| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/13/2007 9:24:22 PM | I'm wondering why girls are so heartless. I am sure other guys would like to know as well.
Let me explain. This applies to online (dating sites) and in real life. Girls/Women will continously state they want this and that (nice guy blah blah) but when someone shows interest, if she is not interested, he is treated like dirt. You read here over and over, guys posting 'how do I get a reply? Why was I blocked?" You also read some very heartless replies to guys' posts who complain or who are throwing up their hands in frustration.
But, this applies to real life, too. Rejection is a big deal because so many men find it difficult to feel indifferent or to return the cold-hearted attitude and mentality that so many women show. If it wasn't the case, this topic becomes redundant and doesn't occur as often.
If you show interest and it's not returned, you're also called labels such as *needy*, *clingy*, *desperate*, *wussy* and on and on... there's a new label for it every day, it seems. Even other guys get in on the act and bash the guys. Are girls too spoiled? They want a confident guy but a guy who doesn't bring a heart of stone to the table is going to wonder what he's doing wrong and wonder how he can become a cold-hearted fish like the 'jerk' or the woman who didn't reciprocate (his feelings).
If a guy tries to approach or contact a girl who rejects him, she will lose respect for him. This is the mentality we are dealing with. She is not flattered. She is annoyed. She treats him like dirt for what reason? Why do this? Is there something to this, psychologically speaking? You want to better your chances, girls, stop the behavior and show you have a heart somewhere beneath all the sexy clothing and expensive makeup. Just a thought.... | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/13/2007 9:29:17 PM | Is this another the nice guys always finish last thread?
Rejection is life and happens to us all at some point, and not just to men!
I don't treat anyone like dirt on here, but if someone isn't interested, then why not say so. Saves time on both sides.
I've mailed plenty of guys on here, had my mail read/deleted. Who cares, more people to chat to. Yeah i think, oh he could have at least said he wasn't interested. But in the 2 years i've been here, never once had a bloke mail back with thanks no thanks.
Do i care? Nope, just move on and mail someone else. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/13/2007 9:31:29 PM | | No, it's not another "nice guys always finish last" thread. It's about cold-hearted behavior and how prevalent it is. ('Don't know if it was before). | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/13/2007 9:34:04 PM | Rejection is life.
Life is about moving on.
Not dwelling on the past.
Learn from the past then move on.
Everyone gets hurt and gets their heart broken, its all part of life, its what you learn from it that makes you a better person for the next time. Be it more cautious, more willing to express yourself, or what have you. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/13/2007 10:22:02 PM | Who cares if women reject good guys , they just end up going after the wrong type of guy and get ****ed over , it's karma. True love will find you in the end.
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/13/2007 10:28:54 PM |
Who cares if women reject good guys , they just end up going after the wrong type of guy and get ****ed over , it's karma. True love will find you in the end.
Yes, but then they become damaged goods who are insecure. And now nice guys not only finish last, they also get the damaged goods!  | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/13/2007 11:04:08 PM | | The universe owes you nothing, so do not believe that karma (or true love) BS that you're being fed by others will magically show up & save the day. You should be thankful for the rejections because it only means that the wrong people are not in your life. This does not imply the next woman that does not reject you will be the right person, but rejections in general are a necessary process to achieving happiness. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/13/2007 11:08:20 PM | Yes that is true ubkobalt to a extent. I've been rejected tons and I still barrel ahead , you can't let rejection and fear get in the way of searching for that special someone. That's what makes us men , taking our bumps in life but getting back up and moving forward.
I guess I went off topic there.
Shitty
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/13/2007 11:55:26 PM | Another obvious self pity thread.
Your profile is very short and you use the lame excuse of not wanting to reveal everything about yourself. That makes it seem like there isn't much to you. Maybe if you vamped it up a bit (and put up a picture) you'd get better luck. And stop generalizing. It doesn't make you look too smart. There is somebody out there for everyone, even you. Just stop with the pity party and grow some balls (metaphorically speaking). | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/14/2007 12:10:26 AM | Hey everyone
Yeah...this is a real good one... I guess it all depends on where and when you look for girls... if you go to a bar well your in the hunting grounds and there is an "alpha male" thing going on. If history and social sciences have taught us anything it's that people in large numbers... both male and female revet back to a primevil state...IE: get really stupid... hehe. And from what I have been told by alot of female friends girls don't go to bars looking for the one... and neither do guys it's one of two things (or sometimes a bit of both) when girls go they either just wanna have a good time with their friends or get laid by the biggest richest guy in the bar or something to that effect and for guys I can't really defend us that well most guys in the bar are looking for another notch in the belt.
