| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/14/2007 7:52:58 PM | My best friend's son just confided in me today his secret attraction for me. I am 15 years older. My friend is always trying to get me to date men my own age or older. She always tells me that I need to date more mature men...so I was surprised to hear that she not only thinks this is ok, she is the one who suggested it. I tried to tell him that he needs to be with someone closer to his age, but he seems to think he is much too mature for them. He wants me to go out with him just to talk and get to know him better. He seems to think that after this I won't have any doubts about dating him.
I have always looked at him as "My Best Friend's Son", the thought of him being a love interest never crossed my mind.
What would you do? | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/14/2007 8:01:47 PM | Go for it! Love can pop up in the strangest places at times.
If conversation seems difficult between you two, you'll see and sense it, at which point you can move on.
But who knows...... this thing could work and you'll torment yourself later if you don't at least consider it. | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/14/2007 8:08:28 PM | Just one comment, what's wrong with you for even considering this. OMG
Somethings are just sacred and this is one of them as far as I am concerned.
If you tried to date my son we would no longer be friends, what a betrayal that would be.
Maybe I am old school, not sure, but this just seems really wrong to me.
You being the older person in this should say thank you I am flattered but I wouldn't even consider it. Thanks but no thanks. | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/14/2007 8:13:50 PM | not just NO...but HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NO!!!!!!!!!!!
sheeze, 21 and 36 years old are two different planets basically. Extremely unlikely you'll have much to talk about.
and even more importantly whenyou date the friend, ex, brother, father, son, whatever of YOUR close friend there is a very good chance there will be problems and "issues" in the future that can easily affect everyone when all the dirty laundry is aired. If you really like her, don't risk all this likely trouble for NOTHING. What?????Sex with a 21 year old. Big whoopdie-doo. and what else could you possibly gain from it?
See??lots of risk but not much reward in this situation.
but then agian..........WTF friends come and go like the wind....you can find a new one. Sex with a boy-toy....hmmmmm....well? why not?
ok does that answer your question?
BTW you know Im joking. my real answer is still helllllllllllllllllll nooooooooooo!! | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/14/2007 8:16:45 PM | Would I go just to see if someone 36 yrs old would be interested in me?
'Er...done that...it was fun.
But, while it's not wrong to consider it, if you've never been attracted to him, are you suddenly - now that he's asked you out? 
Annudder | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/14/2007 8:22:28 PM | | I think your friend is a little screwed in the head - to have suggested that her 21 yr old son ask you out (youre 36). First off, she's put you into an awkward situation (some friend) but most importantly, it's just sick. He's a pup barely out of high school who needs to be dating women in his age group. I think your friend is a nutbar. | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/14/2007 8:30:16 PM |
I have always looked at him as "My Best Friend's Son", the thought of him being a love interest never crossed my mind.
Seems like you answered your own question right there. If you were comfortable with it, you probably wouldn't be asking the question. | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/14/2007 8:30:40 PM | Never in a life time would I cross a friend in that way !! Dating their son?!?!? It can only be disaster and tons of drama!!! It will affect every aspect of your life and you won't have a friend in her any more!!
edit (below) Agreed - It is creepy and wrong!!! | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/14/2007 8:39:52 PM | Just noticed that . . .
My friend is always trying to get me to date men my own age or older. She always tells me that I need to date more mature men.
So it would appear that you prefer dating younger men.
(font = Dr. Phil ) How has that been working out for you so far? ( /font ) | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/14/2007 8:46:49 PM | I don't think he's too young, go out with him, teach how to treat a lady - maybe his next girlfriend will thank you.
Just don't fall in love, it'll never last, he'll have to learn to let go - unless he's just trying to put a notch in his belt - MILF's are hot property these days.
Read Knowing Woman: A Feminine Psychology, by Irene de Castillejo. She contextualizes the roles to some degree. | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/14/2007 9:01:56 PM | First off, it's not sick and demented as some on this thread have suggested.
Second, the guy is trying to score.
Third, hell what's wrong with that?
The truth is, you won't have much of a relationship after a few dates anyhow ... you are not even on the same planet with music, social icons or attitudes.
All the same, it's a date ... treat the guy like a billiard table and rack his ...
But if you should fall in love, it's folly. The age difference is always important and those who say it doesn't matter are also fooling themselves. Initially, it doesn't matter but later on, it does. Even at my age, it matters. I sho-nuff don't want my date telling me we need to be ... um ... careful ...
It's also not uncommon for guys that age to find older women appealing. The gum-popping, college trinket choices he has can be rather dumbing after awhile. You represent a lot of new ideas for him, the most important of which is the (second) point above.
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/14/2007 9:16:11 PM | | yeah i'm 24. my only interest in someone 15 years my senior would be for probably seriously good sex, to be honest. most likely that's all he's after too. have fun! | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/14/2007 9:33:43 PM | Seeing how he's not looking for a one time summer fling thing ,and hes talking of dating ....Its not like your going to be able to avoid him after it happens/done and over because he's your friend's son,
I would have never dated any of my son's friends ,just to awkward ,would have been really uncomfortable...... just way to wierd. | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/14/2007 9:35:27 PM | Not the same planet at all. He asked you. Go for it 
You've been given the all clear... launch!! Have fun.
