| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/27/2007 3:52:59 AM | | I have always been curious as to the amount of business that mail order bride companys actually do. Is there really a large demand for that? Are there really that many men out there who can't find a good woman locally? Do those "relationships" actually last? Just a few things I am curious about. What do you think, or know about this subject??? | |
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| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/27/2007 4:04:39 AM | ... you need a helluva big letter box in yer front door .........
There are guys that cant find a woman locally , but its really only an extention of what we are doing on here isnt it ?? I am sure that if we all could find a partner locally we would not be on POF or any other site .
Not sure that the mail order thing works at all unless you are desperate for ANYBODY .. a lot of the women available on mail order will accept who they are offered to a large extent ( or who they are told to accept ... the question of co-ercion for money comes up here ... ) ..... I would not imagine that they have a high success rate ....... | |
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| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/27/2007 4:07:00 AM | well, what i have gathered is this.
The women from foreign countries generally are not as, um, fiercely independant as american women. they don't care as much about equality. so the guys figure they will have a nice little housewife taking care of the home. kind of like a traditional 50s type setting. which probably looks pretty good to a lot of guys used to loud nagging girlfriends.
however a lot of those women will take off as soon as they gain a permanent visa, then the guy is left with nothing, and big hole in his checking account.
BUT, a lot of them succeed. some of those women really do want to just have a better life. the men in their country are cold and controlling, and their country makes it hard to earn a good living. they are happy to be a wife and maybe raise kids here. and it takes a certain type of guy to make it work. he may prefer a wife who is basically submissive and lets him make the decisions, etc. but deep down he appreciates her and treats her like a queen. pretty much the 'leave it to beaver' type family. it worked well in those days i guess.
also, remember america is the country of obesity. most of those mail order brides are downright gorgeous. they HAVE to be, to get a guy to pay for them without meeting them.
Bam Margera bought a russian bride for one of his friends, did it all on his mtv show. well those guys are all jackass brethren so the girl became depressed and went back home. the boys grew up a little, and Bam found a picture of the girl in his friends wallet. so he arranged to go find her in estonia, it was a great episode. she was so happy to see him, i was a little moved even tho its just a show.
she came back with him and they are trying again. man shes good looking. i think she threw something on Don Vito, cuz he's such an ass. | |
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| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/27/2007 4:07:29 AM | | Well I am not sure of anyone else but I am on here trying to find local people to chat with and possibly go out with, but I do understand the appeal of meeting women from all over the country. But that is far from just picking someone's picture out of a cataloge and getting to know them briefly before they are on your doorstep in a wedding gown. | |
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| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/27/2007 4:34:08 AM | More power to them, whatever works.
My former neighbor was married to a Filipino mail order bride. He said she didn't have the mortal fear of stepping into the kitchen or laundry room, like his American wife did. 
They had been married 17 yrs at the time that i moved. She has her citizenship and was working on her college degree at the time. They seemed quite happy together. So there are some happy endings.
You just have to pick and choose and be cautious just like with anything else. | |
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| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/27/2007 4:43:56 AM | They don't actually come right out and call them "mail order" any longer, as there are zillions of these websites everywhere now. What a lot of American men (and women) do not count on is the assimilation/acculturization of foreigners once they've arrived and lived here for awhile. Unless money is no object, the acquisition of it and the "freedom" associated with it overtakes the "sweet little woman I married" and they become the "this is not the person I married" type.
The foreign women, though inherently beautiful, fruitful, and bearing all desirable
qualities that the majority of we American gals possess as well, ultimately do become:
American! ...and that turns off the man because he doesn't have the sweetie waiting on him and the children hand and foot like he expected, eventually. The trappings of American society are anything but free, and unless there is an endless surplus of money (highly doubtful, anymore), again, both adult parties must work, work, work, to
possess what we all must have to be "happy" and "successful".
