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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER      Home login  
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 Undercover Angel
Joined: 10/26/2005
Msg: 1
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??Page 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
This is a question that I have often thought about. Just because I am single doesn't mean the pickings are so slim that I will turn to already harvested bunch!

I have been single a long time, I just haven't found the right one yet...but when I am out in a setting, party, function etc. where there are mixed singles and couples...without any action on my part, a woman will get all jeallous over her man! AND heaven forbid any man who has a girlfriend or wife actually talk to me as part of the group.

Sometimes it makes me wonder...what are you so afraid of woman???

Does anyone else experience this or have observed this behavior?
 Jetplague
Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 2
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/6/2007 7:15:07 AM
I see it happen all the time at parties. Women get soooo latched on to a guy that any other woman chatting him up becomes a threat to their "togetherness". I kinda laugh at how some women get so insane with it all. If they don't trust the guy that much...maybe there's a reason they shouldn't be together. Men get jealous and over protective of their partners too when a single guy gets all friendly with his woman...so...I think it just tends to be a typical aspect in many people.
 K-lo
Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 3
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/6/2007 7:48:52 AM
Yes, Undercover. I have experienced this, still do experience this, and expect to continue experiencing this. The part that I really don't get, is . . married people have affairs too. Do these women not think of that? I mean, yes - they think we're a threat because we're single. But, if they're really concerned about their husbands getting it on with another lady . . . do they not realize that other married women in the room could be the ones they're in kahoots with?

Because they DON'T deem the married women a threat (or, don't act like it anyway), I think they're behavior is not totally rooted in the fear of their man wandering off with a beautiful single woman. Rather, I think they resent the freedom and life and energy that you represent. And, it's not often that they feel good about their situation, i.e. marriage, being tied down with kids, the monotony of married life, the dying or dead spark . . .and so when they see a single lady who they can make feel like an outcast, they have to grab that opportunity to make themselves feel better about their own state of existence.
 IHAVEAMIND
Joined: 3/5/2007
Msg: 4
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/6/2007 10:13:16 AM
Just have to do your best not to be caught in situations that end up with you alone with any of them... or out of view of someone else...

tongues wag .. and gossip starts...

hugs
 Ms Taken
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 5
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History
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/6/2007 12:48:58 PM
I've also had it happen a lot to me, probably because I've never been uncomfortable being single and, therefore, have been single a lot of the time. I'm sure there are all kinds of reasons for it, but there's only been one instance where I think I figured out exactly why it was happening.

I got to know a couple pretty well, and gradually heard the story of how they first got together. It turned out that before the wife was married her life was a real mess. She had moved away from the small town she grew up in, and didn't much care for city life. Being alone and making all her own decisions isn't something she enjoys or is good at. She was terrible with money, so was in debt big time, and she desperately wanted children.

Of course, the solution to all these problems is getting a man. So that's exactly what she did. She started getting in contact with a guy from her hometown. From the stories this couple told, it sounded like they barely knew one another when she first started contacting him, but she kept at him until she wore him down and he married her.

To her, life is a very scary thing without a man, so she assumes that any woman who's single is just as desperate to find someone as she was at one time. Even desperate enough that they all MUST want her husband. Exactly why she thinks they want HIM is still a mystery to me because, trust me, he's no prize.

When she's not busy being suspicious of every unattached woman she meets, she probably pities them. I doubt she'd understand why I used to feel so sorry for her.
 reallady42
Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 6
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/6/2007 3:46:03 PM
It happens to me with my friends and it really drives me crazy. I don't get it either. I can't stand a cheater and my friends know this so why do they get jealous when I talk to their boyfriends or husbands?
I feel that I'm a pretty put together person and that I have good values. They should know me better and it really kinda hurts my feelings when they act that way.
 Undercover Angel
Joined: 10/26/2005
Msg: 7
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/6/2007 5:48:04 PM
lol...thanks girls...you are thinking exactly what I'm thinking...if the guy is gonna cheat on her...why the hell would I want him? lol It's insulting to be treated this way for sure. The thing is, I find myself just staying away from couples in general for these reasons. Who wants to be around a couple that argues over stupid crap like that anyway. And K-lo has a good point too...these women are envious of the freedom we have...go figure!!
 wizardofossington
Joined: 4/14/2007
Msg: 8
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/6/2007 6:24:47 PM
OK, let give a male point of view because I cannot answer these questions.

