| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 12:29:40 PM | I am not sure if this is the place to post this, but I like this forum :)
I am just wondering if there are certain personailities that command appreciation and respect. I work as an exec. asst. to the CEO and Prez of a prominent company in N.Y. I know I didn't get the job because of my great smile...it' s a lot of work and responsibility. Anyways, i've been noticing certain people with whom i have to have contact, totally ignore my contributions to the company.
They'll praise and thank other people for doing things. But when I do things for them, which I don't really have to do, because they are not my responsibility, I don't get Jack...not even a Thank-you for going out of my way to help them...
I have begun to notice this in my private life as well. I work very hard for the people I love, but I feel that it has become expected. But let someone else, who doesn't support them or help them out, ask for favors, my Loved Ones are right there...
I know it sounds like i am in the self-pity bag. But I am really trying to find out if it's because certain people's personalities attract respect and appreciation, and if so, can we train ourselves to be more like them? | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 12:36:09 PM | | People never appreciate a good thing. So don't be a good thing. Be a total a-hole for a while and then people will praise you for just being halfway decent. Low expectations - that's the key. This is America babe! You don't get places by working hard and being cosiderate. You gotta run over people and dominate! Be the dominatrix of the company! And get some evidence that the CEO is banging some chick in the conference room. | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 12:36:30 PM | No- why wouldnt your hard work be appreciated and you be
thanked for your contributions-
Let me let you in on something - people are rude and ignorant that
is the personalities you are dealing with obviously-
Next time someone asks you to do something - tell them -
I would love to do it for you- but everytime I do something for you
I dont even get a thank you- why is that? Ask them- put the ball in
thier court - let them explain why they exhibit bad behavior towards you-
I know why and I can tell you why - you are probably very well spoken
and you are extremely beautiful so why should they compliment you - you
get compliments all the time- thats thier thinking probably-and you are probably
very good at your job - maybe alittle jealousy going on. | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 12:36:45 PM | You need to stop doing these things for other people....it is that simple.
Learn the word NO, it is painful at first , but they will survive.
The main reason is, you are starting to begrudge your kindness acts you give them, so stop doing them.
It will maintain your relationships better all around if you stop positioning yourself to get hurt by their rudeness and ingratitude. It does not make you a bad person to not do stuff for people.
I know this is not a profound piece of advise, but try it, it might help you be happier with you. ....and that is the important thing.
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 12:48:35 PM | Thanks Guys for the kind words and advice.
It's funny, because one of the reasons I was picked for this job is because of my kick-ass, take no prisoners attitude. I have found this in my relationship as well. My BF always remembers the first time he spoke to me i pretty much told him off, but he liked that i had a head on my shoulders...maybe this sort of attitude is a turn on at first, but then it becomes a turn off??? His friends (girls) are very Damsel in distress types that aren't very smart. | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 12:52:28 PM |
People never appreciate a good thing. So don't be a good thing. Be a total a-hole for a while and then people will praise you for just being halfway decent.
I sort of agree with him.. but not about the a$$hole part. Just don't be so accomodating to people who aren't appreciative, is all.
One of 2 things will happen. They'll wake up and notice that you aren't at their service, so to speak and be more appreciating or you'll have more time on your hands to do fun things. Either outcome rocks a$$. | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 12:54:13 PM | | Yep, well the "kick ass, take no prisoners" personality will often get someone the job ... but it can also alienate people ... it has to be used with thoughtfulness and applied strategically ... | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 12:55:53 PM |
Next time someone asks you to do something - tell them -
I would love to do it for you- but everytime I do something for you
I dont even get a thank you- why is that?
I agree with curly. And I think it would only take once.
And it would be a win-win situation for you. Either they would
realize how they've been treating you and do something about it...
or they would be insulted and get mad, and not ask you anymore
thus not wasting any more of your productive time on unappreciative people. | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 1:00:26 PM | I believe that certain personalities "demand" repect. Mine is one of them...and the 44magnum strapped to my hip say so... | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 1:01:23 PM | "I know it sounds like i am in the self-pity bag. But I am really trying to find out if it's because certain people's personalities attract respect and appreciation"
I hope your post doesn't get deleted (it's been marked as a troll post by some daft folks). This is a very valid question, and no, it's not self-pitying. You're recognising a problem, looking for patterns, and trying to improve your situation, which is the exact opposite of self-pity.
"and if so, can we train ourselves to be more like them?"
I think you're on the wrong track here. You'll never be happy, looking to others for your respect, or your appreciation -- certainly not people you work with. Even the most noble professions have back-stabbers, self-important types, selfish types, etc.
Instead, forget them, and help others simply because you enjoy doing it. Doing things for rewards that never come from others will only lead to resentment. But, if you do it because you genuinely want to make them happy, then the rewards are instant, because you know you've helped them, even if they don't notice. | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 1:25:27 PM | | I'm sure there are plenty of books out there on this subject, but one I have that has some helpful tips in it is called, "Nice Girls Don't Get The Corner Office 101. Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers". It was written by Lois P. Frankel. Whether you agree with everything that is written in it, it's worth a read and some serious consideration. The author is an internationally recognized coach who has worked with Fortune 500 companies, so she's got the background and experience to speak on the topic. | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 1:34:55 PM | You done nice things for others and are hurt because others didn't say thank you are think about it. Then you see other people hear it for doing something.
Normaly when people help people that wouldn't normaly help someone. They say thanks. Thats how you makes new freinds, and get on good sides with people. Sounds like they already like you, and might not know it afended you.
That are they don't like you, but then again when someone that you don't like helps you, you still say thanks. Just very fast like and move on. So I think they feel o.k. around you.
