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 Undercover Angel
Joined: 10/26/2005
Msg: 1
Call me when you want to get laid!!Page 1 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Hey folks! Everyone I know can have a hectic life now and again and I am certainly no exception to this. People are busy with life and should not have to apologize for it.

I recently met this man for coffee, going on 3 weeks ago and we have spoken on the phone quite a bit...he seemed nice and we agreed we would get together again. We both have been busy with things and that is just the way it goes sometimes...right?

For myself, I have had a really hectic 2 weeks with my daughter, we went camping for the long weekend, and then barely had enough time to unpack before she had a Battle of the Books competition. Tonight she is going for her 1st communion interview and we haven't even finished the book yet lol...Then I'm planning a surprise birthday party for my sister's 30th birthday...and that is tomorrow night...lots to do there too. Saturday I am sending her off to girl guide camp, so I am also getting her packed for that. She's a busy girl! And she is keeping me running!

For the past two weeks this man has been asking me out a lot and each time I have been too busy, which is unfortunate. The last time he asked me out yesterday, I gave him the run-down on my schedule this week and apologized...again, but did let me him know I was still interested in getting together...just been going nuts this past two weeks.

He sent me an email telling me to call him when I wanted to get laid!!

I have met him once and our chats on the net and on the phone have all been very clean. I sent him one back and told him "thanks for showing me your true colours so soon"....and then I blocked him. Now he sends one to my hotmail, asking for an explanation and says that I must have found someone else and this is my way to telling him. Needless to say, I don't feel the need to explain anything to him.

So my question is this:

We all have times in our life where things are especially hectic and even tho we may want to go out on that date...the schedule just won't allow it. Do you write people off, or take it that they are not interested, or have found someone else, just because they are in a busy streak with daily life?
 CaughtUPeekin
Joined: 4/15/2007
Msg: 2
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 11:50:12 AM
Oh gawd, why'd you have to write this one today????
 TempusFugit**
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 3
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 11:55:49 AM
Is this a trick question, do I get a life line? im not sure what your question is?
I want to tell you that I did stay at a holiday inn last week down in the Bayou, held a glass to the window and heard a alligator fart

seriously now, what are you trying to say?
 .Atticus.Finch.
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 4
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 11:57:41 AM
If I chatted on the interent with someone for any length of time and , met in the flesh, then, never saw or COMMUNICATED with her for over two weeks, it could be somewhat hard to take. HOWEVER, if we communicated every once in a while say via email, a text msg, or a ten second phone call then, as far as I am concerned he is not acting appropriate.

Bottom line , people are strange, as often as I try to convince myself otherwise, it is true.
 oiosindubh
Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 5
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 12:00:02 PM
I think one of the issues with dating over the net is people tend to move too fast . i personally would rather spend more time writting male to a significant other than moving swiftly into dating in the flesh. the other thing is dating on line can be sort of addictive as it stimulates intimacey of which most of us have little experience of i would say that it is the thing we fear most . beinning concious takes some effort and time , that chap more or less told you to piss off when he said call me when u want to get laid . Then it all depends on the type of mail and converstion you and him initiated . i wont bore u any more , u took the right principles and priorities first, good on you.

 EdwardPartSix
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 6
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History
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 12:13:36 PM
Uh, are you sure he wasn't just joking?
 Nova Kane
Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 7
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 12:15:35 PM
Everyone has a life. No one is sitting around in a white, padded room waiting to meet someone so they can devote all their time and attention to them. People have jobs, families, friends, hobbies etc that all occupy our time. The key to this is prioritising. When you actually want a relationship with someone you will find time to spend with them as opposed to letting them fill that 2 hour window in which you have nothing better to do.

To me, this quote:

call him when I wanted to get laid!!

means something quite different. I think what he's saying to you is, "I'm trying to spend time with you but the fact that you can't make time for me suggests a relationship is not important to you so I have to wonder what led you to accept a date with me.... is it that you just want to get some?"

It's flipant and facetious but I suspect this poor guy's pissed and doesn't really care about being delicate. He's wondering when exactly, in this lifetime, you're going to honour him with a second date. The simple, plain fact of the matter is that when you like someone you make time for them. You have prioritised everything in your life above him and he senses this and is pissed.

