| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/1/2007 9:19:00 PM | I just realized something.............The whole North American Continent is suffering from POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER caused by DIVORCE..........................
men, women and their children and probably their pets as well, or any other creature within ear shot has been victimized by it for the last 60 years. The whole continent has been traumatized by it...........have we all become mental, emotional and spiritual messes because of it? Many have chosen "SEX ONLY" as a solution to it's rippling effects.......since it is the best part of a relationship, and perhaps the only way to get close to another person without being traumatized by it again. STD's and Oral STD's have increased due to multiple partners. Have most of us "shut down" and have we become incapable of giving to each other on a mental, emotional and spiritual level? | |
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| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/1/2007 9:31:52 PM | Well Said!!
The sanctity of marriage seems to no longer exist among most!
and the children will only learn what they have experienced...
causing a continuous rippling effect!
It is like when the honeymoon period is over in the relationship, marriage;
its time to move on! ...
There is counselling available......for trouble in marriages',sickness,
even abuse.
Trauma and stress will continue until people comes to terms with
the fact that marriage is a partnership, a lifetime to spend with eachother,
in sickness and in health.
Well said OP. | |
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| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/1/2007 9:42:42 PM | Yes. It is true. I blame it all on the TV myself. People are trying to adapt to an unnatural thing. It does not work, and it will not work.
If we value our lives, our relations, and our children, then we will take serious note to divorce and the reasons for it. Most do not even notice the effects, in fact, most grew up this way and know no different.
It is an issue, whether we admit it or not. | |
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| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/1/2007 9:56:33 PM | | I think sex is a very important part of a relationship but not THE most important part. The older you get the more you enjoy it (most of the time) But I think honesty and being loyal are MUCH more important. With ALOT of humor thrown in. You have to be able to take life as it comes and not get too serious about alot of things. | |
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| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/1/2007 10:07:16 PM | | Since the early 1950's the divorce rate has been increasing steadily and I am seeing young people not really knowing how to function in a relationship because they have lost their role models, so they seek "SEX ONLY", to avoid the crippling effects of divorce. I am sure most of us are products of divorcing parents. | |
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| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/1/2007 10:23:28 PM | Why would I want to stick with a woman, or even marry a woman, knowing that there is a better chance than not that it will end in a divorce? Why bother? I think that I will save myself the heartache of a woman getting ‘bored’ with me.
BTW, women initiate the divorce more often then men, and the reason does need a little light shed on it. Divorces from Bored women are substantially more significant than divorces from beaten/abused women. WTF??? | |
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| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/1/2007 10:28:58 PM | I don't know if I would go as far as calling it that, but I must agree that it has gotten to a point where people are opting out of marriages for some not very good or reasonable reasons now. In the 1950's it was almost social suicide to be divorced and the courts made you feel even lower for trying for one and it was a difficult process. The churches counseled you and tried to assist the couple in working things through. Today you can have a do it yourself divorce and in some cases you don't ever have to step into a courtroom. Accusations without substance are made and tolerated and it is an emotional jousting match. Realy rather pathetic.
People have turned financial woes into divorce reasons and would rather give up than solve the problem. The olf favourite is infidelity. That is more of a reason for finding what is lacking in the marriage ,,,, usually communication and understanding and compassion. Rather than working through it and making the union stronger because of it, they split and become bitter and carry the baggage out in front, without any attempt to shield the children from it.
It used to be the only acceptable reasons for divorce were abuse (mental or physical), abandonment and infidelity. Infidelity was the weakest excuse and the laws usually encouraged someone to attempt to work it through.
In today's system, the excuses don't even realy have to have foundation. They just see the want of a divorce and it moves ahead. In the process many lives are twisted or damaged and usually the children become the casualties of the spitfullness that ensues.
One can not blame anyone for being overly cautious and for lacking the trust in the sanctity of marriage or even a close relationship.
It is a pretty pathetic look at what society has become, compared to just 2 to 3 generations ago. | |
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M.I.
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Joined: 2/2/2007
Msg: 11 | |
| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/2/2007 1:04:10 AM |
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by divorce? Give me a flipping break!
Meslissajoan, you can't be very far along in your divorce, or you are just have no feelings and are shut off.
Whether you hate a STBX or not, at some point, the loss of a marriage SHOULD affect you negatively.
If not, you are very rare, and everything must have been wrong since prior to the start of any relationship with this person.
