| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/22/2007 8:21:58 PM | | How do you feel dating someone who is seperated but not quite divorced yet. What is your comfort level and do you worry they will run back leaving you to hold the emotional baggage. Does'nt matter male or female, and do you think one sex is more likely to go back, | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/22/2007 8:28:58 PM | | I would be very hesitant to date someone who is separated. Not because I'm afraid they would go back, but because I really think people need time to heal after ending a relationship and that healing is best done alone. I'd likely tell them to give me a call when the divorce goes through. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/22/2007 9:43:58 PM | divorce papers arent a guarantee that a relationship will work out ! and despite what people say everyone has baggage its called ..... a past !
ive been separated and working on my divorce for 5 years and have dated and am now in a long term relationship. sit waiting for things to happen might mean missing out on someone fantastic !!!!
charla | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/22/2007 9:50:09 PM | | Oh heck no. I once went out with a guy from here who was actually still living with his soon to be ex wife and her boyfriend. The ex wife was pregnant by her boyfriend. You want to talk about some baggage. I think dating someone who is separated is still cheating. Sign the papers, get some distance between you and your ex, and then we can talk. Before that? No chance. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/22/2007 11:42:29 PM | I'm extremely allergic to lead so until those papers come in, I ain't even going to bother... 
Separated means they may still work it out, in my mind... and I will not step between a married couple.
Go with God & do good things, 
-TennesseeLine | |
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Genrae
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Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 9 | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 12:06:07 AM | No matter what he thinks or says, it isn't all over until the divorce. My girlfriend did it for a year, only to have him go back to his wife. It was nice for them, but a big waste of her time and energy. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 12:27:09 AM | | First off why are they seperated did he beat them or were they abusive mentaly or physcaly. As for me being seperstaed is that one or the other is trying to make things work out. As for me i would never go out with any one that is seperated i would hate to be the straw that broke it up for sure. I do feel it is cheating even if they are seperated, if its over finish the realationship and go on with your life. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 1:04:57 AM | To answer the last question first, I believe that women have a slightly higher tendency to go back to their wives than vice versa. For whatever the reason, women tend to be more devoted to a relationship than what men are.
Now, to answer the first question, I don't mind going on a date with a woman who's married, but seperated. A date and the few subsequent dates that may or may not follow is just that...a date. Two people go out for dinner or a movie or whatever and try to have a good time. There's no need to put pressure into it or to try to find your "soulmate" or future wife or anything like that right off the bat. Also, if the relationship grew then sure, I'd worry about losing her to her "ex" of course because it's human nature. On the other hand, if she did leave me for her "ex" then obviously our love wasn't strong enough to overcome what she had before.
One more thing. I did have a great relationship with a woman once, but her ex-boyfriend came back into the picture and ended up taking her away from me. Something about how we'd only been a couple for a month while she had been with him for like seven years. I don't get it myself , but the fact remains that a woman doesn't have to be married for this to happen to a guy or vice versa.
Ed | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 5:26:32 AM | I had a guy after me who was not divorced.. He told me he was seperated.. well his story seemed a bit 'fishy'.. I am studying to be a lawyer and even told him that.. Still he came at me with this story.. Well anyway I didn't hear from him for awhile.. Then outta the blue he contacts me.. I asked him if he was divorced, he says... "oh no I am back with my wife"... and then in the next breath, he was asking me out on a date!!
Well I told him to take his WIFE out on a a date... 
He still is bugging me... I ignore him...so am I comfortable dating seperated guys? Depends on situation... case by case basis... | |
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tdh46
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Joined: 1/7/2007
Msg: 15 | |
| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 5:41:32 AM | "Nope! it would make me nervous." I was seperated for 6 years before we finally got divorced, I was the one that left so i pretty much gave her everything she wanted out of guilt, our seperating and divorce was far from messy. Most likely would still be married had it not been for us deciding we wanted to not be libel for the other persons debts in the future.
