|Should I???Page 1 of 2 (1, 2)|
|I am a single mom of 3, barely making it working 2 jobs. A friend has offered (I know through my brother) to buy a house that he would be there only 10% of the time in my area and wants me to "manage" it for him. Rent free, no expense to me, he would pay all bills associated to the house, including groceries and house keeping.|
I know he is a player, a different woman every night. He also has the finances to back up his offer.
Do I even consider it? He hasn't made anything between us as a requirement, but know he is very lonely and finds me attractive scares me.
Anyone any thoughts?
Posted: 5/26/2007 5:23:58 PM
|sign a contract LOL|
Posted: 5/26/2007 5:29:20 PM
|Your a big girl, just don't sound to smart is all. You will do what ever. |
Not meant as a mean thing, just a honest statement to your forum. Rember no one really knows you here.
If he has money and hiring you as a care taker, then have that in writing along with any terms of when you got to move out by if fired.
Plus to other girls you will look like his play thing. Do you want him to bring his girlfreinds around your kids, and they have to answer to him, because he is your boss. Yep he would be your boss.
Posted: 5/26/2007 5:30:16 PM
|I have a thought--don't do it.|
Never rent or buy a house from relatives; this is much the same situation. Don't ever put yourself in a situation where you are "beholden" to someone on a personal level. Get your own place, no matter how difficult it is for you.
Posted: 5/26/2007 5:37:08 PM
|I know money is tight, but spend 100.00 on a laywer and have him whip up a contract.|
You can shop this around in your yellow pages. Just call, ask for a price for making a rental agreement.
Good luck, but I wouldn't just move in on a word.
Posted: 5/26/2007 5:37:30 PM
|I have seen this before and I may be stereotyping but in the end I think he will feel you are obligated to pay him back. Don't feel insulted this is pretty common.|
So do accept that you will probably be asked to pay him back with sex or live some place not as nice and pay for it your self?
Posted: 5/26/2007 5:38:46 PM
|No, you shouldn't.|
There's no way giving somebody that much "power" over you can be a good thing.
Posted: 5/26/2007 5:39:16 PM
|A different woman every night? You want that for an example for your children? |
A different woman every night and a player? He's lonely? aww the poor thing!! *rollin eyes*
You will be in a position that you are basically beholding and dependant upon him, do you really want to be in that position with your children?
Keep working hard, your children will grow up respecting you far more! You will have taught them something of value!! I can't see that happening in a house where a man is with a different woman every night.
Posted: 5/26/2007 5:57:05 PM
|NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!|
Posted: 5/26/2007 6:29:44 PM
|A different woman every night and he's lonely????? Obviously it's not for lack of company But yeah, I would be lonely too if that was my life. I would much rather have some one I really cared about and vice versa to spend my nights with. But in answer to your question, my opinion would also be NO, NO, NO. You will only end up regretting it.|
Posted: 5/26/2007 6:35:58 PM
|I would look into it even if it's for a few months it's a little financial breather for you.|
It can't be very easy 2 jobs and 3 kids. Just make sure everything is clear. I imagine your brother wouldn't suggest putting his sister with a wolf.
Posted: 5/26/2007 6:40:06 PM
|The saying "If it sounds too good to be true it is" |
I could see if he was offering to reduce the rent that he would normally charge to reflect the time that you would put into taking care of the place for him.
But....no rent,no utilities and he buys the groceries. Think about it...if you still think that you will not "pay"...then give your head a shake...a good hard one...and think again.
Single mom myself so I know it is difficult...but keep struggling and keep your self respect.
By doing this you will teach your children to be strong...independant and not to take the easy way out. And most importantly you will be teaching them SELF RESPECT.
Posted: 5/26/2007 6:40:34 PM
|If you feel this would compromise your values as a woman than NO. If you can see that maybe this guy just wants to help you out and it makes life easier on you, then I say go for it! You say he will only be there 10% of the time. Sometimes, people really just want to help others when they can.|
Posted: 5/26/2007 6:44:32 PM
|First off - do not make your decision based upon emotions!|
Yes... it's an inviting financial situation - as a Mother, your children's interest come first. How would his life style impact them? What do you want or not want? I feel that this decision will take you quite a bit of time to sort through. If you can reflect yourself in 20 years, looking back and knowing you made a wise choice, you did good. If you reflect and you feel yucky, do not do it!
If you are leaning towards doing it, I suggest that you do some searches online and find a basic contract - tweak it to your needs and be specific. So specific that it states items like - 'No drugs in the house', 'no women while the children are home (not just asleep)', 'no sexual expectation from me as payment', 'he pays for rent, utilities, groceries with no expectations what so ever', etc. This may take a couple of weeks (possibly longer) for you to decide what you will and will not tolerate in the interest of your priorities (your children).
