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| "Player" "head games"--is this code?
Posted: 6/7/2007 8:50:43 AM | | I have seen many references to "players" and "not into head games" and I'm not sure what this means? Is it code for something? I am wondering if people actually consider themselves "players" and would actually skip over if a POF profile said, "no players." Maybe I haven't been on POF long enough to find out, but I truly don't know what is referred to by "players" and "head games." ???? | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/7/2007 8:59:31 AM | A "player" is someone just out for either sex or a sugar momma/daddy. They say all the right things, do all the right things, but once they have slept with you they are outta there and you never hear from them again. That's a player
"Head Games" well this could be told a 1000 different ways. To sum it up quickly.. Not being yourself, on the internet you can be anybody, I can tell you I'm a rocket scientist and I make over $150 a year. But when we meet I live in a one bedroom apartment and work at Burger King. That's on one level, the other level is playing with the other person's emotions to get something for yourself in other words "looking out for #1, being selfish". Either way head games hurt the other person because you were not being honest with them.. | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/7/2007 9:07:32 AM | | The overwhelming majority of people you'll find here are just that "players" and ones into "head games". A player uses head games to fool a potential partner into thinking he/she is something other than what they really are. Head games are usually just lies but some people take it to a higher level where they psychoanalyze you then pretend to be the exact person that you are looking for. A player seems to get more action and even the player that's honest about the game is mainly just in it for the sex. I myself want something real in a relationship and not just the sex part. I don't hate the player but I don't want to be part of a players head games either. I hope this helps and I'm sure you'll get a whole lot of responses on this subject. | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/7/2007 9:07:35 AM | I am wondering if people actually consider themselves "players" and would actually skip over if a POF profile said, "no players."
Usually the people who put that in their profiles have been burned more than once and are tired of it. I think some players will take it as a clue that you're an easy target if you have that in your profile. He knows exactly what to say because he knows exactly what you want to hear. If you fell for it before (many times), you'll fall for it again. Sad to say but some people are so clueless.  | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/7/2007 10:27:57 AM | | So, what you're saying, CallJoe, is that the more honest POF-er is the one who puts "Intimate Encounters" into his/her profile. Ie., they at least are honest about what they want. It follows--at least logically--that the "players" who are after sex, ought to be doing that, too....so it must be a different kind of game. They enjoy (or their "victims" enjoy, at some level) the game part of it. Ie., he can go away, thinking he's excelled at The Chase, because he's got what he wanted (this goes either way, gender-wise, of course) and she can go away feeling she's been victimized because she wanted "Long term" and he didn't deliver, after she "put out" to (in her world) secure "Long term!" A complicated dance and too bad there ARE victims, on both sides. A simpler world, I guess, would have people saying "Intimate Encounters," easier for guys to do, for some reason, than women, who have been brought up in our culture to view sex as a sort of commodity that can be traded for--sometimes--things like security, etc. No judgements here! Just my view! | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/7/2007 12:22:02 PM | I think you got it.
It's easy to be a victim. It's easy to side with a victim. It's easy to create victims. (Also, another "player" tactic.) Infact, there are quite a few sycophantic posters here that are good at the Create-a-victim, then instantly side with them in the same sentence routine. Fortunately, many can see right through it. But an alarming number buy right into it. I don't think the ones who do this even realize it, because it's always been rewarding to them. Therefore, they must be doing things "right".
Also in the Intimate Encounters thing, you are correct. Men are more likely to be honest with the IE thing. Not completely, but....well, just do a search. As a man looking for a woman, and a woman looking for a man for IE. Women tend to put "Hang out", "Friends" (Let's be friends and see what happens, wink wink.) and less often "Short term". What's worse, is I've heard women be PROUD of this. "At least we're subtle about it." No you silly thing, you're not subtle, you're dishonest.....then you're creating your own problem for yourself, AND others.
But the guys who are being manipulative will not care what type of relationship. It's not a consideration. Infact, the best "prey" would be the long-termers. They often want to believe SO much, that they ignore/deny the warning signs. | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/7/2007 2:41:39 PM | | I doubt that players care very much whether someone's profile mentions players or head games. Such references might be viewed as the sign of an easy mark or possibly a challenge. Players don't really care what their victims want. | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/7/2007 5:44:33 PM | | you also have the double standard; person A wants an intmate encounter, but dosen't neccerly want an intmate encounter with person B who is also seeking an intmate encounter becasue while person A sees people who are slutish as dirty or some other negitive discription and dosen't want to demean/endanger themselves by going with this person, person A is the pot calling the kettle black. | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/7/2007 5:51:28 PM | Everyone is a 'player', which is a female term of convenience. Women 'play' men, the only difference is, they call it 'dating'.
