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 FLLuLu
Joined: 4/15/2007
Msg: 1
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Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into YouPage 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)


I finally read HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.
The book tells things women know deep down but choose to ignore. First “there is no excuse for cheating” and “don’t date a married man” Daaaah.


OK what about the “busy” excuse, and how a guy who says he’s “busy” is just saying he’s a jerk:

From the book: "Oh sure, they say they’re busy. They say that they didn’t have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just that crazy. All lies. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing, it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don’t even mean to. If I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. Which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you."

Others from our own experience to add to the list???? And what are they telling us.
 Star Mirage
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 2
Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/7/2007 10:04:22 AM
I dunno, sometimes I AM too busy to call anyone during the day, except business people.

If the person I want to talk to is that important to me, I'll call them in the evening after work. I may get their answering machine, but hey, at least they know I called!
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 3
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Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/7/2007 10:30:19 AM
At certain times of the year, I am too busy for my dearest friends, never mind dating people I haven't met yet. I totallly understand, as all my friends do someone saying "Right now I am too busy to spend time with you".

To me, reading too much into someone being to busy and thinking that it has anything to do with just not being into someone, has too much time on their hands.
 bullielover62
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 4
Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/7/2007 10:58:41 AM

Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You


That restraining order was my first clue......
 Muskoka Gold
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 5
Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/7/2007 11:00:06 AM
Others from our own experiences to add to the list??? And what are they telling us.


I have experienced those guys who are looking for a friend. Or, a friend with benefits. Or, he uses the " he doesn't want to ruin the friendship ...excuse." It works so well because it seems so wise. Right? But, from my perspective, if we're really excited about someone we want more. If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it to the next level.
So, if I start talking with a guy and if, after awhile he doesn't give any indication that he wants to take it the next level, exchange phone numbers or meet me...well I guess...he's just not that into me. I can choose one of two things.....maintain a platonic/friendship with him or break all ties. This has only happened to me a couple of times....but two times too many....that now when a guy says he's looking for a friend....it's a red flag..and I stop
I understand some people's theory that you can't have too many friends.....but on a dating site...that theory doesn't work for me.
Muskoka
 lovin2blivin
Joined: 6/27/2006
Msg: 6
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Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/7/2007 11:00:42 AM
I look at it this way: we all have busy lives and we have filled the 'gap' of another with projects, interests etc. I don't know about anyone else, but once I get started on something, it's hard to put it down...when I'm on a roll..I gotta keep goin' or it doesn't get finished. Time and energy seem to pass by so quickly and before you know it, the day is done and some of the calls you meant to make, have to be put on hold for another day.
It sure doesn't mean I don't care about people, it's just life happens. If someone really finds me attractive, then I'll probably hear from him at a time when he feels ready to chat. I'd rather have a conversation with someone who has the opportunity to really communicate with me, then catch someone in the middle of something and have half their attention.
Don't worry, Be Happy...your time schedule maybe differ from someone else's
 charliemcsd
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 7
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Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/7/2007 11:29:43 AM

Others from our own experience to add to the list???? And what are they telling us.


I am familiar with the book and its intention, but never read it or parts of it.
From your initial post, it seems this is not gender based, as in "She's Just Not That Into You".... because I've run into many of the same situations with lots of women on these dating sites.
 firstlight
Joined: 8/30/2005
Msg: 8
Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/7/2007 11:30:46 AM
With or without the book it is so obvious. If he doesn't call or email or makes excuses when you contact him he is obviously not into you. What makes it hard is so many of them, I guess out of trying to be nice "act" like they like you. Ok I suppose I am guilty of that too.
 friendlyface2
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 9
Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/7/2007 11:50:37 AM
The clearest sign is surely silence. We may not have time for long conversations or long e-mails, but when a person doesn't even make an effort to say, "Hello, just checking in, I am terribly busy this week but hope we can have a nice chat/get together soon," then that guy (or gal) just isn't that "into" the other person. (I use "we" because women can do it too.)

The next sign is canceling (or worst still forgetting) an appointment/date. It may be no more than, "I'll call you tomorrow." Anyone can forget/be confused/be delayed once. But when it is a pattern, "he's just not that into you."

Related to that is when a guy just can't find a lot of time to be with you. We all have busy periods, but when there is never any time, the guy is either not interested or not ready for a relationship.

Another sign is when the guy doesn't consult your preferences or do things you want to do. If it's "his way or no way" then he is just not that into you.
 Unenlightened Sage
Joined: 12/23/2005
Msg: 10
Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/7/2007 1:27:32 PM
^^^^^ Four of the best signs...

If I didn't have any time to spend with my SO, I'd wonder why I was avoiding him. If my SO didn't have any time to spend with me, I'd, probably, understand, unless it was chronic. If my friends don't have time to spend with me, I understand, because I know how overwhelming their lives, often, are. If one of my dearest friends wanted to spend even a few minutes with me, and I didn't feel I could take the time, for them, I'd begin to question my priorities, in life.
 bayrab
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 11
Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/7/2007 2:00:00 PM
I just recently cut myself loose from a relationship that had all the signs of "he's just not that into you," when I realized that wasn't the issue. the issue is he's an alcoholic and behaving like alcoholics do. When he said he'll call tomorrow, I'm sure he had every intention of calling tomorrow. But several cases of beer later, tomorrow becomes next week.

