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| The truth about "golddiggers"
Posted: 6/4/2007 8:00:43 PM | I just read the thread on "Is Chivalry Dead?". I always am baffled by this sort of thread. While I do feel that chivalry is on a downer, I think it is funny that the OP shifted the blame to women and their golddigging ways yet again.
Are the majority of women out there truly gold diggers? Guys, how many of you have dated "gold digging" women. What % of women you date are like this? Are younger or older women worse with this?
I just am confused, because it seems like most guys who post these sorts of comments on here truly believe that the majority of women are on the prowl for guys with nice cars and big houses. On the other hand, most of the women I know turn down guys paying for their dates, drive their own cars, and could care less what kind of car their boyfriends or dates drive. Maybe it's more common in the USA? | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/4/2007 8:14:15 PM | Ive also noticed a lot of guys making reference to the fact that females will be interested in them if they were RICH.....?? And,maybe,there are women out there that this applies to,but,i like being my own person,ie: working & paying off my (small) mortgage,my own bills,etc etc....and, i most certainly am not interested in anyones' social status,occupation,or the car they drive! What the hell has any of that got to do with anything ??? If i guy shouted me a drink,id be happy.....:)
There's always going to be people in life that have more than you,& people who have less.Think the secret is just to be happy with what you've got........ | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/4/2007 8:21:15 PM | | Can't say I've ever met a goldigger. Heard about them though. From women. Seems most of them are guys. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/4/2007 8:28:53 PM | | Of course they are out there. Are they the majority? Doubt it. But there are enough out there that you have to watch out for them. But, I have to wonder, how many of them are really gold diggers (looking to take me for everything I have) and how many are looking at a person's status (keeping up with the Jonses). Just like some guys will only look for a supermodel for a girlfriend, I'm sure there are plenty of girls that would only date a guy if his financial/social status is enough to live the high life.... | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/4/2007 8:56:20 PM | | If you don't have any money then I'm sure you won't meet any gold diggers. They're looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I, on the other hand have met a few and they are all men. Waiting and willing to wait a long time for that pot of gold. It's a difficult issue for women with some money, but seems to be okay for men with money. They like their "token" lovely women on their arm and spend tons of money looking like they have even more money then they really do. I once dated a man that wore a rolex watch and drove a Hummer and had a huge house. All of it was gawdy and tacky because he had no real class. He's 58 now and single and can only get strippers to go out with him. So, here's to real class and honest love! That's what I'm looking for~ | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/4/2007 9:12:07 PM | People seem to think that all gold diggers are women....What about the male gold diggers?
I've lost track of the men who take off as soon as I tell them my job. That and if it's the first question out of their mouths. That tells me first thing their main interest is what my job is. Heck of a thing to judge someone by. If that's the case then they're NOT worthy of me anyway, regardless of my job.
I'd rather date a man that works construction or a farmer, as long as he's good to me , rather then some rich guy who treats me like crap. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/4/2007 9:40:41 PM | | Well I dont think that the majority of women are gold diggers, not by a long shot. I do think that there is a large portion, but not a majority, of women who use guys as a means to recieve free food, drink, and entertainment. They will lead on a guy they aren't really interested in just to recieve such bounties. They abuse the chivalrous guys out there. I have seen it happen and I have heard women admit to doing it. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/4/2007 9:43:10 PM | Golddigging has been an equal opportunity monster for many years, on both sides of the aisle but it does seem to be more of a feminine stigma than a male one.
I think what most people define as golddigging isn't really a full definition. Golddigging isn't only about going after the cars, the money, or the status... it's about going after all those things AND having a pure heart of ice to boot. No true passion for the other, just a climb for the assets and how quickly they can fleece them away.
History is plagued with those who "married up" or who brought two prominent families together, and were absolutely only doing it for the wealth or status that it would bring. Mistresses and "gentlemen friends" were often the result, just so someone could feel something for another. The sad part was, it was taught behavior and to be expected in high society... certainly not straddled with the connotation it is today.
Golddigging today is all about how to get the most by doing the least. Hook a mate with excellent earning potential so the other can sit on their butts. Divorce can certainly be looked at as a way to "fleece" the other and we see every day how the courts allow it to happen, even encourage it. But it's more of an "instant" society than it used to be, so everyone is out to get it now instead of waiting for it down the road. Long term security is not as important as getting what you can today.
Is it still golddiging? hmmmmm, dunno.