I had a ex-gf whom use to bop me right side my head when I use to stare or talk to them. It is not my fault its just a male instinct when we see a pretty lady, like yourself, that we have to look.

I am no longer with this girl due to the abuse that I have received. Lately I have chronic headaches and lost memory. My doctor has said in order to make a full recovery, I would have to stop looking at girls when you are out with gf. The best prescription he gave me were a pair of sunglasses to help reduce visual from the other parties noticing. I haven't needed to wear the sunglasses because I don't have gf now, because of the abuse I have taken, but there ready to be used when call for....hehe.
 K-lo
Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 9
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/6/2007 6:59:29 PM

It happens to me with my friends and it really drives me crazy. I can't stand a cheater and my friends know this so why do they get jealous when I talk to their boyfriends or husbands? They should know me better and it really kinda hurts my feelings when they act that way.
Oh, WOW - Reallady. I wasn't even thinking of my OWN girlfriends behaving that way. I was thinking of the situation of being around completely strange couples, i.e. a new couple you just meet at a wedding or some social gathering, and I was also considering wives of co-workers (though, most of my co-workers wives are pretty cool, and I am respectful of them as well) - - but, I hadn't even thought of my own girlfriend behaving that way. And, if they did, - yes, I would be extremely hurt, or realize that they obviously aren't that close to me afterall.

However, last summer - I DID meet one couple and met them both at the same time, and most of the time I hung out with both of them at the same time, but I'd also hang out with them separate (they lived across the street from the pool, so they would walk across the street and hang out with me (and others) at any time). I enjoyed their company when they were together, as well as one-on-one, but, I didn't necessarily consider one or the other my "primary" friend - but, that's because I considered them as a unit. You know? Anyway - one night a large group of us were playing cards, and the wife went home (across the street), but her husband stayed and played cards (he was my partner), and I was sitting at a table with him, my mom, and another married guy. So, we started talking about our parents (I was in the midst of a confrontational period with my dad at that time), and the one married guy's dad had passed away AND he also really respects my dad and loves him - - so, he was giving me a real hard way to go about being unappreciative. Of course, my mom was there, so she had input (she's still married to my dad). And the married guy whose wife went home is estranged from his dad. So, it became a very emotional conversation. I started crying, my mom started hugging me, and then the married guy with an estranged relationship started crying. It was a ridiculous emotional meltdown of a card game - I can tell you that. Anyway - the wife came back over just after this pow-wow was winding down, and, joined in on the conversation. But, the next day - she set a rule that her husband was not allowed to hang out with me when she wasn't around. She wasn't comfortable with him having an emotional meltdown in front of me. But, it really made for an awkward rest of the summer, as, everyone that hung out there was made up of married couples, besides me - and, if she couldn't come to the pool . . . it didn't matter if other people were there . . if I was there, he wasn't allowed to come over. Oh, I forgot - - unless my dad was there too. What, are we 8 years old?? To her credit, she told me of the new rule herself, and was quite frank about it - - and said it had nothing to do with me, or even her husband, but that it just made her feel insecure and uncomfortable and she couldn't deal with it . . basically said it was her issues. But, that didn't help me any. I was still very hurt, and insulted, and angry. I couldn't help but associate her new rule with the obvious assumption that she didn't trust me and saw my character in such a negative light. It really did hurt my feelings, and ultimately made me very uncomfortable whenever I was around her husband, whether she was in eye-shot or not. But, that's the only time that MY friend got weird/jealous/possessive when around both her husband and me. I did not like it. And, it definitely caused me to withdraw from her as a friend. I couldn't help but withdraw. My friends don't see me in such a negative light. But, like I said - I give her props for taking the issue straight to me and being upfront about it. But, it didn't make it not hurt my feelings.