The sexes spend so much time blaming problems on one another and fail to realize that both side are doing equal damage to each other... I've been shot down so many times by girls in bars and all I said was "hey how's your night going" and automatically gave me the cold shoulder...it bothered me at first it really did...but that was the "i know i'm not the alpha male" thing kicking in... when I look it at logically, I'm a great catch ( and so are many other guys are too) I'm smart, hold my own finacnces well, have a nice place and a decent car and all my friends honestly like me... I won't say i'm the greatest looking guy in the world but I know i'm not ugly and i really respect women...key word women... i really have no respect for a b***H and there are plenty of em out there. In fact i can tell you now the ones that will get mad at this post are "Alpha Males" and " the b****"
If you wanna get girls at the bar it's simple you have to play the game and if your not willing to or don't know how to, learn or be more patient. We all look for accptance it's perfectly natural and yes it does suck to get rejected on both sides... for guys the trick is not to let them see you sweat, cus you never know what other girl maybe watching and when they see you laugh off the B***H they may see that as a guy that "has it together" And remember men, girls from what I am told and have seen, are in just as much compition for men as men are women...play them against each other women do it to men all the time.
From my own experience, I can see one of the more important aspects for girls in long term realationships is friendship. Be their friend first and when you start hitting on their friends they will either move in on you cus they want you or put in a good word for you while your doing it, a plus either way. Another good thing to keep in mind most long term realationship starts don't take place in a bar. One of the most instresting girls I met I was introduced to from one of my female friends It didn't work out in the end it was sorta long distance but the time we were together was awesome and even after we parted ways we are still friends. That just doens't happen with one night stands or in bars. I'm not saying it's imposible for a good healthy realationship to start by a chance meeting in a dance club or bar but let's face it when you add booze to the mix for most parts the next thing to follow is a head ache...
So in closing I leave both sides with this....If you can't play the game harder play it smarter. Till then keep your head up take your hits (hopefully not physically) and soilder on... | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:00:42 AM | "Another obvious self pity thread.
Your profile is very short and you use the lame excuse of not wanting to reveal everything about yourself. That makes it seem like there isn't much to you. Maybe if you vamped it up a bit (and put up a picture) you'd get better luck. And stop generalizing. It doesn't make you look too smart. There is somebody out there for everyone, even you. Just stop with the pity party and grow some balls (metaphorically speaking)."
A rude, patronizing, uber condescending statement from a Canadian.
Didn't see that one coming..... | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:06:22 AM | | Another self-pity thread. Yeah I'm heartless to whiners.. I admit. Ya'll are a pain.. it's wah wah wah all the time. Tiresome. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:12:40 AM | Because selfish, inconsiderate men stole our hearts while they were screwing and dumping us in their quest to get as much stange booty as possible?
Nice way to generalize all females. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:24:01 AM | "Because selfish, inconsiderate men stole our hearts while they were screwing and dumping us in their quest to get as much stange booty as possible?
Nice way to generalize all females."
So two wrongs make a right?
Good way to approach your life.......no, really. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:39:04 AM | Op
I will ask this question in all seriousness. What exactly do you think is your responsibility in your love life? I have a real hard time dealing with the mentality that a female should have to overcompensate for your "failures" in meeting the right woman. What I am trying to say is that if you dont expect people to treat you like you are special then you wont get your feelings hurt. I think that you are having a rough time of it and are making some pretty wild generalizations here because of that. And I do not believe that every woman that you have approached has treated you like dirt because she wasnt interested. Maybe your definition of being treated like dirt is different than most other peoples. Perhaps you need to regain or gain some perspective on how to interact with people and how to interperet how they interact with you back. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:40:27 AM | " You want to better your chances, girls, stop the behavior and show you have a heart somewhere beneath all the sexy clothing and expensive makeup."
This is impossible. The clothes and makeup are, indeed, very expensive, which is why most of us have actually traded our hearts for these items on the black market...Just as it appears that you have traded your ability to reason logically and stray from the well-trod path of generalisation for that shiny new chip on your shoulder.
I'd like to think it doesn't need to be stated again, but, apparently, it does...
-Not all (or even most) women treat men like dirt.
-Not all women are hypocrites.
-Women face the same hurtful rejection as men do, just as often.
-"Needy" and "clingy" are words not exclusively applied to men, if anything, they are more often applied to women.