Bluezzz | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/4/2007 10:39:53 PM | I'm in Canada as well, and I don't know any gold diggers! I met one once (she was drunk and told me she was dating my friend for his money) and thought she was crazy.
I listen to the American 'cosmo radio' station and am really surprized, it seems that when they talk about dating and who to date it's just that....... how/when will he pay and what does he have (car/house). It's kind of disturbing.
I'd like to think that gold diggers are on the decline, but there's always a few women willing and wanting to be a trophy wife as a career.  | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/4/2007 10:53:05 PM | Gross. Look - if someone asks me out to do something that I would not otherwise be doing had they not asked me, then they can pay. Otherwise, if I'm going to play the role of a prostitute, than I'm taking my money home with me to do with it as I please. I would never sell myself (including my time) to do something "extravagent" with someone who's company I don't even enjoy.
If that explanation contained too much rhetoric - - I am (and have been) 100% turned off (I mean, throwing up in my mouth, suffocating on the air I'm trying to breath, and in need of a shower - - quickly) when a guy is blatantly trying to buy me. And, there is a HUGE difference between a guy buying a woman dinner, or paying her way to an event to which he invited her, or sending a shot her way at a bar then what I am describing. You can almost FEEL yourself on an auction block when he's trying to buy you. It's insulting, and grosses me out. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/4/2007 11:08:50 PM | No one should "buy" another for any reason in my humble opinion.
The truth is out there about users and abusers and they come in both the male and female versions, and have their own way of trying to get what they want.
I am not for sale, and I am not buying another in any way. I want an equal to enjoy, and someone that will bring as much to our relationship as I do......on all levels, and in all ways.
To many men look at women as "gold-diggers" if they want to be taken care of and have security in their lives and futures. This is just another way society has bred its way into many of us, both men and women.
Those of us that have moved beyond that, prefer to find someone that is close to what we are in all ways, and the give and take method of meeting each others needs means so much more when you are on an equal playing field.
It does not take us long to see if someone is trying to use us for our money, security, success, and ability to be stable and financially secure. Those that are users, will in the end lose with anyone that truly understands what life and living is all about.
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/4/2007 11:14:17 PM | the gazillion other threads that explore the why and when women have sex are often reduced to comfort and security.
What easier way to provide comfort and security then with $$$?
Oh, I forgot.... it's emotional comfort and security. Go figure out how to verify that and you'd be pulling a rabbit out of a hat. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/5/2007 12:29:58 AM | I'm far from a gold digger. I would prefer a guy that can support himself but isn't necessarily well off or anything. What I bring into a relationship is what I take away from it if it ends. I don't expect anything more than what I have given to it. If I did meet someone well off, my attitude would be the same as with anyone else. I would insist in splitting the bill, would not want things bought for me, and again... would leave with what I brought in.
Too many times when it's all about the money it's harder to establish a relationship of trust... for the guy to trust that he's wanted for who he is and not how much he makes. I'd take someone with a genuine heart and trust over money any day of the week. In fact? Guys that have a lot of money are not guys I'm even attracted to really. I mean if they're genuine... great ~ but I expect it to be as equal as possible. I guess it would depend a lot on their attitude towards it and my role in their lives not wanting or expecting to be supported or be kept. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/5/2007 6:17:35 AM | Like many terms Goldigger has different meanings to both sexes. If a woman has mentioned "must be employed "or "must be financially secure" on her profile( it's very common), to a guy that says goldigger- but still dateable :) . These statements are acceptable behavior (the old DNA and security line) for women. Women see it more along the lines of a previous post of heartlessness and deliberate fraud. If a man put" must have a job and be financially secure" on his profile he might as well be looking for dates on a industrial waste management site  | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/5/2007 6:34:31 AM | I agree with you Op and I started a thread to try qnd get to the bottom of this thought process and the funny thing is that almost every single male responded without actually reading what I wrote in the thread and just assumed that somehow I was trying to get men to admit how much money they made, when I was trying to understand just exactly how they came to the thought process that all the women they were dating were just lookign for a rich guy and what defined this "rich guy".
To me it is a knee jerk response to a female that isnt interested in them as we must all be after all their riches. Right? It couldnt possibly be that there was just no connection or the guy has issues, or she just plain isnt interested.
What I find incredibly interesting is the automatic assumption that all these men are making so much more money than the woman and that she must be looking for someone to support her.
