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 flowerpicker62
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 1
Why do men stand women up on dates?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
44 single, never married, no children. Very independent, self sufficient, know what I want, what I am looking for and what I won't put up with.

So, I saw a profile that I liked, added him to my favorites....he see's that I added him to my favorites and decides to contact me via email through POF. Said that he was glad that I added him and he looked at my profile and thought we had alot of the same interests. I wrote back and asked if he could email me another picture of himself, closeup and without sunglass's and gave him my personal email address.

He sends the picture, and writes that he hopes it doesn't scare me off. I respond, saying that it didn't scare me off. I also asked about his children as I was curious. He responds with his answer, and gives me his phone number in the email.

I call it, no answer, no voice mail. I emailed him, telling him that I tried to call and gave him my cell #. He calls the next day, we have good conversation. He asked me what my plans were for the weekend, I asked him "why do you ask", he mentioned maybe getting together to meet and if the weather was good, we good go for a ride on the harley. I said" how about we meet Friday night, that way, if we liked each other, we could do something else over the weekend(now, keep one thing in mind, we live about hour and half from each other) so that is why I made the statement about friday night, he liked the idea, said he could get off work a little earlier than normal and I said something about meeting for dinner about 8pm. Our conversation was cut off, he warned me that his battery was dying. It died, this was on a wednesday night. He sends me a text msg(i hate text msg) at 11pm thursday night, kind of late, but whatever, i said I wasn't proficient at it and phone was better. He called me, we talked from 11pm to 1am, great conversation again, we still actually never finalized the date time and place for Friday night. His phone died again. I called, left him msg, asking him to call me during the day on friday so we could finalize it, or I would call him back.

He sends me a text msg at 11am on friday, just to say HI, commented that we had talk for 2 hours the night before and that he was tired that morning, said he would call me later in the day.

I never heard back later in the day. At 8:30 that night, I looked at my cell phone, which had been charging, turned on, and sitting on top the fridge. I took it off the charger, moved about the house, it indicates that I have a msg....it was a text msg that came in at 7:30, it stated" been slammed today, still and hour out, not sure if tonight will still work?"

I even was going to give him the benefit of the doubt, that maybe when he got home from work, he layed down for a few minutes and fell asleep, I would have understood that scenario, but that wasn't the case. As a matter of fact, I was able to see that he was on POF at 4:10 in the afternoon, he doesn't have a desk job, he is in landscaping, outdoors all day.

So, this tells me that he got off work early, got a better offer to meet someone else friday night and didn't have the guts to call me. And, I still haven't heard from him.

Was it something I said or did he get a better offer?
 Jetplague
Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 2
Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 6:25:54 PM
I don't know why a man would stand up a date to be honest. If you made a promise to go out with someone...ya do it. If something else has come up or can't make it...let the date know. Just pure common sense and good manners in my book. Or if ya have cold feet or feel you don't have the balls to see it through...again...phone at let this woman know! It's better to let someone know the truth then to dance around the issue and make up lies that will come back to haunt you later. Make a date, go through with a date. It seems pretty simple to me.
 jpegg
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 3
Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 6:27:23 PM
No babe. Sounds like he has a drink problem and has got into the routine of finishing work and going to the bar on a friday and drinkin until sunday night.

Get him on a week day and he should be ok. x

Good luck.

Might have been a one off. Try him again and if the same happens you will know i am right. Bar man Jake.
 Handsomesque
Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 4
Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 6:31:07 PM

Was it something I said or did he get a better offer?


...neither? You're being pretty presumptuous, I'd say, and it sounds like he liked you. Now, I don't have enough information to know where he is relative to you, but is it impossible that maybe he just had a long day, came home, logged on for a few minutes, and crashed out?