- When a man comes to the forums and asks why he isn't getting replies, the answers given are usually on a case-by-case basis. Some men have great, appealing profiles, and seem genuinely confused. These guys are rarely treated with disrespect or "heartlessness". Other men have sub-par, nearly empty profiles, and bad attitudes. These guys have, presumably, read the forums before, and ought to know what they may be in for.
People are lovely and awful, hurtful and compassionate, logical and hypocritical, whether they are men or women. Everyone can be defined as something, sometimes. One man's coldhearted b*tch is another guy's faithful sweetheart. Sometimes you've just got to accept it and let it be. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:51:01 AM | "Girls" are not all heartless (or guys or people in general). Rather, they seem as such to people who take what they do or say WAY too seriously and personal. This is a dating site, therefore there are a number of people you're not going to click with. Some you won't find attractive, some won't find you attractive. Then again in life, the same rule applies...the trick is to find mutual...whatever - attraction, respect, interests, etc.
If someone's not interested, then you don't want that person, because you want someone who likes you as you like them. If someone's not interested and is rude about it, then you don't want that person, because they obviously treat a lot of people with disrespect.
Both of these examples are grounds to not ask the question "why are guys, girls, people heartless". What do you care if people are? As long as you're not heartless to others, it really doesn't matter what others do. If you let the actions of complete strangers affect you so much, life's going to be long and frustrating.
Alex89, I have yet to see a post from you that is not negative towards women and how they treat men like crap. I am sure there's a post somewhere that isn't about that (a recipe in the food section maybe?) - but let's just say I've never really seen one. It's all about attitude. Personally I don't like negativity towards my own gender when I meet a guy, and neither to most women I know. If you don't think you're going to ever get anywhere with women, you probably won't. Take it for what it's worth. You might want to consider being the person you think you deserve. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:52:33 AM | 
Hey, in case you all didn't notice, I was speaking in general terms and not necessarily defining the problem in terms of my experiences/observations etc. If I was wrong about this perspective, you wouldn't have so many so-called "pity" threads. Basically, my complaints are proven correct and 100% accurate each and every time you respond in the manner expressed in each and every post prior to this one. Thank you. I like to be proven correct even though it doesn't help too much in the grand scheme of things.
Seriously though, it is an epidemic and women today, it just seems more noticeable that they are cold-hearted and the feelings of indifference are just as prevalent as the ones held by the "jerk" which is probably why most are successful. In addition, the confidence that everyone always mentions as desirable is due in part, to the admiration for someone who feels indifference and a care-free easygoing attitude. The latter part is fine, an easygoing attitude is great but with indifference, there is sometimes a problem there. If passion, concern and a caring personality is perceived as secondary, all the claims about wanting a caring guy becomes B.S. and posing. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:57:20 AM | hmmm is having your mail read deleted a bad thing?
thanks for telling me...
seriously though, out of all the girls on here so far that i've actually had genuine interest in, not just physically, they have pretty much all replied... When it comes to this place, it's basically what you say... Come to think of it, it's the same in the real world. If you be yourself (that's if you aren't a total moron) girls will talk to you.
Harsh but true. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 10:05:21 AM | Re: msg 21
How does that expression go? 'I calls 'em as I sees 'em?" I consider my criticism as constructive criticism. I don't beat around the bush and I don't sugarcoat stuff. I also don't "act" or "pretend" in order to get something from someone. What you see is what you get. Sure, a lot of it is negative but it doesn't mean I brood all the time or that I'm always negative 100% of the time. If someone gets that from this site, then so be it. I don't think you can conclude everything about a person from this site or any site. Imho, that's making a mistake and you can miss out on a person (i.e. their strengths and potential) if you just go by posts.
Just because the complaints are women-specific doesn't mean I see nothing worth criticizing regarding guys or people in general. It's a dating site so a guy is going to talk about women and a woman is going to speak about guys. Well, heterosexual ones, anyway.
Let me ask you a question: hypothetically speaking, pretend the world is populated by 80% of people who are evil, dishonest, cruel, superficial etc. (consider any negative adjective). Do you think you can function in this world without worrying about anything? Would you have no concerns or judgements? You would never be frustrated? People are social animals. They deal with other people. They care about things. Well, some do. | |
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| Why are girls so heartless?
Posted: 5/15/2007 10:06:25 AM | | To Josephus True words of wisdom and from such a youngun! Makes me still have hope for that generation. | |
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