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 Amber2007
Joined: 2/7/2007
Msg: 1
Not Single/Not LookingPage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I am in a relationship but like to talk to people on this site because I just like to make new friends. I am honest and open about being in a relationship but still I get messages from guys that want to hook up with me. Why is that? :thinking:
 Bluezzz
Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 2
Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/2/2007 9:49:01 PM
Answer: read/deleted, or unread/deleted - solves all the frustration of having to deal with them.


Bluezzz
 blue sunshine
Joined: 12/23/2005
Msg: 3
Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/2/2007 9:51:46 PM
Because the worst you can say is no. One in 50 (or less...hmmmm give or take let's say) might give in! lol
 Manmademan0083
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 4
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Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/2/2007 10:16:35 PM
there are a LOT of guys on the site using the "shotgun" approach. Hit on enough women, send enough messages out, someone will bite.

Don't take it personally. I'm willing to bet more than a few of these guys don't even read the profiles.
 neil89
Joined: 8/16/2006
Msg: 5
Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/2/2007 10:21:35 PM
since when do guys read the profiles???????????????????
 nik0
Joined: 8/12/2006
Msg: 6
Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/2/2007 10:26:47 PM
Guys are generally visual. They are more impressed with what they see, rather than what they read. That said, and so I don't get my head bitten off, obviously there are exceptions.
 nawtyBBW47
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 7
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Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/2/2007 10:29:55 PM
is that what not single/not looking means?? just here to make friends and participate on forums? Just wondering...yes i really want to know the definition of not single/not looking
 debb1110
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 8
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Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/2/2007 10:33:52 PM
Maybe bcause this is a DATING site
 Clematis
Joined: 6/4/2006
Msg: 9
Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/2/2007 10:38:04 PM
Hmmm; your question hurts my brain...
 LeSportSac
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 10
Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/2/2007 10:46:04 PM
Guys are jerks with no respect for relationships that's my thinking on it.


 nik0
Joined: 8/12/2006
Msg: 11
Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/2/2007 11:06:00 PM
Am I supposed to answer the question? I am totally confused haha

Maybe it's just past my bedtime.... that's it.
 Deranged
Joined: 12/3/2005
Msg: 12
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Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/2/2007 11:19:57 PM
Maybe bcause this is a DATING site

only a dating site? then someone needs to tell admin to take off the "looking for friends" option, as well as the "not single/not looking option".

that'll clear up a lot of confusion.




"shotgun approach". yup. i've asked a few of these guys why they even bother to email a woman not looking. and what they've told me is that they only look at pictures. if they like the picture they send out their (lame) "hows it going, wanna chat?" message. try asking these guys why they've messaged you. some may be assholes in their responses, but i find most will tell you honestly that they didnt read the profile.
 piratress
Joined: 5/8/2007
Msg: 13
Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/2/2007 11:24:26 PM
It's a good choice for those of us not looking for new romantic encounters. I've used it in the past even when not in a relationship...just to ward off unwanted emails... sometimes it gets a bit much.

But, on point to the topic here... yes, guys will use what one Poster described perfectly as the 'shot gun' method. I have male friends here who are in relationships and they say the women are just as persistent in ignoring their status. It cuts both ways I reckon.
 crazylilting
Joined: 8/11/2006
Msg: 14
Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/3/2007 12:33:36 AM
At first glance your profile seems innocent enough. Stating your in a relationship. But really the things you are wanting to do are with men??? You are actively searching for men to hang out with. This could definitely be seen as keeping ones options open. Its not like you have these friends and they are important to you.

Perhaps your someone who is completely naive but i hardly doubt it. Think about it your in a relationship. What kind of men are you going to attract? Its not like there are no single woman for men to hang about with, where there is no gray area. It would be different if you said you and your bloke were looking to hang out with other people and clarified it wasn't sex.

Anyhow. If your that naive you need to wake up before you unintentionally hurt either your boyfriend or the men you are going to meet or you need to make yourself available and only settle down when you are ready to do this. Their is enough heart break as it is without careless actions of others to create more.

crazylilting
 Little Mrs Forlorn
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 15
Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/3/2007 3:59:43 AM
For those that need claification
Not single/not looking means ya in a relationship and for my part ..all ya want is to chat ,,, NOT to meet
if i were this young lady I too would change the first date part of her profile to relate the activities are to be done with her and her SO.
Sometimes ya have to be blunt to get the point across... those that cant read have messaged, insulted and some have been even more down right nasty ...to me
Because in all essense it a datin site they dont understand why ya want to chat
ive been asked why i profess a happy relationship yet im here
Doh I like to talk... and say someone needs advise .. im not the best but i just might be able to help

flips question back at others...why for the most part does talk/email for some men mean ... im married but cant say that ... so ill get the women by saying talk email (till we can meet)?
 urbanfever
Joined: 7/9/2006
Msg: 16
Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/3/2007 4:58:05 AM
In order for this to be possible then the POF website would have to be drastically changed. For example if your profile says “Not Single/Not Looking” then there should be a facility that prevents men emailing you for something more than a chat. i.e. if they have on their profile “looking” then it should prevent any contact, and contact would be done only through the forums. Some men are opportunists, that's life.

