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 gurl69
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 1
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what does "RELAX" really mean?Page 1 of 1    
When a guy tells his partner (who wants more than what is currently happening in the relationship commitment-wise) to "relax", what exactly does it mean???
HOW is relaxation made evident to one's partner?
Can one still negotiate for their needs, wants and desires in a coupledom withOUT being seen as "UNrelaxed"?
Is the word "relax" perhaps used as a cover for "don't put any demands on me"??? Hmmm...
Is it just plain crazy to feel as if you COULD relax if only you had certain things from your partner to make you feel secure and unless/until those things happen you just can't seem to be able to relax?
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 2
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what does RELAX really mean?
Posted: 5/16/2007 9:09:27 PM
If you are involved with someone over a long period of time and are looking for a committment and his reply is "relax" meaning he is comfortable where things are right now - I would take that as - he is as serious with you as he is going to get or you are a "good for now" girlfriend. Otherwise he would be explaining how and why he cant give you more in an effort to have you not go looking for what you wnat elsewhere.

Personally when I am ready to step things up and the man is not, its time to re-evaluate the relationship to see if it still fits or have discussions about where things are going. Remember you have the right to know if/where a relationship is going and most men, will be honest enough to tell you the answers to the questions you ask. Just be sure to ask direct questions and be prepared for the answers you are enquiring about.
 dawn1114
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 3
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what does RELAX really mean?
Posted: 5/16/2007 9:11:19 PM
If I were to say it, it would be because the person was pressing me to feel things I don't feel, act in ways I don't want to act, be someone I am not. I suspect it's the same for other people. If a man/woman doesn't WANT to commit, needling and nagging and "negotiating" might get them to fold (if they're weak), but it wouldn't be real. Sorry. Just my opinion.
 ecaepydal
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 4
what does RELAX really mean?
Posted: 5/16/2007 9:22:11 PM
Being someone who has recently discovered the (use and) power of the word relax, I'm glad to clue you in...It means shut the hell up, or chill.
 gurl69
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 5
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what does RELAX really mean?
Posted: 5/16/2007 9:25:02 PM
"shut the hell up, or chill"??? GEE, that's nice- makes me wanna hang around for another couple of years and "relax"...NOT
 tdh46
Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 6
what does RELAX really mean?
Posted: 5/16/2007 9:26:15 PM
They are a really great company that sells real estate, actually i think they might be one of the top real estate companies in the world, The future love of my life is a realtor. If i was a realtor i would try getting a job with them for sure.....What the question was about "relax" not "remax" oh never mind.
 TheWorldIsMyPlayground
Joined: 4/5/2007
Msg: 7
what does RELAX really mean?
Posted: 5/16/2007 9:38:24 PM
Tell him you want him to show you more reassurance that he's into you, in a non-nagging, non-emotionally-confrontational way. You can't rationally negotiate a commitment with a man any easier than a man can rationally negotiate sex with a woman.
 ecaepydal
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 8
what does RELAX really mean?
Posted: 5/16/2007 9:44:25 PM
Honey, run for your life, you're too good for that romantic power play. I notice that (under normal, non romantic circumstances) whenever I use the old 'relax!' on someone, it tends to neutralize them, making them feel as if they are the reactionary ones out of bounds. It's amazing, and so powerful, I passed it on to others for whom I care.
 yayawhatever
Joined: 10/24/2006
Msg: 9
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what does RELAX really mean?
Posted: 5/16/2007 9:49:11 PM
I always thought it meant "get off my back." *shrugs*
 gurl69
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 10
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what does RELAX really mean?
Posted: 5/16/2007 10:13:09 PM
Wow...alotta negativity...is "relax" always so negative???
WHAT IF... he says "relax", BUT does NOT want you to leave? Shows caring and commitment, just not up to what you want after time and expreriences shared.(Years, not weeks or months)
And... how about my Q re: HOW one might show they are "relaxing"?
AND... is it possible to still express your desires in a relationship w/out seeming UNrelaxed and pushing?
Also... is it so wrong to feel that you COULD relax if only you were given certain reassurances??? (Is it insecurity to not be able to relax without some affirmations and a feeling of safety in the relationships intentions)?
Thanks! (Hope it's not ALL negative... )
 Cort1295
Joined: 12/26/2006
Msg: 11
what does RELAX really mean?
Posted: 5/16/2007 10:14:51 PM
I think "relax" means "slow down, I'm not ready yet." Whether or not that's a bad thing is purely situational.
 cvsk
Joined: 1/16/2007
Msg: 12
what does RELAX really mean?
Posted: 5/16/2007 10:57:48 PM
Have an idea. You can relax by continuing to check out other profiles and seeing if there are others who have no need to tell you that, lol. Could mean everything from suject avoidance to not now- time isn't right to ... maybe THEY need the valium. Now you should truly be relaxed.
 Peter52356
Joined: 5/3/2007
Msg: 13
what does RELAX really mean?
Posted: 5/16/2007 11:26:28 PM
" I think "relax" means "slow down" "

That's what I was thinking also. As a guy, if I were to say it, that would generally be my meaning. Not "Shut up." or "Chill.".

