| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:36:54 PM | I'm over 50, and rejection is much harder on me now. For a long time, I felt like I was ugly, because every time I'd send my picture to someone, they would never contact me again. Now I seem to have gotten past that, but still, I'm afraid that when they meet me in person, they won't like me.
Men seem to want something that I'm not at my age, and it makes me feel very old sometimes.
Anyone else go through this? | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:47:05 PM | I am wayyyyyyyy over 50 and yes, it has crossed my mind a time or two. But if you think of it, you aren't looking for a younger man, so they would probably be a little nervous too. Why do you think they won't like you?
I look at it this way, everyone isn't going to like me, some do, some don't but maybe there is one out there who will, lol | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:59:23 PM | | While nobody likes to feel 'rejected', I think it's important to keep in the back of our minds that if somebody quit contacting us then they probably weren't the person for us in the first place. With so many different variables, and types of personalities, etc, we can't be everybody's cup of tea, so to speak. Everybody is beautiful in one way or another, you just haven't found somebody who realizes your good qualities yet and is willing to take it a step further. I approach this internet thing from a 'friends first' approach, and hey, sometimes you still get rejected, even on a friendship level. Does it hurt? Sure...but it's not worth dwelling on. Try not to let it bother you so much, and don't worry too much about when you meet them in person. Yes, there IS a chance they won't care for you, but then again, you never know, you just might hit it off! Hang in there, fifty's not so old! | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/15/2007 10:15:13 PM | I have never been a fan of rejection which is the reason why I don't really put myself out there.
Is that something I consider a flaw......I would say so.
I am so afraid of being rejected that I don't even try.....pretty pathetic really. No for me it has not gotten any easier with age. If anything it is likely worse.
Identifying that about myself is a good thing. Changing it is another, not sure I have what it takes to do so. | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/16/2007 3:11:18 AM | HELL NO!! It's so much easier these days, and besides, please consider the source of your rejection. Your on a dating site, internet for that matter. There are tons to choose from, most believe they are at an "all you can eat buffet".
If your hair is out of place, the back ground scene isn't to their liking, could be many other things, but mostly I believe it's just curiousity. If someone doesn't have a picture it can become a game to see how long one gives into sending it out. Once out, game over and they move on to the next. I surely wouldn't take it personal, WHY ON EARTH would you let a complete stranger drag you down????
Before I get blasted, this goes for BOTH genders! Be yourself, as I always say, if you like you, then thats all that matters. If they can't take the time to know you, THEIR LOSS!! | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/16/2007 5:03:46 AM |
WHY ON EARTH would you let a complete stranger drag you down????...................Be yourself, as I always say, if you like you, then that's all that matters. If they can't take the time to know you, THEIR LOSS!!
You've hit the nail on the head! The internet is an instant medium, as we all know. All of us are only a mouse-click away. Relatiionships AREN'T instant. They take time to develop.
Some people can't exercise patience. They want it all and they want it NOW! I notice this attitude in many of the forums posted here. They want instant EVERYTHING !This is the behaviour of a two yr. old kid in a candy store........... not the behaviour of a mature adult.
If I'm not attractive to a man or a relationship between us doesn't develop...I don't see it as rejection. I just see it as.............. .there are different sized lids for different sized pots. And, I can't be all things to all people. So, I don't take it personally anymore.
Muskoka | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/16/2007 5:34:13 AM | I suggest you put yourself in a place to get accepted rather than rejected.
It's typical for men to face rejection over and over again in the 'man must chase women' role and the woman gets to do all the rejecting.
I think this 'dating model' is responsible for many shallow empty relationships ending in divorce. Sex education is taught to handle the repercussions of a lack of emotional education.
You are feeling the same feelings as young men that face rejection over but your not socialized to handle these feelings where men are taught to expect it.
Either you learn to handle the rejection or you realize that this is not a good model for dating because you only get to see the real character of someone after they've stopped preening for a new relationship and let their true feelings show.
If you meet a man that rejects you cause of how you look rather than how you behave, did you really want to have someone like that in your life?
I suggest you read the forum rules about posting for responses from a specific gender as this post demonstrates you either don't know them or choose to ignore them, If you cant accept and follow rules, you invite relationships with other people willing to bend or change the rules, not a good basis for a stable relationship. | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/16/2007 7:49:47 AM | Rejection wouldn't bother me, since I'm usually the one doing the rejecting. I always let it be known that there may or may not be a mutual attraction, even before we meet. So, if I do end up being the one rejected, I would understand and it wouldn't lower my self esteem not one iota!.