So don’t blame the men blame the system.
 .Marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 17
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Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/3/2007 5:21:57 AM
It's kind of like people that pass out pamphlets at the mall. Most people are going to take being handed an add as, "Here, you throw this away." But someone will read it.... eventually.

I think it is nuts personally... but what can you do.
 Funny_Girl
Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 18
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Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/3/2007 5:32:10 AM

Because the worst you can say is no. One in 50 (or less...hmmmm give or take let's say) might give in! lol


Yep, yep! It's the "back door way in" deal. Some folks will take any opening they think exists.

While I don't feel strongly one way or the other, I chose "friends" because it was the only option left that worked for me, but it doesn't really work because of the very loose and varying meanings people attach to "friends", so I do wish there was a "forums only" option to choose. It'd make it a lot easier for me to ignore the bozos that absolutely refuse to acknowledge the picture of my boyfriend in my profile, the "not single/not looking" option I've chosen, as well as the sentence in which I state "I'm here for the forums--not looking". *sigh* I don't care for being rude to people, but dang...it's not my problem if they can't do simple math. I'm not here to be pen pals with other men, I'm here to participate in the forums and I've left my mail restrictions open for that reason. We're not supposed to "chat" in threads, so sometimes threads I've participated in flow over into my mail box. I have no problem with that, I enjoy it. But that's all..I don't want to hear from men that want anything more from me than that.

To the OP, I suppose it's price we pay for being on a site that's primarily for singles. We'll just have to make our own experience what we want it to be, and ignore the stuff that doesn't work for us, cause it isn't gonna change. :)
 Mystic77
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 19
Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/3/2007 5:34:00 AM
I like that outlook.pamphlets at the mall...........
I have stated on my profile clearly in my mind any ways. People will read whatever they want into your words. It all depsends what they are searching for off of here. Besides there is always two sides to every story & one draw back about online, is the misconceptions formed.

 sweets7703
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 20
Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/3/2007 6:37:30 AM
Too funny that this thread was posted last night when I was falling asleep...otherwise I would have posted the same thing!! I actually wrote something about it in my "about me" about it. My HEADLINE on my profile clearly states HAPPILY TAKEN. Not single not looking. Oh hell...so yo don't have to pop over to my profile...I have been on this site since about the middle of May...I am a newbie. I finally put a picture up last night so as to not be the anonymous forum girl and as soon as I did I was bombed with messages. Not saying I am this hot mama by no means, but come on...did anybody see my headline. I am definately up for meeting new people I am a very social person...but that is as far as it goes. Yeah my profile says looking for man for friends...I think the moderator needs to put one in there that say "either", (man or woman).

I guess that it is natural instinct, you see something you like, you go after it...I did it when I was single. That's how I met my boyfriend. His smile knocked my socks off! I could very well have messaged him without reading his profile, but that isn't who I am...His profile intrigued me even more! (We met on a different site, but we are both on POF).

So, with that said...all you can do is push delete to the people that you don't want to talk to or write them back and say "are you blind or did you just not take the time to read my profile"
 iamasiam
Joined: 2/16/2007
Msg: 21
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Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/3/2007 6:49:46 AM
For people who are use the not single option, replace your profiles with large headings such as :

CRAZY STALKER GIRL LOOKING TO ANNOY YOU, SPEND ALL YOUR MONEY.

Give them what they want but amp it up a million times.
That should scare those who cannot or choose not to read profiles away.

 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 22
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Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/3/2007 6:51:06 AM
OP, if you went to a bar and you were not interested, how many guys would try and chat you up? And how many guys keep on asking a woman to go out with her, when she has said she does not want a date until she says yes? A lot? Well, the same guys are also on POF.


They think if they keep trying, they will hook up. They are not interested in keeping you happy. Just expect to ignore a lot of emails. It only takes a minute or 2.

For those of us who are also into having friends, this site is well worth it. I just chatted to someone in Canada for over an hour yesterday. Had a fantastic time.


So...keep fishing. Oh, and the best way to meet new friends is thru the forums. They will see your posts and discover your personality that way. So...get posting!
 Amber2007
Joined: 2/7/2007
Msg: 23
Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/3/2007 9:57:52 PM
hrmmm...yah i have changed my profile several times trying to word things right. i am not naive i just like to have people to talk to. i get along better with makes typically. i get along good with girls too if they are the country girl/tomboy types that are not all valley girl stuck up snobs...
eh anyway....
 blip
Joined: 9/28/2006
Msg: 24
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Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/3/2007 10:05:48 PM
Mabe try hiding your profile, to keep the illiterate bastids away. If you are here foor forums and to keep in touch with friends, that will keep the riff raff out.
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 25
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Not Single/Not Looking
Posted: 6/3/2007 10:10:59 PM
Amber2007 - just be nice, and when you are contacted by a guy wanting to hook up - remind him that you are here for the forums and to make new friends. If they are only out for sex they will move on and problem solved. If they make an a$$ of themselves - familiarize yourself with the block feature. There are people out there who are not the sharpest knife in the drawer and needs things spelled out to them, like ..............
"N O T I N T E R E S T E D G O E L S E W H E R E"
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