| Does one's financial debt influence your choice in a potential mate?
Posted: 6/7/2007 8:28:17 PM | Amongst my girlfriends we were speaking about credit debts and it just astounded me t how much some of them owe aside from the usual bank cards . Seems like some carry a catalogue of cards belonging to various department stores> Monies they don't have spent on more clothes, more meals , more CDs , more entertainment and other items which I would consider going beyond reasonable ownership .
I own about 15 pairs of shoes , from dress to sport. However, if I met a man who had the same amount and was still buying more on a credit card which already had a balance in serious debt I would be silently appalled and wonder about their ability to manage their personal finances.
I am debt free , I do have a credit card but I can't imagine seriously involving myself with a man if he had credit card debt coming out of his whazoo. Personally, I believe one should not be indebt for more then 10 percent of their annual income.
Your thougts? | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 3 | |
| Does one's financial debt influence your choice in a potential mate?
Posted: 6/7/2007 8:32:45 PM | i agree with what your saying. i am Debt free for the most part too, except a little on a visa.
A mortage debt, i would not have a prob with. This is constuctive debt.
But excessive debt such as others loans would make me run. I am not taking on someone's student/car/personal loans. No way. | |
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| Does one's financial debt influence your choice in a potential mate?
Posted: 6/7/2007 8:40:30 PM | | I made a bad business investment and ran up quite a bit of debt which I will never be able to pay off in this lifetime. I could file for bankruptcy and start fresh, but I am too proud for that. So what this means is that all my dinner dates will be at Subway, and not some fancy place like Quiznos. | |
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| Does one's financial debt influence your choice in a potential mate?
Posted: 6/7/2007 8:40:32 PM | Interesting question, as a person in the finance business, I see couples who over extend them selves and come to people like me to rescue them or help them with the financial burden
I'm in a relationship and my Girlfriend lives with her Mom, and from what I can see she has no debts except a mortgage
I'm good with finances and I consider my self lucky because i have a visa and master card with little to no balance, I travel 2 to 3 times a year, own a home and other real estate and some toys.
I would warn the ladies if a guy has debts up the wazhoo, because I see what it can do to relationships, the stress etc, yes Money doesn't buy happiness but it solves 90% of the problems.
just my 3 cents. | |
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| Does one's financial debt influence your choice in a potential mate?
Posted: 6/7/2007 8:48:55 PM | I agree with you also. I'm debt free and have not had a credit card for over 10 years. If there is something I want, I buy it or save my money to get it.
I don't need a woman that can't pay her bills. I have friends that make more money then me but after paying their bills, they have nothing left to have fun with.  | |
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| Does one's financial debt influence your choice in a potential mate?
Posted: 6/7/2007 9:00:19 PM | Personally, I believe one should not be indebt for more then 10 percent of their annual income
I seriously hope you aren't including a house note as debt. A mortgage is debt ya know...
And since when did child support become a debt? Just curious. How would you figure out that one? Your monthly payments x years left to pay till 18 or 21 x number of kids - what has already been payed = something that should be payed regardless. | |
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| Does one's financial debt influence your choice in a potential mate?
Posted: 6/7/2007 9:02:59 PM | | Nope. Some of the most wonderful guys I've dated were fairly poor or in debt with student loans. They were also some of the most generous. Money is not a substitute for character or knowing how to treat women. Given the choice, I'd take the latter any day of the week. | |
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PHK
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Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 11 | |
| Does one's financial debt influence your choice in a potential mate?
Posted: 6/7/2007 9:07:50 PM | Finances are a big factor (for me). It should be common sense but not many people like to discuss their personal finances. Which may be why most marriages fail (financial problems is the #1 reason cited). But then maybe I'm partial given my background?  | |
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| Does one's financial debt influence your choice in a potential mate?
Posted: 6/7/2007 9:18:21 PM | There was another thread just a day or two ago about this subject. One person stated that $10K is the norm for credit card debt. As I stated in that thread, anyone who has a $10K credit card debt...unless it was because of some medical emergency or something similar...is either rich or they are living way above their means. It takes very little common sense to know that when you buy something with plastic...someone has to pay for it. Obviously there are a lot of people without much common sense.