> I am wondering if people actually consider themselves "players"
> and would actually skip over if a POF profile said, "no players."
No, I'd be more likely to be more attracted to it, since the woman obviously hasn't a clue and is saying she's easily played.  | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/7/2007 5:54:53 PM | I am wondering if people actually consider themselves "players" and would actually skip over if a POF profile said, "no players." I doubt it.
The only people niave enough to believe that they would, are the people putting "no players" on their profile.
By putting things like "sick of players" on their profile, they're likely inadvertantly inviting players, by advertising that they've been vunerable enough to be "played" in the past.
If I see "no mindgames" or "sick of headgames" on a profile, I usually don't consider it a good thing.
I'd think that most normal people; who don't try to create drama in their lives, or who are smart enough to avoid it; don't have a really big problem with people entering their lives just to play "headgames".
If a persons decided to state that they are "sick of headgames", isn't it an indicator that they haven't been smart enough to avoid them in the past? | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/7/2007 8:09:34 PM | Yes, some men do consider themselves players, and are proud of it. The true player will juggle two or even three women while making them all think they are the only one. He is adept at not letting them ever meet.
Players play alot of head games to keep their women in line. | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/7/2007 10:24:30 PM | Personally, I consider "head games" to be a constant stream of tests administered by a person to another person to try and work out who they are. Only the first person usually doesn't know he's being tested, and the tests really suck. I'll give you an example of someone who played games with me and drove me nuts. I made mistakes here too, but I didn't feel like they were anything I should have been written off for.
She was a girl that worked out in the cafe at my bookstore and one day came in to tell me she wanted to me ask her out. I thought she was joking for a number of reasons I won't go into, but after she had given me her phone number it sunk in that a strikingly gorgeous girl did in fact want me to ask her out.
I called her up and had a conversation, but decided to ask her out after I had a good idea for a date. The next time I saw her at work, I asked her out to a BBQ. She declined the offer.
She flirted with me at work for the rest of the week.
Later I called her up and asked her if she was interested in mini golf. She asked me if anyone else was going to be there. Umm...I was thinking it would be just me and her, but I thought about why she would even ask that, and blurted out "Err...my roomates might come along". Bad move, I know. She said she might be able to fit that into her busy schedule and would call back. She didn't call back.
She flirted with me at work for the rest of the week.
I call her up on the phone and say "We should go out someplace. You choose the time and place." I didn't mean to dodge the responsibility of making the plans here, but she had been declining my previous offers with "Ooooh, I'm busy that day", so this was me throwing the ball in her court. Are you interested: Yes or no? She heed and hawed and said that her and her friends were going to a live comedy show and that I should come along. Yes! I agree!
She stands me up.
The next TWO weeks she flirts with me at work like never before.
I finally catch her in the break room and ask her what happened. She said...she fell asleep. "You fell asleep?" I asked? "Yes", she said. Why didn't she say anything about it? She thought I would hate her. I told her I didn't hate her, I just wanted to know what happened. I'm sure it wasn't malicious right? "Are you still interested in going out?" I ask? "Yes!" she says. I tell her about the Strangers with Candy movie playing at a nearby theater, and her eyes light up. She's a fan, I knew it. She tells me she isn't sure if she can catch the show, but she'll call me. I don't expect her to call me one bit.
She calls me. She declines. But! She has two weeks off in just half a months time. We can spend those entire two weeks together hanging out. Cool.
I call her up. She says "No, not these two weeks, the ones two weeks from TODAY. And I'm going to be in the hospital for those two weeks. I'd rather not talk about it."
I got a new job, and never heard from her again.
Now, here are two people who were mutually attracted to each other, and neither of us got to know each other. Why? Because I bungled a couple date invitations? I had never been placed in a situation before where I even had to THINK about asking someone out. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Every time I tell a person about this story all I hear is "Oh dude, here's where you screwed it all up". but you know what? I'm a freaking awesome person. I'm not arrogant, but at 21 I'm self sustaining, a good student, ambitious, I work out regularly, am interested in writing, reading, photography, am an awesome cook, have a great sense of humor, work out regularly , have good taste, and very little student debt. I say SHE's the one that messed up by focusing on all the wrong things. by trying to pick me apart by a few minute details WITHOUT first having a degree in psychology without actually getting to know me.
