| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/5/2007 1:00:37 PM | You know I have been on this site for a month, And I think it's awesome. But as I browse through profiles I seem to encounter a rather strong social taboo.
"Men who live still with their parents."
I mean I find it odd in this day and age that women still, look down on men who live with their parents. And before you ask. Yes, I do live still at my parents. When I was adventuring in the US, when I needed to come back to the homeland, It was at my folks that I lived.
And currently, until I find work that will give me enough so I don't have to choose between rent or food (Good thing I am upgrading my IT skills). I will stay at my parent's place. I am with people I trust, people I can rely on. This is by far no free lunch but it sure beats the hell out of economic uncertainty.
And so, I will explore with you the "Myths" that people have around men who still live with their folks, and I focus on men, since you never seem to encounter that social taboo with women, it is more a gender-biased taboo, aimed at men.
And so, let us look at these myths, more precisely the three more prominent ones.
1) "MEN WHO LIVE WITH THEIR PARENTS ARE LAZY AND CANNOT MAKE IT ON THEIR OWN".
That is offensive. For one, no one said that being with your family, made you weak. Not long ago, I'd say, give or take 50-60 years ago, it was not uncommon for three to four generations to live under the same roof. Men lived not only with their parents, but sometimes with their grandparents and even their GREAT-GRANDPARENTS.
What is the difference today? Oh some individualism here, women's lib along the way, not to mention some technological advancements and some market trends there. Somewhere along the way, the family unit, became something of a bother. Families became smaller, and more distant from each other. Men are still expected to be the providers (though that is changing, albeit slowly) but they are expected to have their own appartment or live with a bud that can vanish subito presto.
Now here's a question. Were the farmers and lumberjacks and other trades who followed the European model of the family unit back then lazy? Hell no. You couldn't afford to be lazy back then, and it's just the same now. Many of the people who live with their folks, are smart enough to see the economics of it. Why pay rent on a shitty appartment with outrageous rent when you could help out your parents with the costs of maintance?
Makes sense in some respect. And yet, somehow the stereotype sticks, even though the reason Humanity survived ice-ages and wars was because of a primal instinct to band together. The family/tribe unit.
2) "MEN WHO LIVE WITH THEIR PARENTS ARE MAMA'S BOYS".
How so? Strangely enough, this stereotype has been made popular with many comedies. Seinfeld Character "George Canstanza" comes to mind. And yet, such stereotype isn't necessarely so.
For one, this insinuates that men who live with their parents, have overly nurturing or domineering mothers. Nice going, by supporting the stereotype, you insult a man's family directly. You are not insulting one person. You are insulting three, maybe four people all at once (if they have siblings). And what have these people done to you? Nothing.
People who live together, form tight bonds, granted, but also they do not mean they are weak. No more than you would be weak, than if you are away from people who care about you.
Another point I will bring up, is alot of women are looking for "men to start families" and yet they date men who are "lone rangers". What's wrong with this picture? Wouldn't it be wiser for these women to seek men who have a clue what living as a family unit means? It's not all fun and games you know!! So seeing how he handles day to day living with his folks, should clue you in as to how he would handle a life WITH YOU!!
3) "I DON'T WANT TO DATE A MAN WHO LIVES WITH HIS PARENTS BECAUSE I FEAR HIS FAMILY WILL GET INVOLVED WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP".
AH! That's fair. But the thing is, one needs to understand, his parents were there long before you did come along. You, are just a stranger coming in. When you get involved in a serious relationship, you will eventually meet the guy's family. If you are afraid of him being influenced by his parents, well guess what? You were influenced by how you were raised and how your parents taught you, so is it to say that the gentleman shouldn't date you because of how you are influenced by parents/friends/family/religion/ect? Of course not.
but let me be my own devil's advocate and say that there is the problem of intimicy. Sure the idea of spending some time alone in a home-like enviroment kinda gets cramped if you have your prospect love's mother barging in and interfering with whatever you were doing as a couple.
Of course, so would any roomate. And the truth is, as much as many will think it's sappy, A man who still lives with his parents, just chose to be with roomates with people that he knew since he was born. So as would any roomate, if the gentlemen is unable to make it so you can't have some privacy, I recommend that he takes the money he saved on rent and utils and spend it on some bed and breakfast somewhere and make the privacy issue, a non-issue.
I mean there are ways around this. Heck, makes some week-ends even more interesting.
So in conclusion, let us review the points I wish to make.
- Living with your parents, doesn't mean you are incapable of self-sufficiency. It mean you regard the economics of working as a family unit
- Living with your folks, doesn't mean you're a mama's boy, it means that you are prone to be family-minded.
- Living with your folks, doesn't mean you can't have any privacy. It just means you have to go about it differently.
