|
|
|
|
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/6/2007 7:20:24 PM | How much, if anything, do you read into it when you meet someone who pretty much has nothing? Do you immediately suspect that they want you for what YOU have?
At my age, (mid 50s) I have a hard time seriously considering women in my age group who at this point in life can't afford to have a car. When you go to meet someone, and they live in a really low budget kind of place, and everything in the place is from a rental center, and are in that group that don't even have a car... how hard is it to NOT assume they are looking for a meal ticket?
I am a paycheck to paycheck with just a little left over kind of guy. Many years as a musician taught me how to live on a little money and a lot of guile. But I grew out of that as I aged and now understand that while I don't judge someone by their possessions, it just kind of tells me about their drive, work ethic, sense of priority and such when at 55 they have pretty much nothing. I know there are circumstances, like a bad divorce and such, but even that makes me wonder about their radar to have been married to a louse who would leave them in that state.
I once went to a computer repair call. I only had an address and didn't know until I got there that it was a rental trailer. She couldn't drop the computer off because she had no car. The woman had plastic milk crates tied togetherwith rope and pillows on them as furniture, a sleeping bag on the floor for a bed, and a brand new $2700 HP computer with flat panel on a stack of the same milk crates. Also a nice TV and stereo. The place was a veritable mess of 2nd hand store everything, and it stunk from lack of cleaning. Again, though possessions don't really mean anything, but doesn't the scenario I just described paint a picture of what a person like this is all about?
Thoughts? | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/6/2007 7:54:54 PM | | Well all I can say is money means nothing too me, of course we all need money but if we are too scared to met someone because we think they are after our money then we may miss out on that someone special! Also where I live no one can get hold of your money that quickly so you have time to see what they are like first! | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/6/2007 8:02:28 PM | While for many of us possesions are not the be all end all for many it is.
There is a lot of people out there that recieve their supposed status by what they have, and just as many people who judge a person by what they have. Rather then who they are.
There is a lot of both types on dating sites, sometimes it seems like a over abundance of them. | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/6/2007 8:19:29 PM |
Again, though possessions don't really mean anything, but doesn't the scenario I just described paint a picture of what a person like this is all about?
Do you remember that old commercial for some sort of stereo system (can't remember the brand, sorry), where the guy with the really long hair walks into an apartment with only a chair and the stereo? Like that commercial, I think what you describe may be merely indicative of what that person considers to be a priority.
Perhaps that woman recently escaped an abusive marriage, and has started over from nothing. Maybe her home burned down, or she's a Katrina victim, with no insurance to rebuild. Perhaps that computer is allowing her to take online classes, to enable her to have a better job.
Then again, maybe she's a crackhead whose junkie boyfriend stole that computer. But you know what they say about assumptions, don't you? | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/6/2007 8:45:26 PM | | I don't even have a trailer. I'm posting this now from a Starbucks on my laptop. I sleep in an ATM entrance at night. It's warm, secure, and nobody bugs me at night. | |
|
| |
lfrs
|
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 7 | |
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/6/2007 8:51:51 PM | Looks like many Men as well as Women judge a person by his/her toys.......
What's new with that???? That's been going on since forever.......
 | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/6/2007 9:00:33 PM | I think to judge someone based on their possessions, car or anything else material is just snobbery.
As others have pointed out, there are many legit reasons for a person to have accumulated very little.
Of greater importance would be what that person is doing to improve their situation. Are they working and saving for the things that they want/need? THERE is the REAL measure of importance. | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/6/2007 9:09:33 PM |
As others have pointed out, there are many legit reasons for a person to have accumulated very little.
Agreed. For some people, it's just not a priority.
There's a gentleman here that I've been getting to know, who despises "gadgets". Anything that he acquires, but doesn't use, he gets rid of. I, on the other hand, absolutely love them. Not huge, expensive, showy things, but things that I consider "cool"; in my kitchen, you'll find a breadmaker, snocone machine, a cotton candy-maker, and several pasta gadgets, jell-o molds, and cookie cutters. Those things bring me more enjoyment than an expensive car or huge-screen TV. That's a priority to me; to have my house smell like fresh-baked bread, or make a snocone on a hot Summer day.
Do I judge people badly if they don't have those things? Of course not. | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/6/2007 9:20:10 PM |
you'll find a breadmaker, snocone machine, a cotton candy-maker
That's it! I'm moving to Ohio. A snowcone machine! Only thing better would be a soft-serve ice cream machine like the one at DairyQueen. That would probably cause me to propose!
If I come to your house for dinner, would corn dogs be one the menu? | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/6/2007 9:24:21 PM |
That's it! I'm moving to Ohio. A snowcone machine! Only thing better would be a soft-serve ice cream machine like the one at DairyQueen. That would probably cause me to propose!
What?? I own a freaking cotton candy-machine, and it's the snocone maker that impresses you?? Geeze, you're easy. | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/6/2007 9:32:35 PM | I have to agree with your first comment mystlw there are a lot of things that could be going on. On the other hand I've talked to vagabonds that are perfectly happy with very little or no material items.
