| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 2:13:32 PM | I just learned the hard way why some people just refuse to answer messages.
I let a man know I wasn't interested. I was nice about it... as nice as one can be to a total stranger who doesn't even have a picture up. The end. Right? No.
He turned around, called me every name in the book, and then some, and then... went into psycho mode...
... stole my picture, created a fake account on POF with a name almost exactly like mine, stole my profile info and modified it so that it was all about how I was into porn, kink and other things, etc... wow... etc!!!
After friends of mine saw it all, reported him, and got it all deleted, he made ANOTHER account to let me know who he was and what he had done... and WHY:
"To teach me a lesson."
So now, I'm thinking the 'no answer' route is a nice, safe one to go, and can see why so many people are that way.
WOW.
So... have you ever not answered a message because of bad experiences in the past??
I'm wondering now. I want to see who comes out of the wood work on this one. I'm really curious. That was enough to scare me into not replying. Anyone else?
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| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 2:22:48 PM | heh heh...sorry, don't mean to laugh, but I saw that profile & thought you'd turned into a freak overnight.
That is the nature of the beast that we deal with here. Either take your chances that a tard does something like that, or risk responding to a married man with a psycho wife, it's 6 of one, half dozen of the other.
Good luck,
Fry | |
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| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 2:25:15 PM | Oh you're not the only one who thought that, believe me!!!! Thank goodness I have lots of friends on here who watch out for me. One called me to tell me.
You are so right... it really *IS* the true nature of the beast here with this online dating stuff. Unreal how disgusting and mentally unstable some people are though, ya know?
Sheesh!!!
I think I'm going with the "not interested: don't reply" option from here on. I can't help but think that's the wise thing to do after all that!! | |
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| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 2:30:14 PM | It shouldnt jade you and stop you from being decent and kind in responding to say your not interested, just ignore the fruit and nut bars.
Your totally safe on here, it has a fully functional blocking system for undesirables and if necessary you can hide your profile if someone gets persistant
People should feel safe here and not have to be intimidated into not responding to mails in fear of retaliation by some maniac. | |
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| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 2:31:18 PM | "Thats not a reason why no one answers, thats just a raving lunatic-no sane person would do that and its a bit scary."
VERY SCARY.
And I suspect others have been bothered by people who could not take 'no' for an answer. And I also suspect that some of them have resorted to not replying anymore because of that. I'm SURE of it. While it may not be everyone's reason, I'm sure it's some people's reason.
As for me... safe is one thing, this person was pretending to be me, and attemping to make me look like some kind of sex maniac and freaky sex weirdo. So ignore and block are great and all... but they do NOT STOP people from STEALING PICTURES and making FAKE ACCOUNTS/PRETENDING to be YOU!!!
I'm sorry but that was just too much for me. Too much. | |
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| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 2:38:02 PM | | You could always pitch a suggestion to the admin to modify the site so you cant right click and steal people's pictures, ive seen it on other sites so its possible-it might be considered and its probably just a few lines of html to do it | |
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| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 2:39:59 PM | And all these men cry about safeguards like the "do not date" feature they tried to implement here. They need to get some form of traceable I. D. from members so that once an incident like this happens, they can lock the perpetrator out of the site for good and turn the name over to the proper authorities. What that person did was a criminal offense (identity theft), and I would be pressing charges if it happened to me.
If they will do that on POF, there is no telling what they are capable of if you met in real life. | |
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dpd22
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Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 9 | |
| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 2:48:58 PM |
I think I'm going with the "not interested: don't reply" option from here on. I can't help but think that's the wise thing to do after all that!!
You could can always the block the user after you reply with "I'm not interested" if you are really concerned about his response to you rejecting him. A woman here was rude to me after I told her I wasn't interested. I'm not going to stop replying to people because of that. | |
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| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 2:52:02 PM | Blocking a psycho doesn't stop them from making fake accounts, and coming here to the forums to try and cause trouble.
Blocking someone only keeps them from messaging you. And I'm willing to bet that blocking a good, hard core crazy, would only anger them and trigger them more.
Sometimes blocking just isn't the solution, ya know? Would be nice if it was though!! | |
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| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 2:55:31 PM | "And all these men cry about safeguards like the "do not date" feature they tried to implement here. They need to get some form of traceable I. D. from members so that once an incident like this happens, they can lock the perpetrator out of the site for good and turn the name over to the proper authorities. "
atlast just took every last word out of my mouth. There was an option to 'report' that person (thank goodness!!) and the admins did squash it all quickly (thank goodness!) ... but I have no doubt lots of people reported him ... my friends all did, and so did I. Reporting just ends thart particulat situation.
How about prevention? Is there some way to PREVENT such crap from happening?
I think IP tracing or blocking may be something to really consider. I'm sorry... but what that person did was REALLY messed up and sick and I am not getting carried away here. I'm sure some people will think I am, but I don't care. I don't need someone running around with my pictures and pseudo-identity... my friends don't need to be watching out for me.
The whole thing was just WRONG. | |
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| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 2:58:43 PM | Sorry that happened. I had one guy accuse me of enjoying my reply when I'd told him twice I didn't think I was the woman for him...He wrote back that I should give an older gentleman a chance and continued with some ungentlemanly suggestions...I wrote back politely I thought...letting him know he grossed me out and that he had been blocked. EEEWWWW THEN I found out you could limit who contacts you...
There have got to be normal people here too, just have to sift through the rubbish to find them. | |
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dpd22
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Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 13 | |
| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 3:11:52 PM |
Blocking a psycho doesn't stop them from making fake accounts, and coming here to the forums to try and cause trouble.
Blocking someone only keeps them from messaging you. And I'm willing to bet that blocking a good, hard core crazy, would only anger them and trigger them more.
