| How many is too many
Posted: 8/19/2004 6:48:01 PM | How many partners is too many??? I recently read a thread where a guy said I would not be with her if she had more than 20 partners....I know guys WAY over that amount who have the same view? So haw many is too many and why is it differant for guys and girls????
Princess007 | |
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| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/19/2004 6:53:38 PM | Beats me. What would anybody want to do with 20 partners?
I think most of the responses you will see here will not incl. more than 1 partner - and that partner is destined for life. | |
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| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/19/2004 6:56:06 PM | what do you mean? how could a situation differ haw many partners is too many?
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| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/19/2004 7:05:55 PM | | I assume the question is about current affairs, not how many partners one has had in the past. | |
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| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/19/2004 7:09:14 PM | | Thats what I am assuming. Who would be stupid enough to even try for 20 at a time when it is difficult enough trying to please one. | |
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| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/19/2004 10:54:33 PM | I personally wouldn't hold someones past against them... As long as they are clean and responsible now, if they are the right one for you and you both feel that way then ... if she has had only a few, then it will be new and special, if she has had a lot then she will be experienced and hopefully skilled. Hopefully , if one is far more experienced there will be teaching, communication, and fun to be had. If you are both experienced then You may have a blast showin each other your skilz... if your both inexperienced... no comment.
If there is one or the other that is way more experienced then the other then that might be cause for some ego problems to crop up. But if you look at the benefits, and consider that finding your mate is such a special occurance, perhaps it would be best to accept that part of thier life.... as long as they are clean, and ready/willing/able to get serious with you now.
If there are problems with sex, then education and communication would be awesome to overcome them, and learn and grow... the alternative is letting it corrode your relationship and eventually falling prey to your own egotism and fear and masturbating your way to a shallow grave :)
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Ruby_
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Joined: 7/10/2004
Msg: 10 | |
| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/20/2004 2:38:17 AM | princess.....If you are an adult, not a sex addict, not a porn star and not a prostitute. You use protection and have your medical check ups and you are healthy. Your sex life and your partners are your business. Your past is just that, your past.
On a personal level 20 sex partners in 1 year is way too many. 20 partners over 10 or 20 years isn't many at all. | |
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| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/20/2004 6:35:39 AM | | Life is unfair, I would want my wife to have had as few as possible. As far as myself I hope to never answer that question to my wife....lol | |
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| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/20/2004 3:19:30 PM | I think ticket to ride caught to the meaning of my question....(not haw many partners do you have right now......but in total over your life).
squan made an interesting point, he would want his wife to have as few as possible, but never wants to answer that question to her........
hmmmm....this isn't an issue that has come for me, I firmly believe your past is your past andif you are comfortable enough to share your experiences with your partner than do so....but unless you have kids or a disease as a result of your past it is really none of their business..
So question to squan...why would you want you wife to have as few as possible and why wouldn't you want to answer that question....
Any feedback from the female members????
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| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/20/2004 3:41:08 PM | Thanks for clarification, princess, although had I read your original message more carefully, I should have figured it out earlier.
20 is sort of a relevant question that Ruby has already exceptionally well commented on.
As such, I'll just add a bit more to that concept.
20 is a relevant number, and so is 100. The quantity is neither here nor there, but the form it takes is another matter altogether.
For instance, if someone has had 20 partners before the age of, lets say 22, then was happily married for 20 years, never cheated on his/her wife, then the numbers are completely irrelevant. Matters not.
20 partners over 20 years, on the average of 1 per year is not an exceptionally good indicator as it shows some form of inconstancy or inability to work through a relationship, providing these were relationships, not the Wam-Bam Thank You Ma'am kinda deal.
I would be very weary of such as person.
20 in less than 5 years, I would barely even consider relationships, although they might have been. This tells me the other party is more into occasional/casual flings than resembling anything solid.
20 over a period of 2 years or less, well, there isn't much to say about that. Someone has just been looking to get laid. I doubt it could be passed off any other way.
BUT ITS NOT ALL BLACK & WHITE.
There are still other circumstances, and each one would have to be evaluated on its own. Every situation is unique.
But then, who is going to admit they had 20 flings/relationships if this hurts their chances with that "Special Someone"? | |
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| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/20/2004 5:34:05 PM | hard question...
I think that many have dated more then 20, but as far as intimacy.. there is a line for me for sure, and its the same for men and women (um, wait.. i mean that i have the same views for both, not that i sleep with both...)
