| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 11:17:34 AM | | My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We have had our ups and downs but he is an amazing man. I did move about 40 minute away from him and started to pull back. I asked him for a break and about two weeks we got back together. Now he says he can't do this anymore. I broke him. He gave and gave and doesn't have anything else? I really love him and I realized he has been giving more in the relationship. I want to turn things around and be the best girlfriend I can to him. I want to give him everything I didn't before. I know sometimes we don't realize what we have till its gone but I really love this man and want to prove that love to him. Suggestions? | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 11:27:00 AM | | Oh Sassy, how many of us have to live with regrets. The damage is done, you hurt him and planted the seed of doubt and distrust. Once that seed is planted, it can't be taken away. It only grows. You really have nothing left to do but 2 things, make peace with the fact you messed up and move on, or make one last ditch effort to pour your heart out and humble yourself by telling him how truely sorry are and hope maybe he can give it one last try. Either way its tough, good luck! | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 11:31:48 AM | Try groveling. No just kidding, but- Send him nice gifts, don't call him too much, but gifts sometimes get our attention just like flowers get yours. Send him a letter, tell him exactly how you feel, but let him read it in his own time. Stroke his ego, tell him how wonderful he is. Tell him you know that you hurt him, and promise to never leave him again. Ask him to forgive you.
I had a woman break my heart before, and that was all I wanted was to see her remorse equal to my pain. I know it sounds kinda like self pity, but its true, I felt that if she felt as bad about losing me as I did about her, it would be worth giving her another chance....but for me it never happened, so she didn't get her 2nd chance. All she said was "sorry shit happens" and tried to get me back with no sincere apology.
Remember if you call too much you will push him away, gifts work better. Don't be a pest, give him things he could really use. I am sorry to see people want this deleted, I wish more people would admit they made a mistake when they do. | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 11:36:19 AM | My suggestion would be to seek a different board for that answer. Those of us here aren't likely to have this answer. If I did I'd still be married today.
If he's broke, spent, and exhausted it's likely you won't win him back. Once they openly confess the want to go, the thought has been there for some time and the nerve to address it was finally worked up.
I wish you much luck on your endeavor and hope things turn out well for you. I sought those same answers at one time too with no luck. About the best advice I ever did hear was to be the 'you' that attracted him in the first place. I'm not talking about being phoney here, maybe you have or he has changed. Oftentimes these changes don't reverse themselves until it's too late. | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 11:43:36 AM | Sassyredhead...all you can do is hope...hoping is seeing that the outcome you want is possible...and then working for it...just remember this...if a man wants you...nothing can keep him away...if a man doesn't want you...nothing in the world can make him stay...each time we give our heart to some one...we take the chance of getting it broken...unfortunately...good luck... ...some times we learn from our mistakes...and it's too late... | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 11:45:47 AM | Write him a letter telling him how you feel. Tell him to think about it, and give him space to decide..
If its meant to be he will come back | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 11:46:56 AM | hello SassyRedGirl,
Some people are motivated by the fear of loss others are internally motivated to give because it is in their nature (or are in touch with their true nature). If you are motivated by the fear of loss i'd say walk away and don't look back you'll be doing yourself and him a favor. Regardless though i'd be looking inward at the motivation behind all of this. You obviously were having issues being intimate by your own admission and now you want to all of a sudden be intimate, i'd say even if you did get back together it would go back to the same once the fear of loss is gone or you would sabatauge the relationship once you are both back together.
The only way to prove love is to be loving. If you have the ability to be loving why weren't you when you say you do love him? And what would stop you from reverting back to the same behaviors?
crazylilting | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 12:44:12 PM | | You sound like a really nice girl. I hope things work out for you. I think you should write him a letter and say exactly what you posted and then some. Everybody deserves a second chance. | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 1:20:52 PM | | Relationships take 2 and you no longer have that option... with him. Better choices next time as new relationships are very fragile and it looks like the last one you had did not survive the move and request for space. | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 1:23:41 PM |
all I wanted was to see her remorse equal to my pain
Wow that statement hit me kinda hard, that is how I feel at the moment! And I feel like a total jerk for feeling that way...