The only caveat to this is when he contacts you. If he phones and says "hey fancy a coffee" and you're thinking, "what, right now? I've made plans already" then fair enough. But if you're booked up weeks in advance and the poor guy has to email your assistant to pencil him in then yeah... "call him when you want to get laid".

 IrishAngel1
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 8
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 12:20:31 PM
It's easy to be rude in an email.. sound's like he was annoyed and unhappy at your lack of availability.. and vented.. inappropriately, IMHO. As a custodial parent.. your schedule will be busy and occasionally unpredictable.. Better you found out how he deals with that now.. rather than 3-6 months from now
 Duckman_2
Joined: 5/15/2007
Msg: 9
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 12:22:28 PM
So...are you going to call him???
 not2dvs
Joined: 11/15/2006
Msg: 10
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 12:25:50 PM
ha...I would have replied "I just did, so I should be good for a while."
 RMB_mike
Joined: 3/16/2007
Msg: 11
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History
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 12:25:56 PM

Hey folks! Everyone I know can have a hectic life now and again and I am certainly no exception to this. People are busy with life and should not have to apologize for it.

I agree, you should not have to apologize for it, HOWEVER, if you are as busy as you say you are, it doesn't seem like you have time for dating. To be honest, if I had a child and were that busy, I'd stay off the dating sites.


I recently met this man for coffee, going on 3 weeks ago and we have spoken on the phone quite a bit...he seemed nice and we agreed we would get together again. We both have been busy with things and that is just the way it goes sometimes...right?

See my response above.


For myself, I have had a really hectic 2 weeks with my daughter, we went camping for the long weekend, and then barely had enough time to unpack before she had a Battle of the Books competition. Tonight she is going for her 1st communion interview and we haven't even finished the book yet lol...Then I'm planning a surprise birthday party for my sister's 30th birthday...and that is tomorrow night...lots to do there too. Saturday I am sending her off to girl guide camp, so I am also getting her packed for that. She's a busy girl! And she is keeping me running!

Hey, I don't doubt that for a second that you were busy. But as I mentioned above, if you are too busy to date...
Plus, one thing you might not be thinking about is, women are constantly using the excuse that they are 'too busy' when they're trying to brush a guy off. I personally can't effin stand it when ladies pull that flaky crap (not insinuating you are though) but he very well could be interpreting it as such. I personally think you did him a disservice when you agreed to have coffee with him in the first place. *

Ladies, it's plain and simple and I've seen it happen many times; If a girl is interested enough in a guy (which it's obvious that you weren't interested in the guy) then she will make time for him, regardless of her schedule. If you're that busy, tell the guy beforehand, or better yet, stay out of the dating scene until you do have time for him.


For the past two weeks this man has been asking me out a lot and each time I have been too busy, which is unfortunate. The last time he asked me out yesterday, I gave him the run-down on my schedule this week and apologized...again, but did let me him know I was still interested in getting together...just been going nuts this past two weeks.

If he kept asking you out repeatedly, it sounds to me that he's a bit desperate or needy. Sorry for your luck on that one. I won't ask a girl out more than once if she won't give me an answer.


He sent me an email telling me to call him when I wanted to get laid

Sounds like you're better off without him. But if you leave here with any advice (as harsh as it sounds), if you like a guy, make time for him. Don't give him any b/s excuses. If you are actually too busy, then cut your losses (maturely and tactfully that is) so the guy can go find someone else that isn't 'too busy for him'.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 12
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Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 12:29:03 PM
I dont think he meant that mean - I think he just was maybe
at his wits end in getting your attention - thats all.

So he thought maybe that would get your attention - showing
his colors - why does everyone jump to the conclusion that
someone says one thing to them that they dont agree with and
people say - "Oh good thing you saw his colors now" Sometimes
words are said out of frustration and I think he was just frustrated
because he liked you and you could not make time for him- thats all.

You obviously are not interested in him - because somehow, someway
we find at least five minutes to either talk or meet for eats or something.
 Vet-tech_n_K-9trainer
Joined: 12/12/2006
Msg: 13
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 12:29:10 PM
We all have times in our life where things are especially hectic and even tho we may want to go out on that date...the schedule just won't allow it. Do you write people off, or take it that they are not interested, or have found someone else, just because they are in a busy streak with daily life?