But i guess for a lot of ppl it depends on how you view the act of sex.. is it intimacy or strictly something physical? If you view it as a physical act, no different really then kissing, then the numbers may not mean much to you. If you see it as a very intimate thing, then knowing there were several partners before you may tarnish the feeling of being special, or being the "one"
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| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/20/2004 6:49:35 PM | Holly berry you pose an interesting stance on the subject and I couldn't agree with you more....ticket same to you its all relevant....
I was just curious to see the various opinions on the subject (as I often do this....) | |
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ronfin
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Joined: 6/28/2004
Msg: 16 | |
| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/21/2004 6:31:13 PM | | A number in someones past, is just that. Thier PAST! Who cares as long as they dont add on any "numbers" while you're with them. Get it? | |
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| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/21/2004 8:59:17 PM | well the best predictor for future behaviors is the past. people do change but it definately will be kind of a eye opener to whom your dating.
If you were intimate with alot of men/women and it never went anywhere, It might make someone think twice before getting close to you. That is if he/she is looking for a serious relationship.
Even if it were just alot of dates with different guys in the past, Would just show you dont really give anyone a second a chance and are impatient.
Though people change and its not right to judge someone ive never meant. Its just important to realize most people are not going to dismiss past behaviors and in alot of cases will reflect what you will do in the future as well.
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ronfin
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Joined: 6/28/2004
Msg: 18 | |
| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/21/2004 9:09:58 PM | | Isn't it funny though that this issue in society is almost always one-sided? If a guy sleeps with 20 women in his past, he's ok, but if a women does the same exact thing she's "loose", or called even worse. Personally I think it doesn't matter how many people you slept with in your past, AS LONG as once the persons with you makes you the bottom of the list....permanantly. | |
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| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/22/2004 7:00:45 AM | how many is too many?
well, anything below a million is fine with me.
personally, I don't care one bit about how many guys a girls been with.
for some reason it just doesn't bother me.
now, one reason guys get all freaked out about how many a girls been with I think comes down to 2 things.
how many penises you seen and how many were bigger then his, and how many guys were better in bed then he will be.
and...
if her bits and pieces are still good.
if she gets naked and your in the middle of everything thinking "damn this is like throwing a tic tac into the grand canyon" then thats a problem.
but other then that, guys freak out about how many penises you might have seen, cause the more you seen, the more likely it is, that you seen one bigger and better then his.
which is the general reason why guys flip out about how many you may have been with.
after all-we're fine when we don't know, so why flip out if you do know?
answer: simple, it's all in how many penises you seen.
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| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/22/2004 11:11:17 AM | Lol i will be giggeling at that post all day griffin lol :D
Good thinking | |
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ronfin
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Joined: 6/28/2004
Msg: 21 | |
| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/22/2004 3:33:05 PM | | lol. The term "lunchmeat" comes to mind if a girls "stuff" is all banged outa shape, literally. hehehe. | |
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| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/22/2004 8:02:35 PM | To quote the Kids in the Hall...all your ex-lovers should fit on a bus.
Not that you would want to be on that bus, mind you.
Mine? Well, they could all fit on a motorcycle...if one of them sat on the handlebars, that is. | |
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| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/24/2004 8:02:30 AM | Griffin Seeking Sabine: I lasughed my ass off...That is sooooo funny. I never thought of it that way before but how true. Growing up with 4 brothers and having mostly male friends, you learn that they (maybe not all guys, but quite a few) are more insecre about their bodies naked than most women are.
I read a comment about if someone goes on a lot of first dates they may be perceived as 'impatient'.....I don't agree with that....it's all first attraction and chemistry...if it doesn't feel right to you, why continue the illusion for someone else letting them believe you are into them. I know what I want in a man and what are sure tell signs to run the other way.....sure I get sent on alot of blind dates, I go because hey you never know who you meet...and I am always up to meet new people...but I am not going to continue to go out with them to be nice...if there is no connection, why waste their time... I made that mistake once....It's not fair to you or the other person.
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ronfin
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Joined: 6/28/2004
Msg: 24 | |
| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/24/2004 5:55:32 PM | | I soooOOOoooo agree with what you just said. Going on many dates doesn't mean squat. If the whole concept of "dating" is to meet the "right one", then why waste time for second, third, or any more dates with the same person if they aren't that "one" in your eyes? It's not like they'll grow on you. That's for fungus, not Mr./Mrs. Right. :) | |
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| Re: How many is too many
Posted: 8/24/2004 6:35:43 PM | | If a guy ever asks me how many sexual partners I've had, it will be the last time he sees me. It is an invasion. | |
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