| men and the chase
Posted: 5/1/2007 8:30:31 PM | OK,
I have been dating awhile. I have a question. I hear and read lots of advice out there. I read posts about women chasing men. I read those about men chasing women. My thinking on the matter is that men like the chase, they like a challenge. Not that I am into games. I do not do games. But men appreciate things that don't come too easily to them. Everyone does actually. You savor things you have earned, or won.
Opinions???? | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/1/2007 8:41:49 PM | | I think "the chase" is something some women use to justify their continual passivity in the dating ritual or not having to face rejection. The chase ,for many men, is not something they enjoy or seek. It frustrates many as you probably have gotten from all of the complaint threads. Why should the men have to do 100% of the chasing all the time? Times are changing and women are becoming more forward by going after who they want. I ,for one, like when an interested woman approaches me. Forget the chase and get to "getting to know you" part. There is no excuse for not going after what you want these days ladies. That includes making the first moves. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/1/2007 8:47:27 PM | I can appreciate a lady who keeps me on my toes but misleading games can end a relationship before it even happens. I respect honest women more than anything and don't really like chasing around much. I'll respect a woman more for her standards than by her playing a stupid game that doesn't even exist. I guess I've become extremely adept to reading people and don't appreciate bullshit as it's no different than lying.
A chase can be by witticism, sarcasm, and intelligent repertoire to induce interest in a teasingly way keeping them guessing by your sharpness alone. The most intriguing thing I found recently was at work when it said, "Smile even if you don't know what you are doing because it will give them the confidence that you know what you're doing" A sexy, yet classy dress conveys confidence and assurance of one self which is important. This is all the chase you will ever need.. the rest is class and the confidence that there's others out there for you either way.. just don't over do it | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/1/2007 8:48:39 PM | Hmm... I don't know. I think that things should have a natural flow to them. If I like you, I'll woo you regardless of whether I have to "chase" you.
Trying to create a scenario where I have to "win" is likely to turn me off. I don't really want to play games. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 5 | |
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/1/2007 9:17:00 PM | | I only chase when I wanna get laid. From a potential partner, I want an instant connection. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/1/2007 10:56:46 PM | | If you make it difficult, I'll just find someone else. Life is too short to deal with people who act like they don't want you when they really do. The chase is a game. If you prefer games, and don't mind playing them for the rest of your life, then go ahead, and make it difficult for a guy to get to know you. But don't be surprised when 'the hunter' looks for easier 'prey'. I'm not saying that you should act overeager, but if you intentionally act like you're busy when you're not, or don't answer the phone when you really are home (or don't return phone calls), you're pushing your luck. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/1/2007 11:15:59 PM |
Msg: 1 -- My thinking on the matter is that men like the chase
"The Chase", from the woman's side also known as "Playing Hard-To-Get", is all part of the nauseating concept of "game-playing". From what I've seen, the ones who play it are more into the "game" than they are into any sort of meaningful relationship.
If I express an interest in a woman, she either reciprocates with interest or she doesn't. If she doesn't show genuine interest in me then my time is better spent elsewhere. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/1/2007 11:18:06 PM | | Everyone likes some challenge. Men want someone hot who isn't promiscuous, therefore they want to see her demonstrate selectivity, and women want a guy who isn't a pansy so they have to test his character out of necessity. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/1/2007 11:38:55 PM | | Nuts. If the woman makes the first move, something theat is recognizable by the poor befuddled male, it sppeed s up things considerably. What ever that might be. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 1:05:24 AM | Someone is reading too many ....... umm relationship books by the so called “experts”.
Maybe the - often bit@hed about players - like the chase. But for the rest of the people - I doubt that is all that true.
Anyone that actually thinks people like the chase and ... acts according IS PLAYING GAMES. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 2:36:06 AM | I've to confess that although I can see an element of excitement & challenge in chasing another, in the long run or long-ish one ... it could come across as 
For me the chase is kind of forcing another to acknowledge and comply but would be this "one way ticket" also providing a pleasure of the journey to savour? I don't think so. Hmmmm ... there is something about letting things take their natural course and pace  | |
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JWA
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Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 12 | |
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 3:08:41 AM | I'll share this about myself----and it might seem to reveal a bit of "the dark side" about me---perhaps other men OR women share it??