I would think that at our age (I'm way-y-y-y-y over 50), we should be able to face the fact that not every man is going to be attracted to us. And vice-versa. So far, men have not made me feel inadequate at all. If I meet a man who doesn't like me, I always know that the next one or the next one, probably will.
My experiences have been a little different from a lot of the older women here, I gather from reading the forums. Men do come on to me pretty regularly, in real life, and I'm not what I consider to be a pretty woman. But, I do know how to make the best of what God gave me, mainly by staying in shape and taking good care of my body and over-all health.
So, I don't worry about rejection. Because of my attitude and self confidence, some people say that I think "I'm all that!" But then, I am! We all are. As long as we know that, a little rejection should be no big deal.
As picky as I am, I certain can't fault a man for being so, also! I figure if one rejects me, it's his loss.  | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/16/2007 8:21:46 AM | Actually, I'm the opposite, in that rejection is now much easier for me to accept. I don't look upon it as "rejection" but simply as a matter of me not being the type of person that particular man is seeking. The 'why' and 'what' of me not being who he's seeking are unimportant to me.
Regarding men not continuing contact after receiving a picture, my thoughts on that are it's because most people like to make decisions regarding a person before they've had enough time and opportunities to get to know the individual. The guys probably had some 'idea' in their heads as to what you look like; something they made up and not based on reality. When reality doesn't match fantasy....oh well, that was 'their bad'. Also, if you'd been corresponding for a while and it seemed to you that there was somewhat of a connection, then--BAM!--no more contact after the photo exchange, then again, in my opinion, it was his mistake and possibly him misleading you as to what it is/was he finds interesting and/or important....as in, he's looking for eye candy but says he's looking for an interesting personality. I've learned not to decide how or who a person 'is' based solely on conversation and a few pics; it takes 'real time' experience and lots of it before you can really get to know one another.
The men you're experiencing this with are looking for something you're not or I'm not or many other women on POF are not; however, just remember that we most definitely are someone who's exactly what some other man/men ARE seeking. We just haven't encountered those particular men....yet! | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/16/2007 8:46:12 AM | | I don't think rejection is ever easy, no matter how old you are. I think it's a little harder now because most men over 50 are SO unrealistic and actually believe they're gonna win the 30-year-old supermodel that they reject women in their own age group. Just my two cents for what it's worth. | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/16/2007 9:06:08 AM | No rejection is not harder at an older age..heck you have a lifetime of experiences to remind you of your value...younger folks do not have those memories to fall back on. Nor the wisdom of the effects of those choices .
..self pity is the same hole if your young or old..that is a card that we grow into not avoid and then allow the loss of esteem...
OP is your perceptions that need refocus....some people like blueberry pie and some like apple.....who cares what there choice is...you concentrate on your choices and personal boundries with releasing trust to a human's who do not put effort into impressing YOU.....not the other way around..not choosing to cross into there choice but hold your value and not waste time or spirit in there choice...
You remember to make them prove there value before you toss your energy there,,,,that's all...heck why toss your energy to some fool seeking your power without placing there equal integrity there....your just lacking on who you share your energy with...
when you reach to someone make them prove they are worth the effort of your energy...goodluck hun...
We all learn to brush up on esteem while we are here...we learn we are the most important decision in the world...good luck to all tender fishy learning there value and how to command others to respect your personal power....
And don't worry about the past you can only change the future....so remove energy from pity pile and remember we choose which people we put our time into...OURSELF first....and then offer to another.... | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/16/2007 9:33:14 AM | "I don't look upon it as "rejection" but simply as a matter of me not being the type of person that particular man is seeking. The 'why' and 'what' of me not being who he's seeking are unimportant to me. "
I totally agree. There are a million reasons people get rejected. None of the reason generally have anything important to do with us. I have an idea of what I am looking for, and what I am not. If I have that idea, so do most people. Nothing personal in it.
If you aren't a big sports fan, then chance are you will reject someone who lives and breaths sports. Just an example - fill it anything from your personal lifestyle.
If you get to the point where you have learned to love yourself, none of this is an issue.
If you don't feel attractive to yourself, check out ways (new hairstyle, new clothing style etc.) be to attractive to YOURSELF. An realistic attitude of being comfortable in our own skins makes us feel wonderful. | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/16/2007 10:45:17 AM | Well ~~ I've been practicing most of my life, lol! If you want to get in the really big leagues for rejection, try being a writer! I have a shoe box full of 'em! (At one point in my life I was planning on wallpapering my bathroom with them. . . .)
So I'd have to say: not harder, but not much easier, either. Ain't nobody who's sane that likes it. But it IS part of living. So, as I plan to continue to live (and be alive) for some time, I guess it's worth continuing to practice. . . .