As for the orginal poster question, send him the letter and be true about what you say, if he does decide to go for another chance he will be much more wary this time around and who can blame him! | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 2:45:46 PM | | Dont, worry he will find someone special before long, who he deserves. | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 2:50:07 PM | the best thing you can do is respect and heed his words.
Right now the break and the reconnection and all the emotions that come with that are too fresh and strong, he *now* needs his space and time and you really have to give that to him.
it's not easy, it's not fun , but hopefully he will come around.
As someone who was the "giver" (hah I said giver) in a relationship once, I can tell you that it feels awful to not have things reciprocated and although you may have realized that he gave more and you want to right that wrong - sometimes recognition comes a little too late.
I'm hoping he can see you realized the error in your ways and that you can make a go of it, just keep being honest and genuine with your feelings because at the end of the day - positive outcome or not , that is what's really important.
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 2:55:03 PM | Sounds sympomatic of some un-realistic expectations on your part, wise of you to realize the folly of your ways.
Depends what ideology you both shared, I myself believe that to a larger extent relationships do not need to be continualy refueled. That's because if two people can appreciate one another for who they verses what they can offer to one-another, a relationship should be mostly self-sustaining.
The best course of action is to effectively communicate how you feel and why you feel this way towards him and let fate decide.
If this becomes an issue of regret for you, then you have surely lost the point all-together.
Don't fall into the cloud of illusion that this is your long lost love and you screwed up your destiny. From my perspective, I doubt I would see this man as amazing as you see him, for to me he would likely be just some guy. And I am highly confident there are those of the female gender who would share my view too.
It really is a matter of perspective. What is it that you really want ? Has that ideal of wanting a certain partner changed for you since first meeting him ?
I do think that that many relationships fail because the're two seperate but fixed ideologies. And if those ideologies are fixed then they will continually clash versus compliment one another.
If that is the case with this relationship, then I can guarantee 100% it will not work.
In-flexible ideologies within POF conflict all the time.
If you love him then you will give him free-will with-out trying to manipulate the situation or influence him. Because, you would want the same being of free mind to choose as you see fit for you know yourself best. Free-will has allowed you to choose him but at times free-will has it's cost which is reflected in what we can't have.
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 3:03:15 PM | | Put your money where your mouth is. You moved away and ruined it, move back and fix it. IF he's even open to getting back together you will have to do something drastic like that to show that you are serious. IMO anyway | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 3:09:32 PM | I really don't understand women. My ex wife wants me back after six years....We were married for 24 yrs and she could not wait to get rid of me back then.....So I can tell you how I feel. Sure at first I would tell her to go to hell, but she was always kind and after
1 yr I now feel she is a friend. I don't know if I will ever let her in my heart but I never say never, and a yr ago I was sure I would never let her be my friend. So it is really up to you and how hard and how long you are going to keep trying. All I can say is good luck... | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 3:18:36 PM | | It amazed me seening all of these broken hearted women on these sites, yet a nice guy can't even get a chance.......... | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 3:45:27 PM | Hey Sassy
It sounds like you were a little over powering. I think if you start giving him more it might make him pull away from you even more
If i were you i'd meet to talk, do not offer this man too much of your time and energy at this moment. Tell him face to face that you love him etc and tell him what you want from him. If he's still unsure about his future with you then give him time and space to breathe, live your own life for a while, let him wonder where you are and what you're doing
Give him the option to call you but don't live your life for him. I've seen it happen so many times women try to make themselves the 'perfect' girlfriend and eventually get tossed aside for someone driving a much harder bargain. Men love a challenge
So be one and keep him on his toes, don't stop loving him but love yourself enough to earn his love and respect for you. I hope you can understand what i'm trying to say here
Good luck, i hope you get him if he's right for you | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 3:47:11 PM | Oh my - you messed up - why did you do this to him-
Suggestions - show up on his doorstep with a dozen roses -
and tell him "it is so painfully obvious that I love you"
because it really is here-
Oh Good luck - sometimes we dont know what we have - but you
realize it- go after it-
Im sorry Sassy that some people are so mean to you here - ignore it-
dont take it to heart - misery loves company and plenty of company around here
lately- | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 20 | |
| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 3:52:57 PM | Sass - ouch what a mistake. Sometimes with love, you have to "set it free", let it fly off and perhaps it may come back. You didn't "break" him. He has chosen to take a break from you and likewise, you chose to take a break from him weeks ago.