When I was dating very often in my 20's and 30's and encountered someone who wanted to be chased, pursued or otherwise competed for occasionally I'd decide to accept that challenge. I might not have found them to be all that interesting or desirable but that competitive nature would rear it's ugly head and I'd want to join the game. I knew once I'd "caught" whoever there would be absolutely no interest whatsoever but I was in it merely for the chase and eventual success. More often than not "winning" became nothing more perseverance----resistance was futile! LOL
Once "caught" however the "prize" was NOT the woman nor her body or even the firm knowledge she'd sleep with me since I was the "victor" rather it was the fact I was able to overcome her pretend lack of desire for me. Frankly, once she "admitted" I'd "caught" her that was all I needed to know----it didn't need to go any further than that. I was always amazed at how drastically my view and opinion of her would change---it went from a mild initial interest that MIGHT have been sincere but when I was certain she liked the game playing I then wanted to "win" at all costs. As I said though once I had "won" I had lost all interest in her and tended to walk away without so much as an explanation.
If and when we encounter someone mutually interested the way things flow so easily is much more satisfying and rewarding than any kind of game playing. A lot of men are like me whether they'll admit it or not and the notion we'll value something more "hard won" than a natural "ease of acquisition" isn't universal. Sports victorys are one thing---hearts and minds are quite another. Certainly I'm not suggesting people be "easy" with one another or jump too quickly but there's also not really a time limit either. I have always believed and know from experience anything good comes with a comfort and ease that any sort of pursuit will create or allow.
That's just me and how I veiw this "chase me" thing. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 3:16:25 AM | Don't do the chase bit !
I will talk to someone and be as truthful as possible, If 2 people are meant to be ...they will be !
I don't sell my soul for no one.... i have so much to offer to the right person, but that also has to be given back also.
Thats why when some one mails me, i will mail back and talk like we have known each other for a while....but what also needs to be remembered is that a conversation is a 2 way thing....its not up to just the guy to keep it going.... let that happen and the honest ones will just get bored with it ....while the players will tell ya all they think you want to hear to reach their goal !
Its all about being comfortable with each other, we are all scared of rejection but know that we don't like being alone.
JAZZY J | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 3:26:58 AM | Well, I don't know about most guys, but there's really nothing appealing about the idea of a 'chase' to me... personally I just want things to grow naturally and easily. If a girl is showing a lack of interest or any such thing, playing hard to get, I just take it a sign they're not interested and move on, because I don't want to bother someone that quite possibly feels nothing for me.
So the chase really isn't fun for me at all... in fact, if a girl were to start things off for me and show me her interest instead of me having to go after it, no chase at all, that would be quite fine with me *laughs*
I'm sure some men, and for that matter women, do like to chase, but I wouldn't say all do like that. That's all. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 3:40:23 AM | You can see “the chase” from many different perspectives. It depends on the frame of mind of the man and woman.
I think to some guys, the chase is about conquest, acquiring another trophy, notch on the belt, another win, which goes in line with their need to compete and win. For other men, the Chase is more of a process of learning , understanding and developing or creating something that that is worth their time and has value to them.
It is kind of like the difference between the guy who rebuilds a car, and the guy who just buys the flashy new car off the lot. The flashy new car is a trophy and image/ego builder, while the guy who rebuilds the car has a goal, sees the possibilities and treasures putting time and effort into building something he knows can be great.
To me, a guy who works on something himself and the details he puts into his effort and vision, sees something the value of something before and it’s continued worth in the long run and will continue to treasure it long after.
So it depends on how the guy approaches “the chase”.
As for Women, those who have standards and value themselves, often aren’t playing hard to get- or playing any game at all. They just won’t take you seriously unless you show through your actions that you really are interested in her and not adding her to the collection or list of personal conquests.
If you really treasure her, you get to know her, ask her questions about what she likes, her interests, her dreams, and you pick up on details and act on them. You tune into her. You show her she is more than just a trophy or conquest. You show her that you see her value now and always.
To some women, if you pick her up her favorite gum, candy bar, or something little that shows you thought of her during the day, they treasure that.
I am not denying that some women play games, because there are some out there that are also out for the conquest.
that's just how I see it.
Q | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 3:55:42 AM | I think we are all competitive creatures by nature and therefore even without self consciously recognizing it, we do enjoy a small but satisfying competition from time to time,.......
As we get into our late 30's and early 40's I think we have mastered the chase and realize that the games are not worth the prizes once you've conquered them and refrain from such childish activities,....but then again,.....I still see men and woman in there 40's playing games that they themselves don't realize they play,......