I don't write anyone off unless they say they aren't interested, but at the same time, I don't put my life on hold for someone I've yet to really get to know/get serious with. It's not that I have a problem with the concept of commitment, but if someone is extremely busy and still interested in my company, then they should let me know, especially if I've put forth the effort to show my interest. The same would be true if the situation was reversed.

That said, the guy you were talking to sounds like a prick so good riddance. Even though you let him know you were still interested (despite being very busy,) some men just can't get over themselves and always want to be the center of attention when they're with or pursuing a girl.
 rancheroplenty
Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 14
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 12:35:50 PM
He probably figured you lived a very busy life and the prospect of seeing much time with you was not within reach.
Usually people are looking to find someone to date (in the near term) and really don't have much choice but to base their decisions on what they see going on at that time. There have been many women who have apologized for being busy, but they pretty much stay that way and I'm sure he took that and put two and two together. Also his anger is because he really was interested in you, but you seemd un-atainable and it burst his bubble. When you like someone, that's frustrating.

Give a guy this: - multiple choice:

1. Beautiful woman who's too busy to date
2. Attractive woman whose very picky and selfish.
3. Hot woman with controlling ex who's stalking her
4. Cute girl with 3 kids and in bad divorce proceedings
5. Cute girl with no issues

Let's see.... number 5 looks like a more likely choice to me. Now, some of youse guys might try to be funny on these choices, but really, nobody wants a hassle. Life is hard enough.

OP, you are only as date-able as you are available.
 Internetdatingpariah
Joined: 10/17/2004
Msg: 15
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 12:38:10 PM
curly,
I agree with your comments.
It's VERY easy to jump to conclusions based on past experiences.
Way too Easy to paint everyone with the same brush sometimes.
 Reenie999
Joined: 11/7/2005
Msg: 16
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 12:39:38 PM
Maybe he figures that "getting laid" is the only reason you need a man in your life .....considering that your child takes up all the rest of your time.

I raised three kids and still had time for other people !!
 onesimpleneed
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 17
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 12:51:19 PM
OP,

You don't have time to be dating, plain and simple. No time. Dedicate yourself to your kid. Many of the things are going to reoccur, i.e. birthdays. Other things will pop up to replace things that disappear.

You need to get a Franklin Planner or something. Not many people I know that are looking for dating want to go out one day every month. Or if their cool with that, don't expect them to sit at home waiting for you and don't be disappointed when they dump you.

Cheers!
 lorie1
Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 18
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 12:51:31 PM
hunney, you sid you were busy,and things have been hectic....This goomer allowed you to take time off to write about his dopiness,and plain bad character,to use up time thinking about how he wasted yours.
Go make a nice pizza, put up your feet and watch tv......dont get trapped into his bait.
 Tysta
Joined: 4/10/2007
Msg: 19
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Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 1:03:39 PM
I say take yourself off of a dating site until you actually have time to date. It's true alot of people use the excuse of being busy instead of being honest to brush someone off. It was a little rude of him to send that little message but if you were truely into him I think you could have done some little things to let him know you want to see him more, it just wasn't possible at this time. Maybe a text in the middle of the day, a phone call in the evening when things slow down a bit or even a late night denny's trip for a piece of pie. You can always make an effort if the willingness is there. Just my honest opinion.

C~
 karrill
Joined: 5/25/2006
Msg: 20
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 1:08:58 PM
OP I just went through a very similar situation, I was dating(or trying to date) someone who had a very similar schedule as yours, and I should preface this with my schedule is not exactly light. But it started out ok, we saw each other every week or so, we made a couple long term plans to go camping and what not.

now she has 2 kids, and all of a sudden it went from seeing each other once in awhile to breaking plans because the kids had cheerleading, soccer or whatever. it turned into seeing her once a month. We would still talk on the phone all the time, but that gets old fast, and if you are not making any new experiences together, then you run out of things to talk about and the phone conversations dwindle.
and then finally I just said to heck with this and moved on.

I totally understand kids come first as they should, but when you start feeling like you are number 235 on the priority list then it is frustrating and that is probably where that comment came from.
 Undercover Angel
Joined: 10/26/2005
Msg: 21
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 1:12:15 PM
Thanks for your replies. My life is not normally so hectic, just the last two weeks and I was not trying to brush him off. I normally do have time to date, just the last couple of weeks I haven't.