It's a matter of balance and boundaries.
I heard someone say the other day that .... it's not what you tell your children that forms their life, it's how you treat yourself with confidence and boundaries - this is how they form their own lives - via how you've taught them.
I wish you the very best on your choice!!
Also - I strongly suggest that if you decide it is the wisest choice, that you put back 95% of the funds that you saved by being there. It's a win/win - you won't have the stress of the working hours and you'll have a nice nest egg to have as a buffer for your family's future!
Posted: 5/26/2007 7:04:57 PM
|Why not? Managing it is work, so it would not be free.|
You need help, take it. It does not matter if he is a player, it will be up to you play or not.
Posted: 5/26/2007 7:38:00 PM
|I had already made my decision. I just wanted a second opinion. For now I can manage to stay where I am at, and thanked his for his generosity . His reply was if you need anything.... anytime ... you know who to call.|
How's that for humanity?
Posted: 5/26/2007 7:42:46 PM
|I think it comes down to are you confident enough in yourself to say it wont happen...if you say No then no it should be and if is the pushy type you could own the house by that time|
Posted: 5/26/2007 9:11:47 PM
|First, I don't judge you for your dilema. I'm a single Mom too and can relate. I have been in some pretty desperate situations in my life so I understand. But....you really cannot put a price on your dignity and self respect. If you take a man's money you have to take the strings that are attached to it. You may have to struggle for a while longer, but at least you can sleep at night knowing you are free and have your self respect. Hang in there and start taking steps to improve your situation without compromising your dignity. I actually know a girl who did this and six months into it she was desperate to get out. More desperate than before she made the choice to move in. Please really think about it and guard your dignity. It is priceless.|
Posted: 5/26/2007 9:17:15 PM
|Sorry OP ~ there is NO way in hell I'd subject my child(ren) knowingly to an environment housing a known player. I had a male child, his father was/is a little less than discreet or selective. My house, not one man spent the night in my house with my son there ~ period. My private life was handled in private. Today, I have a roommate, we don't allow men overnight here. It's a mutual respect and it has kept any and all problems non-existent. Maybe it's just me, but I'd rather my children see me working two jobs than living off of or in the presence of someone that I wouldn't respect, nor would I want them thinking that I wasn't capable of doing it on my own. But that's just me. |
Posted: 5/26/2007 9:18:21 PM
You know better that anyone here your situation. If one thing I learn in my life is that here nobody gives anything for nothing. You are an adult and your almost empty plate has been filled with an offer which may be, in the short term, a solution until you cache up with your finances.
Take it, and negotiate to your advantage the time value of the deal, make sure the contract has a clause that will provide you with an equity position on house appreciation among many other things. If you decide to go with the deal, now is the time to plan in your favor for the failure of it.
Consider the alternatives ...... maybe getting involved here in PoF with a player that will waste your time and emotional capital or maybe not but so far, I don't see too many interested individuals on your favor list.
BTW, this arrangement is done more often than people think.
Posted: 5/26/2007 9:19:04 PM
|Don't do it...especially with kids in the house. It's not truly going to be theirs, or yours. Find another way...you're working hard and it will come together. It sounds far too dodgy and it's always the kids that have the most pain in the end.|
Posted: 5/26/2007 9:21:54 PM
|I agree with Country Sugar COMPLETELY!!|
You give him too much power if you do it...and you risk bringing drama to your family. Its all around A bad idea!!
Get a room mate and share expenses!! thats what i did for 3 years to get back on my feet with my 2 boys
Posted: 6/3/2007 1:43:17 PM
|You already Know what I think of this.I care too much about you to let you do something so stupid.I know how you are,and this isn't you.I guess i need to have a talk with this boy......|
Posted: 6/3/2007 4:12:50 PM
|This is really pissing me off.Those FEW of you that are telling her to go for it or even get a contract first-What the hell are you thinking,are you idiots?There is nothing right about this!Granted-I know a little more of the situation than you people,but you still should at least give the right advice.Think of it this way-what if it was your daughter that was about to make this decision?What advice would you give then?Think about the advice you give before you post it.Put it in your own perspective.|
Posted: 6/3/2007 4:24:53 PM
There is no such thing as a free lunch - if he is lonely, finds you attractive wants you to live in his house, he will want you to put out in return, no question
When you dont put out, he will put you out on the street and you will be worse off than you are now ( think of your 3 bairns )
.... but you say he scares you - that alone should tell you that your answer should be NO NO NO !