It could be the good for both of you. He is an adult.
no pressure. | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/14/2007 9:36:56 PM | thinga....if it were me, and i had the m0thers ok, i'd go for it....it's the maturity that really counts.....never hurts to at least go to dinner to dicuss it....
it's interesting though, how the older w0man dating the y0unger guy thing is a icky subject for alot of people......whereas society thinks little or nothing about an older (sometimes several decades older) m@n dating a y0unger w0man. who can explain that discrepancy? barring the sugar daddy, i want a h0ttie on my arm excuse......
to me, having the reverse situation makes the most sense. i've almost always gone for guys younger than me. i've tried many times to date someone closer to my own age, but if i hear one more, "my poor aching back" from a guy my age....i think i might scream
now i'm not suggesting anything i!!leagal here, but think about it......w0men hit their s@xual peak in their 30's m@n hit theirs in their 20's. it just makes a whole lot more sense to have simillar drives going at the same time.....at least it does to this 35 year old...... | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/14/2007 9:43:47 PM | No, No, No, I repeat No. If you were 55 and he were 40, different story. If you're going to do bad things with little boys, do them with the ones who's mother's you don't know. At 36 a guy 5 years younger is plenty, as you get older the age gap can get wider but for now content yourself with the young studs 30 and up, there are plenty of them. This is just a romantic little boy with a crush on his mom's friend, he'll get over it. Believe me, a 21 year old has nothing to offer you, financially, emotionally and no, not even in bed, except for enthusiasum. They don't get good till about 32, which is about the right age for you, besides at that age they can offer you some relationship
potential. Good luck to you and I'd take a second look at your friendship with a woman who would suggest such a thing. I think she must have a screw loose. | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/14/2007 9:49:54 PM | | DO you logically think its going to be a long term thing? from the sounds of it wont . even reading some of the other post younger guys want one thing SEX from an older lady ... IF this dont bother you then so be it . IF its going to bother you then its not a wise thing to do . And remember when it dont work out it can possibly mess with your friendship with the mother would it be worth that ? | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/14/2007 10:05:31 PM | | As to the double standard comment, my best friend's daughter is a very sexy young lady,but there is no way in hell I would ever do anything with her, even with his approval. The fact it is her best friend's son adds a whole different dynamic than an older woman dating younger man...older man dating younger woman. It is doubtful that much would ever come of such a relationship other than sex. At that young of age there is just too much difference in where two people are at in their lives, regardless of how mature the younger person "claims" to be. | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/15/2007 3:45:03 AM |
Do what your heart tells you to do. Just make a mature decision. We can't make it for you. Yep, MG - I had that in my response also at first, until I realized the OP didn't ask us to decide for her, just what would we do.
But your point is well-taken.
Annudder | |
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| Help!!!! My Best Friend's Son Just Asked Me Out
Posted: 5/15/2007 6:53:43 AM | When I was a young man (younger than your friend), I dated a woman 17 years older. It wasn't really intended for there to be such an age gap, it just worked out that way. I looked like someone in my mid-20's (I dressed quite conservatively), and she looked like a woman in her late 20's (she had an exceptional figure and skin).
The first time we met, there were slight sparks and then we ended up talking for almost 6 hours over late night coffee. The next day when I called her, we talked for another 5 hours. Almost every time we saw or spoke to each other was like that. We would make love, then just hold each other and talk for hours afterwards. I remember how many times we would talk on the telephone, and it would be late into the night, and neither of us would say a word... we would just listen to each other breathe, unable to hang up, unwilling to lose that momentary contact. We talked about many things, about her work and mine, our goals and desires, her daughter and our families, our views on life, politics, religion, and people.
Oddly, we didn't ask each other the actual age question until we had been together for several weeks. Maybe because on some level as we knew each other better and the odd detail would be mentioned, we both began to understand how large the age gap really was. By that time however, it didn't really matter any more. To me she was just a beautiful, warm and loving woman. And to her I was just the man she cared about.
There was nothing childish or immature about our relationship. We had very similar points of reference, as virtually all of my friends were significantly older. We had similar tastes in music (I listened alot to 50's/60's/70's music), dancing, dining, wine, movies, books, politics, spirituality, etc.
Over time we discussed many things, including the age gap, how difficult it was to find people to date that you could relate to, as well as eventually our potential futures in terms of living, marriage, etc. I can honestly say she was one of my first loves, and when she said that she loved me, I truly believed that she did.
I will always treasure that relationship. I often told her that she taught me many things, things about myself, and things about how to understand the needs of a woman. She told me that I had taught her about herself, and offered her a different viewpoint on life. She told me that reminded her what it was like to be with someone who did not carry the burden of their past relationships into their current relationship.
In the end, we ended up seperating, not because of the age difference but because of a combination of distance (she lived in Buffalo, I lived in Toronto, over 200 miles away) and her 7 year old daughter. To be honest, I seriously considered marrying her. However, she told me that she saw great potential in me, and that she could never live with herself if she thought that she was holding me back. She thought I needed test my limits to find out what I was capable of, or she feared that I would always regret it. She was in fact one of the main reasons I decided to go on to University. I had been working after HS for a few years at the time and had become deeply disillusioned with the education system, which I found rigid and stultifying.
Afterwards, we vowed to keep in touch (we decided that dating other people made the most sense at the time). We continued to talk even while I was in school (some 3,000 miles away), and we remained friends even as we both dated other people. I remember the odd feeling of happiness and wistful loss the day she told me that she thought she was in love (a nice gentleman about 10 years older than her with grown children). I was happy she had found love again, yet sometimes my mind would wander to what could have been.
I'm not sure when the calls stopped. I was busy with school, working and dating, she was busy with work, her daughter and SO. As our lives continued I moved around as did she, and I guess at one point or another we lost track of each other's numbers.
That was some time ago. She would be in her early 50's now. Would it have worked? Could we have remained together? I honestly don't know.
What I do know is if I could do it over again, I would still have gone out with her and I would not have regretted a single minute. I suspect she would say the same.
Nobody knows what roads life will take you down. Sometimes you just need to have faith.
I would say, do what you wish. If you want to give him the chance to impress you, by all means. If you do not, then don't.
As for his mother, she must think that both of you are something *very special* for her to consider letting the two of you date. After all, you are both VERY special to her. | |
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