| How do I not go insane?
Posted: 5/11/2007 11:31:11 PM | A little over a year ago, I gave up my country, my home, family, friends, to be with my man.
A few months after moving here, we got married. It was abusive from the get go. I was fooled big time. The person he presented himself as, turned out to be a huge lie.
However, I have stuck it out, for several reasons. Like the fact that I believed in my marriage vows, particularly the whole forever bit. Also, I was ashamed, and I didn't know how to tell my family, and then I wasn't sure if I could go home and move back in with my family as I wouldn't be able to live on my own.
Fast forward to almost a year after we're married and I give birth to our son. The staff at the hospital suspects I'm being abused, and I'm asked and I admit to it, but I didn't want to give up my husband. Needless to say a social worker pretty much forced me to when she told me she had called child protective services.
Well, once the secret was out, him and his family who I thought loved me, turned against me and made up all these lies about me that I was never told about by anyone but them, flaunting it in my face. So, based on the abuse and what they said, and what a shrink paid for by child protective services said, our child was taken from our custody, but that wasn't til two months after I had him. The first two months of my son's life he was kept away from me by my husband and his family. It wasn't til after my son was a month old that I started getting supervised visits that aren't very often, or long, so basically I'm a stranger to my three month old son.
All the while my husband and I are supposed to be in services to make us a good husband and wife and good parents. Yet, my husband hasn't stopped abusing me. And it hasn't mattered that I spoke out about it, no one is believing anything I say anymore because my husband and his family painted the picture that I'm vengeful suicidal, homicidal maniac. If I leave, I don't get my child because of the horrible lies that have been said about me, and child protective services don't exactly want to give children to broken homes do they, and since my evil in-laws have had my son pretty much since birth, it's likely they'd just award them permanent custody. Yeah, so my son can grow up with people sure to make him as dysfunctional and evil as the lot of them. I mean my mother in law let my husand's biological father molest him, she pretended it wasn't happening. Even after she witnessed it, she did nothing. She only finally left her first husband, because he cheated on her! Can you imagine?! "No no, you're honor, I don't want a divorce because my husband molested our son, I want one cause he cheated on me." *gags* So sick!
My family can't come to my rescue, so I'm alone here. I have no friends. I can't drive. I'm isolated.
I feel so trapped, and lost, and alone, and sick that I have to keep up a charade of a happy marriage, and jump through extreme hoops to try to prove I deserve to have my child when I haven't even been given a proper to chance to show I am a great mother. My son was ripped from my arms since he was a week old. And not being able to work to provide for my child, not being able to afford a good attorney who could hire someone who knows about battered wife syndrome, means I'm pretty much screwed. Especially since my husband's family is very well off and they've had him for this long. Child protective services don't care that he's my son and I love him more than anything in this world and want to give him nothing but the best, all they care about is who's gonna have the money, cause ya know, money makes people happy! <--sarcasm
And with no guarantees I'll get my child back, and with no one to turn to, all I can think is I'm continuing to let myself be abused from all sides here, for nothing but heartache and physical pain. I just want it to be over. I just want to be in an environment where I'm not being forced to do things parents shouldn't have to do to prove they're worthy of their child. Parenting isn't easy, and no one is perfect. If all parents had to meet all the requirements being asked of us, no one would have children.
I want to leave so bad, but I feel it's not an easy option, for more than one reason, like the huge fact that I'd feel like I gave up on my son and just left him to a bunch of people who are so cruel, so heartless, so evil. To top it off they consider themselves Christian. It's no wonder so many people hate Christians, knowing people like my husband and his family. I'm Christian too, but I don't go around stealing babies, and raping people emotionally and essentialy stabbing them in the heart repeatedly.
I'm trying my best to hang in here, but I just don't know how much longer I can do this. I long for someone to go to, to hold me, and comfort me, and above all, love me, love me unconditionally, and want the best for me, and not the worst.
Has anyone else gone through such a crazy situation and ended up not going insane? What did you do, what was the outcome? | |
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| How do I not go insane?
Posted: 5/12/2007 12:46:08 AM | yes darl
men will turn u againsnt everyone n u end up wit no one but think theres people out there who care i do n others will n god loves u so get over him n move on n u can!! | |
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| How do I not go insane?
Posted: 5/12/2007 1:07:53 AM | My heart goes out to you.
I have no experience of this kind of thing, I think it's horrific. I do think you should get away from your abusive husband because it is the right thing to do for yourself and for your future. From this place where you are now you couldn't offer your son a safe place to be. And I think that by staying with your abusive husband you are not contradicting strongly enough the accusations made against your character.
