| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:00:00 PM | Treat her nice. Do things for her she says no man has done before? Get wobbly knees when she comes downstairs dressed for dinner and she says no man has ever reacted like that before... they just expect it.
Yet alas... not wanting this man who treats her so good.
any exoeriences would be of help.. from the POV of a woman..
thank you so much | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:05:04 PM | | I had a man treat me as nice as he could brought me flowers ( mind you he showed up it was not a date ) he left me messages telling me how beautiful he thought i was ... he was a nice guy BUT I was not physicaly attracted to the man .. he was not my type of man he had a long beard , long hair . I can not help that he was a nice guy but was not something I am attracted to .. I do not get why some men think being nice is all that matters ... YOU can not tell me if some overly obese woman who was unkept was as sweet as pie and as nice as can be would mean you would fall in love with them. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:09:45 PM | yeah - sometimes its a bit overbearing when all of these things are done too.
You dont have to do a lot of extra things to be 'nice' either. Some think that buying them something means - you think they owe you something, or they'll feel bad if things dont work out. Ive seen it happen - ive heard male friends later gripe - man.. i wish i didnt buy those flowers! like they only buy the flowers to ensure sucess, not just because they want to! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:10:21 PM | It's lack of attraction. If it's not mutal, then you can't make it so no matter how nicely you treat her or how much you prove you're really into her. She can't make herself feel something for you if it's not there.
A lot of nice guys forget the attraction has to be there before anything else you do for her can work. Just because it's not mentioned doesn't mean it's not part of the equation - we don't mention it because we honestly don't think we have to. It's just a given.
Find a girl that feels the SAME attraction for you that you feel for her and romance her, it'll work a lot better. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:17:08 PM | If "it" isn't there, it just isn't there.
Being nice is a good thing, but treating a woman in a nice manner can't instill a flame or incite passion. If she didn't want you, it meant that something was lacking for which being nice could not make up. In other words, her knees didn't get wobbly when she saw you come down the stairs.
Why? I dunno, and I don't think anyone else can define that essential spark that does ignite the fire.
In my last so-called relationship, I waited for the flame to be lit by a nice man for three months. It didn't happen. His knees got wobbly, mine remained steady.
Such is life. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/27/2007 8:24:30 PM | first thing to remember she was never treated like that ,so she does',nt know how to act
second maybe that's why she get's with guy's who treat her the way she use to that's why she keeps having pit fall's
remember some wemen like being treated like their nothin' cos some of them r nothin' checkout their background like many want to do to u | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/27/2007 9:43:58 PM | To me it's not that the nice guys don't interest me, but I do agree with some of the posts here saying that there was no physical attraction.
In my opinion and from experience, guys being very nice and very romantic is always a nice thing, but the times I did go for that stuff, well I ended up with a broken heart and finding things were too good to be true.
Nice guys are great, make good long lasting relationships as long as you have that attraction to them, but sometimes it does become very overwelming. I appreciate guys doing nice things for me, but in some ways it makes me feel alittle awkward. I don't know..just my opinion. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/27/2007 11:52:59 PM | There is going over board and scaring them off as well...being to admiring...
Men who put women on pedestals, tend to want to look up their skirts...lol...
Sorry, anyways...Don't be to nice and woman love nice guys but, they don't like
door mats and they like to be "challenged"...They don't like the absence of,
no feelings of build up and intensity and excitement, that comes from the early stages of dating....With someone who overly declares admiration, that ruins that feeling
She did mention that, no other man had reacted this way, she might of been sarcastic
when she said this...Also in the beginning, you should throw a dash of anxiety in, from "you" declaring your independence and that you are not a push over, also that you are very happy on your own...and most importantly...Treat her like a person, not a infatuated fantasy that you created in your mind, like boys do, women like men...Don't ever react to a woman like this again, is my advice, or your going to have this repeated again in your life...