these women are envious of the freedom we have...go figure!!
Yup. But, it's not just the freedom we HAVE, but the freedom we REPRESENT. Yes, they might wish they had our freedom and are quite envious of it. But, also, they get freaked out about the idea that their husbands might ALSO get a glipse of what freedom for THEM would do. Not necessarily that they would hook up with you in particular . . . but, if they get too much of a taste of what it could be like for them if they weren't stuck in marriage, they might rethink this gig. And, guaranteed the wife will be putting you down and saying things about your need for attention, and "girls like that . . . I feel sorry for them," because they need their husbands to believe that you are actually pathetic . . . not the gateway to freedom and a representation of all the things they have to miss out on now. I worked with a married guy whose wife stayed at home and cared for their 2 kids. . . and he would try to live vicariously through my stories of coming home at night and watching one full-hour of an episode of ANYTHING on TV. His fantasy weekend would be to get a hotel room (or be in his house alone) and watch movies and tv all weekend, and order pizza, and not have to shower or shave or do anything at all. Bless his heart. So, yes - if it doesn't have to do with the woman just being plain ridiculous and thinking that her husband plans to stick his dlck into any willing and able woman that crosses his path . . then, I think the underlying issue is their envy of our freedom, and their fear of our freedom.
 Undercover Angel
Joined: 10/26/2005
Msg: 10
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/6/2007 9:26:34 PM
My initial thoughts on this were where it was taking place in a setting where you are with a lot people you don't know as good friends...like a party, or even the mall. Just like Wizard was saying lol..the guy who's looking and getting wacked by his girlfriend...now that I find funny and can't resist shakign my head..and you can hear them arguing as they pass by. Geesh! why publicize it haha

But also it has happened with very close friends too...people you wouldn't expect it from at all, and there it is...rearing it's ugly head. Hanging out with friends like this gets to be more draining then anything else. My mom used to say to me...

"don't be so hard on the girl...you don't know what he is saying to her about you that is making her that way"

But please!! If I am out with a group of people and we are all having a good time...why spoil the fun with a hissy fit and show everyone how insecure you are? If I was that desperate to have a man in my life...I'd have one a long time ago. I feel like saying to her..."I'm so glad you think he's so great...how wonderful for you" lol
 Summer Teeth
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 11
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/6/2007 10:01:15 PM

If I am out with a group of people and we are all having a good time...why spoil the fun with a hissy fit and show everyone how insecure you are?


Throwing a hissy fit will get the attention off of you and back to her. It's childish and stupid, but most men will respond to it because they don't want their lives to be hell once they're home. Maybe you should also ask, "Why the heck do men fall for it?"
 K-lo
Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 12
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/6/2007 10:04:19 PM

"Why the heck do men fall for it?"
Uhhhh. Child support ain't cheap these days.
 Undercover Angel
Joined: 10/26/2005
Msg: 13
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/6/2007 11:34:19 PM
Well let's see...if I put myself in her shoes for a moment...and I can, because I have not been single my entire life, so I know what it feels like when your guy is friendly with a single woman....

IF it really bothered me, which it never did..I was always secure about myself and how my guy felt about me...so IF it bothered me, the last thing I'd want is to advertise to that extent that it bothered me lol...

what would I do? I'd take a look around the room of course, and find a guy, and do the exact same thing back to him...simple....he'd get the hint pretty darn fast lol

Why do guys put up with it you ask? well yup..there is the child support...but what about those without those obligations? What then...do they enjoy this drama?
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 14
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Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/7/2007 12:10:00 AM
This can go both ways and is not limited to just single women......

When I was married, single women would hit on me because I was somehow deemed "safe" in their minds, and when single, married women would hit on me because they somehow deemed me "safe" in some form.......

