| Do parents have Fave children?
Posted: 5/22/2007 7:09:27 PM | I am one of five, two of witch come from a diffrent marrage, on my fathers side. He how ever has made silly mistakes and i trust and know all parents do. But he has chosen to be more apart of 2 of his childrens lifes and basically not have anythiing to do with the others. i have always thought that your children need to come frist and the love and leavel of care all needs to be the same.
How would you feel if it was you, how do deal with a son or daughter that was in either the, forgoten child, or the more wanted one.
for my self i have gotten to the point that hes got to want me for me to want him. i am the child and he is the father.
whats your veiw on this?
am i being to harsh or over thinking it? | |
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| Do parents have Fave children?
Posted: 5/22/2007 7:22:11 PM | Parents have favourites.
Some only want girls.
Some only want boys.
Some are more proud of their "smart kid"
Some are more proud of the 'Athletic kid'
Some dont want any of their kids, and will do everything to keep from being a parent.
When my grandfather remarried he disowned his 5 children and 15 grandkids, and doesnt even know he is a great grandparent.
Yet he gives everything to his new wifes 2 kids and 3 grandkids, including cars, houses, CASH, his first wifes jewels....... you name it they got it.
My own parents made it clear from birth they only wanted boys and that female children were worthless pieces of Sh!t.
I watch my friends favour one child over another all the time.
The oldest is usually expected to raise the younger ones.
The younger ones can get away with anything.
You cant change these idiots that do this to children.......but you can love and accept yourself and know that no person has the right to do this to you. You are a bigger and better person than they will ever be. | |
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| Do parents have Fave children?
Posted: 5/22/2007 10:10:49 PM | Some people are just not meant to be parents, sadly it's their children who suffer.
I'm a mom of five, one adopted, I do not favor any of my childern, there is something unique about each and everyone of them that makes them special in their own way. I love them all equally, I can't even begin to imagine loving one more than the other. But then again I can't imagine it possible to love them more then I already do.
I am proud of each and everyone of my children&love them equally.. | |
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| Do parents have Fave children?
Posted: 5/23/2007 6:18:14 PM | Ditto for me as CountrySugar.
I had two sons (now 23 1/2 and 22) and then had two daughters(now 17, 15). Never have I felt drawn to one more than the other. I love them equally. We spent a lot of time together as I homeschooled for several years and raised them alone for periods of time due to the ex being military. I am closer to my younger son than any of them, because he is a strong Christian young man and has a maturity and wisdom and because of that we share the same values, ideas, etc on many things. It doesn't make me love him more though. | |
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| Do parents have Fave children?
Posted: 5/23/2007 10:15:20 PM | Just look at Angelina Jolie, I dont even know why people like her. She made a comment that she doesnt feel a 'connection' to her daughter Shiloh, because she felt that Shiloh was a 'fortunate' baby. Being born into a wealthy family, she admitted to favouring the other, adopted children. (who, if she had 1/2 a brain would know they're no longer un-fortunate)
Don't get me wrong - im not bashing her totally, I know she helps out many communities, and lots more than I have hehe. But you get my point im sure... she openly admitted to feeling more for certain children than another. | |
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| Do parents have Fave children?
Posted: 5/23/2007 11:16:46 PM | Now did you hear the Angelina Jolie comment from her herself or what she quoted for saying that cause I read someone said she said that.
I think that its possible some kids may feel parents love another child more than the other... As well as some parents might be oblvious I only have one so I cant really comment but I would assume that love for each child is seperate for each child so there can't really be more love for one child than another child its al equall but different.
Like some kids get along really well with their parents and and some dont some naturally I think the relationship would be better with some kids then others some kids get along with mom better then dad or dad better then mom just the connection I guess like mamas boy daddys girl but the love is all the same I would thing :D | |
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| Do parents have Fave children?
Posted: 5/24/2007 12:39:12 AM | | As a parent I think you have to work hard at not playing favorites. My kids are monkey #1 and the other monkey #1. I think it hurts any child to believe they aren't loved as much as another. | |
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| Do parents have Fave children?
Posted: 5/24/2007 10:20:31 AM | I have two boys 16 and one soon to be 14. they are both awsome kids. I feel so blessed at how squared away they are. Bothe atheletes, both smart (like their dad) LOL. However since his birth almost I have been drwan more to my younger son. My oldest is closer to his mom. Not sure how this happens. i love them both equally but when younger the youngest always wanted to be close to me wanted to go everywhere with me and I think thats how it happened.
UI never miss any of their lacrosse games and am always with both iof them as mcuh as possible. | |
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| Do parents have Fave children?
Posted: 5/24/2007 1:00:31 PM | I think sadly, this happens a lot in families although usually not to the extent that you and another poster described.
My mother favors her middle son, largely because she avoids confrontation and prefers children that are handled easily. My older brother and I had minds of our own from pretty much the minute we were born and often questioned my mother whereas the middle brother did not.
I am 42 and every time my mother does something that we have just come to call "typical grandma," it hurts that I know she would behave differently with my middle brother. About the only thing you can do is let it go, try to appreciate the times when he does act like a father and as much as possible, just try to put him out of your mind.
