| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/5/2007 9:40:22 PM | Okay this is something that I've wanted to ask for a while. Did a half assed search, didn't find a thread, if it's redundant, oh well, go ahead and delete...
When I come across a guys profile that has 'must be between 18 - 38' in his restrictions, and he is 38, I am instantly turned off. He is willing to date someone twenty years younger, but only someone who is MAYBE 1 - 2 years older. What's up with that.
Now I realize that there are men out there in their late 30's, even early 40's, who still are thinking about having kids, but 18?!? Let's not forget that women are having kids in their 30's and 40's these days so that isn't really an argument.
When I see the age range stretch 10 years both ways, I will continue to peruse the profile because that tells me that he is open, but also has standards.
I must stress that I am NOT one that makes a big issue of age, and really don't think it matters all that much, my issue is when they accept the really young ones, but restrict the others who are the same age or maybe slightly older as potential mates.
I want to hear from the guys, as to why they have these age restrictions, and from the gals, if they've noticed this, and if it bugs you.
Then of course, there are the ones who have 'must be between 18 - 99' ... haha. They are the least picky of the lot of us, lol.
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/5/2007 10:00:04 PM | | yeah, it bugs me sometimes! -- wish i could ask them why they think they can get an 18 year old | |
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/5/2007 10:12:46 PM | He's just stating his preference, annoying it maybe, but still - its his preference.
If he didn't state it, an older person who is not in his preference range contacts him, he will either ignore them or reject them. At least he's up front about it.
For older guys who are single and don't have children, it makes sense to search for a younger partner, at least that way one of the parents is of a younger age when the children start growing up. | |
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/5/2007 10:49:38 PM | I can only speak for myself,I don't have any restrictions.
Or any real answers for that matter lol.
The answers to your questions , points to people's
personal preferences and not just the guy's.
This thread has been done in a round about
way many times over just different wording.
Different strokes for different folks.
There are as many answers to whats in profile and why as there are people.
You could email the ones in question and just ask them straight up,
hey whats up with that?
At least you'd be asking the right people direct.
You might or might not get some kind of answer,
that is if they even have an answer . . | |
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/5/2007 11:01:08 PM | My age limits are set at what they are because I sometimes talk to older people on here(in a friendly way) and I want them to be able to contact me. If it was strictly dating my number wouldn't be too high. | |
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/5/2007 11:21:13 PM | | I don't think I have any restrictions in my profile, but I'm one of those people who at least prefers girls who are in their early to mid 20s while I'm in my early 30s. I just usually get along with them better and enjoy hanging out with them more. The older people get, the more curmudgeonier they get and I just don't enjoy being around negative people very much. Younger people are much more likely to be bubbly and happy to be hanging out with you. Older people too often want to complain about work or **** about how bad life has treated them. Then there's also how older people are much more set in their ways while younger people are much more malleable. One probably shouldn't want to really shape or control anybody else, but one must admit that one's adjustability is an important factor in getting along with others. Now of course there are plenty of exceptions so you have to keep yourself open to older people, but it's just been my experience that I'm much more compatible with someone a fair bit younger than someone older or even my age. If someone wants to think ill of me for that, well, that's too bad, but I'm not going to let it deter me from enjoying life and the people I choose to enjoy it with. | |
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/6/2007 7:07:29 AM | Guy's don't understand women. They understand cars.
When a guy buys a car he'd rather have a new one.
If he can't have a new one he at least doesn't want one
with high mileage. If his "ride" is going to have a hundred thousand K
on the clock he wants most of those miles to have been put
there by him. That way his rump fits the groove in the driver's seat.
For the most part men don't drink
wine so the benefits of a mellow aging process are totally
lost on us. Given a choice we'd take a green beer over a
fine wine anyday.
I resent the implication that we should be ashamed for
being attracted to younger women. We're SINGLE, shouldn't
we attempt to fulfill our desires without being affected by
prudish judgemental attitutes. Everybody knows what they like.
Is there a fundamental flaw in my character because I'm attracted
to young and pretty? I resent the notion that my preference to find
someone young enough to nurture a family over a number of years,
and hopefully long after I'm gone, is offensive to some people.
Not that I'm taking this personally or anything. | |
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nrk
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Joined: 3/31/2005
Msg: 8 | |
| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/6/2007 7:26:28 AM | 'must be between 18 - 38' in his restrictions, and he is 38
yeah...that used to be an instant turn off for me, too, but then I've never had an age restriction on my profile. not because I didn't have a 'preference' but because love comes in many different ages and I didn't want to limit my options.
but when I did/do see that sort of thing, most of the time I think 'good luck, buddy! ya looked in a mirror, lately??' | |
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/6/2007 8:14:33 AM | btw......if someone has age restrictions right on their profile- you can't email them.
As for women who aren't in their 20's being curmudgeonly......... I'll think of that the next time I'm coaching roller derby!!I work with 20 somethings............'like,my boyfriend is sooooo immature, you know???' thats what I have to listen to all day!!!go ahead......... go with the bubbly ones- til they drive you crazy!!