I never have a running balance on my credit card. If I see something that I want or need I buy it...but pay off the balance as soon as my statement comes in. But I also have enough common sense to know whether or not I can afford something. Other than every day living expenses (utility bills) I have one debt which is my mortgage.
So as the answer to the question...I would have to say yes, someone's debt would probably have an influence on my choice for a potential partner. I don't require or need someone with a lot of money...but I do require them to have common sense. | |
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| Does one's financial debt influence your choice in a potential mate?
Posted: 6/7/2007 9:22:30 PM | I believe in living within your means, and wouldn't want to be a woman who didn't understand that concept.
That being said, it seems like most people have a different concept of "living within their means" than is used in the financial industry. 
Essentially, they should be saving 10% of their income. Saving 20% or more would be a turn on. Housing should be no more than 1/3 of their after-tax earnings. Transportation at about 25%. Entertainment no more than 10%. Everything else fitting in between.
If you are saving 10% of your income, there is no reason to carry credit card debt for more than a month or two unless you get hit with an emergency expenditure. And even then if they've done it right, they shouldn't have alot of personal debt as they should have a minimum of 12 to 24 months salary saved. There are very few non-medical emergencies that would require someone to consume their entire savings if they have 12+ months in savings.
Having a mortgage is fine, however the 1/3 after tax income rule still applies as far as I'm concerned. Getting an over-sized house seems to be all the rage as of late. Sounds great until you run into trouble and can't make the mortgage payments, or it comes up for renewal and your rate goes up 2% and your entire budget just disappeared into the bank's pocket.
When a person racks up large amounts of personal debt (cars, credit cards, personal credit lines, or over-sized mortgages) it represents a red flag to me, in that it indicates that they may be financially irresponsible and lack discipline when it comes to self-indulgence. I've run into no shortage of people who have no savings, make small salaries, yet insist on taking that vacation they couldn't afford or getting that car lease that leaves them broke. It's like seeing a train wreck in slow motion. 
I am financially free, so it's not the amounts of the debts that disturb me. It would be the prospect of building a life with someone who would treat my finances as poorly they treat their own.
As I like to remind myself from time to time, those who do not respect money are destined to lose it. | |
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| Does one's financial debt influence your choice in a potential mate?
Posted: 6/7/2007 9:56:10 PM | By the time I divorced, my wife had successfully charged up over $50k in credit card debt - with nothing to show for it! I made a great living, but just keeping on top of the interest alone was taking up all my available income.
I divorced her, and proceeded to pay off all the remaining debt (with the exception of my mortgage) It was a tough road, and quite a bit of money went down the tubes to interest.
As a result, I've got great credit, and no debts, however...
In a woman, I won't say it's a deal-breaker (all it takes is a bad partner to really sink you deep into debt) but it's definitely an indicator of some bad habits. This stuff is often a harbinger of some other personal disasters in someone. If you plan on inviting them into your lives', you'd better be looking carefully at that stuff! | |
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| Does one's financial debt influence your choice in a potential mate?
Posted: 6/7/2007 10:51:14 PM | It is amazing the mindset about debt. I see a lot of 3000 sq ft houses, new truck for hubby and an S.U.V. for the wife. They just don't know how poor they are. To each their own. Oh, and I do own everything I have...not me and a bank.
At my age somebody that I would date should have this stuff figured out by now. It does matter some to me.
EugeneW | |
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| Does one's financial debt influence your choice in a potential mate?
Posted: 6/7/2007 11:20:22 PM | People who have no self control when it comes to spending usually have other character flaws...
All you have to do is look aat the math of having redit card debt and you should QUICKLY realize what a trap it is and how dumb it is to fall into that trap.
$4000 ballance on credit card can mean $80 a month in interest and it can take 40 years of making the minimum payment to pay that small amount off IF YOU NEVER CHARGE MORE!
Think how much more you could afford if you didn't have credit card interest. Its worth scrimping and saving and avoiding spending any unnecessary money to clear off the debt. THEN don't build it back up... pay the full ballance EVERY month. If you don't have the money in checking... don't charge it.
I use a card that gives cash back... and I haven't paid a finance charge in years. The card company pays me | |
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| Does one's financial debt influence your choice in a potential mate?