Moreover, if you didn't make plans, he didn't stand you up. If the two of you had set a time and place, and not shown up, that's standing you up. From the sound of it, he didn't think was going to be at his best and didn't want to make a poor first impression, so he texted you to postpone. Why don't you call him and try to reschedule? You can malign him for lacking guts if you want, but if you can't do the very thing you're criticizing him for not doing... it's kinda like the pot and kettle thing.
 flowerpicker62
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 5
Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 6:31:56 PM
Jake,

he says that he hardly drinks at all. But who knows who tells the truth these days anyway.

I did send him an email today and this is what I wrote" was it something I said? I welcome and appreciate your honesty.

Haven't gotten a reply yet. Curious as if he responds and what he will say.
 flowerpicker62
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 6
Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 6:34:20 PM
I am a fair person. If you have the time to text, then you certainly have the time to pick up the phone, unless you have something to hide.

If you re-read what I wrote in the first place, I would have given him the benefit of the doubt about coming home and crashing, that would have been fine if that was the case. I can assure you, he didn't come home early and crash, cuz he text me at 7:30 and said he was still working and had another hour to go.
 jpegg
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 7
Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 6:36:47 PM
Hopefully he woke up with a hangover and realised what a mistake he made.

Might have been a one off. He could have bumped into friends and got caught up. Peer pressure to stay on later etc..

Give him one more chance.

If he doesnt reply, then, out the window.

 flowerpicker62
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 8
Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 6:41:28 PM
But Jake, it doesn't make sense that he was on POF at 4:10 in the afternoon, then text me at 7:30 to say he is still working and will be another hour.

It just seems squirly to me.
thanks for the replys
 jpegg
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 9
Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:12:28 PM
He might have access to the internet at work. Then again he could be leading you on.

Go with your heart. Dont get stroked. Hard to tell.

Said before he doesnt know what he missed. It is all down to you getting a reply from your last message.

Be good.

 TroyMcLure
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 10
Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:19:54 PM
hmmmm
you seem kind of intimidating.....
and if a guy doesnt make some effort to call or rendezvous he doesnt feel obligated to show courtesy for what ever reason... its rude
even if i lose interest i make the call........
 Karrpilot
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 11
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Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:23:00 PM
I have never stood a woman up for a date. There is absolutely no excuse for it. Unless i was in a accident, or thrown into jail. But neither of those things have happened to me prior to a date.
 2matchingsocks
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 12
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Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:23:01 PM

it doesn't make sense that he was on POF at 4:10 in the afternoon, then text me at 7:30 to say he is still working and will be another hour.


Makes perfect sense if he has a laptop with wi-fi....could have been on the road between jobs or picking up shrubs for a job and ran into a McDonald's for lunch...where he would have had wi-fi access...
 acgoat
Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 13
Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:24:27 PM
OP
How do you know what time he was online on POF? was he posting in forums or something?

Does sound like he screwed up tho.

I never liked text msgs either,LOL
Seems to impersonal.

Guess since you sent email without response, that might be all the response you will get.
 britcitusa
Joined: 1/24/2006
Msg: 14
Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:25:48 PM
The chances are,he was frightened of rejection,or things weren't exactly as he told you they were.Looking at the first of the two,you spoke on the phone and you got to know each other online.That is totally different from meeting face to face.You are a beautiful looking woman and on saying that,he may not have the confidence in himself,that he's good enough for you.Now,if it were the latter of the two (which in this case,i doubt) ,it could mean,that there is someone else,someone who a) he didn't want to hurt,or b) someone he's living with.The problem i have with that scenerio,is that after talking for two hours,believe me,you wouldn't have got that message afterwards.Either way,you said,or did,nothing wrong.Of course,he may have been talking to others too.That will never be known.
I would forget him,because any respectable guy,would at least tell you the reason.
 innocentantic
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 15
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Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:35:41 PM
OP, maybe it is a little squirly, maybe not. You had technical problems with your communications, so that alone should be reason to cut him some slack. He did message you before the date to tell you he couldn't make it, so that puts him in the clear. You haven't even met him yet, so I hardly think you should be possessive and worry about if he's keeping HIS options open, or what he might be doing on POF. It only takes a second of being on to have your little picture in the online screen. Besides, people that are on this site (especially in the forums) can get pretty addicted to it.