You have a long ways to go. | |
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| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/2/2007 1:33:21 AM | Of course there is a t r a u m a following the break-up, living apart and eventually ending up in divorce. The one who didn't betray and was honest to the letter "I do" suddenly found themselves engulfed by all these negative feelings as to WHY?!
As it was mentioned on other forums, family ~ friends and even professional counselling helps but by the end of the day the one has to help themselves, has to break that vicious circle of sounding like a broken record and dwelling in the past.
One can learn from the past but most of all one can make a future, a better future. Pick up the positive threads from the failed relationship and when you strong enough inside, surely a couplehood would make every day worth living. | |
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| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/2/2007 8:46:29 AM |
Being someone who has actually had PTSD... I find this whole analogy somewhat offensive.
Why? All members of a family are affected by this. I had real crappy parents. They were stupid about the world. They divorced when I was ten. I grew up seeing only the negative side of marriage. How many adults today have been affected by divorce? The family structure today is one of parting ways. | |
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| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/2/2007 9:37:48 AM | | i stronly agree with this, i was 14 when my parents split, it didnt affect me as much as it did for my brother,he was 9 at the time and he thought it was his fault. i am also divorsed and i think sosioties biggest problem is temptation, but it seems everyone is going for it,many of husbands and wives have been cheated on or got married way too early and lost the conection | |
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| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/2/2007 11:10:49 AM | I think this a very good point the Op has put before us...Although I don't believe we all suffer from PTSD, the behavior patterns of people today almost mimic it...What people are doing is acting out of "fear" and fear isn't PTSD...
Lots of people genuinely develop PTSD after the demise of relationships...It can be very traumatizing for some people...
I have had PTSD but not from the demise of a relationship, i also had to get treatment for it...So, I do see the correlation, that the OP has so intelligently put forth...
Someone mentioned that they were offended from the her statements because they use to have PTSD...I am not offended and the form of PTSD I had was diagnosed with was "severe" which I had extensive therapy for, the same type of therapy as Police officers and combat vets go threw..and I don't find this posting offensive, it is very insightful and not a shot at PTSD what so ever...
It is "fear" that is perpetrating the dysfunctional behavior, of modern relationships...
Thanks for the cool posting!... | |
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| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/2/2007 4:00:22 PM | Here is an idea, lets blame all of our problems on somebody else.
I can't commit because mommy and daddy split up... I can't commit because my ex ****ed me over. Grow a spine and take resonsability for your own life.
I have been screwed over in the past, and you know what it was the past. I still want a one on one commited relationship before I have sex. Guess I am the strange one.
BTW: Spend six months being sniped at, and looking at mass graves and then talk to me about PTSD. | |
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| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/2/2007 4:25:06 PM | | Sirk1, the topic is about the dysfunction of our society. Percentage of divorces and why people do not commit to each other. I am sorry to hear about your difficulties, but you are taking this way to personally. | |
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| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/2/2007 7:01:01 PM | | And TRanslation if it wasn't for the Viet Nam vets none of you would even know what PTSD is. This society suffers far more from a lack of morals and values than it ever did from PTSD. I doupt any of you even know what the h*ll it is. | |
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| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/2/2007 7:25:11 PM |
This society suffers far more from a lack of morals and values than it ever did from PTSD.
A perfect example Hiway-Man. My dad is a Vietnam vet and was never treated for PTSD. He made an attempt at a wife and children and the whole thing crashed apart. The children do not see why, they were devastated and dysfunctional themselves.
Where are the morals and values? This younger generation was raised by the TV because the parents were unable to cope with issues. My dad, as long as I have known him, has lived off of the TV. He evades life and has always refused to deal with real life issues.
This post is about our society. Where are the morals and values? How do we fix this broken thing? People that do get married know that there is better than a 50% chance that it will end in divorce.
Have we not all been affected by these things? How do we fix it? | |
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| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/2/2007 7:27:23 PM | PDSS is a silly suggestion.
