| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 5/3/2007 1:58:29 AM | | My 5 year old that I adopted in November of last year is fascinated by strangulation and I am not sure what to make of it. He started by putting belts around his 3 foot Bob the builder stuffed toy and now every time i turn around something else has a rope around the neck of it. I was cleaning the boys play room yesterday and found a plastic animal that he had tied up with the string from a mini blind. Then today when he come home from school I had a note from his teacher that he had taken the rope they use to line up to go to the play ground and tied it around his neck. When he first came into my home as a foster child when he would get angry he would go straight for the throat, then for awile he showed no signs of this now it is back and stronger than ever. I worry deeply about this because I also have a younger son (granted he is almost as tall as my five year old) he still looks up to the older one as a older brother. I have him set up to see a psychatrist (spelling?) on the 17th but was just wondering if anyone else has ever seen this in a child this young? Thanks in advance for any responses! | |
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| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 5/3/2007 2:14:44 AM | | My daughter went through a phase of that, she was just shy of her fourth birthday and her father attempted sucide by hanging himself, She wittness me cut him down, and all the shit that comes with it, afterwards she went through a phase of tying things round her neck and her dolls, I got so worried about it that she ended up with a child councller, thankfullt that seem to work, but it used to terrify me, she is now 10 and has worked throught that but it has taken me a long time and lot of understanding and counclling for her to work that issue out. Good luck though. | |
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| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 5/3/2007 2:32:27 PM | First of all....I would NEVER leave your other child alone with him. Sorry, but it is in the best interest of both children.
I am very glad you have a psychiatric appointment set up for him...he definitely needs some help....
No, i have never heard of anything like that before, but until you see the doctor, please please please, do not let him out of your sight. | |
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| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 5/3/2007 3:04:20 PM | ok first of all do you know anything about this childs background before you adopted him? Is there any way that he could have seen something like this when he was a little younger and it stuck with him?
have you sat him down and aked him why he does it? to see if you can get an understanding about it along with sign's of if it is an anger thing or so forth?
Does he have anger problems?
I have never herd of this, but I know with my older brother when my second brother was born (they were 13 months apart) he disliked his baby brother and would try everything he could to hurt him as he didnt want him around. My mother took him to a phycoligist (sp) and it came out that he was mad that he had to share things so he would hurt things in hopes that his younger brother wouldnt touch the things he hurt. | |
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| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 5/3/2007 3:27:41 PM | I find this posting quite disturbing really! and also worrying!
First of all, i always take my hat off to people who adopt and give other unfortunate children a chance. However, it appears that at some stage in this poor child's life he has witnessed or learnt this behaviour and doesn't fully understand the consequences of it!! What you have got to take into consideration is children are only born with physical and biological attributes ie skin colour, hair, eye and looks etc. Behaviour is mostly learnt! Yes there are some behaviours that are a result of psycological impairments but most behaviours are learnt and children copy behaviour, thats how they learn. They learn how to communicate (that is not innate) they learn how to act and they learn right and wrong along with many other behaviours. This child has obviously come from a disturbed background and i find it alarming that you were not pre-warned of this. Personally, i would talk to the child and ask what it is they are doing! It is very likely that he will perceive it in a very different light to you! When you have discovered what it is they are seeing in this behaviour then it might help to explain how dangerous this kind of behaviour is and what the consequences are. The child needs to learn the consequences of the actions to be able to understand the wrongness in it!! The worst thing to do is to punish it because the child will not understand that! I agree that it is best to monitor the child closely and not to leave your other child alone. If this act is seen as innocent and teh consequences are not understood by the child then it could end up in a horrible situation.
I hope that this has helped and good luck. | |
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| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 5/3/2007 8:10:57 PM | | that is most likely bipolar mania......in a severe episode of anger....brought on by something....that child needs a good dose of something strong....and therapy.....good therapy......and you need to ask the child why it is behaving in such a manner.....sometimes with coaxing and meds you can help them understand there own anger..........my six year old is bipolar..............god.....lady it's gonna take a whole lot of motivation......you are gonna need to know the mental history of the biological parents and there families.......and its probably gonna shock you.........i found out after i was divorced that my violent abusive ex wife....had been impatient on lithium as a young child........now i am raising our child alone........and he is already on several meds to help him get through the day......... and i need to be on a few to the handle the stress.....hmmmmmmmm | |
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| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 5/3/2007 10:22:54 PM | Keep a very close eye on him so there isn't an opportunity for him to try tying something around his neck or someone else's. Give all the information you can to the psychiatrist.
From the limited amount of information you have given it's pretty hard to say that it's Bipolar causing the issues. My son has BP and he never tried to strangle himself or anyone else. Only a very experienced mental health professional can make that diagnosis and you don't want it done quickly. OE: Children do not usually present with the same classical Bipolar symptoms that adults do and are more apt to have mixed states.