You went way, way overboard... | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 12:09:17 AM | | HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT YOU COULD HAVE HURT THIS GUY VERY DEEPLY. OH I FORGOT YOU ARE LIKE THE COUNTLESS WOMAN WHO JUST DON'T GIVE A DAMN, BUT WHEN THE SHOE IS ON THE OTHER FOOT OH HE HURT ME SO MUCH. SISTER WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND. YOU ARE A REAL **** | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 1:09:42 AM | | I'm so tired of hearing "Nice guys finish last". I have news for you guys, Most guys are nice guys and lots of them finish first. Most women do not want someone who is too needy. It's very hard work to be responsible for someone else's happiness. It is not true that we want men who treat us badly, we want men who treat us nicely but we want men that we feel the same way about as they do about us. Just because some women don't want you doesn't mean no one will. You will have a better chance if you keep your chin up, accept your failures and have a positive outlook. It would be wise to wait and see if your feelings are reciprocated before you get too gushy. I don't mean being cold and withholding affection but just take things nice and slow, get to know her, be attentive but don't crowd her. If she likes you, she'll let you know. Give her a chance to decide if she really likes you, it takes time.Most women have been dumped just as often as you have and some do whine about nice girls finishing last etc. but believe me, those whiners don't win anymore than the men whiners. She didn't want you, so what, someone else might. As was said on Sex and the City " She's just not into you" Part of being a real man (or woman) is being able to take your lumps and get back up again. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 6:10:25 AM | | It works both ways . I have stories of ladies that were overly nice to me but never got angry . It becomes boring. I want a nice lady don't get me wrong , but I want someone to exert their personality. Disagree with me on politics, tell me I am a slob , tell me you do not want to go here or there etc. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 6:13:47 AM | These "nice" guys don't always turn out to be such "nice" guys. I was involved with a "nice" guy for some time. It was great at first being showered with all that attention. Then it became almost obnoxious. When I decided he wasn't for me, I ended it. He began driving by my house when he had no business being on my street. He would contact my ex-husband and family members to discuss me and my lifestyle, etc. He became my stalker.
What I'm trying to say is when a guy is trying to hard, it could be a sign that not all is right with this person. Sometimes when a guy showers you with attention, gifts, etc..it is to make you feel obligated to him. Actually, he can be considered manipulative. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 6:16:11 AM | | Oh and SPONIKA1, just by your comment, you are just the type of guy that women should run from. Calling a woman a bi*ch for expressing an opinion on here is just uncalled for. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 6:17:09 AM |
HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT YOU COULD HAVE HURT THIS GUY VERY DEEPLY. OH I FORGOT YOU ARE LIKE THE COUNTLESS WOMAN WHO JUST DON'T GIVE A DAMN,
Um, did I miss something? Isn't the OP a MAN? To whom is the above quote directed? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 6:19:52 AM |
HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT YOU COULD HAVE HURT THIS GUY VERY DEEPLY. OH I FORGOT YOU ARE LIKE THE COUNTLESS WOMAN WHO JUST DON'T GIVE A DAMN, BUT WHEN THE SHOE IS ON THE OTHER FOOT OH HE HURT ME SO MUCH. SISTER WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND. YOU ARE A REAL ****
Wow, that was quite the outburst, guess someone's cornflakes have been peed in, eh? | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 6:33:03 AM | All the on-topic posts so far have merit and I agree with them. I think the mistake OP made is that he did all of those wonderful things too soon. There is a lead-in phase in most relationships where we check each other out and might still be considering another person or are at least still ambivalent about whether we want to date the person more exclusively. It can take miniutes or even weeks.
While I am personally flattered with the attention, I don't want too much of it too early on. It is only after I have decided that this is the person I want to trust to get to know on a deeper level, that I welcome more of that wonderful stuff. You see, I respond emotionally and spiritually to what a man offers me so it is in my best interest to carefully screen the man so as not to put my life in jeopardy.
The strange thing about all this is that many longterm relationships break down precisely because of the lack of continuning affection and attention being showered on the one who craves it. | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 18 | |
| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 6:40:09 AM | It's NOT a big mystery man. Relationships and "2 people getting along" is more complex than simple no-brainer stuff like wobbly knees, and nice treatment.
Like buying a house...there is a lot to consider. I wouldn't move into or buy a house just because the yard was pretty with lots of flowers, and it had a nice new kitchen, and lots of closet space. Hell no!! I would have to look deeper inside that house and see waht its REALLY made of...see what problems it has...see if it's inclined to leaks or termites or plumbing problems or a big tree is precariously postitioned and ready to cave in on it...landslide area? earthquake country? tornadoes?...I'd need to know if all the PROS the house has outweighs the CONS (and they all have CONS).