It is easy to get married. People get married for the wrong reasons and it is easy to get divorced. Marriage will change in this country and likely globally simply because we will continue to evolve as a culture. In my opinion marriage will become less and less important as are world speeds up. Information continues to come at us faster and faster and our ability to process this information becomes more difficult. Look at the number of people that are diagnosed with ADD. We are so distracted that we can't focus on much of anything let alone relationships. We have become a race of people looking for instant gratification in every aspect of our lives including relationships. So, look for marriage to become more like a auto lease. Eventually we will see short term renewable marriage contracts with build in prenuptial clauses. This will also address the whole gay marriage issue. People will enter into marriage knowing they have an out. Isn’t that really what we have presently with divorce anyway? | |
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| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/2/2007 7:43:32 PM | | Tranlation right now there are only 53000 +/- combat vets with PTSD in this country .Treated or not. Are you gonna tell me that the 50% divorce rate in this coun try is because of the trouble these vets cause??? Women raise the majority of these kids. And have been since the 60's or better. More kids are screwed up in this country from drugs and alcohol than any combat vet. Instead of judging your dad maybe you should find out what PTSD really is. And yes this thread addressed PTSD specifically. | |
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| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/2/2007 10:15:06 PM | hiway-man, I am not judging my dad, I am only stating facts. My dad is a good guy; he had a lot of overloads in life that he could not handle. His life dwindled to TV and Movies.
I never once stated that vets caused any trouble. You brought up the vets and their PTSD. I stated that that was a good example, and used my own experience to example it from.
In Msg: 4 I stated that I blame the TV. It is a cheep excuse and an easy way out. Instead of people, men, being better husbands, better fathers, and try for better lives, they turn to the TV. It is an easy way out, it is a break from reality, and it is addictive. It is biologically addictive. If you need me to explain how the flashing lights affect the body’s neuron/chemical balance, then I will.
I know exactly what PTSD is. The original post states that she believes that there is a causal effect of divorce that is going unnoticed. She labeled it PTSD caused by divorce. I am sure that you would be willing to advocate that divorce has a negative impact on all involved.
The TV went mainstream in the US and Canada in the 50’s, soon after crime rose. The TV went mainstream in South Africa in the 70’s, soon after crime rose. Since those times, divorce rates are still climbing. | |
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| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:10:22 AM | Since you all claim you know what the disorder is, I'll enlighten the few who don't, or assume they do, and are wrong.
Main Entry: post-traumatic stress disorder
Function: noun
: a psychological reaction occurring after experiencing a highly stressing event (as wartime combat, physical violence, or a natural disaster) that is usually characterized by depression, anxiety, flashbacks, recurrent nightmares, and avoidance of reminders of the event -- abbreviation PTSD; called also post-traumatic stress syndrome
I was reading this post, and I also found the comparison offensive.
I have PTSD from being abused as a child, and I have to say, that comparing something traumatic, to a divorce, is ridiculous.
I myself am STILL dealing with this disorder, and don't believe it is "fixable". There are ways of dealing with/controlling the problems it brings about, but if you were to actually experience a PTSD episode(I.E. Flashback, recurrent nightmare), you most definitely would not think it resembled a divorce in any way shape or form.
Now mind you, I haven't been through a divorce, except as the child of one.
Comparing the two is laughable at best.
Now I do understand that people who go through a divorce, are sometimes put through a lot of stress, but I highly doubt it's anything compared to what this disorder refers to.
As for Translation's idea that the TV is to blame, seriously, did you even read what was said?
Here is an idea, lets blame all of our problems on somebody else.
You are only placing the blame on an inanimate object.
Place the blame where it actually belongs, inside yourself. Everyone makes their own choices in life, some of them are bad, some are good. Take responsibility for your actions and words, instead of trying to blame others, or even things. | |
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| Post Traumatic Stress Disorder caused by Divorce
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:53:48 AM | I have never met so many professional psychologists in the same thread before.
As for Translation's idea that the TV is to blame, seriously, did you even read what was said?
Yes, I did, and thank you for asking the question.
How about this. It is my fault. My parents divorce is my fault. The reason my dad threw my mom around was my fault. Him not coping with life is my fault. The reason that there are so many men around the nation that would rather sit in front of the TV instead of being a productive family member, that also is my fault. Hell, while I am at it, how about all world problems, yes, all problems of this world are my fault. One more while I am at it, the big bang, yep, that was my fault.
Now mind you, I haven't been through a divorce, except as the child of one.
Ironically, you suffered as a child, parents divorced, and have PTSD. Is that not what this thread is about? Multiple people here are stating that I have no clue as to what this thread is about; I would ask those people to go back and read the first post again.
Did anyone actually read the first post? | |
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