The bottom line? Discriminating based on that stereotype, can prevent you from meeting possibly a good man, that could provide you with the happiness and security that many women today seek.
Kajiwotore. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/5/2007 1:06:33 PM | | I have nothing against men who live with their parents. My brother lived with our parents until he was 36. It gave him the opportunity to go to school so that when he finally made it out of the nest he could actually support himself with a satisfying career. He's not lazy, childish or any of the things that men who live with their parents are supposed to be. If anything else he's more responsible, kind, independent, caring and hard-working than most men I meet. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/5/2007 1:10:24 PM | What would be the difference of the parents living with their children? Whether the reasons being divorce, health issues, or financial?
Parents are more trustworthy than having a room mate you know little about. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/5/2007 1:13:29 PM | I know quite a few people in my age group who currently live with their parents or have their parents living with them. This is because the parents are elderly and these people wish to not put them in assisted living or nursing homes.
On the other hand, if a grown up (particularly in middle age) is sitting around the house, and sponging off of their parent(s), that's a whole different story. | |
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a1na2
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Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 5 | |
| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/5/2007 1:15:32 PM | I think it depends how many model airplanes he has hanging from the ceiling, if his bed is shaped like a car, if his mom interrupts your sex to bring you a grilled cheese sandwich, etc
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/5/2007 1:16:44 PM | I just know what I want and don't want. To each his own. I'm 30 and it just seems odd going to someones house for dinner and their parents are there or trying to make out and mom and dad is in the next room....ummm ya no thank you. I understand there are lots of situations that arise in one's life and that is called life. I myself perfer to not have someone I am trying to date or interested in dating in that situation. I speak only from my personally experiences.
Thanks and have a very nice day. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/5/2007 1:20:38 PM | | I am not sure if i could date someone who lives with their parents. The biggest thing for me would be Privacy. I guess I just don't understand it. I left home when I was 17. I am not saying I'd ever want my child to leave that early, but I learned to get by. Sometimes i have had to have 2 or 3 jobs, but today i think I'm a better person for it. I have learned the value of saving and investing for my old age. I think living on my own taught me to be a stronger person. But that's just been my experience... | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/5/2007 1:20:39 PM | | I have no problem dating a man who lives with his parents, providing that he is not using or taking advantage of them. However, other things come into play. For instance, I don't think I'd be too keen on the idea of moving in with all of them, if our relationship progressed to marriage. I guess it would all depend on the circumstances (i.e. if they were disabled, elderly, sick, etc). | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/5/2007 1:24:32 PM | | You make some good points. Yes there are disadvantages, but many advantages to living with parents, or a parent. It beats living alone in an apartment and making the landlord rich. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/5/2007 1:31:04 PM | Thank you for your response. In my neck of the woods, I have seen alot of people do that. It's not a permanent thing, but yeah they go to school and work their butts off while staying with their folk.
And you know what? I bet he's also got a clue about family life.
Kajiwotore | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/5/2007 1:40:51 PM | The privacy issue is easily resolved. It's called dropping some cash and going to a bed and breakfast.
Or renting a cabin, or heck going on a road trip. Or in a pinch, how about YOU bring the guy to your place?
Why in the blue hell does it have to be guy who does this all the time? Share and share alike and for pete's sake, be creative!!
Kajiwotore | |
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j5rush
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Joined: 4/13/2006
Msg: 13 | |
| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/5/2007 1:41:18 PM |
if his mom interrupts your sex to bring you a grilled cheese sandwich, etc
My mom never brought me a grilled cheese sandwich while having sex. I always thought she hated me!
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/5/2007 1:42:52 PM | I've read the comments on here and some of them do make sense. But for the one lady that said she had a problem making out while his parents are in the next room. How does that work out making out at your house/apt with your child in the next room?
I have my mother living with me. She doesn't work and has very limited income, so I'm not going to put her on the street or in a nursing home. Why is it ok for a woman to take care of her parent(s) and TABOO when a man does it? Then again in my culture, it's up to the man to take care of his elderly parent(s).
I have my own house, a good job, pay my bills and my own vehicle. So any woman who doesn't want to get to know me cause I'm taking care of my mother can just keep on going.
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a1na2
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Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 16 | |
| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/5/2007 1:53:51 PM | | ^^^^ Reminds me of dating a lady with kids. We'd have sex in her room while the kids were asleep, she'd get loud and I'd shhhh her cuz I was worried they'd wake up and wonder what was going on. She was so sure they wouldn't. Uncomfy !!! | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/5/2007 2:01:19 PM | i got a message from a man who is 47. first thing he explained is that he lives at home with his mother to keep an eye on her and most people think badly of someone living at home.
my response was: if you had to move home recently due to your mother's health, that is understandable. but if you have always lived at home, yes, i would have a problem with that.
i didn't hear back from him.
yes, i believe in american culture, it is a "social taboo" (not sure that's the best terminology)
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Mirro
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Joined: 3/13/2006
Msg: 18 | |
| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/5/2007 2:33:09 PM | I moved home about 10 months ago because i was scedualed for major knee surgery in january. My room mate was moving out and i either had to find a new one till jan or just go back home while i waited to get chopped up by the doc. Im back at work full time now... and cant wait to get the heck outta here  . But i still have a bout 4-5 more months till im fully recovered and back to 100% health.