Sometimes blocking just isn't the solution, ya know? Would be nice if it was though!!
Well after you rejected him, you can simply ignore him if he keeps emailing you and you don't think blocking is the situation. | |
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| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 3:16:09 PM | I'll repeat...
Blocking a psycho doesn't stop them from making fake accounts, and coming here to the forums to try and cause trouble.
Blocking someone only keeps them from messaging you. And I'm willing to bet that blocking a good, hard core crazy, would only anger them and trigger them more.
So, once again, I'm still trying to figure out exactly HOW you tell someone you aren't interested, without running the risk of them going crazy and doing crazy things (like making a fake account, and pretending to be you) ... rejecting them and blocking them isn't very nice. None of this is nice. Seems to me more and more than the answer is simply... not to answer at all. Period. Delete the messages and feed the fire in no way. | |
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Sigi
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Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 15 | |
| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 3:24:37 PM | Op, the same thing happened to me a couple of months ago. This person also created a fake account with a name almost exactly like mine, and twisted my profile info into something he found more' suitable'. Indeed..."to teach me a lesson"...haha!
I notified POF and his profile was deleted. Also my 'fake' profile.
Until this week...guess who was trying to contact me again...?
I just deleted his 'random' message and blocked him (again).
You could always pitch a suggestion to the admin to modify the site so you cant right click and steal people's pictures, ive seen it on other sites so its possible-it might be considered and its probably just a few lines of html to do it
scarter 24...a good idea! | |
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| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 3:29:06 PM | That's apparently all you can do... report... delete... and block. Wish there was more, but, there's not.
I'm sorry that happened to you too, Sigi.
So after all that, how do you deal with telling someone you're not interested? Do you? Or do you just delete their message?
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dpd22
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Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 17 | |
| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 3:30:54 PM | | My point is this. If the man is psycho, then it won't matter if you reply/reject/block him or read/delete the message without replying. Either way he would be mad because you weren't interested in him. | |
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| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 3:35:50 PM | 
omg... stop repeating yourself, hun. there are some ppl that will not get it no matter how often you repeat yourself... you'll get carpal tunnel from trying to get through to some ppl.
on topic: i think the reason that ppl like him get upset is that you're saying no based on their picture (presumably) or lack of. so, no matter how nice you try to be, you're essentially saying "i dont think you're attractive enuff to be with me." and that can kinda sting... and some ppl dont know how to handle that.
the way i handled that? i switched my profile to "looking for friends" and stated in my profile that i must be friends first before anything else. that did two things- 1) weeded out the guys looking for a quick lay, 2)allowed me to gently tell a man i wasnt interested... and let him think it was lack of compatibility. ppl tend to take that easier. (edit: i have no issue in making new friends with men i'm not attracted to. so, maybe that is one more reason why this option worked well for me... although they typically dont accept "just friends" very well, and disappear. lol))
or, if the person has a bunch of interests listed, just tell them you dont think you'd be compatible based on that... instead of letting the assume you judged on their picture. and the no pic thing? i cited safety issues to men in regards to that, so that way they couldnt freak out on me over it.
just keep in mind, some ppl are severely imbalance and nothing you do will prevent them freaking out. there's actually a couple of fake profiles on here where the men (if they truly are men) intentionally send out insulting emails to women just to get their personal kicks from the responses.
hope some of this helps you out...
editedit: on a side note, exchanging emails with a man i had no intention of ever dating just happened to land me the best relationship of my life... | |
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| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 3:40:29 PM | From now on, just say "I'm sorry, I'm taking a break right now. I hang out here from time to time because I enjoy my friends and the forums." You don't have to say the 2nd sentence because it might evoke another response. I've used it to prevent the next question (such as the usual "then why are you here?") and it worked.
I'm really sorry. | |
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| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 3:42:30 PM | "omg... stop repeating yourself, hun. there are some ppl that will not get it no matter how often you repeat yourself... you'll get carpal tunnel from trying to get through to some ppl."
I see that. Sad, isn't it?
I do appreciate the fact that you actually read my post, and understood why blocking wasn't going to help stop this sort of thing from happening. And thank you for your suggestions as well. Thank you muchly :) | |
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Sigi
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Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 21 | |
| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 3:46:32 PM | Yes Christalline...apparently that is all we can do. When I found out...I was like..."HUH?"...but POF handled it fast. Now, after he is back again, I just shrugged my shoulders...more like " Oh no...not that moron again!"...
So after all that, how do you deal with telling someone you're not interested? Do you? Or do you just delete their message?
Well, if I'm not interested, I just tell/write the person that I'm not interested. I do occasionally delete messages...you know...'the crazy ones'.
See...that's not so difficult...right?  | |
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| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 3:51:23 PM | That's why you NEVER answer to anyone why doesn't have a picture up! I don't ever bother contacting women here anymore, because I KNOW the end result. Loook, it's just like e-mail...just don't opening. You think you've got problems? I took mine down because I had people MEN & WOMEN, cropping them having intercourse with me, and telling me where could find these little gems on the internet! Yes, and it all starts with..."no, I'm just not interested." And I'm very CLEAR as to what I'm into. Maybe too clear. But it all stopped when I took them down.
Food-4-thought....
Ricky | |
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| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 3:51:32 PM | "I do occasionally delete messages...you know...'the crazy ones'."
Oh yeah... I know. I get those, too.
Online dating: non-stop adventure. Kind of like an amusement park ride. Only no "WOO HOO!" factor.
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| Learning why some people just choose to NOT answer!!
Posted: 5/7/2007 3:54:55 PM | PS
POF now has a handy email function that allows you to block people with no pictures on their profiles, BEFORE they email you. Look under your "mail settings" option. At least thats now one issue solved.  | |
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