My advice to any American seeking a foreign or domestic mate is to be able to afford a trustworthy maid and nanny, as well, or be prepared to take on some overtime to afford one, because the last thing anyone wants to become is an indentured servant to anyone else. I definitely advocate viable employment for both...and enjoyable employment, as well, because everybody needs out of those four walls daily, lest it become Alcatraz. Love, Titus | |
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| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/27/2007 4:50:07 AM | Another thing I forgot to mention: do some research, ladies, on foreign men. It's been my discovery that many men from any "old country" are extremely patriarchal and believe that "men rule the roost". (This can be interpreted as: extremely controlling, drunkards, abusive, and philanderers, because: I AM THE MAN!!! Damn it! slap, slap, etc....)
Then again, some revere women, as they should be, and become really good spouse material. It works both ways, ahem, ahem, if you give respect, you'll get it...and we'll all live happily ever after. Love, Titus | |
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| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/27/2007 4:57:04 AM | What if they get lost in the post? Do you have to pay life insurance for them?
If thats the case I want one mail order husband that will get lost  | |
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| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/27/2007 5:31:54 AM | | With the cost of postage having just gone up, I think I'll shop locally. And another benefit of that is at least if it doesn't work out, the cost of returning her wont be as expensive, even with the re-stocking fee :) | |
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| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/27/2007 5:33:31 AM | | My opinion of a mail order bride is, they are nothing more than a paid long-term prostitute! You think they would be there if you did not fork over the money? Prolly Not!Women in these countries may seem happy, but thats only because they are raised never to show how unhappy they are with there husbands. Think about it tho, would a prostitute look at her john for the night and say "you are so sick, the only reason I'm going to have sex with you is because you are paying" No, why because thats her meal ticket! I really feel sorry for these women who have no other option than to marry a man they don't love, it seems really sad to me. | |
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| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/27/2007 6:14:19 AM | On POF we don’t pick out a person and say…ok, that’s the one I’m going to marry. But we do in fact go through a catalog, read about the person, correspond with them, and meet the one’s both sides are in agreement to meet. I have never been to a “mail order bride” site but I would imagine that with today’s technology it works the same way. I don’t think all the girls on a “mail order bride” site are in fact saying I will marry the first guy I hear from. I believe they are saying I have become more mature than the men in my country and need to look elsewhere for a mate and I am willing to relocate for the right man.
I don’t see a huge difference between a man or a woman posting they are looking for a long term commitment. It’s just geography and terminology. The same in the real world, this site, or other sites, you have to be on your toes and look for the signs that someone is out for money, control, or just a safe haven.
If a man or woman from the states found their S.O. in Canada, England, or somewhere similar we would say “hey…internet dating works…look how they hooked up, isn’t it great!” But if a man meets a woman from the Philippines, Russia, or China we assume it’s because the woman wanted out of the country. Then we take it a step further and assume she will become Americanized and leave the man. We say we aren’t prejudice but make these assumptions? I’m no different. I read the success stories on POF and think to myself…OMG, they met and married after a few weeks or a few months…there is a divorce waiting to happen. I’m certain that some women on “mail order brides” sites are just looking to get out or want money or freedom. I’m also certain there are men and women on POF that are just willing to get out of there geographical lifestyle even if it’s with someone from the next block over. | |
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| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/27/2007 11:02:10 AM | Most people commenting on 'Mail Order' Brides are only repeating popular urban myths.
At one time I corresponded with quite a few different foreign ladies - including telephone calls. It was a delightful experience. From this experience, I feel certain that if a man practices 'due diligence' things will work out just fine.
Myth - only domineering - controlling men wish to have a docile controllable foreign bride.
Baloney - most men who thought about getting a foreign bride or have done it - are just like most other men - some are great guys - some average - some are bad guys.
Many thousands of Mail Order Bride marriages take place each year in the U.S. and the failure rate is no higher than USA second marriage divorce rates.
Many women from the former Soviet States are in fact of a mindset more like women of the 1950's USA, but they are not push overs. Many of these women are educated and expect to work and appreciate the chance to improve their lives.
It is not a slam dunk to make one of these marriages work - but I don't know of any these days that are - regardless of the woman's origins.
