| dating over 55
Posted: 5/29/2007 4:52:02 PM | I was looking for some input. I've been contacted by a gentleman over 55. He seems sweet and considerate. I think I'd like to continue and possible meet him, but he's concerned about the age difference and I'm concerned he likes more outdoor activities than I do.
I guess I'm wondering what kind of problems we might encounter.
Any input would be GREAT! | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 5/29/2007 4:58:55 PM | | The age difference aside, ask your self what kind of problems may you encounter with someone your age... | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 5/29/2007 5:16:07 PM | | I'm aware of quite a few difficulties dating w/in my age. I suppose I was nervous to do something I hadn't done.. Just trying to be realistic to avoid either of us getting hurt a couple of months down the road. | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 5/29/2007 5:32:01 PM | | I think the first thing you both need to get over is - "being concerned". Why not meet and see if you "click"? Isn't that what dating is about? You both seem to be overthinking this. If he is so concerned about the age difference being a barrier, why did he contact you in the first place? Even if a long term situation doesn't develop, you might wind up with a great friend! And, what's the worst that could happen - you have nothing in common and that is that. | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 5/29/2007 6:23:08 PM | Fifty-five is the new thirty-five! There are many active guys out there who are more fit than much younger males (and females!).
I think you need to ask him why he contacted you if you see so many differences in your interests and activity levels. Could be he wants to be in control and play "daddy" to all of you. Has he got children of his own? Possibly, he's already a grandfather. How would you feel about being "grammy"? If you get together with him and become a couple, his friends will be older than you and he might not want much to do with your friends who would be of a similar age to you. In other words, you might find you have less and less in common. His priorities could be very different from yours no matter how active he claims to be. For example, I'm nearly 55 and very happy to spend my evenings "at home" and likely to hit the sack early if I have had an active day.
Then, of course, since you clearly state the age of man you are interested in meeting, he might just want to play out some kind of mid-life crisis fantasy with you. He might be trying to re-live his youth and sees you as a perfect vehicle for this. That said, depending on how his marriage ended, his grown up children might not want anything to do with you. So, you could always ask him a few direct questions about why his marriage failed, see how long he has been "single", find out if he has an amicable relationship with his ex-wife. You don't have to give him the third degree...lol...but, if he is serious about you, he should be happy and prepared to answer your questions. If he hedges or berates his ex-wife...run!!! because he still has "baggage" to deal with.
If he has never been married that's a major red flag, IMO.
Good idea to post here and ask questions.
RVL | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 5/29/2007 6:34:18 PM | Happy Woman, that's such good advice. I think if we all stopped planning 6 months down the road and just went out to meet a guy, then it might just be fun!
I was guilty of the same thing as the OP, heard from a guy outside my age range and I had the same reaction she's having. We met and he was really cool, not a match, but not because of his age.
And I'm the first one to wave my finger at people who I think are being ageist and yet, here I was doing exactly that.
The most in love couple I know are my brother and his wife and they're 15 years apart in age. See?
Like the OP, I need to remind myself to step outside what I think is my comfort zone so I can experience more of whatever life is sending to me.
Marcia | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 5/29/2007 6:38:06 PM | I once tried to date 5 back in high school during my "Prove to the female sex what a marvellous gift I was" years. But dating over 55 ?? ... Sheesh !! ... I can't see how I'd live through that one.
cdn guy | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 5/29/2007 6:48:08 PM | I have a tendency to date men that are 10-14 years older than me. Men in their mid to late sixties tend to be a little less concerned about wrinkles, bumps and sags that naturally occur in women over 50. When I date someone closer to my own age, they feel that the only women that are worthy of being seen on their arm are the Barbies. If your figure "starts to go" even during a medical crisis, all of sudden, their eyes are straying and their "respect" for you dwindles. Sorry....just my little rant.
Sometimes, the older men are a little more set in their ways and you need to be able to blend into their lives....other times they are much more generous in their ability to adapt to a new person in their lives because they don't sweat the small stuff anymore. They have come to realize that they have their own little quirks that you must deal with, so they are quite content to roll their eyes and deal with yours with humour and respect.
One man (67 this August) that I used to date and still remain friends with, invited me to spend a week of golfing at his time-share condo. We had a wonderful time because we are very similar in our thinking and what we enjoy doing. Our only problem on the trip was when we invited a couple of ladies that he knew from the complex over for dinner and drinks. They were funny and pleasant and I didn't notice the age differences until they started talking about RRIFs and pensions, etc. I couldn't get into the conversation because I knew nothing about the terminology. It didn't bother me a bit to be "left out". I just listened and learned. But it did bother one of the ladies that they had chosen a subject of conversation that didn't include me.
Each situation will be different. If you seem to like this guy and he likes you, give it a shot. If you find that the age difference creates problems, then you just stop seeing each other.
Please note that the gentleman noted above told me, shortly after we began dating, that I was too young for him and that our age difference was a problem for him. It doesn't stop us from being friends, but it did stop me from thinking of him in terms of anything more. Considering that he steadfastly refuses to enter into any long-term committed relationship with any woman, I feel that the "age difference" issue was just his way of keeping an emotional distance between us. Sometimes we have to read between the "lines" to find out what is really being said. | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 5/29/2007 7:34:12 PM | I think if we have a chance at happiness then we should jump for it. If you meet and you are not a match then so be it. I meet cause I am curious after talking, so I have to go and meet. If you don't meet you will never know if you missed the chance of your life.