While others may suggest a letter, I suggest you take him out to lunch. Look him in the eye, and tell him how you feel.
In the meantime, think about why you had your ups and downs, did you have more "downs" than "ups". That could make a whole lot of difference as to whether he wants to reconcile or not.
While this isn't total comfort, anything is possible unless one of you marries. Even then, love has its crazy twists & turns, decades later. | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 3:59:39 PM | | I would suggest following all of the above positive advice while disregarding the negative crap. If he is as great as you think he is...and you are as sincere in loving him as you say you are...he will see it...and assuming he loved you in the first place, it might very well work out. | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 4:11:14 PM | sassy
i know what you r going through...i did the same thing..but when i did it i moved 12 hours away...i maid him feel like crap...the only thing i can say is e-mail him..but only do it once..tell him y u r the way u r...tell him what maid you leave and what your fears r....then tell him that your willing to do anything you can to make it up to him..you r going to have to show him how much he really means to u...that your willing to give up things for him and then do it..then send him the proof that u did it...but i do hope that things work out for u....i am still trying to get past that problem...we r now talking and i am being very open with him..he has all of my pass wards to everything..so he can look into what i am doing..i am giving him the power that i took from him...but i know that moving on right now is not a good thing to do...show him that your willing to wait for him...even if he dates again..i would waite....i know in my case he dated again and could not move on...he kept compairing me to the others and u know how that will hold up with the new gf...not very well...so just hang in there and just know that things can only get better....if you would like to talk more let me know..i am here
kat | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 4:12:39 PM | You can't tell him how you feel, you have to show him. Do something outrageous and corny like serenade him or something, lol. Actions speak way more than words! | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 4:12:46 PM |
I asked him for a break and about two weeks we got back together. Now he says he can't do this anymore. I broke him. He gave and gave and doesn't have anything else? I really love him and I realized he has been giving more in the relationship.
If you really do like this guy, stay away from him until you get your shit together. I went through something like this and the only reason she came back to me is because I did what your former bf is doing. He's saying enough is enough. YOU pulled away from him and he took away your power by walking and not grovelling. Good for him.
See, the shitty thing is that if you do the push to get him back, he'll give in, but it won't have changed whatever it is IN YOU that made you want to pull away in the first place. Whatever that thing is will manifest itself again. Maybe not soon, maybe not for years, but it'll show up, believe me. In my case, it was almost 8 years after I took her back before she told me, " I don't think I ever really loved you..."
Get YOUR shit together first. Don't just pine about whatever you think you threw away. | |
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| How do I get him back
Posted: 5/29/2007 4:17:51 PM | Sassy -
IMO If you really LOVE this guy, you should take a look at yourself and ask why you pulled away and asked for a break. Even if you get him back, it would be a matter of time before it happened again. If you really love him, do you want that for him?
Just a few questions...I'm not bashing you. It's hard to tell on these breif descriptions all that is going on. It just sucks to be in a relationship with someone that is inconsistent with whether or not they will be there tomorrow. If I was him, I wouldn't get back w/you. Especially after you moved away and then hopped on a pof fishing site.
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