Duh, I finally realized that no matter what he promises or how good his intentions might be, he cannot possibly give me the attention I want, cause he just doesn't have it to give. It's not me, I'm sure everyone in his life feels the same way.

Rather than spin my wheels for someone who isn't capable of a relationship I'm choosing to move on. He'll have to figure out what he needs to do for himself. I can't fix him, ain't even gonna try. Not my responsibility. Life is too short. Maybe I'll be here when he gets his chit together and maybe I won't.

so, it may not always be a case of "just not that into you." It might be a case of Bud Light.

chris
 Mairenn
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 12
Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/7/2007 2:47:49 PM

Others from our own experience to add to the list???? And what are they telling us.


I was seriously involved with a guy for 15 years who hardly ever made the effort to get off the couch and go to family, work or friends' events with me. His excuse was that he wasn't comfortable with people he didn't know well. It got to the point where I stopped even inviting him and just told him where I was heading. I would think that if a person is 'into' the other person they would make the effort to get to know their SO's family, friends and coworkers.
 cdn_guy
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 13
Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/7/2007 2:59:14 PM
I'm not sure about men, but I do know with women on first dates, that when she walks around the table in the restaurant to my side, slaps my face, dumps my drink over my head, pushes my dinner plate into my lap, screams something about "Go to 'ell, you pervert!", then turns and walks firmly and deliberately out of the restaurant, that she's just not that into me -- not that I've had any personal experience with this, you understand.

cdn guy
 bayrab
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 14
Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/7/2007 6:19:40 PM
yea, cdn, I'm thinkin that would be a pretty good clue
 AgelessWonder
Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 15
Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/7/2007 6:25:18 PM
Sign's he's just not that into you

He never returns your phone calls after numerous voice mails you leave

You e-mail him and it comes back, address unknown

You go shopping with your friends and see him with another woman

You are driving down the street, see his car and honk and wave and he speeds up and don't look your way

You see him and it's not for salmon
 Realist59
Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 16
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Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/7/2007 6:37:47 PM
I recently was enlightened by a POF guy I met for the first time. He said that if a guy doesn't "make his move" on a woman within meeting her for the third time then it ain't going to happen. I cross-examined a few other men (very gently of course, ha, ha) and found out they agreed. A man will try to get close to you physically in some way, even if it is just a hug or a quick kiss after being with you a few times. Personally, I'm not willing to spend a few months anymore to wait and see if a man is interested in becoming closer to me. I find it's too emotionally draining to get attached to another person, even if it's just in a friendly way, and then break it off. I'm very picky about who I meet - I'm not just looking to make a bunch of friends and hopefully meet the love of my life on the way which is what a lot of men think is okay to do. It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.
 SherTenn
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 17
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Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/7/2007 6:39:04 PM
> That restraining order was my first clue......

now *that's* funny..! Thanks for the laugh..:-)
 Muskoka Gold
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 18
Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/7/2007 7:25:20 PM
Another sign is when the guy doesn't consult your preferences or do things you want to do. If it's " his way or no way" then he is just not that into you.


Gee, I never thought of it quite that way.
Do you mean he never makes plans to do something special with you?
Do you mean he lets you do all the work & the planning of how you're going to spend your time together?
Do you mean when he says " c'mon, hurry up we're going " ........wherever in the next five minutes? & it's always where he wants to go?
Do you mean you haven't seen each other for a week and instead of spending time with you talking and getting to know each other better....he'd rather watch TV. He can't miss his favorite TV show? ya know?
Do you mean when he talks about the future....he talks from his " MY"?
For instance, he says............ my retirement, my house, my future. He's sort of saying, if you want to join him that's okay, but it'll be HIS way!?
Do you mean he doesn't ask questions about your world? your life? your interests and friends/children etc.? Do you mean it's all about him?
Well, I never looked at it that way but boy you might be right. he's just not that into me!!!
How sad for him...'cause I'm worth being into. a relationship with!
Muskoka
 erm1956
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 19
Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/7/2007 8:37:28 PM

He said that if a guy doesn't "make his move" on a woman within meeting her for the third time


Another #3 rule. The magic number. 3rd date for sex, 3rd meeting for grope. (excuse me, I'm taking notes here). Pop left some details out when we had the TALK.
 Andy_Stitzer
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 20
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Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/7/2007 9:25:03 PM

Do you mean he never makes plans to do something special with you?
Do you mean he lets you do all the work & the planning of how you're going to spend your time together?
Do you mean when he says " c'mon, hurry up we're going " ........wherever in the next five minutes? & it's always where he wants to go?
Do you mean you haven't seen each other for a week and instead of spending time with you talking and getting to know each other better....he'd rather watch TV. He can't miss his favorite TV show? ya know?
Do you mean when he talks about the future....he talks from his " MY"?
For instance, he says............ my retirement, my house, my future. He's sort of saying, if you want to join him that's okay, but it'll be HIS way!?
Do you mean he doesn't ask questions about your world? your life? your interests and friends/children etc.? Do you mean it's all about him?
Well, I never looked at it that way but boy you might be right. he's just not that into me!!!
How sad for him...'cause I'm worth being into. a relationship with!