I'd prefer not be with someone who likes women 20 years younger anyway. | |
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/6/2007 8:44:07 AM | I feel the same way, Neptune. What's even more ironic is when I'm contacted by those men. I'm nearly 45 and wayyyyy out of the "popular" age limits. I tell them that I not within their age restrictions and they'll say something like--Oh, it's just a guide. But you know what I'm thinking? If I dated a guy who gets his head turned easily even though he has set guildelines for himself, he will be easily distracted. Don't need it. I was married to it.
If I'm at the top end, but still within, I let them know that I'm not interested in being the oldest possible woman he would date--especially if the youngest is 20 years his junior.
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/6/2007 10:02:57 AM | I do not have such restrictions set, but it is soly for the reason of hosting events and being able to be contacted.
To encounter any of these limits can be frustrating especially when we see a profile we like.
I think it is only fair to respect the other person’s choices the same as we expect our own choice to be accepted.
It is a very personal matter and the WHY only the person concerned can answer.
Giving benefit of doubt perhaps the person is honest enough not to want to reject those who are not within the choice by not replying to their mail.
I do agree with the OP to the extent that one should be more open, but with one eye on the reality of the intentions of the type of relationship we and the other seek.
IMHO the age limitation is part of choice and moral values, speaking for myself only sure I’d like the thought of looking into the proverbial cradle, but to what avail???
I don’t want to mislead anyone in thinking there are real possibilities when the reality for a much younger person is to become my nurse when I’m old. At the same time I protect myself from the elusion that such relationship will be long lasting. Yes, it is possible, but rather unlikely.
I have learned that in younger years the larger age difference can be a lot of fun and can work quite well for both, however as we get older the gap between may prove to be a heavy burden, usually for the younger person. I have also seen people above 60 having been left by someone much younger, understandable, but very sad and traumatic for the older one because at that age it becomes more difficult to connect again.
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/6/2007 10:33:01 AM | "btw......if someone has age restrictions right on their profile- you can't email them. " " Go ahead......... go with the bubbly ones- til they drive you crazy!!
I'd prefer not be with someone who likes women 20 years younger anyway."
I agree with Chinua - I despise the age and gender restrictions on profiles. If I want to contact someone to follow up on something we discussed or to put them in touch with someone, or let them know of an event, etc. it is more than frustrating to discover I can not contact them. If you really insist on specifying an age limit then post inside your profile and be flexible.
C'est la vie! This is a long-standing rant that I have about restrictions/limits. No matter how I look at it, you are limiting your options and another way of contacting someone. | |
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/6/2007 10:44:39 AM | When I am feeling social, I have no restrictions. Most of the time though, I prefer to have my mailbox locked down or else I hide my profile.
Nowhere is it written that I must accept mail from everyone and if it was, I wouldn't be on this site. | |
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/6/2007 10:46:21 AM |
C'est la vie! This is a long-standing rant that I have about restrictions/limits. No matter how I look at it, you are limiting your options and another way of contacting someone.
Agreed!!
I am on here listed as looking for friends and I don't have any age restrictions on my profile. Friends come in all shapes, sizes, genders and ages.
I understand that people may want to set some sort of limit but what if you set a limit of 45 years old and your perfect person is 46? They will never be able to contact you. Does that one year really make a difference?? | |
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/6/2007 11:02:01 AM | I had age restrictions on mine untill I went to a POF funtion and meet a few people well out of my age range (for dating) so I eliminated the age restriction so I could talk to them on line. I did however put the PREFERED age (for dating) right in my Profile but wouldn't dismiss anyone who contacted me that was outside this range (guideline?) either up or down if we had a lot in common.
Al | |
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/6/2007 11:20:59 AM | Every one is looking for something else, some wish to be more specific and less open than others.
I think it is great that the options are provided here on POF and that we can chose to use them or not.
True too, restrictions limit the possibilities.
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/6/2007 6:21:33 PM | | Age restrictions for men and/or women are just like the lists of "must NOT's" both genders like to write down. Just a dream world "wish list" for most. A lot of people don't like the reality of the real world. One of the reasons "reality" TV is such a big hit nowadays. And some say the odd doobie turns people's brain to mush A lot should start smoking the stuff, at least it will give them an excuse for things. | |
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/6/2007 6:24:03 PM | i go for 25-45
age is just a number its who the person is that counts | |
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/6/2007 6:26:36 PM | When a guy buys a car he'd rather have a new one.
If he can't have a new one he at least doesn't want one
with high mileage.
Oh not me.
I would much rather have the old (bald)
worn-out (fat)
faded (creepy)
ripped upholstery (cheesy)
car. (man) | |
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/6/2007 6:40:05 PM | ^^^ Hahaha, LMAO. You just made my night! That's why I love ya.
This is pretty fricken funny too...
The older people get, the more curmudgeonier they get
LOL. That, along with kumquat, is one of the funniest words I've heard in a while.