Edit : Also, this doesn't necessarily mean STOP either. It usually just means slow it up a little. Coming on too strong in some area. This is just how I'd use it. May not be how yours was used.

Edit 2:

Main Entry:
re·lax Listen to the pronunciation of relax
Pronunciation:
\ri-'laks\
Function:
verb
Etymology:
Middle English, from Latin relaxare, from re- + laxare to loosen, from laxus loose — more at slack
Date:
15th century

transitive verb
1: to make less tense or rigid : slacken <relaxed his grip>
2: to make less severe or stringent : modify <relax immigration laws>
3: to deprive of energy, zeal, or strength of purpose
4: to relieve from nervous tension
5: to treat (hair) chemically in order to relax curls

intransitive verb
1: to become lax, weak, or loose : rest
2: to become less intense or severe <hoped the committee would relax in its opposition>
3of a muscle or muscle fiber : to become inactive and lengthen
4: to cast off social restraint, nervous tension, or anxiety <couldn't relax in crowds>
5: to seek rest or recreation <relax at the seashore>
6: to relieve constipation
7: to attain equilibrium following the abrupt removal of some influence (as light, high temperature, or stress)
 rune3
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 14
what does RELAX really mean?
Posted: 5/16/2007 11:28:57 PM

Wow...alotta negativity...is "relax" always so negative???
WHAT IF... he says "relax", BUT does NOT want you to leave? Shows caring and commitment, just not up to what you want after time and expreriences shared.(Years, not weeks or months)
The response "relax!" when you are expressing your feelings and concerns does not show consideration of the request from you to consider your feelings, in my opinion. It also reminds me of, "Cheer up, it might never happen" and other absurd things that people say to others when they just want to fob them off and don't want to consider their feelings.

You feel a certain way, you're not happy with things, you're a little anxious. By telling you "relax", without having sufficient discussion for you to know in detail what he means by that, or to feel reassured, he's dismissing your feelings as unimportant and asking you to do the same. He's asking you not to trust yourself, to doubt the validity of your own feelings and fears. This is worrying.


And... how about my Q re: HOW one might show they are "relaxing"?
This part is sadly easy. When he tells you to relax, that is the response to you exhibiting the behaviour he considers to be unrelaxed. What he considers to be unrelaxed may be completel different from what anyone else considers to be unrelaxed.


is it possible to still express your desires in a relationship w/out seeming UNrelaxed and pushing?
Expressing yourself in these ways is extremely important. If you feel afraid of expressing these things you may be headed for a relationship where you feel like you are walking on eggshells to keep the other person happy with you. This is terribly hard, soul-destroying work. A reasonably well-balanced person who loves you will not make you feel like that.


Also... is it so wrong to feel that you COULD relax if only you were given certain reassurances??? (Is it insecurity to not be able to relax without some affirmations and a feeling of safety in the relationships intentions)?
It's not unreasonable at all. It is absolutely unreasonable for one person to request that another change their feelings without giving them any reason to do so. Relax! Smile! Be turned on! Be happy! Laugh! You are not a robot. Your feelings are very important and should not be set aside, not by him and certainly not by you.

I'm afraid that he does not seem very interested in you actually relaxing or feeling relaxed and reassured, only in your not putting any pressure on him or asking anything of him. What holding back on your needs does to you, doesn't seem to enter his head. I think you need to confront him on this issue and see if you can discuss it. If he doesn't value your feelings then there's a big problem and I hope you value your own feelings enough to recognise it. Because you don't want to end up walking on eggshells and suppressing yourself in every moment.
 TheWorldIsMyPlayground
Joined: 4/5/2007
Msg: 15
what does RELAX really mean?
Posted: 5/16/2007 11:44:07 PM

WHAT IF... he says "relax", BUT does NOT want you to leave?

It's irrelevant to the fact that he wants you to relax.

how about my Q re: HOW one might show they are "relaxing"?

Stop pressuring him to express commitment when he doesn't desire that.

is it possible to still express your desires in a relationship w/out seeming UNrelaxed and pushing?

It depends. If it's YOU expressing YOUR desires there shouldn't be a problem. The problem starts when you try to get HIM to express feelings he doesn't feel.

is it so wrong to feel that you COULD relax if only you were given certain reassurances?

Not at all. Ask for more reassurance that he's into you, while letting him figure out how to express it in a way he's comfortable with.
 613_guy
Joined: 2/22/2007
Msg: 16
what does RELAX really mean?
Posted: 5/16/2007 11:48:03 PM
I think to relax means, don't worry, the status quo is ok. It could also be that they're not interested in hearing what you have to say.
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