Keep fighting for your son, go through all the proper channels every time, don't have direct unwitnessed contact with your husband or his family. I wish I had more knowledge and could give better advice, but I believe that if you make a safe new life for yourself and continue to fight for your son then at the very least he will have the experience of continuing to know and see his mother regularly and to know that she is safe and sane and secure and loves him unconditionally. And your love is the greatest gift you can give him, even if you are restricted in expressing it.
Stay sane for your own sake and for your son's. Create a safe haven for you and for him and hopefully one day he will be able to join you. Seeing as the social services are so vigilant where you are, to have pursued you the way they did, there is hope that your son will at least be safe despite being with clearly unbalanced people: they won't want to risk him being taken away from them now. Get yourself out, not just because it's the only sensible thing to do, but to be the best you can be for your son.
Hugs beamed across the ether  | |
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| How do I not go insane?
Posted: 5/12/2007 1:14:01 AM | Aww...hon, I feel for you. I can tell you from a couple different aspects, I know of the dark place you are in....This is a complex scenario. This guy has found a way to isolate you, and yet trap you....you don't want to abandon your child, but you are abandoning your own self worth.....From the child services perspective, you have to understand why they deemed it unsafe for your son to be in such a violent atmosphere. Maybe money talks, but I guarantee, If this scenario is as you say.....and the issue here is the fact that this guy has money and people that are backing up his story......all you have is your wits, girl. You have got to outsmart him- within the confines of the law, it is required that you prove his abusive nature- his inability to be a fit parent- and you prove yourself worthy and capable of being a fit mother, money or no. If you want your son back, don't allow yourself to be defeated. Only you know how exactly you can achieve this....different strokes for different folks....This guy has broke you down, made you feel helpless.....Well remember that you are not! Get in touch with an attorney.........You are going to have to do most of the work yourself.....If this guy has so much money, as you say, it probably won't be hard to find someone who will work for you to get the kid back, And seek monetary retribution........
You are going to have to have evidence though, the law is the law- don't give up! | |
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| How do I not go insane?
Posted: 5/12/2007 1:27:27 AM | This is a horrible situation thats for sure. And feeling trapped like this makes it worse. Get a journal and write down in as much detail everything you can remember including dates etc of any incidences you can remember. And write down in detail everything you go through on a daily basis. Hide this book and do not show anyone this book. Find yourself an advocate. Go to womens shelters etc. till you find someone who will work with you to get your child back. You cannot stay with this man he will escalate till you have absolutely nothing left inside, and possibly death. You need to fight with all your might for your child. And when no one believes you stamp until someone listens. Go over as many heads as you have too.
Make sure you document everything in your dealings with social services as well. who you talk to what was talked about and the dates. document everything, it will save you and your child. Let them know you will be documenting every detail with names places and times of your pleas and there ineffective response to your abusive situation. there are plenty of resources for women in your situation and you need to get yourself connected with them. If he gets away with this not only is he destroying your life but your child's too.
crazylilting | |
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| How do I not go insane?
Posted: 5/12/2007 1:55:41 AM | It's a terribly difficult time for you, but it won't always be this awful. Be grateful every day that you escaped from this marriage while you were still young. Being with an abusive man changes who you are. You could have stayed with him for 25 years and ended up being a crushed fragment of who you were meant to be.
This, too, shall pass. Things WILL get better. Hang on to hope. | |
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| How do I not go insane?
Posted: 5/12/2007 2:02:22 AM | | No one should ever accept abuse for any reason /you will better off moving forward -ALWAYS LOVE URSELF-U R PRECIOUS/U DESERVE THE VERY BEST LIFE HAS TO OFFER! | |
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| How do I not go insane?
Posted: 5/12/2007 2:31:06 AM | Im not going to say sorry cause you've had plenty of them but give some advice.
dont get mad get even, forget about your husband and focus all of you energy on the most important of all the child is suffering he is not with youand fight fight fight, dont give up women are stronger than men he is the inferior one.
goodluck hope to hear on your success
ps i have been through the abusive part. | |
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| How do I not go insane?
Posted: 5/12/2007 4:14:56 AM | | I feel bad for you , I truly do. The big tragedy is that you knew you were fooled once you were married and you chose to bring a child into the picture. Thats on you. You should try counseling and if he is not willing that I would suggest to bring up charges , next time you are abused .If nothing else it brings you ammunition for divorce grounds and a divorce settlement. Don't worry about what people think . | |
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