, perhaps it's not that important to him either. Maybe you are both kinda "whatever" about each other......?? Maybe he has someone more local to him to get his more regular nookie from? It happens (shock). | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 3:54:03 PM | I don't think a long distance relationship is good for you. You need more attention than he's able to give you, and you're not willing to put forth an equal amount of effort.
If there's no way for the two of you to live closer to one another, it would probably be best to cut your losses and find someone closer to you.
Your comment that you're "too old and tired" to sneak around his back for attention from someone else was quite interesting. You're 24, just getting started with your adult life. And no mention of the fact that sneaking around behind the back of someone you're in a relationship is a questionable behavior.
Don't keep yourself in the position to WANT to sneak around behind his back.
But then maybe your profile name is more telling than we know.
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 3:55:57 PM | And he's probably thinking the same thing, why should he continue to put ALL the effort in?
Ahhh the games people play...and you're loosing. | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 4:01:21 PM | well ideally i dont want to play games, i want to put everything out on the table.
the more i read some of the reponses though the more i think he must have someone local thats keeping him busy. i mean what other feasible explanation is there. with that said, im probably going to end up doing the same thing...see how he likes it! | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 4:05:15 PM | ^^^ That's the spirit!!
It's always best to react to bad behavior by compromising your OWN integrity!!!
You go girl!!
geeeeeez........ what a world. | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 4:09:22 PM | You saying you don't want to drive out there because it's out of your way is absurd. I used to travel about 2 hours by bus each way just to see my gf. You reap what you sow. Try making HIM feel appreciated by offering to take the drive yourself.
Bring him some beer as an apology for the self serving ways of your past ;) | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 4:10:59 PM | | bottom line is he knew the requirements that i had for a potential bf and he shouldnt have made promises he cant or wont keep. there are definitely consequences for someone that does that. | |
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| i REALLY dont want to sound like an A$$
Posted: 5/1/2007 4:12:27 PM | My guess is he thinks that if you never make the drive that you are pretty selfish.......and I would say that to him that is reason enough to NOT pursue making the relationship a bigger priority in his life( if he could).
You can't have your cake and eat it too! He is not even your bf! You said so, so what IS the big deal?? Find someone who is CLOSE (like 5 minutes away) AND willing to let you have it all your way, then you will be happy! Or be "sneaky" and get some on the side and keep him around. But I would tell him, since really it is not fair to sleep with more than one person and NOT tell them. My guess is also that it won't take much for him to walk; so chances are if you bring this issue up, he will be gone................as in "poof"................................
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