One can be a threat to others no matter what if for whatever reason, a threat is perceived by another or others because of your situation in life, your looks, personality, style, financial level, education, etc.

A woman might get jealous or intimidated and take it out on her man, and a man might get jealous or intimidated and take it out on his woman or the man that is perceived as a threat to his relationship, or manhood.

We have seen it both ways, the greatest difference is how each gender handles it with their significant other......

Just my opinion.......
 wildgirl_5
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 15
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/7/2007 11:11:23 AM
its very common now a days when there is someone out there that is single and that is " eye candy " right away the man/women becomes jealous and gives the threat and the man /women is to not look at her/him or talk to her/him.............its jealously !!!
its a very immature and insecure behaviour and best to just go on and be happy and lol it off !!
 ChipMunk1
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 16
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/7/2007 11:30:29 AM

Uhhhh. Child support ain't cheap these days.

Don't forget alimony lol!
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 17
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Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/7/2007 11:31:41 AM
If you know me well and care enough about me, you will truly understand who I am with, why, and whose bed I will be in when the night is over.......

Jealously is a negative form of potential insecurity directed at another because of your own deficiencies and inability to be totally open with not only your significant other, but yourself as well.......

Just my opinion......
 ChipMunk1
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 18
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/7/2007 11:35:01 AM
Just for curiosity sake, does this goes for males as well? I know attached females tend to be threatened by a single females for various reasons. But does this door swing two ways? In other words, does married men feel threatened by single males? Does anybody have a take on this?
 Undercover Angel
Joined: 10/26/2005
Msg: 19
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/7/2007 11:49:43 AM
I think it does go for males as well but not to the same gravity or extent that it does for women. I've had the odd jeallous boyfriend, even when I was behaving myself and have given them no reason in the world to be jeallous. But I may hear about it afterwards without even a clue that he was jeallous at the time.

So the door does swing both ways, but tell me ChipMunk...when you are out with a bunch of people and you are talking innocently with someone who is attached, married or not, does the boyfriend get all possessive and jeallous and treat you like an outcast, or pull a hissy fit in front of everyone, cause a big scene? Anything like that? I very rarely see that happen.
 K-lo
Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 20
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/7/2007 12:10:44 PM
Well, I wasn't married . . but I had a long-term boyfriend who used to get pissed at me when strangers looked at me on the street. Of course, I was oblivious . . because I was focused on my silly-butt of a boyfriend . . or, you know . . if not focused on him, then just walking. And anytime a guy talked to me while we were out at the local pub, he would ask me, "Did you sleep with him?" It was ridiculous. His rationale was that the only reason a guy would talk to me is because he wanted to have sex with me. I didn't consider that a compliment. I considered it quite presumptuous of the intentions of 50% of the god-forsaken population. Most of all, I considered it an insult to me that he thought so little of me that I didn't have self-control, willpower, a mind, self-respect, or common sense . . . not to mention that he didn't think anyone else would have any interest in having a conversation with me unless sex was an ulterior motive. But, anyway - - yes, he tended to give other men the cold shoulder and was seldom gracious for introductions.

Eventually I just stopped inviting my boyfriend out with me to social functions, and we only did things one-on-one. I was too embarassed by his behavior and it inevitably ruined my night and made me think so little of him. Plus, it's too high maintenance to have to babysit someone like that.

Oh, and for the record - - we dated for 5 years and I never even considered straying . . much less cheat. At worst, I smiled at people when I talked to them and I'm charming. But to say I was "flirting" would be pushing the envelope. He, on the other hand, never talked to females. Not because I cared (because, I really didn't - - cheating just isn't something I dwell on or think about. Why would he cheat?? I was awesome.) But, as he said, the only reason he (as a man) would talk to a female would be to get laid . . . so, he kind of put himself into a little pickle there with THAT rationale. Dum dum.