JUST EXACTLY LIKE ALL PEOPLE HAVE PROS AND CONS.
It's the same with people. Ok yeah sure, nice stuff is nice!!... like a pretty yard with flowers...that is such a SIMPLE...no-effort gesture. Depending on the man that can be meaningless, OR thoughtful OR frikken annoying as hell! It's alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll about getting to KNOW each other. Like checking out a house before buying it.....maybe you have some other NOT SO GOOD/APPEALING qualities that negated the nice gestures.
BTW: I agree with a poster above. I'm sick of hearing the "nice guys finish last" whining cry-baby bunch of BS too. LOTS of nice guys finish FIRST!!!!! I like nice guys. If a guy is anything other than nice with me...then he is OUT. No questions asked. Nice guys are the ONLY guys I'll pay attention to. But , like I said with the house analogy...being NICE is more than simple pointless gestures. Being NICE comes from deeper inside and is expressed in many ways all day, every day. Not jsut when he thinks he's being watched.
Oh and CLINGY guys SUCK! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 6:40:41 AM | From my experiance, most guys that are nice guys, normally only appear to be nice guys. It seems at first they are nice guys and then once they are comfortable their real personality emerges. I would much rather a guy be himself and how his true colors.
As long as I am attracted to a nice guy I will give him a chance. Just remember there is a differance between being a nice guy and a push over or someone without a backbone. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 6:45:03 AM |
Ive noticed that guys that treat their women like sh it they(women) never leave them!
Ya know, this just isn't factual. Most women are NOT with a man who treats them like crap. More and more, I see people (men and women) who use this as a cop-out when they can't find a partner and seemingly can't accept that MAYBE, just MAYBE, there is something inherent in their make-up (emotionally or otherwise) that makes the opposite sex not attracted to them.
If a person has a longstanding problem attracting or keeping a mate, then that person should take a deep look at him/herself instead of falling back on excuses and platitudes and blaming the other party. If you consistently attract shallow people who leave you . . . why? How do you perpetuate the cycle? Why do you only attract users and abusers who drop you?
Step up to the plate and do some deep analyzing of YOURSELF, not other people. Try being honest instead of always laying the blame at the feet of other people. Looking in the internal mirror is scary, but it is worth it. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 7:17:36 AM | | Not all women stay with a man that treats them badly. What about the guy who is wonderful in the beginning of a relationship then turns into a monster once you're together for awhile? There are the guys who try to get a lady too hard. They pay a bit TOO MUCH attention to her. Women like their "me time" just as much as men. And when it gets invaded, taken away, you're doomed. Sorry to say it but we all have our hang ups. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 7:18:52 AM | Oh yeah...and to you, Mr. HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT YOU COULD HAVE HURT THIS GUY VERY DEEPLY. OH I FORGOT YOU ARE LIKE THE COUNTLESS WOMAN WHO JUST DON'T GIVE A DAMN, BUT WHEN THE SHOE IS ON THE OTHER FOOT OH HE HURT ME SO MUCH. SISTER WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND. YOU ARE A REAL ****
Two words...GROW UP! | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 7:32:26 AM | | I think it also stems from insecurity in the woman. Why does this guy like *me*? If you don't have a valid, "good" reason to find them appealing then they will assume that you don't *really* find them attractive. In some cases, even if you *do* have a valid, "good" reason, this is the case. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 10:21:39 AM | | There are many women who do that because they have been in stormy or abusive relationships in the past. There are simply some women out there who are overwhelmed and don't know how to react when someone is nice to them. | |
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| Why Do women dump men who are nice to them.
Posted: 5/28/2007 11:04:02 AM |
HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT YOU COULD HAVE HURT THIS GUY VERY DEEPLY. OH I FORGOT YOU ARE LIKE THE COUNTLESS WOMAN WHO JUST DON'T GIVE A DAMN, BUT WHEN THE SHOE IS ON THE OTHER FOOT OH HE HURT ME SO MUCH. SISTER WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND. YOU ARE A REAL ****
Why are you yelling? | |
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