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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/20/2007 10:01:34 AM | | I have been on here for a week, and one thing I find completely puzzling, is the amount of profiles (mostly taller women) who go on about its the inside that count's, but they are looking for someone who is taller then them. A lot people then go on to say, that they are plus sized women (weight) and why can't men handle that. The puzzling thing is, how can you expect a man, to over come weight issues, when women can barely overcome a man being half a inch shorter then her? I heard, and understand the reasons for a taller woman, or even a short woman being attracted to a taller man, and I respect that. Women tend to get offended when a man isnt attracted to them because they are a bit over weight, because they expect its what on the inside that counts, and its true it is on the inside that counts. I just find it funny they tend to disregard that when it comes to height, even though they are almost practically the same physical attributes. Maybe its a case of pick your poison? I'd love to hear opinions on this, because I am mind boggled on the subject. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/20/2007 10:08:52 AM | | Height totally doesn't matter to me at all. I am a bit shorter but that doesn't mean my man has to be so many inches taller than me. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/20/2007 10:09:39 AM | | It may be that they are looking for someone who's size doesn't make them feel like they're a freak, or it may just be shallowness. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/20/2007 11:16:47 AM | | Hmmm...shallowness? Could be. If that is the case though, many women with profiles like that, should take into consideration, a lot of men are going to be shallow as well, when it comes to a heavier set woman, or a taller woman. That's what I find interesting the most about women with profiles like that. They long for a man who is taller then them but also ask why men have a hard time accepting their heavier set build. In my opinion, its ok to have your preferences in what attracts you. What bothers me, is seeing women who are 5 9 and up, asking for a taller man, but at the same time they want them to see whats on the inside of them, and for them not to be shallow towards there build. But in reality, if your asking for him too be taller or "don't message me" its really not that man who is being shallow, yet they go on to say how much they want a man to see them who they are on the inside (Ironic isn't it?). The whole reason why I brought this up, is that MANY women have profiles like this where they seem to be shallow, but expect the man to see there inner beauty, and not to be shallow himself. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/20/2007 11:37:13 AM | | the reality is we're all a little shallow. we're swayed by aesthetics and *type* to some degree whenever we check out a profile, and to claim otherwise is dishonest. some men/women have a height preference, some have a body type preference...sometimes they want someone of similar proportion, sometimes they prefer the opposite. i don't get offended if i'm not a guy's type, just as i hope he wouldn't be offended if he wasn't my type. | |
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| Height/Size Contradiction?
Posted: 5/20/2007 12:01:28 PM | | Someone too much shorter or too much taller is not something i would go looking for. A few inches shorter i can handle,and someone to tall like over 6 feet would be too much taller for me.Yes what is on the inside is important ,very much so , but there has to be something about the other persons appearance that you have to be attracted too. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/20/2007 12:08:11 PM | | The best advice I was given a few years ago was to BE what you wish to attract in your life. If you want someon, loving, honest,respectful, intelligent, good communicator,non judgemental,one with self love, one able to validate another,and on and on .First BE all of thes qualities and more . You will be amazed at what you attract in your life. Remember to that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder,for what one sees as being great and another not so does not mean either are right or wrong it is just we have different perceptions and opinions of beauty,in anything in life. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/20/2007 12:40:07 PM | I don't expect anyone to overcome any of the things they're attracted to, or not attracted to. People who do puzzle me. Every single one of us has things that make us go "oh yeh" and others that do nothing for us, or that are unattractive to us. Why would you want to change someone's mind, or consider them "shallow" because they are attracted to fit, or tall, or petite, or any number of physical attributes.