Playing games amount to using totally roundabout methods to try and get to know someone, or to weed people out. They often don't work at all, because some people don't make very good game pieces. They may have their own reasons for acting differently. I've received the blunt end of this behavior more times than reasonable, so I've had to tweak the kind of people I attract. | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/7/2007 11:21:13 PM |
Msg 6: (ubkobalt)
Women tend to put "Hang out", "Friends" (Let's be friends and see what happens, wink wink.) and less often "Short term". What's worse, is I've heard women be PROUD of this. "At least we're subtle about it." No you silly thing, you're not subtle, you're dishonest.....then you're creating your own problem for yourself, AND others.
Amen brother. I have the same quibble about the "trying to save his feelings" with their dishonesty. I believe that women have a tendency towards subtlety and hinting. It causes a lot of communication issues between the two genders. The reason behind this "Let's be friends and see what happens, wink wink." is that it's like a psychological defence mechanism that lets the woman see herself as less 'slutty'. | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/7/2007 11:28:57 PM | First of all, any profiles that mention 'no player' or 'no head games' are the FIRST places such people are going to direct their attention since the very adversity of afore mentioned things are a direct invitation of challenge. After all, who wants to play with no challenge?
Women who put such things in their profiles actually attract MORE of such things, not less. Aw if only everyone understood the laws of attraction but alas...
Is it code? No it is not. Male/female interactions are a set of skills that can be both learned as well as applied like any other set of life skills. It is no different than studying to be a painter, a chemist, or a doctor. The facts are that there are skills involved in inter-gender success that such people as players or head-gamers study and practice.
So it is not code, it is direct terminology. Do people consider themselves players? Some do, dome do not. Would they skip past profiels that said no player? See above...
Hope this helps a little. | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/8/2007 9:54:01 AM | Something I've learned from my few experiences: Don't EVER trust a woman with ambiguity.
A dishonest women will use it as a weapon, and an honest one won't need to use it at all. Unless she's planning a surprise birthday party or something. | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/8/2007 10:50:34 AM | JoeSki..
Some awesomely beautiful woman treat men like sh*t because their experience is Men suck it up & come back begging for more.. If you were not so blown away by her beauty.. would you have have put up with even 1/1o of the sh*t she shoveled on you? I think not. | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/8/2007 11:27:56 AM | | A player is a guy who is after sex and not much more. He will tell you, show you, be there for you as long as it takes to get sex then, having been victorious, moves on. There are whole systems designed to play on women's feelings, bad habits, need to be challenged, etc. Many women will happily fall for them too as they think that this is the big strong alpha male of their dreams and when kicked to the curb in shock after the sex is over (or repeatedly allowing themselves to be used because they are too dumb to exercise the big gray thing between their ears) they then repeat the behavior again and again until time and kids eventually kick their asses hard enough to make them realize that maybe they are pursuing the wrong kind of relationships, to which the guys out there who have not used them say 'too late...you're old and have too many kids and too much damage/baggage'. | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/8/2007 11:35:02 AM |
Msg: 17 ( IrishAngel1)
Some awesomely beautiful woman treat men like sh*t because their experience is Men suck it up & come back begging for more.. If you were not so blown away by her beauty.. would you have have put up with even 1/1o of the sh*t she shoveled on you? I think not.
Absolutely. Works with both genders as well. I think over the years good looking people of both genders become accustomed to people around them kissing their ass, and a seemingly infinite supply of members of the opposite sex. This often causes them to take others for granted and treat others with less respect. | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/8/2007 2:21:41 PM | Unfortunately, some people tend to use those terms anytime a potential relationship doesn't turn out the way they wanted it to, so it tends to water down the definitions.
Bluezzz | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/8/2007 4:09:06 PM | I mentioned her beauty, I didn't mention that she was artistic, an aspiring graphic designer, had good taste in literature, and had a wonderfully demented sense of humor. The woman loved "Strangers with Candy"! Have you ever seen the show? A woman who can appreciate it's unique brand of demented comedy is a polar bear in a haystack. I mean, it's rarer than a girl who enjoys Monty Python.