Ok, now substitute she for he and this was my last dating experience. It was always all about her. I wish my "she's just not that into me" radar had been working... I would have seen the sharp stick coming sooner! As I say in my sales job, "next!"

C
Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/8/2007 1:22:26 AM
If he doesn't make SOME kind of small move within the first four meetings - say a kiss on the cheek, a touch, say on your arm, a hug - or any small indication that shows he'd eventually like more, then he's either "not that into you" or so shy it could take him three years to do anything. (Who in their right mind would wait that long?)
Oh- and if he kisses your forehead, he sees you more as a potential friend/ addition to his extended family.

 Realist59
Joined: 8/24/2006
Msg: 22
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Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/8/2007 6:28:10 AM
What baffles me is why people procrastinate and don't come out and make it clear that they don't think they would be a good match with a person they've met a few times. All it takes is you know (insert name here), as much as I think you're a wonderful person, I just can't see us having a successful long-term relationship. I'd like to remain your friend, but don't know how you feel about that. What would you like to do? You could send an email if you are too chickens**t to do it face to face.

I've talked to a number of women who say that they've found men to be really wimpy in this area - they're quite happy to go bumbling along to eternity in a friendship with a woman who they've no intention of getting into a relationship with. I think one of the reasons they do this is that a lot of women make great friends, and the man feels flattered and good about himself. He also thinks that he might hurt her feelings, so he stays involved emotionally. The thing about a lot of women is they grow emotionally attached and have good feelings about the man. They might get the feeling that something isn't quite "right", but don't want to put the man on the spot, or are just hopeful that it will develop into something.

I think that it's more difficult to deal with "you let me think there was a chance our relationship could grow, so you let me go ahead and open myself up and make myself vulnerable", than "oh, this guy doesn't think we'd be a good match - I wonder what his reason for that is"?

I don't think it's fair to other people to not be perfectly clear how you feel about them when you're participating on a relationship site. Show your intentions after meeting them a few times so that they don't have to scrutinize you for signs and indications that you are just not into them. It's called being an adult.
 Muskoka Gold
Joined: 4/18/2006
Msg: 23
Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/8/2007 7:33:20 AM
I don't think it's fair to other people to not be perfectly clear how you feel about them when you're participating on a relationship site..................It's called being an adult.


Here! Here! I agree with EVERYTHING you've said.......

I'm a big girl and I wear big girl panties ( ooops, that's another thread)......I can take it............if one or two guys had been more forthcoming with me, it would have saved me a lot of grief. And, I do tend to rear back on my haunches, if I perceive that I've been duped into thinking there might be more than a friendship. His lack, of having the chutzpa to be upfront with me, might even make me form an opinion of him, that he might not have rightfully deserved.
If a man tells me he's not into me.............it's so much better than relying on my " crystal ball" and avoids misunderstandings.
Muskoka
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 24
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Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/8/2007 7:45:08 AM
I've also read the book and agree it's good, as is the book You're Not That Into Him Either...But I believe both books can be applied to both genders just as well as the one they were written to appeal to.

There are a lot of signs thhat someone isn't into you:

* not calling - there's no valid reason, unless they've been in an accident and can't use a phone, to not call; most people have cell phones and even if the day is busy, you have to at some point be in a situation where you can call for 2 minutes...even if it's on speaker in the car while driving somewhere. If you care, you call; if you don't call, you don't care, at least not enough. And taking for granted that someone won't mind that you didn't call because *they* care about *you*, especially if you said you would call, is the first step to ruining a relationship.

* only talks about themself; never ask you any questions; doesn't appear to have any interest in things you say.

* only wants to see you if there's nothing else to do.

* never comes up with something for you both to do together; they either want you to choose and if you don't, then you end up sitting around doing nothing.
 friendlyface2
Joined: 2/10/2007
Msg: 25
Sign’s He’s Just Not That Into You
Posted: 6/9/2007 7:13:56 AM
Chris, I like your point about how sometimes "he's just not that into you" has an alcoholic (or other substance abuse) component. I also loved how you phrased it:


... it may not always be a case of "just not that into you." It might be a case of Bud Light.


Very witty, and I think, very true.

Don't you think, however, that it comes to the same thing?

If someone is more "into" his (or her) booze or other addiction than s/he is "into" you, isn't that a form of "he is just not that into you"?

Maybe it makes us feel better that the other person likes us as much as it is possible for him (or her) to like anyone. Maybe it makes us feel better to know that he (or she) wasn't lying when s/he said that s/he'd call. But the bottom line is that he didn't call, that he didn't give priority to the relationship.

Is it any different to be "forgotten" for a case a Bud than to be "forgotten" because the guy (or gal) had to work, had to spend time with other friends, had to go ride the Harley remodel a house or whatever?

To me "he's just not that into you" means that in the "competition" between you and the guys other interests, you are losing. That's true whether the "other interests" are other women, a job or that case of Bud light.
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