Good luck to you and bless you for being a good mom to this little guy.  | |
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| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 5/4/2007 2:23:47 PM | Thanks guys for all of your help and yes he has been diagnosed with bp sorry thought that I mentioned it. He is on lithium and ritalin. I do know from the short time that I dealt with the bio mom that her mother was bi polar and the mother was too drunk to be tested. He does have anger issues to the point of some days I donot knnow how I am going to go on rasing him and keep my sanity. I as you Rocker now take two different meds to deal with him, one regular and one to deal with really bad days. This is from a person that bas what he before nI adopted him would rarely even take a asprin. I hate meds and thought that I could deal with it but I was sadly mistaken. As far what he faced before he came to live with me it is hard to say. i do know that that the older lady who had him also had 6 other foster children so it is hard to say what he seen. Then there is the time that he spent with his bio mom when who knows what he seen. As far as bi polar some of you with older children can you please tell me what the best form of disapline that you have found for unacceptable behaviors. Spankings does not work for him and it is almost impossible without sitting on him to keep him in time out.
Thanks again guys! | |
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| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 5/4/2007 8:56:46 PM | | Perfect call on getting counseling! There is probably waaaaay to much for you to deal with, with this poor child. Love him. Talk to him. He needs someone to trust. He probably also needs someone to give him boundries. You sound like a very nice person. I hope you too, will talk to someone. Best of luck to you and your family. | |
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| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 5/5/2007 4:15:21 AM | awww poor lil guy...get him some help to deal with it and give him extra hugs and kisses...please dont ignore these signs.He needs help.
good luck | |
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| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 5/5/2007 6:12:31 AM | I think you're doing a stellar job! I agree with some of the other posts. You really need to protect both of your children. Counselling will help. There is a source to this behaviour that you are not privy to and the psychologist will get to the bottom of it.
I will say a little prayer for all of you.
Take care and be well. | |
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| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 5/7/2007 1:54:25 AM | | Oh my. Let me first say you are an amazing woman for having put yourself out there in the first place to care for a foster child. I am concerned for your well being and that of your other child, who may begin to learn some of these behaviors or pick them up. I don't know what your options are, but I really think this child needs some kind of very serious help. Please seek out help right away. Of course all children go through phases, but because it sounds as if this was an abused child, it concerns me a lot, especially the effect it is having on you. I know, as a mother, that you have to take care of yourself or you will not be able to care for them. I think many are worried and concerned for you. Of course, I am concerned for this child. I will definitely be praying for you guys. | |
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| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 5/9/2007 9:52:24 AM | | dear...when my six year old first started exhibiting these behaviors at three I tried everything.....and i have concluded that any form of discipline is futile.......you don't want them to shut down or make them hide this problem.......you want them to learn to work it out.......and plus a bipolar kid is just that unable to see the grey area that are trying to get them into.....Medicine and therapy........and plus they are not normal kids.....these episodes have all but raped their childhood....mine knows that there is something wrong with his brain he tells me.........good luck, but i'd lay off on the spanking, or holding him down.........make a connection and love the child through the fits........let him know that you arent mad at him......and help him get to the bottom of his feelings........ | |
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| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 6/1/2008 12:13:53 PM | | Oh yeah, counseling. Sounds like this one could use time in a serious theraphy setting. Sometimes you can't fix what was broken so early in life, you can only hope to give them some sort of a normal life where they don't hurt themselves or others as they get older. | |
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| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 6/2/2008 12:02:29 AM | BOTH of your boys need endless amounts of love, hugs and kisses. Get help for your adopted son from anyone you can. Read up on the internet and see if anyone else has been through this-i bet you they have. DONT give up on him and please refrain from punishment, as this could lead to bigger issues.
Your son probably doesnt know why he feels like doing this, so i feel asking him why would prob be a waste of time. To be honest, the more you confront him about it, tell him off and make a big thing out of it-the more likely he will continue doing it. He's probably figured out that his strange behavior is getting him alot of attention.
Let the professionals deal with the issues, and you supply the endless amounts of love this child obviously needs.
Your younger child may be feeling left out so ensure he gets lots of love too, or that could lead to resentment.
You took this child on as your own which is such a selfless act, and i applaud you in your strength. With the right help, you'll all be fine xx | |
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| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 6/2/2008 6:21:49 PM | | poor little kid sounds like hes reacting to something hes seen in his past, i have no answers but you are doing the right thing by taking it seriously and getting him help. its alot for you to worry about so make sure you take care of you to. | |
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| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 6/3/2008 9:02:52 AM | Also just putting in a call for regular therapy - with a child psychologist. If you can find one that specializes in attachment disorders that's even better. A psychiatrist can manage meds, but weekly therapy would really help both the child and YOU. The therapist can work with you on discipline techniques and helping when issues like this come up.
