| How do you spot and avoid the emotional vampires?
Posted: 5/23/2007 8:40:46 AM | How do you spot and avoid emotional vampires?
It's not like the movies with the fangs and bad breathe and lack of a reflection to give them away....nope, and they come in all sizes, shapes, and genders. I think they come in two categories.
The first is the life sucking, emotional ticks—people who suck all your energy and time. Most of us are all too familiar with the first category: the ones who want your ear and only your ear—the games players claiming they only want to ‘be friends’.
I avoid these leeches. How about you? What do you do?
The second more insidious version are more dangerous: The ones who feast off our pain. You may be familiar with this one too. The ones who recognize you are in emotional turmoil and want to ‘share’ or worse ask you to talk with them. As if we should be emotionally intimate with someone with whom we are not physically attached. For this sort, your pain is their pleasure—the ability to act like they care and gain their vicious, vicarious joy without being sexually or emotionally involved. Just an act so that they may feed.
I recommend garlic—lots of garlic to ward off both. Or mace.
What do you do? | |
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| How do you spot and avoid the emotional vampires?
Posted: 5/23/2007 10:13:14 AM | Vampires.... yeeecks. Emotional vampires.... double yeecks....
Type #1: I seem to have perhaps a little more patience with this type than others do, and I tend to put up with them a little longer maybe than I should. But when I get worn down, I simply begin to back away and make myself a little less available, and a little less, and a little lesss....... you get the picture. My hope is that they'll regain their independence (if they ever indeed had any), and I can re-enter the relationship on a different level. Sometimes it works, most often it doesn't.
Type #2: RUN!!!! No, seriously.... RUN!!!! Garlic and mace will NOT work.
There's actually a third type that concerns me more than these two, and it's one I haven't found a solution to yet. They're the type that CREATE your turmoil, and THEN feast on it. Sigh. Any wisdom there? (Unfortunately, "running" isn't an option for the particular person I have in mind here.)
Emotional vampires...energy suckers....negative people of all sorts. In general, I do whatever I can to stay out of their way. | |
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| How do you spot and avoid the emotional vampires?
Posted: 5/23/2007 10:26:12 AM | Clearly, the answers are obvious.
1. To avoid the "friends" scenario, make it clear that you are attracted to her and do not have any attention of being just "friends". If that is all she wants, she will invite you to meet her over a drink/coffee, pay for your drink/coffee, and take a good half-hour explaining why she does not think a relationship with you wound honestly work, but would really like to be friends and hang out. Met a really good friend that way.
A user will never, ever make that kind of effort. And when she does, she'll tell you that she makes a "bad friend", or some such comment. In other words, she will make it clear that she does NOT think you 2 would be good friends. And will hug you, when she KNOWS that she shouldn't.
The friend will try to set up with her good-looking friends, who are at least as attractive as her, because she holds you in high esteem. And will meet your girlfriend, and befriend her.
The user will do the reverse. She will get jealous when you are with any girl who is as attractive and young as her. She will say that she will set up with someone who is clearly not any competition for her, and will not follow through.
In short, the friend will act like one, and the user will not.
Look at a woman's actions, not her words.
Remember, "the proof is in the pudding".
2. To avoid the ones who want you to talk about your problems, you can ensure that you date more when you are happy and less when you are not so. Emotional turmoil is like a a wound. When you have a wound, you do everything you can to heal the wound, and you only play extreme sports once the wound has healed.
The second thing you can do is NEVER, NEVER, give in to self-pity. That way is always self-destructive, whoever you are with. Always be optimistic, the "glass is half-full" sort of person. There are times when you can discuss these things. But keep it to a minimum.
Most genuine people will try to cheer you up.
Most users will try to commiserate with you.
If they treat you as the sort of friend that you would really want to have, if they aren't attracted to you, then they're good to go.
If you would not want to hang out with them, if you didn't fancy them, then they are the sort of people who will make you unhappy if you are not sleeping with them. People to avoid, unless you are dating them.
But I never did. So I cannot comment on dating such people. | |
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| How do you spot and avoid the emotional vampires?
Posted: 5/23/2007 10:28:32 AM | A third! Yikes!
By create, what do you mean? Gossip? Or the ones who sidle up and pretend you mean more to them than what you do just so they can rip your heart out? Or some other form of hurt? (Aka, Tony Soprano's mom or his uncle Jr.?) | |
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| How do you spot and avoid the emotional vampires?
Posted: 5/23/2007 10:36:43 AM |
There's actually a third type that concerns me more than these two, and it's one I haven't found a solution to yet. They're the type that CREATE your turmoil, and THEN feast on it. Sigh. Any wisdom there? (Unfortunately, "running" isn't an option for the particular person I have in mind here.) These are the types who are not satisfied with the dramas that you have. They are control freaks who want to make the havoc in your life, to prove that they can control you.
The best advice I got was the one my bro gave me: When someone insults you, just laugh.
People who are trying to get a rise out of you, want just that.
Do the opposite. REALLY WINDS THEM UP, INSTEAD!
REMEMBER, THE BEST REVENGE IS SUCCESS! | |
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| How do you spot and avoid the emotional vampires?
Posted: 5/23/2007 11:47:47 AM | The third type creates misery and turmoil through the mode of "insert guilt trip here."
Yeah, yeah, I know....the guilt I feel is my problem not theirs. Still trying to figure that part out too....with varying degrees of success. But I still stand by my definition of "vampire tactics" regardless. :)
Scorpio, my best tactic so far has been to move further and further away. But then the distance is used to add more fodder to the "insert guilt trip" machine. Aaarrggghhh....
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| How do you spot and avoid the emotional vampires?
Posted: 5/23/2007 11:50:13 AM | Ewwwwww ~ human sponges. They suck the life out of you. Blech. I keep my distance from those. Whether male or female, I have an ability to figure it out rather quickly ~ and it's over. The problem with those types, they take ~ but never give back. No thanks. Life is just too short.  | |
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| How do you spot and avoid the emotional vampires?
Posted: 5/23/2007 11:53:16 AM | How do you spot and avoid emotional vampires?
Thats easy,
1. Do they have long hair?
2. Do they wear dresses or skirts?
3. Do they wear perfume?
4. Do they give birth?
If you have answered yes to at least three of these, then chances are that you have found a woman and that should get the warning bells ringing.
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| How do you spot and avoid the emotional vampires?
Posted: 5/23/2007 12:28:57 PM | I have a Triple PHD in this matter - it took me 20 years to learn as much about this as I .... well ....
I sure hope I have LEARNED MY LESSON ..........
BTW - they don’t always look like the vampires in the movies - sometimes they are actually cute and harmless looking. With this type - often (if you are blinded by their charm) 20 years later you wake up and go ........ DUH - what happend ..... | |
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| How do you spot and avoid the emotional vampires?
Posted: 5/23/2007 6:47:48 PM | Theyre the ones that give you the dirt on other people....
They thrive on discord....
They like bloodsports... like boxing, hockey and American Idol
You cant scare them away... but you can mislead and amuse them with fantastic and believable stories that probably never happened.... just be careful not to tell them anything useful about yourself
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| How do you spot and avoid the emotional vampires?
Posted: 5/23/2007 6:58:56 PM |
Theyre the ones that give you the dirt on other people....
They thrive on discord....
They like bloodsports... like boxing, hockey and American Idol
I think you must be confusing your fantasies of spilling some blood in the show American Idol with what really happens. If it werereally a bloodsport and it was Simon's blood being spilled then i might even start watching again. | |
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