I can be friends with people possessing any physical attributes. I could even love them. But there's no way in hell I'd want to have sex with someone I wasn't physically attracted to. That's it. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/20/2007 12:53:05 PM | | Oh, I understand we all have preferences. Its enevitable. Initially everything is based on physical attraction wether we like it or not. I have no problem with women who are tall and adore tall guys, and they put in there profile HE MUST BE TALL. Or fit females who prefer fit men. More often then not though, you will see things like that in profiles, but then after they go on to say, how they want men to find there inner beauty. I guess what I'm trying to say is, do you think people with these types of profiles really believe in inner beauty? Or height or size or look or build is just that important to them, that they would be willing to let everyone read there profiles knowing they are contridictating them selves? To put it in perspective it would be like me saying, "I want someone fit, a inch shorter then me, has a beautiful smile, and can see the inner me and not whats just on the outside" When i see profiles like that, i click the back button because I assume right away its truly not inner beauty they are looking for. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/20/2007 1:27:07 PM | | As someone else said it is all about preference, but I'll go further and say that these dating sites aren't very "height-friendly" lol for those of us guys who aren't that tall. Women have a big bushel to choose from on here and they look for the ideal man with an ideal height of 6 feet tall or more. Funny, I created a thread similar to this a while back. I don't have a problem with my height and nor do woemn whom I date. Some of these women on this site who are 5' 2" tall won't consider you unless you're at least 5' 10". If some of those same women met you in a real life social situation your height would not be a factor to them unless there was an extreme differential. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/20/2007 1:32:20 PM | | Depends on the individual and its their preference so just move on to the next profile. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/20/2007 2:01:51 PM | | If the woman knew a shorter man in person but never dated one, she might give the shorter guy a chance because she got to know him. On dating sites, it isnt like that. You have to "like" the person before meeting them. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/20/2007 2:22:00 PM | | Very true kicnbac, haven't thought of it that way. For the other response, I don't think its that bad for shorter guys on here, but you have to have one hell of a body, and a good pretty face to compensate. As a fitness instructor, I prefer my women to be in shape, but doesn't stop me to get to know them or perhaps have further feelings for them. I just think a lot of taller women/ heavier women, are insecure with there bodies. | |
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| Height/Size Contradiction?
Posted: 5/20/2007 11:04:38 PM | I'm one of those who prefers taller men. I don't expect every guy to find me attractive, which is why I put BBW up front, so guys can move on quickly. I'm not upset if a guy is not turned on by larger women. Attraction is a pretty complicated emotion , and even seemingly insignificant physical traits can pour cold water on it, much less major gulfs between desire and reality.
Part of the problem is that this is, in a sense, a fantasy site. We're all putting the best possible light on ourselves, and looking for those who come the closest to being our fantasy lover/date/boy-girlfriend/spouse/etc. That makes it difficult sometimes to see potential in those who don't superficially match up with the fantasy. And, realistically, there's a limit to what a person can do to change what they do and don't find attractive - too much of that is hardwired or set early in life.
I have a stock response I send every now and then which politely declines interest and says: "I realize this is superficial of me, but at 5'8" I crave taller men, and find I can not easily get turned on by someone so close to my height. I'm sure a therapist could help unknot this, perhaps exploring my self-consciousness issues with height in the early teen years, and reintegrating my id with my superego, etc. But for now I'm stuck with my little neurosis."
There is a fair amount of truth in that, despite the pseudo-psychological nonsense. A lot of tall women were uncomfortable and embarrassed in their teens by being taller than the boys, and remain self-conscious to this day (sometimes unknowingly) around shorter men. They feel giant and unattractive, and react by rejecting the short guys before they are themselves rejected.
It's also a matter of what starts your hormones heating, and for whatever reason taller men do it for me more easily, and most shorter guys just leave me cold.
However, in reply to the guy who said shorter guys have to have an amazing face or body to get past the taller guy prejudice....well, that's not necessarily the case. Some guys have grabbed my attention so firmly with what they've written to me, and in their profile, that I want to get to know them better regardless of height. And something about a particular guy's eyes has been known to make me say to hell with height...this looks like someone sexy and special. In fact, one of the most amazing guys I ever dated was an inch shorter than me, bald since age 18, and looked a little like Tim Conway with a beard.
It's not surprising we're most attracted to those who match our ideal, and that includes the women who want taller men and the men who want fashion models. Some people can never get past that, nor is there any real reason they should be made to feel bad about it. It's just biology after all, not something that warrants a moral judgment. And, as the cliche on which this site's name is based says, "There are plenty of fish in the sea." There really is someone for everyone - just keep fishing.
