| What would you do?
Posted: 6/5/2007 8:46:31 PM | | Help me out here................met a guy four months ago that I care very deeply for. He is great with my daughter, and we have lots of fun together. He still is living the bachelor life going out with the buddies about 3 nights a week. The thing that really bothers me is that every Friday night he goes out with the buddies to the local tap. I explained to him, that Fri and Sat were best for me to see him since I work during the week. He also works during the week, but stays out very late anyway, even when he is home he goes to bed really late. The guys he sees on Fridays are the same guys he sees other days during the week. It is frustrating that it seems I am not allowed to have a boyfriend on Fridays. I told him how I feel and he said I am always welcome to join him, but Friday is pay day, and he has always gone out to the local tap with his friends and he likes doing that. So, every Friday, unless I want to occupy the neighboring barstool, I feel like I am grounded. We decided some time ago to be exclusive, but I am thinking either I need to see other people so I am not here lonely every Friday, or maybe I have the wrong guy? I really do care about him, which makes this especially tough. Any advice? | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/5/2007 9:00:19 PM | | We typically do go out on Saturdays. But I am here still feeling left out and dateless on Saturdays. This Friday my friends are all going to a fest in St. Charles as couples, and I will be flying solo. I could understand it if he had to work, or tend to his sick mother......but to be left on the sidelines for sake of routine just seems unfair to me, it's like being grounded every Friday since we are being exclusive. Seems a little unfair to me. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/5/2007 9:01:38 PM | | Sorry, mean dateless on Fridays, Saturdays are good! Too late to be typing! | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/5/2007 9:01:50 PM | | Sorry, mean dateless on Fridays, Saturdays are good! Too late to be typing! | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/5/2007 9:11:26 PM | | Have you asked him to switch up the days since this is a special occasion? | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/5/2007 9:19:28 PM | | He probably likes having a night out with his buds where he doesn’t have to worry about working the next day. Why not compromise? Ask him if he’d take you out every other Friday night. When it’s not your Friday together, you can either go out with the girls or accompany him to the bar. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/5/2007 9:32:34 PM | Unfortunately, he is a bachelor he has no commitments and we all know we can't or shouldn't change men. He also probably wants to have half the weekend with you and half the weekend with his boys. We all know that time with the guys during the week is different than time during the weekends.
The choice to move on to bigger and better things is yours darlin', good luck. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/5/2007 9:39:33 PM | You guys are "exclusive", he sees his buddies other nights, and when you ask about Fridays he doesn't give them to you...
I think he ought to be a bit more flexible. I'm not saying he has to give up his Fridays with his buds, but there ought to be some give and take. That is, there ought to be some weeks you guys see each other Fridays, some weeks you see each other Saturdays, and sometimes sprinkle in a Friday and Saturday if something cool's going on for those nights.
You can't deliver ultimatums, that won't work...
Short of dumping him, which is radical and not really called for here... I mean, otherwsie, things are great?
You know, part of why things are great and why you love him so much is just because he's himself and not giving in to you and seeing you too often. Keep that in mind! You have to be careful what you wish for!
You can try this: you smile sweetly and say to him, "You want to see me this Saturday? Oh... I'm going out with Suzie and the gals Saturday! Maybe next Saturday, okay hun?" But then next Saturday you make sure you're going out with the gals again. When he starts to moan about it, offer him a Friday night. This way, you BOTH make satisfying individual plans for one weekend night and plans to be together for the other weekend night. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/5/2007 9:45:30 PM | there is an old saying which I love ..... Do not make someone a priority if they only make you an option ..
It sounds like you are an option my dear if nothing else is going on with the boys then he spends time with you .. it dont sound good .. and i would TELL him how you feel honesty works best. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/5/2007 9:48:41 PM | summary: you met a guy 3 months ago and he has made no changes in his life for you.... he is just going on as he was. and you have to fit into the schedule and around his ways and habits.
Your post, msg 1 says he goes out 3 nights a week, not just fridays.
In 3 months... he has not changed one thing bachelor ways.....
My suggestion:
If you don't like him the way he is, find someone else rather than try to change him. Maybe someone who does not spend his time in a bar would be better for you ?
in my opinion: wrong guy
stop all communication now and cut your loss.... use your time to meet someone your better compatible with. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/5/2007 9:56:46 PM | i dont think he is too serious about a long term relationship but he is comfortable with ow things are and this seems to be how he wants to live ..........  | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/5/2007 10:38:04 PM | christi66 says and i quote:
"Do not make someone a priority if they only make you an option" ..
and that is not only so ever true, but very, very wise...and I thank you and praise you for posting that...
I was thinking after reading the OP's posting, I could never see myself opting for being around a bunch of drunken idiots, when I could be with my woman....
