| | Dating frustration in your 30s?Page 1 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | I've found it extremely frustrating trying to date again when I'm in my 30s. I just turned 36, and feel like I don't fit into today's dating field. I never really was a "dater"... I hooked up with my ex when I was 24, so I can't really say I'm that experienced at dating.
But when I became single again, I started going out with friends to the bars/clubs. What I found was a lot of really attractive women, but they were atleast 10 years younger than myself. That might work well if I was a billionaire oil-tycoon, but as a regular joe, it is a huge obstacle.
And in this area, if you try to attend a "singles" event, it is predominately attended by people in the 40+ age range.
It seems that people in their 30s are unavailable (either married or have children) or are too busy with their lives to have the time or the energy to go out and meet people, nor are there really any places for them to go and meet people.
Which makes dating sites so popular. Its a way for busy people to meet and greet people that fall within their acceptable limits (location, age, etc.) But here I sit in front of my computer, still dateless after 2 years of using these sites.
Has anyone else felt this frustration? I'd love to hear other people's opinions of this.
And please don't try to psychoanalize me, and say that the reason I'm still dateless is because I lack self-confidence or some other b.s. like I'm not emailling enough people. Thats not what this post is about. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/2/2007 12:25:28 PM | From what I can see from your post, your screwed....
I guess all the others on POF should take note and note divorce in their 30's... | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/2/2007 2:03:51 PM | | U are NOT alone in this problem. I am 33 and a single mom. I don't do the whole bar or club scene, and meeting people is not the easiest thing in the world to do. Unfortunately most men in my area are just looking for a one night stand and when they realize that i'm a single mom they tend to run the other way. In my opinion, most men who are looking for someone in my age group also want someone with a 20 year old's body. But like yourself, i'll keep looking at these sites and hope to find someone who isn't shallow or tooooooooo young or old. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/2/2007 9:39:36 PM | | Dating is completely frustrating. I've never even had a relationship before. I finally feel ready to get out there & meet people and I don't even know what to think anymore. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/2/2007 10:18:30 PM | Yes, OP, I feel your frustration. Aside from the dating sites I've been on, I belong to a non-profit, social organization, and it's the same story there... too young or too old. I've also worked for 2 different companies in the last 4 years that were large (300+ employees in one building) and predominantly female (2 or more women for every man), and I've only managed one relationship from either. Of course, she was 11 years older than me and we didn't have much in common other than work...
And you know what's even worse than age, John? Distance. I don't know how many profiles I've read like this one above me who'd be a great match for me, but she lives in another country. After 2 months, I've only found 2, good prospects that I haven't met yet... one lives over an hour away, and the other lives 2 1/2 hours away.
Some days I just want to give up and get me a mail-order bride...  | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/3/2007 6:15:21 AM | I'm 25 and I don't like dating women my age. They, regardless of age, still want me to be that billionaire oil tychoon. I like dating older women because they have their feet on the ground and their heads out of their ---'s. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:33:44 AM | | It is extremely frustrating....but then again I've always found it so, even in my 20's. It's hard to find someone that can relate to you and not simply be out there looking for a casual friend. Where are all the serious ones looking to hook up? When your in your thirties...its damn near impossible to find someone to be with. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/3/2007 8:47:03 AM | | The problem these days is there are too many players, whether they be male or female. No one seems interested in a relationship unless it involves sex the first time they meet u. Or they are looking to jump into a relationship instead of taking things slow and getting to know the other person. If people would just stop with the head games and enjoy life and the time they spend with a person, maybe dating wouldn't be so hard especially for those of us in our 30's. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/3/2007 1:23:53 PM | | I feel your pain my friend. I've gotten 9 phone numbers, and went on 7 dates through pof or my-space this past year, and none of them where my type at all. Funny thing is, i'm not that picky, and see "my type" out there in society quite often. It's just when I approach these women I get nothing back at all. It is very complicated, and I've kinda givin up till I have more to offer(bigger salary, house, quit smoking, etc). I've been in two very meaningful relationships, one 4 year and another 7 year, but i was close friends with those two ladies for over a year before the romance blossomed. Now most of my female friends ironically fall between the ages of 18-21, and as a 30 year old, I would not feel comfortable dating or hooking up with a woman of that age. I'm not a player, I consider myself mildly attractive, and I absolutely love to love...not sure what's going on and never figured I would be single this long. Somedays I would give everything to be able to hold my girl tight and tell her I love her, but my social situation and my lack of pick up skills make that scenario very unrealistic right now. Oh well at least I have freedom lol. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/4/2007 12:59:17 PM | For any of us in our thirties I agree that it's extremely frustrating! Seems that it is harder to meet people now. Maybe because we don't frequent the same places we used to? Or maybe that we have grown up and are looking for something specific.
Most people (I think) in our age group are married. The one's of us who aren't have been burned in past relationships and are somewhat 'gunshy'. So, that makes it a little harder. Not to mention, I don't know about you, but I can't flirt as easily as I did when I was younger! I guess I am a little more, ummm reserved? Ok, SCARED! LOL
Also, I agree with one of the above posts that there are so many people who are players (women & men alike) which makes it rather difficult to find something 'real'. Personally, I wonder why there are so many people like that. Maybe it is because they didn't get to sow their so called 'wild oats' when they needed to? I don't know... but, it is very frustrating! | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/4/2007 2:35:05 PM | InteractiveJohn:
I know I'm going to get crap for this, but my issue isn't the fact that there are less women to date (which is actually true I suppose, since they are getting married or are by my age), but the fact that I find that women in my age demo are much more "jaded" and for me, dating has been less fun in my age bracket, than with women over 40 who have (IMHO) become "cougarized" or women in the mid 20's who haven't felt the multiple burns of dating/marriage hell. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/14/2007 10:31:55 PM | Around age 33, I felt I was ready for a relationship (after being single for about 11 years from my first, and only, girlfriend in college) - and it took me 2 years after that to find someone. I know it's cliche , but I was at the verge of giving up and accepting the fact I might be alone for the rest of my life, before my girlfriend found me.