OT... I try not to jump to conclusions, or make judgements because as has been stated, there are a vast array of reasons why people put what they put in there profiles. But that is one thing that just makes me wonder, and I automatically skip the profile.
Also, positivity and negativity are a state of mind and have nothing to do with age, IMO.
Thanks for the input, and the chuckles... | |
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/6/2007 7:18:47 PM | When I was single & looking, I specified between 25 - 50. I like to be as broad-minded as possible, but since
my oldest sons are 23 & 21, I don't want to go crazy!
To me, the important thing is whether or not he wants kids, since I can't have anymore. And it would depend
on why, as well. I have found that a lot of guys who don't want kids, are incompatible with me, in other ways,
personality-wise.
Since I am not currently looking, I removed some of my restrictions. And now that I am planning on hosting a
POF white water rafting trip this August, I have removed ALL my restrictions, for the duration. | |
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chinua
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Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 22 | |
| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/6/2007 10:54:23 PM | | I want kids- so that usually leaves out guys who have grown kids- and the younger ones who aren't ready for them yet. | |
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/6/2007 11:55:38 PM | omg...
Ive witnessed both male and female profiles that do this...
Generally when we see a 50 yr old man having restrictions for ladies 20-45yrs to contact him, the 'ICK' factor is huge! He would 'date' someone 20 yrs his junior but not older? Hypocritical or typical?
but do we feel the same when we see a woman do the same? I know I do... Ive ran across just as many female profiles who will have the age restriction 20 yrs younger but only 5 yrs older than themselves. Doesnt this seem absurd as well?
I often wonder to myself why would the person putting on these restrictions think someone that young would be interested in them??? To each's own with whatever their 'reasoning' is behind it... but with that huge age restriction why bother? You could be missing out on a great person who's - OMG - 2 years older than the restriction (which is probably 2 years older than yourself ) | |
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/7/2007 1:49:41 AM | Mine is 28 to 40. I still want kids, so by the time I meet someone forty years old and a relationship strong enough for a divorced guy to chance it again and bond to the point where we are stable enough to bring another life or more into this world might be another five years. The incidence of birth defects rises considerably after 35 years old, so what is wrong with that? I want my offspring to have the best start possible.
When I was younger I was into older women, ( see bubbly 20's comment above) but now I think my range is practical, and nonexclusive.
It's called lead time. Maby I just think like a guy. | |
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| Age limits in profiles
Posted: 6/7/2007 6:29:13 AM |
Oh not me.
I would much rather have the old (bald)
worn-out (fat)
faded (creepy)
ripped upholstery (cheesy)
car. (man)
See I think it's pretty clear that you KNOW what you want to drive
and what you Don't. Thing is most of us settle for whatever will
get us to work and back.
I think my first few weeks on here I had the age thing set from
22-43 or something but that was only until I realized it restricted
your contacts and I found that to be ageist so I opened it from 18-99.
Would I date an 18 yr old? Well she'd have to be a pretty special
person with a big heart and a great sense of humour before I'd be willing
to drag us both through the kind of clucking nonsenseical scorn that
people like some of the posters in this thread would heap on our May-December
romantic venture. Am I shopping for Teeners? Uh, NO that would be very
creepy and I think there are OTHER chat rooms for that if I was.
But neither am I looking for anyone in their 40's coz I'd like
to have a few kids over at least six to 8 years. Does that mean I wouldn't
date anyone older than me? No. It just means that I'd found someone
(as in the 18yr old scenario) that I hadn't expected to find coz I wasn't
looking in that direction.
But the whole notion that there might be something WRONG with
2 people 20 yrs apart dating is offensive to me. That is AGEISM
(yes another dreaded ism) plain and simple. If I complain and whine about
skateboard kids and support heavy handed policing against them based
on the reckless habits of a minority I am probably being AGEIST.
If I run around saying "Old people can't drive" and support taking
away drivers privileges at 65 then I am AGEIST.
If my prudish moral authority gives utterance to my disgust at
the notion two ADULTS of any age difference forming a relationship
then I am an AGEIST and I should probably look down the list of
ISM's I ascribe to to find the root of such a prejudice.
As for the people who fear that someone who would date a younger person
would ALWAYS be looking to find another young firm hardbody, well I feel
sorry that so many of you have been betrayed by the men in your lives.
Men are horny dogs there can be no doubt, but some of us develop this
quality called HONOUR at some point in our lives. For Milenia this quality
has been used against us as the powers that be trick us into battle in their
wars. But many ladies derive benefit from that quality of honour given that
though men remain horny dogs many of them would prefer not to compromise
their honour. Tying fidelity into a marriage vow with someone who is honourable
is a good first step, but simply holding a man by a promise is not enough. You
must infect his mind so that his passions are of you. So that when he dreams
of fire it is YOU who burns his loins. The oath is easy to aquire but keeping a
fire burning requires fuel, intuition, and a never ending quest of exploration.
Don't stop looking ladies there are plenty of men out there who won't
cheat on you. | |
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