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 melbeauty
Joined: 3/22/2007
Msg: 1
Help, can't get my guy to cummPage 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Okay I know this is odd but I really need help on this issue. I am having problems getting my boyfriend to cumm. He can go for hours and hours and nothing. Sometimes it gets really frustrating I am not used to this and honestly it isn't as pleasurable for me if he isn't pleased as well. I have never even heard of this problem before, he has no issues getting hard and I have tried everything. He tells me not to worry so much that I am doing fine and I have asked him if there is anything I am doing wrong or anything I could be doing for that matter and still nothing. Seriously in 4 months I made him cumm twice and that is it

If anyone has any kind of advice I would be much appreciated
 goodquestion
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 2
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Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/3/2007 4:31:13 PM
first off can he make himself cum. Is he on any medications that can have a lot to do with it there are a number of reasons for this but I think the first one is can he make himself cum and start from there.
 melbeauty
Joined: 3/22/2007
Msg: 3
Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/3/2007 4:32:47 PM
he says he can but it does take him a long time like hours, and no medications at all I am confused I have never known men to have this problem
 oggers
Joined: 5/10/2007
Msg: 4
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Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/3/2007 4:36:04 PM

in 4 months I made him cumm twice and that is it


so you CAN get him to cum , just not as often as you would like ... dont make an issue of it otherwise it will play on your - and his - mind and the sex will go downhill as anxiety takes over ..

Can you remember what was different when you DID make him come ? did you do anything different ? position? rhythm ? talking dirty ? If you can remember and do it again, great ... or try spicing things up with toys, role play, dressing up and such like ..
 goodquestion
Joined: 6/29/2005
Msg: 5
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Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/3/2007 4:37:27 PM
the next and only thing is to see a doctor you won't find the answer here I don't think. There is obviously something wrong or not right. I am sure he is not the only one that has an issue like this I would definately see a doctor.
 melbeauty
Joined: 3/22/2007
Msg: 6
Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/3/2007 4:38:36 PM
well we where in banff at a hotel and I gave him a full body massage with baby oil he came twice that night both orally. I know that seeing a doc could help but getting him to go could be fun. He has no troubles with erection just the actually cumming part so I was hoping some people could give me some ideas on what works for them
 oggers
Joined: 5/10/2007
Msg: 7
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Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/3/2007 4:52:33 PM

well we where in banff at a hotel and I gave him a full body massage with baby oil he came twice that night both orally.


Hotel = away from domestic pressures , work worries etc etc = relaxed !!
massage + oral = try it again ?
 rederer1
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 8
Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/3/2007 5:17:15 PM
Is sex the same routine? Maybe get rough, talk dirty and shit, whisper some super raunchy shit in his ear while you're on top. I dunno.....get creative.
 Frolicking~in~Oregon
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 9
Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/3/2007 5:26:30 PM
First use the correct words - get rid of the "I can't make him orgasm" thoughts. This will only make you feel bad and it shouldn't. It's not your repsonsibility to make him orgasm, but a shared experience. So...it's not you. And he's probably not entirely to blame either. He should go to a doctor's if he has an issue with this. Sexual interaction with arousal and rare completion most of the time? It's time to get to the root of it and seek a doctor's advice. But will he do that?.........
 Robbbyg
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 10
Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/3/2007 5:40:59 PM
Dont worry about it, there are some guys that take several hours to come,(5 or more) just like some guys do it in seconds, its not abnormal he doesnt need a doctor , everyones different
 UrCowboyDreams
Joined: 3/20/2007
Msg: 11
Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/4/2007 10:26:17 AM
Makes me wonder what's going on in his mind at the time that may not be making that sexual/physical link.
 nykkolai
Joined: 11/5/2006
Msg: 12
Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/4/2007 10:35:09 AM
It may be a medication he's taking. Since a lot of people take Paxil these days, I'll use that as an example. One of the possible side effects of the drug is the inability to ejaculate...or at least a major difficulty doing so. There are actually a lot of medications that can have that same effect.

I took Paxil for a while after my divorce and the death of my mother. It didn't appear to do much for my mental health at the time, but I felt like a porn star because of the 'problem' described in this thread.

But now I'm back to normal and not on Paxil. That means I last, on average, around 23.7 seconds. Not that I've timed it or anything...

;)
 Drugstore Cowboy
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 13
Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/4/2007 12:50:59 PM
have the same problem its a combination of being anxious and the medication im on
i also think its a deep rooted problem that happened to me in the past, it could also be a medical problem

there is obviously something under the surface

maybe he is just scared of failing and feeling like a let down so he has what's called "the fear..."
 RealisticDreamer
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 14
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Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/4/2007 1:14:10 PM
There is another recent thread on here exactly the same, only with the genders reversed . The OP of the other thread was also female saying she couldn't have an orgasm with her boyfriend even though she felt he was skilled enough and paid attention enough.

It's interesting to contrast the type of answers between the two threads. Most (not all) of the answers in the other thread said the guy wasn't doing something right, try this technique, try that technique, etc. Very few replies thought that it might be something related to how she's feeling, or what she's thinking at the time.