Personally, I consider beautiful women with bad attitudes a dime a dozen. If good looks were the only criteria I had in mind I would take $40 and head downtown, but they're not. And I don't. I'm a guy who has only had four dates in his entire life because I keep holding out for people I can relate to on a personal basis, and they only seem to come along about once a year. I can honestly say I've put up with FAR MORE shit from at least one girl whose beauty did not blow me away. I fell for her on account of her wit, brain, and similar personality.
Only she didn't end up being who she said she was at all....but that's a different story.
And doing something just because you can is hardly just cause. The woman from the cafe was probably just immature and looking for attention from wherever she could get it. | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 6/10/2007 9:44:46 AM | Unfortunately, some people tend to use those terms anytime a potential relationship doesn't turn out the way they wanted it to, so it tends to water down the definitions.
Interesting. I am glad you clarified that, because by some of the "definitions" I've read here, I'm a player! Ie., I have met men online, met them in person, maybe had a date or two or three and then things have just "dribbled off." Lack of interest on my side? Yes. But from the other pont-of-view, I may have been perceived as a "player." In actuality, it's what I call "dating." Dating, to me, means seeing several men, perhaps, enjoying their company-- but not necessarily regarding any as "exclusive" or, "a boyfriend." Obviously, if something really clicked for me, it would be completely different. Interest on one side only does not constitute a relationship, nor does one party's loss of interest define her or him as a "player." | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 8/13/2008 9:08:02 AM |
because by some of the "definitions" I've read here, I'm a player!
Obviously, if something really clicked for me, it would be completely different. Interest on one side only does not constitute a relationship, nor does one party's loss of interest define her or him as a "player." Totally agree. If I don't choose YOU, it doesn't mean I am a player: it means something didn't work between us, no more, no less. In return I never call "player" a man who didn't choose me, no matter how much I like him. Sometimes I am very sorry, because from my side it was strong attraction....but oh, well
As an OP I don't understand these words, too: "player" and "head games"
People who play games, and are indecisive..... I just can not stand game players. This is from another topic, and I wanted to open new topic, but found this one.
I think dating IS a game...what else? You choose, you are chosen, there is very seldom coinsidence about the choices. I always assume that people tell the truth until they prove opposite. And, when people undecisive, it just means they DECIDED to not choose me, they are just not comfortable to convey it to me.
Let's say I never lie, why would I? Sooner or later the truth will be apparent and then relationship will fail. BUT I don't tell all the truth right away because I prefer people to see bug picture first and then get into details later when it's relevant. Does it makes me player? I don't think so. | |
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 8/13/2008 9:50:11 AM | Women, in their endless pursuit of: "Mr Right" or "Mr Big" or "McDreamy"
or whatever the hell theyre calling it at the moment, create and administer tests, or
"Head games" on potential mates. The hapless male is the default participant in said game.
Unbeknownst to the aforementioned male, the dynamic of the female intuition
or "feelings" if you will, is eventually entered into the equation. At which point the
male is disregarded and labeled a "player".
I hope this helps.....
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| Player head games--is this code?
Posted: 8/13/2008 10:28:52 AM | OP: Part of the problem is that many people have their own definitions of what a player is. Many women use an oversimplified (and self-serving) definition which is a subset of what players really are.
True players (and they can be of either sex, but more frequently female) are those who view a relationship as a means to an end, and treat one as a way of satisfying their own desires without consideration of the other person. Players have generally mastered (or at least learned a lot of rules of) applied psychology. Male 'players' who are looking primarily for sex have 'learned' the 'rules' women play by when determining who they will have sex with, and use this knowledge to deceive the woman in such a way that she will give them sex. Of course, this subset of players is the definition most women use. There are other motives for players... like validation or self-esteem or financial rewards... which either gender (but more commonly females - guys generally do want sex) can be focussed on, and they are still players. Most people overlook that, though.
Players may or may not have their own code, it depends on the individual. It's highly unlikely that one would choose to not play a woman merely because she doesn't want to be played. I believe it's safe to say that no woman really wants to be played (although some of the female players might, deep down, be looking for that) yet players still play them. Why would a woman making this explicit be a problem? Besides, if a woman says she doesn't want to be played, she is admitting it is possible to play her... or she is claiming to be more of a challenge to play than many other women. The truly self-assured player will know that this does not mean he couldn't play her, but will likely choose to prove it to her. | |
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