We all have an idea of the perfect mother or father and what I have done throughout my life, even before I realized I was doing it, was find people that filled those roles. People that I could talk to about certain things, those that loved me just the way I was, and people that I could count on when I needed help.
You cannot change people, only your reaction to them. I try to do the things that I think are appropriate for a daughter like driving my kids the 1000 miles to Chicago twice a year, calling, etc., but when I expect nothing from her, I am definitely a happier, less aggravated person. | |
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| Do parents have Fave children?
Posted: 5/24/2007 2:24:00 PM | | I always say .. you know you're my favorite right? (and follow up with) you're my favorite (insert child's name)!! :) | |
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| Do parents have Fave children?
Posted: 5/24/2007 8:47:45 PM | I have not been in a situation where I felt my father favored my sisters over me, but there was a period in my life where I felt my dad didn't want anything to do with me. Three years ago, I made a promise to myself that I would try, really try to reestablish a relationship with my dad. I would call him regularly, visit as much as I could, seek him out for advice, etc... If at the end of that six months we were not closer than I would give up.
Now, my dad calls me nearly every day on his way home from work, he and his wife come to visit, and stock my cupboards every couple of months. We are closer than ever before. See, my dad thought I didn't want him around the whole time I thought he didn't want me around. You are twenty years old now and capable of making an adult commitment to your relationship with your dad. It couldn't hurt to give it one last hurrah, because then you can always say you tried! | |
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| Do parents have Fave children?
Posted: 5/24/2007 9:05:47 PM | My father re-married at the age of 50 to a beautiful (inside AND out) woman my age. They have a beautiful 7 year old daughter who is very intelligent. He loves his new family dearly and they love him unconditionally.
As of 5 years ago, he no longer continued contact with my siblings and I.
Try not to over-think it.
Wish him well in your heart and make different choices in your OWN family, realizing that all members of a family want to be loved for who they are, and without strings. | |
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| Do parents have Fave children?
Posted: 5/24/2007 9:56:35 PM | I have told all my kids they are my favorite.
My Daughter is because she was my first and she is my only girl, my oldest son is because he was my first boy and is my eldest son. My youngest is because he is my second boy and the last child I will ever have.
I've made it apoint to make sure each one knows just how important they are and just how much they are loved. Its hard to spend individual time with each child every week, so in order to make sure there was time for them all I have made sure they took turns once a week to do something with me. Something as simple as feeding the ducks down at the pond, a hike in the woods, a lunch or a simple movie. But for them it has ment the world. I never had problems with any of them thinking that I liked one more then the other. | |
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| Do parents have Fave children?
Posted: 5/25/2007 8:52:18 AM | i have 4 children.
when i spend time with them alone, they each ask if they are my favourite or if i love them best, so i say..
your special to me because your my eldest daughter,
you because your my eldest son,
you because your my youngest (baby) daughter,
and you because your my baby boy.
they are told consistantly that they mean the world to me and that each one brings such a unique and wonderful personality with them.
no parent should favour one above the other-yes in all honesty i get on better with one sometimes than another, but that is merely a personality clash lol and the trials and tribulations of being a mum..but to favour a child makes one wonder why some parents are given the honour of being called 'mum' or 'dad'. | |
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| Do parents have Fave children?
Posted: 5/25/2007 10:42:34 AM | I had a step Daughter at one time. She was included in my favorites, Sammi was my favorite as well because she was the Daughter that I couldn't have, she may not be with me any longer, but we talk and keep intouch with eachother. She knows I love her and always will.
The greatest gift any of us ever receive are children, birth, adoption or step, it doesn't matter. They are the future. We are not the only teachers, they are teachers as well and have so much to share. Its amazing what you can learn from a child.
Traci | |
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| Do parents have Fave children?
Posted: 5/25/2007 3:08:19 PM | baybee,
There may possibly be more to your story than you are admitting....and there may be circumstances that you might not see.
From a fathers perspective....hell, this is too emotional for even me to write....Tell you what...no BS...no other motivation but to maybe lend you some insight to what your father may be feeling...email me if you are truly interested in talking about this and I will give you my IM...this is not the place for it.
sosaysodo | |
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| Do parents have Fave children?
Posted: 5/25/2007 3:37:27 PM | Both my children (13 yr old daughter and 11 yr old son) complain "equally" that
"I love the other more" ..... so....
I figure I must be treating them "equally unfairly" :--)
Seriously, some parents do have a favourite...the important thing is to never, ever show it or let it be known. Each and every child must be treated as special, affection, love and praise given equally and the most important is the fairness. You must always be fair. Children are very perceptive and will pick up on little things that you or I may miss completely. The perception that they may be cared for less, loved less than their sibling can have long term negative effects on their self esteem and confidence. | |
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| Do parents have Fave children?
Posted: 5/27/2007 6:28:48 PM | | Sometime I think favorism is mistaken for what a parent sees as need for each child is different,perhaps a parent has a emotionally well strong child,and a weaker emotional child,the parent may lean toward the weaker belieiving that child needs more emotional support and time. | |
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