Go ahead and just do it....age is only a number. You have to know what the outcome is. Don't take the chance to miss the meeting of your life! MT | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 5/29/2007 7:35:53 PM | Ladies, Thanks a bunch for the insight! It's great to have people around who are familiar with the terrain. I'm a bit new to the dating field so I probably have some silly questions. I even wondered what he truly cares about. Sometimes men don't speak what's really on their heart. I realize that we are actually a generation apart and I might miss some cues.
As was said, I need to stop worrying. Who knows what lies ahead?! | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 5/29/2007 7:52:38 PM | | It's a date -- not marriage....get together, and take it from there. | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 5/29/2007 7:56:03 PM | | wow! you are 35 and he is over 55? You have more than 20 years difference in your ages....that's not very realistic, but if you feel a connection, then go for it and see what happens. With that kind of age difference, take it very slow, really get to know each other, and discuss everything. | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 5/29/2007 9:01:38 PM |
I once tried to date 5 back in high school during my "Prove to the female sex what a marvellous gift I was" years. But dating over 55 ?? ... Sheesh !! ... I can't see how I'd live through that one.
 I don't think you'd live through that either, cdn!!!!! | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 10/1/2007 11:44:08 AM | | My age in my profile is my real age, but I could probably shave a few years, since I have all my teeth and most of my hair, and it is still brown, not gray. I keep myself fit, and to me age is like sex... it's what's between your ears!! As it is only a number, but with that comes wisdom. I also find that sexy is sexy... regardless of the age, and by experience, dull and spiritless people are not limited to persons of advanced age. | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 10/1/2007 11:51:12 AM | | OP is long gone. Guess she no longer cares what other advise. | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 11/19/2007 3:54:28 PM | | Don't assume any.I'm 58-feel better'n alright. | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 12/11/2007 3:47:14 AM | His penchant for Paul Bunyon is to prove his vigor.
If he's ready to make you happier,for a lifetime,cool.
Especially if the desire is reciprocal.
It's maturity anyhow,not age! | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:15:55 PM | i do not mind dating a man 10+ years older than myself. one man i went out with was 17 yrs my senior, and we had a wonderful time, there was more than 125 miles between us, and that was the problem....
but, when you have several years difference, it does affect alot..... music you both like, movies, even some slang or ways of expressing yourself verbaly....take a look at the big picture....
p.s.---i feel VERY uncomforable when a man 4 or 5 years younger than myself....i just don't date them... | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 1/5/2008 7:36:56 PM | The happiest relationship I have had was with a man who was 18 years older then I was. He was grown up but knew how to play, he knew how to commit to a relationship and compromise the little things. He could clearly communicate what he couldn't compromise and understood that I had things I couldn't compromise but we could compromise everything else that really wasn't that important.
His manners and kindness and consideration was a real turn on.......... He loved me for my intelligence and my sense of humor and for how we really enjoyed every day living together even with all the boring routines........... He never left the house without kissing me goodbye and hello......... We never had reasons to fight.........he was always so practical in finding solutions to anything that came up..........
I had never dated anyone that older before but now I am much more accepting of older men. | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 1/5/2008 8:04:53 PM | | I dated an older woman fairly recently, only a few years older. I wasn't sure I wanted to meet because of the not so clear pic. But, WOW! She was in amazing athletic shape, could easily have passed for 15 years younger. I might give an older woman a chance again. | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 1/7/2008 3:09:41 PM | | I have never dated a man older than me but I would...they just don't ask me. | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 1/7/2008 4:38:49 PM | | Well, the OP is gone now. Damn, the old fart is worried because he likes outdoor activities. That might say something about his energy level. It's kind of sad to see supposedly very grown up adults getting all wound up about age differences. Kind of sounds like junior high school. It's a date, just a date where they would find out how they match up together just like anyone else. If they like each other and want to continue seeing each other it is nobody's business but their own. It's time to let people out of the convenient little boxes we have created for them along with the artificial rules and just allow them to live their lives. | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 1/9/2008 10:37:03 AM | | I have no problem dating older men. However if the age difference is great (in your case 20 years), you have to look at a possible future where he can't be there for you. However, dating is just that: dating. If you want to experience the affection, attention, world-view of an older person, get out there! | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 6/15/2009 4:23:21 PM | | This post scares me. I'm 55; closer to 56 - nobody ever told me there were "concerns" and issues dating someone my age. Well, the OP was referring to a man in that age group, but sometimes the numbers game just isn't worth the stress. Enjoy life; enjoy each other. If it doesn't work out, it's not the end of the world. | |
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| dating over 55
Posted: 6/15/2009 6:22:30 PM | Someone here said that 55 is the new 35.
That is correct in more ways than one.
Due to nothing more than circumstance, I have been in several relationships where the
woman was 20 or more years younger than I. I didn't seek that age difference. It occured. One of the reaons that these particular women may have been attracted to me
is my attituide. I don't pay attention to age and maybe that comes out subliminally in my interactinos with women. I am not exactly sure but that 60 may be the new 40 is how we see ourselves. People are living lober and more healthy lives and are also experiencing romantic and erotic feelings at a more mature age.
Whoever says don't judge a person's age until you get to know him/her is right.
Otherwise you wind up limiting yourself and cheating yourself to a possiblly GREAT relationship.
Keep smiling and treating the opposite gender with patience and kindness and ultimately you will be the winner.Forget the age and concentrate on the HUMAN BEING | |
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