If your just low person on the toad pole at work. It might be they are just jerks snobs with their nose in the air. And what comes around goes around. Time holds all meaning. So don't sweat it. Just be a good person and do your job, and be nice when you can. Even if it means no pats on the back. (Personaly thinking, it does make you seam a little pampered to bring it up. Just a little.) | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 1:43:16 PM | I think you need to ask yourself if you're doing nice things for people to be kind and giving ... or if you're doing them for the thanks.
But when I do things for them, which I don't really have to do, because they are not my responsibility, I don't get Jack...not even a Thank-you for going out of my way to help them... | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 1:48:40 PM |
I think you need to ask yourself if you're doing nice things for people to be kind and giving ... or if you're doing them for the thanks.
I'm not sure if doing things out of the kidness of your heart applies in Corporate America... I may be wrong, but I seldom see that displayed. | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 2:30:49 PM |
I'm not sure if doing things out of the kidness of your heart applies in Corporate America... I may be wrong, but I seldom see that displayed. Someone whom I consider very wise said recently "if you wish the world was more loving, then be more loving" (I paraphrasing him). he quoted Gandhi: "Be the change that you want to see in the world".
Curly Girl's suggestion is good but here's an alternative to asking for gratitude. Show more gratitude yourself. If you keep thanking people for small things, recognising what they do, maybe they will pick up the habit from you.
And also, if it makes you feel sad that people don't seem to do much out of the kindness of their hearts in your world, change it by acting out of the kindness of your own heart. You may be surprised just how much that changes things for you. | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 2:57:36 PM | I feel that certain personalities DO indeed attract respect and appreciation. But that doesn't mean the respect and appreciation are going to last a lifetime. Familiarity often breeds contempt (in the business world)...or at the least...an expectation of the behavior from the individual. After a period of time, there's no need to express respect or appreciation. Indeed...I think that expecting the person to express it would breed contempt at that point..even in personal relationships.
This is very clear in personal relationships. You might bake your lover his favorite cookies, and he'll happily eat them..but you do it all the time so it's no big deal. His sister might surprise him with one of his favorites and he'll sing her praises for days. Afterall, she rarely does it, and you do it all the time. And how many times have you yourself thanked your parents for things they do/did for you, that you expected? that you took forgranted? There are likely thousands of examples.
Such is life.
Edit: I think being aware of this and ensuring that YOU don't take your loved ones acts forgranted, will increase the liklihood of a successful relationship. | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 3:02:56 PM | I'm a likeable personality...
Co-existing with me on a round-the-clock basis?...That's altogether a different matter! | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 4:00:08 PM | | OP, it's no different in the public sector. What you have to do is to be heard! Make yourself known. You don't have to be arrogant about it either. And let them know your skills and capabilities. I have done this and have gotten several promotions since and going for more, whereas before I was in your situation and got nothing. But one thing you don't want to do is to be an a**kisser. | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 4:04:36 PM | Hokay! I spend to much time in forums now.
When it shocks me that El_Mariachi agrees with something The_Chadster said.  | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 4:13:25 PM | ~OP~ I know exactly what you mean. Near the end of my marriage, I was nothing more than another piece of furniture. Needing someplace to set an objects??? I was there, but not acknowledged otherwise. The proverbial invisible table. Sigh.
I think it's "in" us someway. We are the do'ers. Those who do for others and don't get much back in return. I was in my mid 30s where I decided to try a different route. I learned the fine art of the word "NO." Oddly, now ~ no one asks for much but my time. It's heavenly. And, they actually thank me for my time/efforts. Talk about a shocker.
I wouldn't go so far as to say co-dependency, but the two do run side by side at times. you'll get sick of it and re-invent who you are. It's draining and it's a constant disappointment. Good luck to ya.  | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 4:19:53 PM | It's hard to be the person who makes sure that the person representing the company (the figurehead) and therefore the public personna of the company itself is always at their best to the extent humanly possible.
And going out of your way to create unity, harmony, teamwork etc. in that person's absence or when they are busy doing something else is just a part of the job.
But once you are at home you have every right to be just as human as the next person. Trouble is you wouldn't have been hired unless you were basically a helpful, responsible, people-person to begin with.
On a far smaller scale than the prestige of a CEO in New York City, I too have often excelled as the boss's assistant. I've also cracked under the stress once too.
Not because I kiss a$s but because I'm smart enough to know that if he or she falls then so does the whole company including my own job and all the people I've come to love...even the ones who p!ss me off don't p!ss me off to the degree that I want to see the whole ship sink.
Like some of the other posters have said, give yourself permission to say no when appropriate. It takes time but no doubt you'll get a handle on it.
I've had family do the same thing. It was a lot easier for me to say "ya got that f^cking wrong" in some cases because I didn't even meet these 'birth family' members till I was 15 and it just wasn't my cross to bear. | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 4:36:24 PM | well i think this is the right forum,when does our relationship start!
its great to help others so start with me
thanks
john | |
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| Likeable Personalities
Posted: 5/30/2007 5:33:06 PM | ....why do you expect a thank you when you do something? don'tcha do it to be tha kinda person ya want to be? after all, when someone ain't grateful or don't show thier appreciation, it's THEIR personality traits showin up bad, not yers. By settin a standard fer yerself an keepin to it...you will become a better person. Those folk who don't appreciate yer efforts ain't gonna make tha long haul, whether in business, in play, or at home...all you can do is meet yer standards, not thiers.
And if ya lower yerself to thier level, then yer gonna become jest like them. Don't base yer feel-good on whether or not yer appreciated by someone like that.
....Just outgrow them........ | |
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