We had a child psychologist in our couns office and this kind of stuff is what she dealt w/daily. Foster kids, kids being raised by grandparents, strange family situations, and kids in stable families but with mental disorders. It happens to everyone but in a child who had a poor family start and who may have witnessed or experienced god knows what, the counseling is really important.
You want someone with a PsyD or PhD, not an LPC (licensed counselor) or MSW (social work). YOu really need someone w/the graduate level degree and training for the child's needs. Not all counselors are equal, regardless of degree...but at least w/the doctorate in counseling you know they've had advanced training.
Good luck! I agree don't leave the kids alone.
Kaylie | |
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| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 6/3/2008 2:29:39 PM | OP bipolar is a fluctuation between between mania and depression, so I can't see how this would affect discipline. But you mention Ritalin so I assume ADHD as another factor. That might make discipline trickier depending on the severity, he won't as easily be able to focus on the lesson.
Get a good therapist and ask lots of questions, try everything til you find something that works. And if you therapist isn't helping get another one.
Best of luck to both of you. | |
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| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 6/3/2008 4:24:06 PM | OP: I'm not sure where you are from, but I am in Canada...Alberta. I have a son with Tourette's Syndrome and ADHD and Juvenile Diabetes. Through our hospital, we were able to access services (Children's Health & Development Services). For myself and my ex-husband, it was a difficult time as we were dealing with consecutive diagnoses with our son and going through a rough separation/divorce at the time. Our son was 6 when he was diagnosed with IDDM. The other 2 came following. So, a lot of anger issues and frustration on all sides. Through CHADS we were able to go in for group counselling, adults separate from the kids. Our son was in a safe setting with other kids with similar issues. It helped alot for learning to cope with the anger issues etc. Plus, I think it helped for our son to see that he wasn't alone with his conditions. We do our best to stay positive and assure him that we love him. He knows that we love his heart, but don't always like his behaviors/actions. Gather as much support as you can from whomever.
Bless your son,
:) | |
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| Child that is facinated with strangulation
Posted: 6/3/2008 9:39:25 PM | OP.... curious to find out how your appointment went with the psychiatrist.
I have a few questions of my own for you, but first i wanted to say that i think it is really commendable what you are doing. It will be tough and lots of hard work, but just get all the info that you can and all the help that you can and hopefully things will fall into place.
So you mentioned he has bipolar and is on lithium for that. Ritalin... is it for ADHD? When stimulants are given to a bipolar child, it can cause hostility, anger, aggresion and violence. Not always but is a side effect. It can deepen cycles or induce them .... so you may want to check for that, and see about switching that medication. Usually doctors will treat the child for the bipolar first and when stable possibly introduce other medication to control other disorders. It doesn't sound like he is on the right mix of medication yet if he is still uncontrable to this extent. An anti psychotic may helpful in combating any aggression and violent tendancies.
How about learning disabilities... is he in any programs for that? If you have access, it could be a very good way to learn more about his language/ learning and also it could help with some of the behavioural aspects.... you would be amazed at the difference it can make, if he needs it. Doesn't mean his language is necessarily delayed... but it could be disorganized due to any disorders.
It seems like you are on top of most things already. Just keep up with meds and psychiatrist visits. Counselling.... family counselling could be a good one for the both of you. The obvious things like avoiding caffiene and sugars, eating healthy and living healthy.... schedules.... provide as much stability as you can.... sleep schedule is a must. I am sure you have done a great deal of research already.... but i would just mention that if you can find some different courses on mental illness/bipolar it might be worth checking out. Maybe something though your mental health association or the schizophrenia society might have something. They may also have a program for your other children (if they are old enough) to help them through this rough time. If you ask your doctor or psychiatrist i am sure they could help.
For discipline.... i would stay away from spanking or any force. Just be consistant. A family counsellor could help you with that as well. If he is extremely abusive and can't calm himself down in his fits of rage it may be good for you to learn how to properly restrain him in hold. It took me quite some time with my children.... but we use a program called 123 magic.... my son trashed his room... threw his dresser.... peed on his floor... you name it. He was 3/4 at that time. Oh ... i forgot about the big holes in his wall....ha! I sure hope that never comes back. Anyways, no force... no emotion.... little or no talk and consistancy and patience because it may take awhile.
Anyways I wish you all the best... and hope you get all the help you need ( make sure to take care of all your community resources). Remeber to take care of you , otherwise you will not be at your best for your children..... | |
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