vvvvvvvvvvv
Well actually no. Usually, the guy comes up and we start talking away.
See, you can thank me Chipmunk - - for leaving the beau at home. He was NOT like that. I wish he were, but he wasn't. That's why he just had to stay home, or, at least just get left behind. If we went out to a function, unless he really already knew the guys (i.e. they were HIS friends) - he was glued to me. . . or outside smoking a cigarette by himself (like, every 15 minutes). I think the difference with guys versus girls . . is guys do a better job of not coming off as jerks in public - - but, they will make their women pay on the ride home, when they start accusing them of illiciting attention. My ex actually had the nerve to say one time that he thought my sister's HUSBAND was jealous of him because he got the better sister. Except, he was serious. What he was doing was trying to make me feel self-conscious by planting this idea in my head that my own sister's husband wanted me???!!! Needless to say - those two had tension between them - whether stated aloud or not. Another dum dum move, as I stopped bringing him to family functions as well.
 ChipMunk1
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 21
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/7/2007 12:17:23 PM

So the door does swing both ways, but tell me ChipMunk...when you are out with a bunch of people and you are talking innocently with someone who is attached, married or not, does the boyfriend get all possessive and jeallous and treat you like an outcast, or pull a hissy fit in front of everyone, cause a big scene? Anything like that? I very rarely see that happen.

Well actually no. Usually, the guy comes up and we start talking away. In most cases, I end up talking to him all night so to answer your question, I have not seen any guys do this. Hence the reason I asked the question.
 ChipMunk1
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 22
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/7/2007 12:31:34 PM
Hi K-lo,

What you described sounds like a boyfriend with a sincere lack of self confidence. Usually, that is a function of him projecting personal behavior on you. I have always taken the stance of doing the exact opposite. Yes I have had a few girlfriends who got hit on all the time, but that is a good thing. The reasons are obvious.

a) It helps boost her own self confidence and makes her feel attractive and;
b) It tells me that I am rolling with the A team.

Why take that away from her? After all, I knew who she was going home with that night and that the guys who made their moves were wasting their time lol! But I am wondering if females are truly more competitive than males in the dating world. I read some article which said that females tend to look for confirmation from other females when selecting possible boyfriends. How many times have you not heard one female saying “that guy is cute or good looking” and all of a sudden all her friends get interested in the same guy. From my experience, guys work in the direct opposite way. Maybe that could help explain the difference is perceived behavior.
 Undercover Angel
Joined: 10/26/2005
Msg: 23
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/7/2007 4:24:11 PM
lol...yeap! I have seen this exact thing happen that you describe. One girls points out a cutie and they all try and go for him...like they are in competition together lmao Point well taken...:)

I have also been out on a date and one of my date's friends has grabbed my @ass!!! Talk about being in shock! What did my date do? He just gave his friend a discusted look and apologized to me...obviously embarrassed his friend would do such a thing. He wasn't mad at me for it...and his friend didn't leave...there was no argument or anything like that. We all just carried on with the fun...of course I made sure to keep my butt out of reaching distance lol Men handle these things differently than women.

I'm just wondering...are you saying that if one of your friend's pointed out a cute girl you wouldn't agree or be interested in her because your friend is?
 ChipMunk1
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 24
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/7/2007 5:01:37 PM

I'm just wondering...are you saying that if one of your friend's pointed out a cute girl you wouldn't agree or be interested in her because your friend is?

Well I might agree with him but I would certainly not go for her. Its kind of like a honor among guy friends (he called dipps and the others stay away).
 Vegan Girl
Joined: 3/27/2007
Msg: 25
Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??
Posted: 5/7/2007 6:46:18 PM
Yes, it sucks. If it's a single guy, the women try to fix him up w/another single woman. I have no idea what the problem is. I've had married guys try to figure out if I'm sexually available & their wives know what their husbands are like. For some reason, it's going to be your fault if their man's eye wanders...I hate it when I am meeting some people and the guy says , "My wife....". I feel like telling him, "Please dont flatter yourself. You are not my type at all".
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why is it when you're single, every woman around thinks you want HER man??