We stayed married in name only because of our kids and the fact that neither one of us was planning to get married again any time soon. So from knowing how it was with me and my ex, i would have no issue with dating someone who was seperated. But then again i am really not that worried about being dumped and her going back to the ex either. just not insecure like that. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 6:10:25 AM | I am very good friends with a guy who is seperated -
and that is it - friends. No - in my eyes I am sorry he
is still married and that is disrepectful. When he shows
me those divorce papers then maybe I will let the walls down. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 6:18:43 AM | I'm with curlygrl....seperated is STILL married. I didn't even try to date whilst I was seperated. I used that time to deal with my issues (yes, they're neatly filed) and figure out what I was looking for.
I understand that with most seperations, there is intent to divorce. But, IMHO, until the divorce is a done deal, I wouldn't date him.
Cheers
LB | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 7:59:14 AM | Personally, I would not have a problem with it, as I know from experience that divorces can take a lot longer
than we might think. (my last divorce, what was supposed to take a year, ended up taking 5!) And the courts
(at least here in Canada), no longer consider being with someone while separated, to be adultery. I think
even they realized that the divorce proccess was taking too damn long!
They are finally starting to make things less difficult.
You do need to be cautious, make sure s/he is over it, past it & ready to move on. But that issue, has nothing
to do with marriage. It's true of any kind of relationship breakup. And don't make assumptions. Everybody
heart heals differently, just like other things. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 8:32:37 AM | Depending on the length of time of the separation and the amount of involvement in each other's lives.
For example... my ex and I separated in Sept '04. I moved away with the kids and haven't had a whole lot of contact with him since. I had a few *single* dates (that would mean first dates, nothing more) here and there, but quickly realised that I wasn't mentally or emotionally ready. Probably wasn't until last summer or fall that I got somewhat serious about wanting to date. Wasn't until February this year ('07) that I met someone that had serious potential for long term. My divorce papers were filed a couple of months ago. So for me, even tho I knew from the beginning that I wasn't going back to the ex, I still took my time making sure I was truly ready before putting myself out there... took 2.5 yrs.
In that time a couple of my dates were with men who were separated... some quite recently, and after they quickly turned into disasters, I swore I would date anyone who was *freshly* separated again. Some people are able to move on fairly quickly, some aren't. If you aren't ready, don't date, don't put yourself out there, don't muck about with someone else's feelings if you aren't truly ready to be in a new relationship.
I am glad my bf was able to look beyond that. Actually we joke about him screwing a married woman all the time (partly 'cause one of his friends is having an affair with a married woman!!). | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 9:01:04 AM | I've dated separated guys and I won't do it again.
It's not the "afraid of running back to her" thing. It's the going through a divorce with him thing, the custody battle, the daily conversations about the divorce, legal proceedings, and of course, the ex. All of that has no place in a new relationship. If there are kids involved that makes it even harder (especially if the guy speaks badly about his ex). I don't want to go through someone else's painful divorce again. Even scarier yet is when you meet someone who's been separated for 5 years or more. That always makes me wonder.
Either way, IMO, the door should be closed on the marriage before a new relationship is started. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is separated
Posted: 5/23/2007 9:08:02 AM | | No i would not feel comfortable at all . First of all legally you are still married. That would be one thing to make me stay far away from a man. Another thing is i really don't want anything to do with someone who has been divorced. Others may not mind this but it is not some thing i want. | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 9:11:48 AM | | No way jose, they could always go back together with the other person. If your relationship should deepen and then you eventually sleep with them, can you say "adultery" if they're not divorced yet? | |
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| Do you feel comfortable dating someone who is seperated
Posted: 5/23/2007 9:25:31 AM | Anyone can go back to an ex, even years later - ever heard of looking up an old high school date and getting back together? It happens. Generalizations can be useful starting points, but applying them thoughtlessly and indiscriminately is stupid.
Someone separated may well be your ideal match, but if you won't even give them a chance and examine their situation, you could miss out. Many times I've dated separated people and had no problems with it - and other times I've declined, after looking at their circumstances. If I'd applied one rigid rule to all, I'd have been the loser! | |
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