I tell you what if I was only in a relationship to get "things" (which I dont) the man better be making some serious coin as I sure as hell aint having sex with a guy I dont like to get a $50 dinner. Since I can drop some serious coin on a purse or a pair of shoes (my money) and some of you ladies know how much I am talking about here, there better be some serious money at play here. And I hardly think most of these men are even close to that kind of income. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/5/2007 6:41:49 AM | I have never dated a true goldigger... guess I am not that rich... so the % is ZERO.
That being said I have dated women who expect me to pay for everything (that does not last long with me) I have dated women who have borrowed money and lived off me when they were making more money than me (again that only lasts so long).
It was just bad relationships, there are a few things , if you allow me to digress that I do not like that much in this new world.
1. women who expect me to pay for everything, if I am going out on a date with you I will pay but I do like it if you offer to pay now and then
2. if you want to go somewhere and I am broke then you can take me (not in the first little bit but as the relationship expands).
3. if my money is our money then our money should be our money...
I think that most gold digging anger comes from women who you date, have fun with and then they expect you to do things, pay for things, and all that... it is one thing for me to offer it is entirely different for you to expect it and that is the big difference for me! | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/5/2007 6:58:25 AM | Ya' know.. I'd be curious as to how the percentages change among different races. When I first read the topic, I was thinkin' that yeh.. A LOT of women are golddiggers, but then read the responses and most people said they didn't think so.
Well.. about 70% of the women I know would be considered golddiggers, but then I was thinking, I grew up and am mostly around black people.... does that make a difference?!? Kanye West made a popular song about golddiggers (along with many other rappers that reflect on golddiggers in their songs), which leads me to believe that this must be the case everywhere?!?
My roommates and I often have company over to play cards.. and we talk about various subjects. It wasn't too long ago that all the men were fussin' about how if they don't have a good job or street hustlin', women won't give them the time of day. One of the guys just bought a brand new truck and he's telling a story about how he hollered at a chick who ignored him in a store.. then again in the parking lot.. but then when they were side by side at a red light (and he was in his truck), she rolled down her window to tell him, "Nice truck.. and sorry I didn't catch your name and number?!?" LOL!! I also hear the first question asked to a man is "What you do?" or "What kind of car do you have?" And the women that come over agree with that mentality... basically sayin' you gotta pay to kick it with them. So, not only are there golddiggers out there.. there are golddiggers that AREN'T shy about lettin' it be known what they are.
I also wonder how the percentages change when it comes to age.. Personally, I was attracted to men with money when I was younger.. mainly because I was easily impressed by materialistic things and I thought that's all there was to life. THEN.. I grew up and lived life... now I'm over that. I want a man that's capable of loving me, not paying me. I don't care about his income (as long as I'm not having to support him). But.. I think a lot of young girls start off as golddiggers.
Anyway.. who knows.. these are just some of my observances.. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/5/2007 7:17:35 AM | re the OP
I think that a factor in the analysis is that is some countries, eg the US, where there is no public Social Security and other "safety nets", both men and women tend to look for financial or other "practical" security via their SO choices. That may explain differences between the US and Canada (or may not)!!! | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/5/2007 9:11:54 AM | | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ that is certainly food for thought Nick, and that may be a factor for some cases, I still think it is a "reason" for why many men believe they are unsuccesful in their personal lives. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/5/2007 9:52:53 AM | It's not really about women being gold diggers, although that assumption (and yes, there's assumptions about guys - lots of them) doesn't help...
When it comes to guys who they aren't already in a relationship with, women tend to be turned off or will end up being turned off by chivalry. Yes, even many women who cry out for chivalry.
"Chivalry" in the classical sense of paying for all dates, and coddling your date to make her feel special for every step she takes, etc. translates in the guy being a pushover. Some women who've been verbally abused in past relationship & on the rebound will like this -- temporarily. It's not the 1950's (as portrayed by the media back then), and once a craving for experiencing 'chivalry' is quenched, the average modern woman's interest won't be there for him. He's not a 'catch' -- he's a fish jumping in your boat! Nobody likes overly complex 'chasing' games in dating, but it's a simple psychological thing to want someone who's not an easy catch. Unless you've had some big crush on him for years beforehand and he meets every specification and you've had years and years of adult dating experience -- then most likely, it will be a turn off -- but you won't know why. The chemistry will just 'not be there'. Some guys who pour on chivalry will run into situations where he'll be 'clingy' as well. Women are much more independent these days, so it's more wise for a guy to wait until a relationship already develops, and not an audition to show how much he can buy & coddle. He'll do subtle gentlemanly things to show ya he's more than capable, and buy a dinner and make sure when it's all said and done when beginning to 'date' that he's paid more than the gal. Coddling a woman and doing anything to please her isn't modern day chivalry -- and it can be pathetic if she only has so-so interest to begin with!