So the moral of the story is,.......PLAY SAFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 4:48:23 AM | I think age has an awful lot to do with it. As I have grown older, I find mutual appreciation much more attractive. (Unless we are chasing each other around the house naked that is.) Really don't wanna waste my time with crap like this anymore.  JMPO | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 5:47:03 AM | | I LIKE TO BE CHASED, OKAY CHASE ME - I AM RUNNNG - COMEON CHASE ME HURRY UP, ON YOUR MARKS GET SET GO! RUN SLOWER OR YOUR WILL RUN STRAIGHT PAST ME IDIOT! HEY I AM BACK HERE! WAIT!! | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 6:06:42 AM | Personally...I always loved the chase...
It's just that I can't take the resultant butt-kickings like I used to! | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 8:57:54 AM | | Thank You all for all the replies. I find all of the opinions very interesting. I also find it interesting that mostly men have replied. I don't play games. I do play somewhat hard to get...but that is also becuase I am not easy. If a man shows interest in me, and I am interested in him, I let him know so. But I prefer he be the one to call me. He to plan the first date....and so on from there. More than maybe chasing me, to me, it is him being a gentleman and putting forth some effort to woo me. | |
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 21 | |
| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 9:09:44 AM | I would like women to chase me out in the real world ,
I really hate the chase , women like to play the game to feel in control , something to feel power over the guy and try to make him squirm, like a cat playing with a mouse before killing him, I have learned a way to stick it back to the women who do this. after I kill their little game, I make myself essential for their enjoyment and make them feel that they are nothing without me, then I have them calling me over and over in the hope they did not mess up the possiblity with me.
I let them know right away, I do not play games but make them feel important then screw their proccess up . It is fun to do it, gives back control, makes things real.
Women do this and then complain that the biggest more arrogant guys are so insisting , these guys play thier game to get in bed with them, chase them until they tire , women complain .....
Why in the hell do you play that game instead of looking for what is good for you ? What are you thinking about ? making yourself feel important ?
If you are open to a great guy , why even play with him instead of getting to know them?
Why do you think we change afterwords ? We get tired of women and become not what women want because we want control too but all the control then because the feeling of helplessness has gotten tiring . | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 9:11:56 AM | its really very simple:
I only chase women that are interested in being caught.
The chase comparison is useful to a degree....however i prefer the "dance" comparison....you take a step...she takes a step...sometimes your forward step results in a backward step by her...thats part of the dance...but a "chase"...hmm...not so much.
Im interested in people who are interested in me....not in chasing someone who express' little or no interest in me...
Games do not lead to anything but misunderstanding and best selling books..lol. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 9:36:37 AM | I found msg 12 pretty interesting. I've never understood the "chase" thing nor wanted any part of it.
Once "caught" however the "prize" was NOT the woman nor her body or even the firm knowledge she'd sleep with me since I was the "victor" rather it was the fact I was able to overcome her pretend lack of desire for me. Frankly, once she "admitted" I'd "caught" her that was all I needed to know----it didn't need to go any further than that. I was always amazed at how drastically my view and opinion of her would change---it went from a mild initial interest that MIGHT have been sincere but when I was certain she liked the game playing I then wanted to "win" at all costs. As I said though once I had "won" I had lost all interest in her and tended to walk away without so much as an explanation. I wonder how typical this feeling is for those who participate in the chasing game, because it looks like a good explanation for the women who are so often complaining about blokes dropping off the face of the planet after that kind of interaction. It also may provoke a thought or two for the "don't reveal your feelings" camp: holding back on your feelings may be keeping the other person with you only because they want the challenge of making you reveal them, of beating you at the game you've invested in, not because your feelings actually "scare" anyone off.
If and when we encounter someone mutually interested the way things flow so easily is much more satisfying and rewarding than any kind of game playing. Isn't this so logical? Do people get into the game playing because they are told it is the way to relate to the opposite sex, the way to "double your dating" or whatever line is being sold that week? Building a loving relationship with another human being is surely not ever going to be achieved by manipulation and tactics.
It seems to me that if you invest your energy in a game or strategy, that is where it will go. If you invest your energy in relating to the other person in an open and loving way then you can build something together with them rather than try to win something from them. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 10:06:53 AM | I don't like to be chased or do any chasing. If someone interests me, I prefer to just let him know. I don't usually mind if someone shows interest in me. I don't run or play "hard-to-get". I am not a game player. Not interested? - okay.
It does seem more enticing when you achieve something you are after. However, I don't think this is appropriate when it comes to people. | |
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| men and the chase
Posted: 5/2/2007 10:17:01 AM |
But men appreciate things that don't come too easily to them.
Exactly.....
You savor things you have earned...
I would have used the word respect over savour but the idea is going the same way. I think you may be the first woman to understand men...? That's why courting/dating is an important part of the relationship building process. A man has to earn your trust and your confidence.
Excellent post OP. | |
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