Your second comment reminds me of something Red Skelton said.
His wife has an electric toaster, electric blender, electric bread maker electric......
Until one day she said "there are to many gadgets and no place to sit down"
So he bought her an electric chair!  | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/6/2007 9:33:27 PM | Yes OP, I think that is something to look at when meeting some one but so is the "person", Circumstances can effect any one of us. At the age of 45, I find that I'm still "fighting" from a car wreck. (just an example)
But on topic, HOWEVER... I still own stuff. But we all want a "better" life, to all our satisfactions. But I agree, is does add to some insight about the person's work ethic, how quick they take root on you. Or you on them. Are you gonna want to share a life with this person? Maybe not, but do you think you wann just spend some time with them? OR will they just suck the life out of you, there are other kinds, but you my get the drift.
Having stuff, obviously doesn't secure happiness but neither does NOT having "stuff" either.
Another question I'd ask myself would be, does your stuff matter to your happiness? Or do you think you might get more stuff eventually? And this goes either way.
I dunno. Gotta see who I meet. IMHO | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/6/2007 9:47:17 PM | Well, I read your profile, Eddie, and you seem to place a lot of store in your possessions and so much so that you don't even want to leave the house once you are home. Fine, that's your thing but it makes me wonder why you say this:
"I have a hard time seriously considering women in my age group who at this point in life can't afford to have a car."
From what you say about yourself, you aren't about to go out anywhere anyway!
I don't own a car partly by choice and partly because I can't afford one in light of everything else I want to do. I live near downtown and walking from Point A to Point B has become a way of life rain, sunshine or snow. It keeps me in such shape that I don't have to pay out for gym memberships ...more savings in addition to the money I save on registration, insurance, maintenance and gas. If I need to get someplace fast or at night, I take a taxi and I figure my yearly taxi costs are still less than what it would cost to put a tank of gas in the car each week. If I want to go away for a weekend and need a car, I rent one. The supermarket run? Bundle buggy....$2 in a yard sale!
Frankly, if a man or woman is going to JUDGE ME on the basis of my material possessions they can count me as not interested in knowing them because it would be all too obvious that their life experiences have been extremely limited.
RVL | |
|
Pucks
|
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 15 | |
| |
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/6/2007 10:07:42 PM | If they do want me for what I have, so what? My stuff or money won't mean a thing when my ashes blow into the wind, so why not share with someone? Money and things are only good if they bring happiness. In and of themselves, they mean nothing.
I don't concern myself with their motivation for the relationship. My reasons are far more important. | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/6/2007 10:27:23 PM | I would never look down my nose at anyone. I've raised four babies waitressing, went back to school. I worked hard my entire life making sure my children had what they needed. Alot of the time we struggled from pay cheque to pay cheque. So I know what rough times are....I've been there and would never judge anyone else who's there now..
Now I have an awesome job, live in a nice lil house, I assure you my kids never sat on milk crates while I sat my ass on a fancy pc tryin to find a man..That's not someone who is just having it rough that's someone who's got their damn priorities way outta order..
I think God is now rewarding me for my hard work, I live comfortably, I'm not rich by any means but I can take care of myself, my children, I also have two girls living with me that have no decent home to go to..that's my way of tryin to pay God back for taking my hand and pullin me thru the muck..believe me I owe him a whole lot more..
Those with their dang noses up in the air are one day gonna trip over something and land on their sorry asses, right where they belong.. | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/6/2007 10:59:56 PM | | just my 2 cents on this..the last wife took 18,000.00 from our checking account and the one i had been seeing got 9500.00 in paid off bills,,,,naw, i don't think they wanted the money DUH!! i must have dumbass on my forehead??????? | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/6/2007 11:33:11 PM | Never judge a book by its cover. I live in an old run down trailer house. Its on the shabby side and in places the floor is a bit weak. Sure, I could live in a nicer place, but what would that get me except more money spent. I have a roof over my head, I have a bed to sleep in and if people look down on me because my house is not new and shiny, that is their problem not mine. My SUV is a couple of years old, but its paid off. I paid in full for the car my daughter drives. I pay insurance a year in advance for both of them. My bills are paid on time. I keep myself, my daughter and my cat in groceries and we never go hungry. I am also putting my daughter through college. I make decent money so financial aid does not give us a lot of help with her college fees. I have plenty of space for me and my daughter and I have a home office. I do not have a fancy entertainment center, but I do have a nice TV, with DVD player and cable. I have a home network set up for the computers, mine, my daughters and one for friends to play on when they come over, which is often since I have the highest speed available and unlimited downloads on my dsl. My furniture is not new but it is clean and in good shape. What more could a person need?
I don't have a mortgage and everything I own is paid off. It may not look cosmetically pleasing to everyone but I have plenty of friends and loved ones who never notice and gather here often. I figure that makes me a rich person. | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/6/2007 11:49:37 PM |
So he bought her an electric chair!
I hope it was at least one of those that vibrate at the same time; those rock!