I dont think its a bad thing that i live with my mother, but there are definitly some disadvantages. In 15-20 years when shes old and crazy ill let her come stay at my place, till then i gotta get my space back  | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/5/2007 3:06:12 PM | I lived on my own in another country for 8 years. Recently, I moved back to go back to University. I just graduated this Summer. Yay!
My folks are in their 60s and live on a 40 acre estate with a 7600 sq ft home. They require someone to be around to do yard work (the front lawn alone is an acre and there are always trees to prune and dead trees to remove). I work for my dad (family business) in addition to my other jobs; so sometimes it's convenient to live in the same place *LOL*
Living with your parents provides the advantage of:
economies of scale (when I lived alone, I spent almost as much feeding me as it takes to feed three people)
building equity (instead of rent, the money goes back into the family for mortgage payments...which I will eventually inherit)
no sketchy roommate who skips out on rent
reduced expenses (which allows me to take on riskier careers rather than take a deadend job because it simply pays the bills and end up a wage slave)
as for the privacy issue, like the OP said, there's always going to a B&B, or going on Roadtrips, or just using the guest cabin. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/5/2007 3:28:21 PM | Who cares where you live. . . . . . All you need is a pair of work boats and a good belt.
For every woman that needs you to have a home there are four more who are even hotter and hornier than those who are turned on by the size of homes. The difference is that they are turned on by who you are rather than what you own. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/5/2007 5:02:21 PM | | I dated a guy last summer, who's mother and uncle lived with him. He told me they were visiting for the summer, and I believed him. Then one day I asked his mother when she was going back to Montreal, and she said, "I've lived here with my son for 6 years." Boyfriend said to me later, "Ofcourse I lied." It was very upsetting to be attached to someone who lied to me. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/16/2007 8:07:55 PM | I agree with you 100 percent, buddy. When it all comes down to it, men are much accepting of things than women are, and this issue is a very prominent example. I would actually be happy to date a girl or woman who is living with her parents, because i always get along well with older people anyway, and wouldn't consider them to be a threat or a nuisance. A woman seeks ways to control a situation for herself. The minute you invite her over your place she plans designs for it, and eventually would wish to take it over on you. Don't let it happen! I have about given up on this site anyway, so I don't really care how much I offend. The things that most women look for in men are silly, sweet and contradicting, because they don't know what they want, and usually have to refer to their cluster of brainsharing friends for approval.
Would you like to have a nice place of your very own, start dating a woman, and little by little three years later, you turn around and wallah! it is completely redecorated to her liking, with all your valuables , sentimental items and collectibles stuffed in a closet or given to charity. I think not! Men, take a stand please! Although it hurts to be alone, I am a nice guy but I set the standard that I will not be taken over. I am stubborn, and enjoy my independence. I have not had good fortune on this site. Maybe I'll get some glamour shots done for next time, because that's all online dating is and relies on, your pictures. Pictures never do me justice, on the same turn the women I have met do not look as good as their pics. Nothing can be as good as meeting somene you know in walking life and making the friend to relationship conversion.
Some of the things I have read on the internet that concern women when finding a mate are flat out laughable. They want a nice guy and bald tattoo mortorcycler all in one. Wow that should be really easy to find, dontcha think? And that person can too be their soulmate. Me I prefer a woman who talks much much much less. Oh another horrible horrible trait to add to your list, being introverted or as I like to say reserved. Most women will call it shy or unfriendly, or might assume you are gay if you are not flirting with them, or responding to them flipping their hair. You could have every perfect quality there is, but if you don't hit it off with their herd you are toast buddy. So best be flirting and smiling at all her friends and talking up a storm only to hear them talk about which guy they think is the cutest.
I totally totally prefer women who stay to themselves. To sum this all up like you did:
A woman who puts you down for living with your family is truly not worth dating, Period. | |
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| Men living with their parents: A social taboo?
Posted: 6/16/2007 9:18:20 PM | Then again, this rings of so many other posts.
Nice guy saying "why can't nice guys get dates?"
Chubby guy saying "why can't chubby guys get dates?"
Single moms saying "why can't single moms get dates?"
Single dads saying "why can't single dads get dates?"
It's not like EVERY nice guy, EVERY chubby guy, EVERY single mom and EVERY single dad are not getting dates, so there has to be more to it than that.
p.s. Holy wordy!
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