About 'gold-diggers'... A woman's not necessarily a gold-digger when she ranks a guy higher on the ladder when he drives a $50,000 car over a guy driving a $15,000 car -- but she's still in the same general category. Whether or not she has money herself isn't the big issue -- because either way, she's a "bling-blinger". She's not measuring the guy himself, but what he brings to the table -- which is fine until you get up to the point of financial stability -- not how much bling he shows off. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/6/2007 3:19:09 AM | | Money cannot buy love. But it can buy a) sex,b) a false perception of being loved and, unfortunately, c) a relationship (and even a spouse). It sux but alas it happens, a lot. The why is another story! | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/6/2007 4:14:57 AM | The truth is this -
If you are a male and you cannot provide financially for your woman, she will leave your ass.
If you are a female and you cannot provide sexually for your man, he will leave your ass.
Most women will not stay with a man who cannot provide. Most men will not stay with a woman who will withhold sex forever.
The term "golddigger" often gets tossed around by those who don't have the "gold" If a woman doesn't want to date you but wants to date someone who is more financially successful, then lots of times, there are men who will call those women "gold diggers" No, she can just do better than you. Just like if you were a male supermodel, you wouldn't be screwing around with fat truck stop waitresses would you? So it works both ways.
If someone can do better than you, odds are, they will. Finding a relationship is fundamentally about competition. If you can't compete, is that the woman's fault, is it the fault of the man who can provide, or is it your fault because you want something that you can't reasonably compete for in real life?
People date to their options. You can point fingers all you want but it doesn't change the fact that if you want to compete for what everyone else wants, you have to bring more to the table yourself to compete. | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/6/2007 4:40:42 AM | If you are a male and you cannot provide financially for your woman, she will leave your ass.
In this day and age, why does a man still have to provide financially for a woman? Historically, and this means pre-1950's, the makeup of the average family had the man being the primary breadwinner and the woman at home with children or taking the domestic duties of the home. But this isn't that time period any longer, women are not locked out of the workforce, yet the old standard of a man being the primary provider is still being enforced by a large segment of females.
While I will agree that everyone, men and women, need to bring something individual to the dating table these days, to expect that individuality to be financial wreaks of cold and calculated forethought.
The poster above me appears to be a product of her own cast system, where snobbery and disdain for those of lesser means limits her perceived options in a potential mate. It would seem that "qualifications" outweigh all other considerations, thereby reducing the dating situation to nothing more than a job interview where her loyalties go to the highest bidder. Perhaps retaining an agent to negotiate the best possible contract is an adequate analogy.
Bluezzz | |
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| The truth about golddiggers
Posted: 6/6/2007 5:24:28 AM |
In this day and age, why does a man still have to provide financially for a woman?
I don't think a man has to provide financially for a woman, but I do think they need to be able to contribute financially to the household. I don't care if a man makes 20,000 a year or 200,000 a year as long as he has some work ethic and a decent outlook on life. I am not looking for anyone to support me, but neither am I interested in supporting anyone else.
I have dated the hot party boy who floats through life on his good looks, working sporadically and couch surfing at his buddies' apartments. He spends all his money on his car and beer and never worries how the bills are paid because he doesn't have any of his own. They're fun to play with, but no one I would want to invite into my home.
Conversely, I dated a doctor for about a month last summer. He had everything a person could ever ask for; a private practice, a huge, beautiful second home on the most desirable lake in the area, a BMW and a brand new SUV. But all he ever did was complain about how the people he hired to maintain his property were ripping him off because there were still leaves in the yard of his wooded lot in fall. He said that local people who had owned modest homes on that lake for generations should have to tear down and rebuild because it was bringing his property values down. He constantly bragged about how much he paid for something, yet complained he had been taken to the cleaners. I stopped seeing him after a month because he was just an insufferable, whiny snob.
I couldn't sell out my values for either one of the types above. Give me the blue collar guy who knows the value of an honest day's work and doesn't think anything or anyone is beneath him. I'm more than happy to pay my own way as long as he is doing the same. | |
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