My next acquisition is going to be a set of rosette irons, so I can make those little thin, powdered-sugar, pinwheel-shaped sugar waffles that they sell at fairs and carnivals.
I admit, I don't own a car (the short version: I lent it to a brother, and never got it back), nor do I have a cell phone. But those waffles are the only thing in the world that's better than sex.
Again, it's a priority thing.  | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/6/2007 11:54:17 PM | I have a nice house in a nice area. Not a great house in a great area. I own a lot of things and I live well. Basically debt free and my credit cards are paid at the end of the month. I know and work with several people who have the great house and the great neighbourhood and the toys, who are making less than half what I make and are in debt to their eyeballs. That, to me, is just stupid. I also know some that are living low on the income scale but manage. They do have what is needed, but not the extras. That is someone who is intelligent.
You must pay heed to the overall situation. I agree that the trailer with the milk crates was a hard case, but each to their own downfall. I do not tend to judge a potential person of interest by their financial circumstance, but there is a difference between circumstance and bad judgement. | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/7/2007 12:26:49 AM | | Ahh geez... I'm so tired of hearing that possesions don't matter, of course they do. If by the time you are in your 50's and you don't have a well kept home and a decent vehicle there's something wrong. I'm not saying they should have a mansion and a mecedes but the modest trappings of a person who's held a job for a while. If you don't have a least that it means that you aren't in control of your life, there's substance abuse or lazyness. Lots of people have had obstacles in their life but I think most normal people put a priority on their home and means of transportation. | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/7/2007 12:34:43 AM |
If you don't have a least that it means that you aren't in control of your life, there's substance abuse or lazyness.
Two words for you: Mother Teresa.
For some people, what you have isn't nearly as important as what sort of person you are. | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/7/2007 2:18:52 AM | Thats a tough one because it works both ways. People who are less fortunate sometimes treat people who they view as well off or rich with animosity and vice-versa because the rich and well-to-do view the working class as lazy.......She may actually like living in a run down trailer and the TV, stereo and computer may have been gifts from someone. She might also have a stockpile of cash somewhere. How can you judge a person solely on material posessions? I had a Chevrolet Malibu, it was 14 years old when I bought it. Paint was faded, had some dings but it ran great and had a nice Kenwood audio system. Met a girl, asked her out and when I showed up, dont you know she refused to go out on the date. She had no vehicle of her own but refused to be seen in "that rustbucket". My parting words were "Have fun riding the bus then". In my opinion, she viewed me in the same way you are viewing this woman, like I was too poor and not in the same caste as her......... I dont really like it when I pull into a gas station or shopping center and people I have never met come up and say stuff like "Is that your dad's car?" or "Are you a doctor?" or "What's a guy like you doing driving THAT car?". Not that it happens all the time but it has in the recent past. Its amazing how we can just look at someone or their car or their house and know everything about them. I have a friend who was willing to let me borrow her car but she kept reminding me that it wasnt a BMW so I may be disappointed. I had to remind her that she forgot that it wasnt that long ago I went from driving a one yr old BMW to driving a POS Grand AM GT that I had to put a new engine in a month after I bought it with only 79,000 miles. It's all good because now I have a 7 series thats is paid off in 8 months but I could never live with myself knowing that I snubbed a potential romance because of outward appearances. A lot of people are stuck and dont know how to get out and get to that better life they desire. Everybody's circumstances are different and it is really unfair to judge people without knowing them or their situation. Their reasons for not owning a house or a car can vary. I think some of you guys/girls need to take a trip to NYC, if you arent too scared of the big city. Lots of people in their 50s who dont own a house or a car but have well paying jobs. They like riding bikes, hopping on the train and living in apartments. They are not lazy or on drugs, that is just how they live. There are many places in America where the cost of living far exceeds the average income making it almost impossible for a lot of people to own anything.
Sorry if that was more than 2 cents but I just wanted to present the two sides.
What makes some of you think that everyone else can/should live like you? | |
|
| I know possessions don't matter, but....
Posted: 6/7/2007 2:38:08 AM |
Ahh geez... I'm so tired of hearing that possesions don't matter, of course they do. If by the time you are in your 50's and you don't have a well kept home and a decent vehicle there's something wrong. I'm not saying they should have a mansion and a mecedes but the modest trappings of a person who's held a job for a while. If you don't have a least that it means that you aren't in control of your life, there's substance abuse or lazyness. Lots of people have had obstacles in their life but I think most normal people put a priority on their home and means of transportation.
Ahhhhhhh yes the enlightened few!! LOL What you ARE saying is "things" have importance to YOU and that you view someone who has less "things" or no interesting in pursuing "things" because it's expected are into substance abuse or are lazy. Personally I'd think someone so caught up in owning "things" just because it supposedly shows what you've accomplished in life has problems being a confident individual and is too concerned with what others think.
It's obvious someone with this mindset WOULD judge another based upon what they own and might consider the character of a person less important. | |
|
|
| Page 1 of 5
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5 |
|
Home
login 