He was also busy and couldn't meet up when I could. Just the way it went really, I did my share of asking him to do things, but he was busy. If I could have phoned him, I might have, but he apparently has no phone because he just moved. I was fairly understanding while he was busy moving and doing things with his kids.

It's true that some people use the excuse they are busy, but I actually laid it all out for him what my week was like. Why assume the worst when someone is being sincere?
 RMB_mike
Joined: 3/16/2007
Msg: 22
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Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 1:13:07 PM

I say take yourself off of a dating site until you actually have time to date. It's true alot of people use the excuse of being busy instead of being honest to brush someone off. It was a little rude of him to send that little message but if you were truely into him I think you could have done some little things to let him know you want to see him more, it just wasn't possible at this time. Maybe a text in the middle of the day, a phone call in the evening when things slow down a bit or even a late night denny's trip for a piece of pie. You can always make an effort if the willingness is there. Just my honest opinion.

You pretty much reiterated what I said above. Mega kudos to you!
You realize it, I realize it, and a couple of others that posted in this thread realize it.
Why then, are there so many people that obviously have no grasp whatsoever of this concept (the OP being a prime example)?
I think I'm going to wind up in the looney bin trying to get that question answered.
 RMB_mike
Joined: 3/16/2007
Msg: 23
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Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 1:18:07 PM
I just read your post above Angel. In that light. I retract the statment about not having any grasp of the concept. However...


It's true that some people use the excuse they are busy, but I actually laid it all out for him what my week was like. Why assume the worst when someone is being sincere?

No, a LOT (if not the vast majority) of people use that type of excuse (and that's not limited to women). It's easy to assume the worst when most of the time, people AREN'T being sincere when they say they are busy.
 val0214
Joined: 5/7/2007
Msg: 24
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 1:24:00 PM
OP,

I've been a single mom and mine is 18 now so I can relate. Time just whizzes by and you are trying to please everyone who means a lot to you first and strangers (which is what he is) last.

I think you are doing the right thing.

I think he did show his true colors and that's what he wanted after all. At least he was honest about it...and there's nothing wrong with that if that's what you want too. If not, then be honest with him too. But accept him for what and whom he is and he will not change.

I've been emailing, texting and talking on the phone with one male fishy and we enjoy bantering back and forth and for some strange reason, he thinks I'm funny. He wanted to meet me between doctors appointments in town over coffee when he had 45 minutes open starting about 8:30 A.M last Tuesday.

First, I told him to sign up for speed dating or find someone in a mail order bride catalogue 'cause this felt to me more like work than play and the answer was a big "no".

Second I asked him if he read my profile and if there was anything in there that mentioned coffee. I don't think so! So when he next had a day off (in 2 weeks) to let me know and we can get to meet and do something at the same time and it doesn't have to cost anything. So he mentioned a japanese garden show (I'll be bringing my camera to shoot pictures as I am a novice photographer). And I said his watch had to go.

Why? Because if we don't hit it off, 15 minutes is too long and if we enjoy each other's company, then the time will fly. Even if we are not made for each other, we can still have a good time and become friends. We won't know unless we meet and get to know each other.

Point I'm making is that it's not enough to meet on a date stressed out with issues pressing on you. You need to relax and enjoy the experience and take time to smell the roses. Have fun. If he doesn't understand that, then he's not the right man for you. You don't need to give him the run down...just tell him you are busy and can't give him your full attention until the issues are resolved.

As for time frames when I get too busy. I write a little line in my profile (as now, I just mentioned I'm having more fun in the forums ...I am too busy and stressed with work/life issues, but I didn't want to come across as a downer).

Hope it helps! Enjoy your child...before you know it, they grow up sooo fast!

 umeandthestars
Joined: 2/22/2006
Msg: 25
Call me when you want to get laid!!
Posted: 5/24/2007 1:29:55 PM
Being a single parent himself, he should have understood your hectic schedule and been more patient. Your daughter comes first in your life, so don't make excuses for being there for her. It sounds to me that he likes you very much and was frustrated when he couldn't see you as often as he wanted. He needs to grow up some more and not be so needy. You can, and I dare say, will do better. Take care and good luck.
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