Posted: 6/7/2007 11:39:22 PM | I think it really depends on too many things. I can see how debt can creep up on you. You finally think you're getting ahead when all of a sudden you have a bunch of unexpected expenses come up. This happened to my parents recently. They were putting aside money to help pay for my sister's wedding and when she planned her wedding in 2 days and the only expenses my parents had to contribute was bringing a cake and fruit and friut dip to serve to the 15 invited guests, they decided to go on a trip (especially since my mom was upset by the way my sister didn't consult with my mother about anything and gave us less than 14 hours notice for the wedding, when she had to have known several days before and she told my mother 'I didn't want to invite you but thought you'd be mad if I didn't so I guess you can come if you want). Shortly after that the roof on our house was damaged in a storm and a few weeks later the engine was wrecked in our car. The roof is fairly new (less than 7 years old) and had a 10 or 20 year warranty. The insurance company doesn't want to pay because they think it's something that was protected in the warranty. The company that put the roof up doesn't want to pay because they say the damage isn't covered under the warranty. But you can only live with a leaky roof for so long without getting more serious damage to your house (mold and what not) so they paid for the new roof and are trying to solve the who's going to pay for it issue in court. As they had that expense they couldn't afford to buy a new decent car when the engine went so they forked out a few thousand to pay for a new engine. Stuff like that comes up, and that wouldn't bother me.
I personally will probably be 20-30 grand in debt in the next 4 years, but that's because I'll have to take out a large student loan to pay for law school. There is talk that my parents will allow me to live at home rent free for a year after law school, which would most likely allow me to be debt free within a year of graduating, but even if I had to move out, if I try hard enough and cut expenses a great deal, I'll have it paid off in 5 years or less.
If however they were spending their money on frivolous things, like clothing or expensive cars, or 60" plasma tv's or anything that's not neccesary and wer constantly in debt because of it, that would have a great deal of influence on whether or not I would date them. To me that screams irresponsible and bad decision making.... | |
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| Does one's financial debt influence your choice in a potential mate?
Posted: 6/8/2007 1:27:19 AM | | While I am as capitalistic as the next person, I do not like debt. I would not get involed with a person in debt, because it limits their options. I do not care how much a woman makes or has, as long as she is not in debt, it is a "pitfall" for her and for any SO. Do not spend what you do not already have is my motto and I only date likeminded women. Debt "enslaves" people, and that means mortgages too, IMO. They limit a person's freedom in life choices, IMO. What you own winds up owning you!!! That holds even more for what you owe!! | |
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| Does one's financial debt influence your choice in a potential mate?
Posted: 6/8/2007 5:30:38 AM | Yes, debt does have a place on the "go/no-go" list. Given that, everyone has an idea of what is acceptable. To me, a women whom can hardly make her minimum payments and still shops like Ivana Trump, isn't someone I want to get involved with.
On the same token, health conditions play a part on the "go/no-go" list too.... | |
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| Does one's financial debt influence your choice in a potential mate?
Posted: 6/8/2007 6:17:16 AM | Debt in itself should not matter about choosing a potential mate (assuming it's not insurmountable). Why they carry that debt is what's important.
There are only 4 areas of compatibility that really matter - the Big Four. One's financial values is one of those four. | |
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| Does one's financial debt influence your choice in a potential mate?
Posted: 6/8/2007 6:20:16 AM | | Yes! If the dude cant pull up to a car lot and buy a car without calling mom to co-sign it would be a deal breaker for me. Its not about the money its about responsibility. I expect adults to have mastered the art of money management and dont want to be someones Mommy in the future. | |
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| Does one's financial debt influence your choice in a potential mate?
Posted: 6/8/2007 6:30:42 AM |
I made a bad business investment and ran up quite a bit of debt which I will never be able to pay off in this lifetime. I could file for bankruptcy and start fresh, but I am too proud for that. So what this means is that all my dinner dates will be at Subway, and not some fancy place like Quiznos Wha!! Are you nuts? No offence. File buddy.
I'm sure you learned a few lessons in you past endeavours. Here are a few more tips. Don't waste time. Don't try to rescue a business if it's dead. If you're going to fail, do it quickly. Bankruptcy is a part of doing business. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. When you lose, file. Dont stay in hell.
You are no use to the economy if you stay down. File for bankruptcy, and start over. That's what it's for. It's business, not personal. Use it. | |
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