Especially, when the relationship is new...i have always found that in my long term relationships, my partners and I have been inseparable for the first "year"...
So, someone choosing to go out and get drunk, over having your company, isn't worth it...and i would get out of it... | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/5/2007 10:43:19 PM | How about you downgrade the current man to "friend"... and look for someone your more compatible with ?
tell him you need some space to sort things out... and get him out of the priority postion so you have room for someone else who you are happier with
? | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/5/2007 11:48:01 PM | | Don't you have any friends or something else to do on Friday nights? Or spend time with your kid. However, I can see your point that you guys can't even go away for the weekend because he's locked into going out with his friends. He's got to give you some flexibility and go out with them on Saturdays or every second week or something. If he's not willing to change a bit to fit you into his life, then ditch him because someone else will be willing to change. It's not like you're saying he can't go out at all or that he's saying you can't go with him. But maybe you two just aren't compatible. I'm not a bar crawler and the last place I'd want to be is in a bar late at night - so I wouldn't date someone who had to do that very often. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/6/2007 7:04:06 AM | OP, I am sorry, but if he can't even give up a night with his buddies to go to a special event with you, then he is not committed. You both may have decided to be exclusive, but to me I think he has a different reason then you. It seems he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Going out with the buddies whenever he wants and going out with you whenever it is convenient for him. I would never be a convenience for any man and I don't think you should be either. I think you should throw this fish back in the water because it is clear he is not ready for a real relationship.
Just my .02 worth. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/6/2007 8:10:06 AM | Ask him if he likes his brew more than you. I'm thinking low interest level on his part and you putting too much into who's doing what on Fridays if he spends his Sats with ya.
Course there's always the line from Goodfellas too..."Saturdays were for the wives but Fridays? They were for the girlfriends..."
Hope I'm wrong about that but perhaps you ought to show up at his pub with the girlfriends and write him out of the equation and watch the reaction... | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/6/2007 8:46:38 AM | | Thanks for the imput, but I have showed up at the pub. No other girlfriends, just him sitting there, telling eveyone about how great I am. He knows everyone for he has been hanging out there for years. I keep thinking if I were really that great, why would he not rather be with me Friday night rather than sitting somewhere talking about me? HUM? | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/6/2007 8:50:54 AM | If you really want to know, get a work acquaintance he doesn't know to go there for you and observe.
Of course he could just like bars and his brew better. *shrug* | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/6/2007 9:00:48 AM | Why don't the both of you compromise. How about he go hang with his friends every OTHER Friday night, and the Fridays he has free.... spend with you.
If he is not willing to compromise, perhaps you need to rethink your relationship with him.
:))
Witchy | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/6/2007 11:05:06 AM |
I keep thinking if I were really that great, why would he not rather be with me Friday night rather than sitting somewhere talking about me? HUM? ask him that!!!!! you are answering your own question.. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/6/2007 11:20:16 AM | Well, you've got two options. Either get used to not seeing him on Fridays, or start seeing someone else.
Personally I wouldn't want to get involved with someone who makes drinking with his buddies a priority, but it's up to you. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/6/2007 12:56:21 PM |
I keep thinking if I were really that great, why would he not rather be with me Friday night rather than sitting somewhere talking about me? HUM?
Because time apart makes the both of you more desirable and the time you spend together more appreciated.
It's a GREAT thing he spends time somewhere else BUT talking about you.
Would you rather he spend time with you wishing he was somewhere else?
The problem here is not so much with him, though he should give you a Friday night here and there, just to keep things interesting.
The problem is with you. You perceive his wanting his time with the boys as a slight to you, because you want those nights. You're attaching a lot of significance to a night when you're already getting the better night of the weekend. How many other times are you seeing him throughout the week? Any?
Some others here have the idea that if a guy doesn't kowtow to the gal and give her everything she wants, that he's not into her or committed. That's naive.
You start demanding away at his "buddy" time and he's not going to appreciate you.
So, rather than look at yourself as a third wheel when you're with your coupled friends, look at yourself as being in a relationship but it happens to be your "buddies" night. Or make new friends. Or find other activities to do on a Friday night that don't play on your mind like that.
Having said that, again, I do think every now and then a Friday night would be nice. Try this: Find a concert or event he'd like to attend that occurs on a Friday night and tell him about it and that you'd like to go with him to it. If he doesn't pick up on that, then that's the way it's going to be. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/6/2007 1:06:41 PM | | hey at least you see him on Saturdays!!! Personally I would lighten up on him a bit. You cant expect him to completely give up his buddies. I think its really unfair of women who expect that but then on the other hand......if he cant be flexible for one weekend and skip his friends for you....then he's probably not really serious about you. | |
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| What would you do?
Posted: 6/6/2007 2:31:48 PM | | Uh, how about you get a life of your own and go out with your own friends Friday night? | |
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