I had done the dating sites, the singles groups, and the speed dating routes, not to mention just asking women out, all to no avail. I didn't join the social club to find anyone, but I did meet someone and we went on several dates before it frittered out. I admit, I'm not Mr. Social and I'm quite shy. But the one thing I did get out of this 2-year search was that by gaining female friends (I know, I hated the "let's just be friends" deal, but it's not always so bad), I felt more comfortable around the opposite sex. Even just joking around with a waitress or being personable, without hitting on her, can help too.
Was dating frustrating? Sure was! And nothing like getting hit on by an 70ish year old woman when you're at your lowest point (I'm not kidding - really). But I wouldn't trade those 2 years now, as I'd like to think I learned and grew. I would recommend joining a mixed gender activities group, without any expectations of dating. That seemed to help me.
Good luck, and I know it's not easy out there. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/15/2007 10:42:19 PM | It is very frustrating a my age to date!!! Key word date. I want to go out and have fun, get to know someone, test the water for a while before deciding whether or not to move things along. Men nowadays think if you haven't put out by the standard 3rd date, that they are just wasting their time. I know that times have changed, and in my twenties I didn't mind rushing things because if things didn't work than, oh well! But now I am a lot wiser and honestly don't want a relationship built around hot sex*. I want one built around communication, trust, respect and friendship. Men my age either want arm candy, or just a piece of a$$. I don't mind if a man has a pot belly, or is balding, or greying! But even they think they need eye candy. I am a very pretty girl, with a wonderful heart and am extremely loyal, but b/c of my weight, men tend to think I'm only good for a piece of a$$ and I have way to much self worth to buy into that attitude. I am honestly happy being single, lots of pluses, but would still like some male companionship once in a blue moon! I definitely don't wonder if I will find any, but am quite content if I don't!
*This is a bonus!
Good luck fishies! | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/15/2007 11:21:14 PM | | I'm 34 and what I have noticed is that most women don't have time to date but every once in a while and they get asked by so many men that your chances become slim to none. Most of the time they date the best looking guys first (which normally just use them) and then they assume all men are jerks. It's messed up. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/16/2007 4:21:05 PM | And in this area, if you try to attend a "singles" event, it is predominately attended by people in the 40+ age range...
Has anyone else felt this frustration? I'd love to hear other people's opinions of this...
I tried to go to some singles events. I found them to have an overabundance of two types of people. People who were looking for a husband instead of dating and those who were seriously overweight.
While I can understand the need not to waste time with guys who wont commit, why go for guys who commit before they even know your last name? I am looking to date with the possibility for more, not jump into a relationship and see if it works.
As far as the weight, it's just my personal preference to date people who have close to an average body mass. | |
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Druie
| | Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 19 | |
| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/16/2007 5:29:28 PM | For me it's very much a case of working a lot and not having the time to go socialise. I'm not a barfly, not a clubber, and don't belong to any church groups.
I came off a 9 year relationship, which started in my mid-20s and now I'm in my mid-30s and trying to navigate this whole dating scene and trying to build friendships/relationships. Where do I go? Where ever I go I either bump into peeps in their 40s and beyond or youngsters.
If only I had the body of Demi Moore, then I could snag me a youngin like Ashton Kutcher 
It's gotten to the point that I have asked my parents if they know of any fellows within their "ethnic" community who are available. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/16/2007 6:23:45 PM | Have you tried speed dating? It's the only other avenue I've found so far appropriate for my selection process. It actually works really well. The first time I tired it all the people I met were really nice. Not necessarily gentlemen I was attracted to beyond the evening however it was a nice night out and if you were to connect you would probably figure it out in the eight minutes. As a side benefit one of the ladies I met there is now my friend. I tried it a second time but really wasn't in the proper head space although my new friend was there that evening as well and we had a good time.
The neat thing about speed dating is you can choice events by preferences. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/16/2007 6:52:07 PM | I think I understand why women turn gay now? However I am far from it and dont even see that happening. I feel everyones pain. Some say they arent picky and have no luck on the other hand I am picky and have bad luck.
I am trying to figure out what exactly I did to upset God so I can asked for forgiveness.
Anyways Happy Saturday all and Good Luck! | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/16/2007 7:12:15 PM | | Dude, sorry, very simple comment, lose the facial hair, your not married anymore, many of my friends could not get dates to save their lives, shaved , no problem,. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/16/2007 7:49:56 PM | I hear ya John! It's really frustrating. They changed my favorite bar where the patrons were from all ages into a dance club, now it's more a 19 to 22 age range. Wich is one of the reasons I ventured into online dating.... but I have found after 3 years of being on dating websites, it's just a higher level of frustration. lol
I am moving in 6 days and have allready researched what are the best bar to go to. I have found a few that are more of a 30 something bar/pub. The only advice I can give you is to do the same, ask freinds or coworkers if they know of any bars with a 30 something crowd. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/16/2007 8:01:34 PM | That's YOUR friends.
I've had the same luck - good *and *bad - with or without facial hair.
If your friends had more success without facial hair, then it wasn't the lack of the hair that changed things, it was their attitude and how they carried themselves. | |
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| Dating frustration in your 30s?
Posted: 6/16/2007 11:51:46 PM | | I guess we reach an age where we know what we do/dont want, it seems frustrating but the bigger picture is always better, the reason why you havent met someone as yet is because you arent content with ur single life, stop looking and u will find....desperation speaks a thousand languages, and women will pick that up....the minute u accept being single she will turn up. trust me .......good luck | |
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