Most of the marriage troubles occur when the guy picks a woman that is WAY TOO YOUNG for him, or that the woman / girl just cannot adjust to being away from family and the things she is used to - or she does not nor cannot seem to learn English. And quite frequently the woman cannot get a job commensurate with her education and experience. Many factors of the break up - if it happens - are due to factors beyond the man involved.
I've been told by people who heard that I had once been looking 'overseas' - (the typical response was) "Oh Joe - they will just marry you spend all your money, make you buy them a fancy home, jewelry, etc. -- then a few years later they will divorce you and take your house, car and more money." My response has been - 'Sounds like an American Woman to me..."
What was that funny line going around a few years ago . . . "I'm not going to get married any more - you know possible divorce and all ... - I'm just going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house".
Joe | |
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| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/27/2007 2:48:55 PM | OK everyone, I have a feeling after reading a few of the responses to my post that some of you are thinking that I am looking into this. And that is really not the case at all. I was just curious as to how this all works, and if it actually ends up in meaningful relationships. Just wanted others opinions and input. | |
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| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/28/2007 9:47:54 AM | I thought the laws changed on that? Where you couldn't do that in the US from another country?
Anyway I would totally do it. It's not about the whole "controlling" or "subservience", but rather finding someone who hasn't been influenced by the very things that cause most relationships to break down. A lot of women now are just plain afraid to let a guy be a guy. We're going to want to be advice givers, helpers, fixers, you know...that thing you used to call a FRIEND before we hooked up? Once the hookup happens it's like women want to put themselves out and do things the hard way on purpose to save face for their other female friends.
Whereas women in other countries will give you the time you want, they actually appreciate help, to the point that they're almost needy. Even though you know that they're fully capable of doing on their own, they still turn to you for that support because that's what you're there for - support. Not necessarily financial support, but moral support.
Seems like in America it's wrong to want to provide moral support nowadays. | |
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| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/28/2007 10:05:52 AM | I know a man a few years ago who did this - married a lady from the Phillipines. It was basically a "mail order" situation.
According to him, the reason he did it was because he wanted someone who "acts like a wife" in his words. I was shocked by that statement!
He explained he had met too many women here that don't cook, clean, and spend too much time watching tv .....
WOW I had no idea any man thought like that ... at least to THAT extreme. He is the only person I have heard of anyone who went to that extreme to get married so I don't know if that is the reason other people do it or not.
and no, if you are wondering, they are not still together. She got her citizenship, took his money, and ran off LOL
So much for the perfect wife | |
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| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/28/2007 10:37:40 AM | Where can I pick up a catalogue? And do they have pictures?
My opinion of a mail order bride is, they are nothing more than a paid long-term prostitute! Don't knock it! My best friend jokes that she is just a prostitute to her husband, and he dotes on her. Just took her away to Cornwall for the weekend.
And I remember watching a programme on TV called "Hustlers, Pimps and their Johns". It was all about prostitutes in the USA. One woman said that she didn't see anything different between a guy who bought her dinner and then had sex with her and a John, so she figured: why not? | |
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| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/28/2007 10:59:36 AM | "She got her citizenship, took his money, and ran off "
That's because he was stupid to make his money accessible to her in the first place. That's where a lot of guys screw up. Get that prenup if you're going to do that. Especially in these "Community property" states. | |
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| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/28/2007 1:03:54 PM | | this is exactly what one of my friends did he got him one they been living together as husband and wife for six months now. she is very nieve about things and our culture he tells her as he wants her to learn but his friends that he has introduced her to tell her different and help her through this. they are chrisian people and he is heavy involved in the chrisian motorcycle group that go places and spread the word of god he is a good man and she is a goo d person seems to be working i know he will treat her like a queen i am happy for them so far i think lol karen | |
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| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/28/2007 1:50:34 PM | the risk with mail order brides is that once they have moved to the west,the genie is out the bottle and eventually they will absorb all the western influences that made them attractive in the first place
thanks
john | |
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| What is your take on mail order brides?
Posted: 5/28/2007 2:17:57 PM | How much postage do they charge to ship women ?
Sorry is a joke. But seriously if you have to marry someone you have never meet just to get them into this country you really need to ask yourself why you got that desperate ? | |
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