And remember, there are a few of us who remain open to other possibilities. My preference for taller guys will probably never change, sorry to say, but who knows?...maybe in 20 years I'll be madly in love with someone who's 4'8" :-)
Just my $.02
Cheers, ES | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/20/2007 11:22:38 PM | I don't care how tall they are.... but I think that's because I'm short. If I was really tall I would probably feel the same way as those women. It's simple, other than society and all that crap, we like to go UP to kiss, not down.  | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/20/2007 11:34:51 PM | Well well well. someone finally brought this up. from all women that have turned me down this has been the reason. all i ever hear is, "your too short". i also hear this from women that are my same height. you may say to me to find someone shorter than myself. well when i find theat one in a million she always tells me that im too short. you women are just weird. im 5 3 and have heard this from every female i have tried to have a relationship with so IT MATTERS. this is why ive never had a gf, prolly never will, also why if this is true i will have to really learn to get used to being alone.
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/20/2007 11:47:23 PM | gracy9110, not true! I've dated a few (3) guys under 5'5" and a few (3) over 6'3". after I was a bit older, anytime after 20 actually, I really didn't see height as an issue either way.
hot is hot. a girl that really likes you will not notice how tall you are or even ask! I was with my boyfriend for a few years before I asked him (he's shorter). I'm 5'1" so it's pretty difficult for me to find a guy that is shorter than me! remember though, the average height is 5'4" for a girl.
oh, and ya'll short guys tend to have bigger..... ummm....  ........ heh  | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/21/2007 12:03:29 AM | Being short, as I am, I don't have a problem with shorter guys...but, my preference is 5'8" or taller.
What I do find a lot of is the emails I receive make a point of referencing the fact that they are extremely attracted to petite women like me. It makes me wonder... if later in life, I became not so petite, would they become disinterested.
AND... most of the ones who put so much emphasis on wanting a petite woman.. when I look at their profiles, they tend to be overweight. Go figure. 
I don't mind, at all, a few extra lbs and I actually do not prefer ripped muscles..but, I don't tolerate overweight from the men who are insistent they must have a thin and/or petite woman. To me, it's hypocritical. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/21/2007 1:07:06 AM | We all seem to want to be socially correct.
Biologically:
Women want taller men. There are scientific reasons for that, I won't get into that here.
Socially:
They can't say it for fear of being labeled shallow.
Biologically:
Men want a woman who takes care of her body, so most of the time, he wants her to have the right curves within a certain range. Again, science has a whole list of reasons, look them up.
Socially:
God forbid we talk about weight issues here.
I wish people would be honest and don't care about social or political correctness. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/21/2007 5:56:28 AM |
There are scientific reasons for that, I won't get into that here.
Please do, claiming something is social vs. biological is bascially nurture vs. nature. It takes considerable study to determine if something is a learned behavior vs. instinctive. What people find attractive in different cultures varies considerably. I think you'd be hard pressed to find solid evidence that what men/women look for height/weight-wise is an instinctive rather than a learned behavior. Evidence I've seen tends to make me think it is primarily a learned behavior (whether it be TV, movies, fashion magazines, experiences, even family values).
They can't say it [women want taller men] for fear of being labeled shallow.
I have yet to find a thread where women have had a problem saying this. Usually they make sure to add that he has to be at least 2" taller when she's wearing 3"-4" heels. That's the "contradiction" the original poster was talking about. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/21/2007 6:49:29 AM | What's so hard to comprehend here? It's a matter of physical attraction. So what if a tall, fat woman says she is looking for a short, balding man? So what if a tall man is here looking for a taller woman? not much of a mystery here, it's just personal preference - not some kind of great conspiracy.
go back and read crazycurlz and jewelescent's responses and you have the answer to your confusion. | |
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| Height/Size Contridiction?
Posted: 5/21/2007 8:21:45 AM | He's not asking why people have preferences or to justify them. He's asking why some people have their own specific physical preferences (women who want tall), but expect other people to put their specific physical preferences aside (look beyond my weight).
do you think people with these types of profiles really believe in inner beauty?
Only their own, apparently. | |
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