And the wins DO make it worthwhile to try. You no play, you no win. . . .
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/16/2007 10:52:05 AM | Yes men do have explicit ideas on what they want or it seems anyways... at our age we are all set to some degree in our lives how we live, what we do, what we like .
Being rejected used to hurt but now not so much,unless I really liked the guy and had a hope of getting more on the go based on chats or what is written in profiles.
Sometimes being rejected can be a blessing lol if you were going to reject him first but he beats you to the punch.
Dating as we age is harder period.Take the rejection with a grain of salt and move on.Someone is out there somewhere for all of us.Dating on the internet makes it easier to meet so many more people and open to way more rejection than we were used to as when we were in our teens and twenty's.Just chalk it up to more experiance. | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/16/2007 11:34:42 AM | | Nope, can't say it's harder. If anything, I've learned to be more philosphical about it. I don't like everyone so why should everyone like me. When I do like someone and the feeling isn't returned, it irks me a bit but!!! I'm not changing myself to suit their needs if it changes the person I am, as I've grown to like who I am. Their loss, not mine. | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/16/2007 1:40:30 PM | Well lalalila said iti as I would. You don't like everyone so why would everyone like you, it's not personal , it just is. Don't look at it as rejection of someone doesn't want to meet up with you or go out again, just look at it as a fact of life, that we are not going to appeal to everyone. I often think those who don't wish to see someone a second time, lose the opportunity to make a friend if nothin else, and it's definitely their loss. | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/16/2007 2:15:14 PM | Rejection is never easy and I don't care what age group you're in.
THE REAL ANSWER IS:
BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE, LIKE ME, HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!
-- W. C. Fields | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/16/2007 2:56:59 PM | My Dear, It is their loss
I am a wonderfull woman. Funny, warm compassionate, creative, intelligent etc.
So if a fellow does not continue dateing me or does not like the way I look I believe it is their loss because they are missing out on a good thing. I do not think it is age it is attitude!
Also how can you feel rejected by thses guys? The may reject your picture or not ask you out on a second or third date but let me point out they do not know you. That takes a lot more than one or two dates or a photograph that they like. And lets face it we also pass fellows by because we do not feel drawn to their photo/profiles or do not feel good in their presence. And that may be our loss. This is not personal. So do not take it personally. You are probably a great catch. So go fishing again and again and one day you will find your mate. | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/16/2007 5:20:11 PM | After many years, I have finally come to the realization that rejection is not a condemnation of me, but simply the consequence of people not quite right for/with each other. Oh sure - those years in our 20s and 30s when we did not even need to try were WONDERFUL - but did I appreciate it then - not really? So now I must contend with a body with flaws - a shell that is worn, but a heart and brain that are strong. And just like there are nice guys that I simply am not very attracted to, for whatever reason, not all men are going to be attracted to me. So happily, I finally got it!
But - don't think I have it all together -- I still have the pity party over being alone...but I kick myself in the mental-butt and move along in this life.
Better alive and older then dead when young. | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/16/2007 5:32:22 PM |
Rejection is like a propeller on a boat. If you don't like what you hear or seeeeeeeee!
JUST SHIFT GEARS (Forward or backwards)!
See that wasn't so hard!
Cya! | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/16/2007 7:22:03 PM | Ah, the wisdom of Winston. Exactly. If you're rejected, just move on down that long, long buffet known as PoF.
But I'm not anywhere as bitter as that post sounds - actually, if I were to give you a straight answer, I think handling rejection is much easier now than when I was younger.
Because, if I know nothing else, I know who I am now. And I know that if you reject me, it just means you're not a good match. No more, no less.
OK, who's next?
Marcia | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/16/2007 10:30:12 PM | | I don't really have a whole lot of expectations that someone will be attracted to me which I think makes rejection a whole lot easier to take. I understand that I'm not exactly the compliant "make nice", bat my eyes type so I know that few men will get all worked up about me. One will recognize the potential for me to be very caring and loving and that's all that's needed, the rest of them can go ahead and reject me - good! | |
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| Ladies...is rejection harder at our age?
Posted: 5/16/2007 10:45:39 PM |
I think handling rejection is much easier now than when I was younger.
Because, if I know nothing else, I know who I am now.
Great response !
I know who I am now.....and I would love to say 'rejection' does not effect me but it does.... .
A friend told me it gets easier not hearing back from men she dated here and that it was thier loss and not something she is going to waste energy over. The plus side for her is that it has become easier to date through this medium accepting that not all potential dates are as desirable after meeting in person. So it seems there will be a balance eventually, one just needs to be persistent . | |
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