Almost every reply in this thread thinks it's something to do with him and what he's thinking and feeling, or perhaps some kind of physical problem.

I happen to agree that it is probably something going on upstairs that is the issue (if you can even call it an issue). The fact he has cum with you in the past and can do so on his own would mean there isn't a physical problem (I think - my medical knowledge is non-existent).
 Ender
Joined: 2/1/2004
Msg: 15
Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/4/2007 1:14:22 PM
Start looking into technique's for prostate stimulation.
 twoshadows
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 16
Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/4/2007 1:18:19 PM
I used to take forever as well,especially when I was younger and single for long periods of time. Masturbating is often the culprit. You get used to your own touch and sex with someone else has a different feel to it. It's nothing you're doing wrong,and he's probably enjoying the effort you're making. just relax and keep doing what you're doing. Oh,and invest in a lot of lube,because a surefire way is to get him to masturbate for you and then you can take over when he's close. That's what I had to do for years.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 17
Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/4/2007 1:24:08 PM
Question for op is he holding back to make himself last longer for you . I do this and find that after getting almost there a few times and stopping it then i cannot make it happen . but if he is enjoying himself and not avoiding sex because of it and not wearing blisters on you then why sweat it . drawing attention to the problem or lack of a problem might make it worse . and how long has this been an issue . you could talk to a doctor on your own but baring it being symptomatic of some worse problem Id say enjoy its better than the opposite problem .
 LaidBackPoet
Joined: 3/26/2007
Msg: 18
Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/4/2007 3:00:58 PM
hmm maybe a bit of roleplay will help lol otherwise maybe a little abstinance from sex for a while, and then after a week just ravage him lol would work for me :)
 melbeauty
Joined: 3/22/2007
Msg: 19
Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/4/2007 3:11:49 PM
I think maybe it might have to do with the fact that he had been single for 4 years before me and it has been a very long time since he was with someone maybe he is just so use to masterbating.

I did have him close last time when we experimented with oral and prostate stimulation although that was my first time trying it so I don't think I had any idea what I was doing lol

I am pretty sure the sexual/physical link is there we are all over each other and very passionate no problems with that area and erection is not a problem at all
 1stiamdaddy
Joined: 5/21/2007
Msg: 20
Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/4/2007 3:12:30 PM
Not to downplay your problem here, but I know of several women that would want this problem EVERY NIGHT!

Paxil and Lexapro cause just what you are talking about.

More foreplay? Start the dirty talk before dinner and by the time you get to bed, he's really got a good head start.

Just a quick suggestion.
 melbeauty
Joined: 3/22/2007
Msg: 21
Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/4/2007 3:19:44 PM
yes 1stiamdaddy you are absolutley right he tells me the same thing. I should just relax and enjoy it, he does. I guess I am just worried that I am doing something wrong that maybe he is frustrated I think this is more of an issue for me than him.

He isn't on any medications at all so this isn't the problem at all
 SlowHandMan44
Joined: 2/15/2007
Msg: 22
Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/4/2007 4:42:03 PM
I have the very same problem so here is what (mostly) worked for me. I was guided by my friend who is a doctor. Once you determine if he can cum masterbating, then you know the problem is a mental block (most likely) and not a physical issue. However, people are different and react differently to sexual stimulation. Some like a soft touch and others require much more friction. Once my current lover became aware of what "type" of stimulation I required to get off, things have greatly improved (although sometimes I still do not cum and it still takes a while).

This problem is a double edge sword. The endurance of a lasting man has obvious benefits to the woman. As time goes on, it does play a bit of a mindfreak on the woman as she begins to feel as though she may not be enough for him or that she is a lousy lover (neither are true in this situation). YOU have proven you CAN make it happen. Also, you must take to heart that he IS having a ball in bed with you. The proof is in the muscle, he couldn't stay hard if he wasn't enjoying himself. Ask him if you are giving him enough pressure. He may be a bit shy asking for exactly what he needs from you because he has been out of a relationship for so long. It is possible he feels if he tells you how to do it that you may feel even less confident as a lover. I am purely speculating.

Lastly....don't delay or hold back your own orgasms out of guilt! My current lover tried that and it was a double negative! As time goes on you will get better and he will become more relaxed....enjoy the ride!

Cheers
 sunshyne1977
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 23
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Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 6/4/2007 6:05:18 PM
the full body massage worked,so i'm thinking he just needs to relax and let go a bit more. try to change it up for him,maybe try th susupense factor. start texting him early in the day when you have plans,send a naughty pic,and then when its showtime really let him relax,through in the dirty talk,and see what happens. i had a friend who told me going into things not to be upset if he didn't because he rarely could with other women. he surprised me by always being able to cum at least once,usually twice per encounter.so don't lose hope,if he gets over his mental block,he might surprise you!
 freak_king
Joined: 5/2/2006
Msg: 24
Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 7/3/2007 11:37:50 AM
Get him off the coke (and i dont mean the soda) he"ll bust a nut
 Vitiate
Joined: 1/1/2007
Msg: 25
Help, can't get my guy to cumm
Posted: 7/3/2007 12:05:58 PM
Try being better looking...
Always helps for me.
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