You have great conversations you say, just talk to him about it. Don't ask the rest of the dating boards that you met him on, why he's behaving the way he is. He'll see that, and probably not appreciate it.

You seem a little too anxious over this guy. Maybe he had a legitimate situation. Things come up. Maybe he's nervous. You are a beautiful woman and he had long conversations with you. Maybe he was stressed out and just didn't feel right. Don't think it's a gender thing or even necessarily about you. Just talk to him. And/or keep your options open. I can't imagine you would have a hard time finding dates. :)

btw -- I hate the txt msg thing, too, but that's the direction it appears to be going these days. Just have to deal with it, I guess. It doesn't necessarily mean he would have time to call. Texting IS easier than calling in some situations. I still don't like it.

But still, he made the date and he cancelled it. Leave it to him to make it up to you, no need to chase him. Keep your options open. If you're having trouble, maybe move to the city. That's my advice. :)
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 16
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Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:35:59 PM
Tell him to buy an upgrade battery and charge it fully.........

When there is a will, there is a way.....and he did not find a way and did not give you one to make the effort on your part. Life is to short to worry about the small stuff, and if you two want to get together and find out.....you will.

The only way to know what is going on better, is to ask.......so I suggust you get his land line phone number, call it so that the battery will not be the issue and then ask "all" the right questions..........

Just my opinion........
 flowerpicker62
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 17
Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:42:19 PM
This guy is self employed landscaper. does not have a lap top, had the old fashioned style computer and dial up no less.
So, no wi-fi laptop at mc donalds

and, no excuse for not calling earlier in the day to say he was running late. Text message doesn't cut it and especially so late in the day.

He signed on to the internet about 30 minutes ago and no response to my email.
 flowerpicker62
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 18
Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:43:26 PM
If you have someones profile on your favorties, that page will tell you the date and the time they last checked their email through POF, this is how I know
 flowerpicker62
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 19
Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:47:45 PM
Thanks!

I appreciate what you wrote and I guess if he was respectable, he wouldn't have done it in the first place.

I can tell you that he signed onto the internet about 30 minutes ago and he has not responded to my email. This was an emial from my personal email to his pesonal email, so I have no way of seeing if he read it, but chances are, he did.

It makes me feel like I can't trust what men say to me anymore, I always believe what people say to me or tell me. I believe that you should start off by trusting people until they give you a reason not to. But afte awhile of men playing games like this, you tend to not want to trust.

My feelings are hurt, but I will stand tall and know that I am worthy of a great guy who can't wait to meet me because he found me attractive (in myphotos) and found me attractive and interesting on the phone.
 flowerpicker62
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 20
Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 7:53:35 PM
Ok, he just finaly responded to my email and here is his response:

Not at all, just had not heard back from you after I sent the text Friday night .. thought you weren't talking to me ? sorry .... I had the whole day available .... :(


This is a bunch of crap, if he was really interested in having a date with me, he would have called me, not send a text msg and did it ever occur to him that maybe I didn't get the text msg, that maybe he should have followed up with me.

I don't like people making a fool of me
 britcitusa
Joined: 1/24/2006
Msg: 21
Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 8:59:48 PM
Hey flowerpicker,i would use the block button.He's now saying it was your fault.Find the one that will treat you right.I can understand you hurting,but not all guys are the same.Best Wishes!!!!
 jewelescent
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 22
Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 9:07:49 PM
You're putting way too much effort into this. Block him and forget it ever happened
 flowerpicker62
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 23
Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 9:33:31 PM
thanks, I appreciate your comments and suggestions
 flowerpicker62
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 24
Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/3/2007 9:34:29 PM
You are right girlfriend......
 Karrpilot
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 25
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Why do men stand women up on dates?
Posted: 6/4/2007 12:41:52 AM
Flowerpicker, i will be in Seattle on vacation in october. I would not stand you up......
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