| Too many sad stories....let me add one...
Posted: 8/24/2004 6:02:24 PM | Well...let me start by saying I was married for 6 years and I'm now divorced. It's been about 3 years now. I thought it was the best decision we made. I had time to do my own thing. Go out and have some fun and meet some people. Gone on a few dates. Had some fun with some of the people I met but nothing ever became serious. I didn't really find what I was looking for in a person to share life with. I was doing fine with everything until a couple of months ago.
I wasn't really looking for what happened just recently. It was early April when I fist started talking to "Shannon" we had met online. We chatted once in a while not a big deal at first. The more we talked the more interested I got. It progressed slowly from every once in a while to every day. Then we started talking on the phone. It was about mid July when we finally decided to meet. We went out for some drinks. Had a few laughs. Danced (which is something that I normally don't do.) While we danced I had this sudden urge to kiss her (another thing I normally don't do)...so I did and it was returned. We ended going back to her place and talked until 5 am. We ended up falling asleep...We spent the next day together. We went out a couple of times the following week. She did tell me that she didn't want to be labled as anybody's "girlfriend" right now. Just wants to hang out and have fun. Things were going well...and we spent about 3 nights a week together. Every time we got together to "hang out" no matter where we were at or who we were with she would be the first to grab my hand, cuddle up to me or kiss me. Everyone around us thought we were a couple and she was my "girlfriend".....But after such a short time I started to fall for her. Not something I expected but I did. There were things that I felt for her that I never knew I could feel for anyone. I also felt things for her that I never knew existed.
Then all of a sudden she stopped returning my calls, or if I did get a hold of her I'd try and make plans but she said she'd call me back but ended up going out with her friends or sister.
So when I asked her what was going on Shannon had told me that she isn't ready for what I have to give and she has nothing to offer in return. But she gave me more than I ever wanted or expected.
So we let things go and didn't talk for a while....Now she wants me to be a friend.....I tried and I'm still trying. I did however tell her how I felt about her, what she did give to me and it's hard for me to be the friend she needs right now. But none the less we keep talking and many times she's the first to message me on-line.
I know I do love her. Before her I said I'd never walk down that aisle again. But I would do it tomorrow with her without giving it a second thought.
I'm kind of holding out hope that things turn around and by being her friend that that will help.
I'm still so unsure what to do....I don't want to completely walk away......But it's hard to turn my back just a little to keep from getting hurt by her again.....
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| Re: Too many sad stories....let me add one...
Posted: 8/24/2004 6:19:46 PM | | ugh this sounds very familiar man. I feel your pain. I dont know what really to say I dont really understand it either. The pain comes and goes i geuss :( Either way i hope it turns out for the best for you. | |
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| Re: Too many sad stories....let me add one...
Posted: 8/24/2004 7:49:24 PM | | As determined as you are to make a new life for you. Some people are determined to toy with others. But you never know what it could be. As corny as it sounds Garth Brooks lyrics one of gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. If its all you man its not worth being in. It has to be a mutual thing. Some people hold others up to the cookie cutter of what they want and if you don't fit the mold perfect they discard you. When people go from online to real it does not always go well. There is intimacy comfort and freedom in the spoken word it can make midgets giants and fools scholars or at least make it appear that way. Maybe the person she was interested in was another person in real life. I know the blow off of saying I am not ready for anything serious its over used and I think it tacky. Some folks like to side step from stomping on others feelings to. It's easier to say your not ready than you annoy me. I swear I think if more people would give clear signals about what they are feeling there would be allot less people aching inside tonight. Don't stop looking move up and over. You say you never thought you would want to walk down the isle again till her. Be honest with yourself most of all. What did she make you feel and why? What expectations did you have of her and were they realistic? Did you fall in love with a picture and some nice words or her. Also do you want love so bad that the first thing that comes by that looks kinda like it and is missing parts, are you trying to fill them in instead of just seeing that its missing parts. Maybe that is why she said what she said that you were a nice guy but maybe not for her. Don't let it eat you up man keep on truckin. People have big dreams sometimes to often they aren't shared ones thou. | |
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| Re: Too many sad stories....let me add one...
Posted: 9/2/2004 2:47:21 AM | | OMG, I know exactly where you're coming from. Almost the exact same thing happened to me recently. We, were working together & one thing leads to another & we start dating. She was the first one to voice any interest, make the first move, first kiss, etc. Things were going great for about two months. She actually told me she loved me & I told her the same. That may not seem like a big deal to some people but, it is to me. In my 28 years on this planet, I have NEVER told another human being (other than family)that I loved them! I don't pretend to know how such feelings could develop in such a short time but, they do. Anyway, two months in she says that she is'nt ready for a reationship & just wants to be "friends". She said she thought the relationship was moving too fast. But, lucky, as with your story she was always the one to initiate anyhing. I wasn't expecting anything. Heck, I'd been a happy bachelor for 6+ years with no regrets. Now, it's a month later & she calls or IM's me sometimes but It's always bad b/c I'm still holding that faint glimmer of hope. She even says that she feels like no one loves her. That hurts the most because I did & still do love her as I never thought I could love anyone! I have told her but, I realy don't think she believes me. I guess I really don't have much to say in the way of advice or support except that for everyone with a broken heart like this, I hope that things will get better. | |
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| Re: Too many sad stories....let me add one...
Posted: 9/2/2004 12:48:32 PM | | She did tell you right up front she was not interested in being a girlfriend. I think what she means by not having anything to offer you is she cannot return your love and does not want to hurt you. I think if you want to have even the slightest chance of a relationship with her you need to figure out how to put those feelings away until it is time for them if that time ever comes. The only thing I know for sure is if you let the feelings ruin your friendship the time will never come. Try to be friends that’s all you can do for now it’s out of your hands. Best of luck | |
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| Re: Too many sad stories....let me add one...
Posted: 9/4/2004 3:48:13 PM | Hmmm well lets see, I think myself of all people should keep my comments to myself.(Recently told a fellow " I wasnt ready") ...I never did listen to myself though...
First off that fellow there senedator (I think his handle was) is right. Sometimes people have very high expectations of others, or who they see themselves spending there lives with,no matter what it is almost impossible to measure up.They may give a relationship a shot, and after getting to know the other better, they realise they arent quite what they are looking for.Instead of perhaps telling them exactly that, not wanting to hurt them, they simply say they arent ready.It does seem unfair though.
I think also sometimes people get all caught up in the moment of things, they feel the butterflies, they live for the excitement,they love the sex - they feel INLOVE. Unfortunately when things fizzle down alittle and all the hub bub is removed they realise it was just that and bail out.Unless they have some emotional issues they are contending with or are in a time of their life that there is ABSOLUTELY no room for another, most people will welcome true love. So you have to ask yourself this, was it really true love or was it perhaps alittle more onesided? She may have been the love of YOUR life, but were u truly the love of hers? If you think you can HONESTLY answer yes to that last question, perhaps give her alittle time, maybe she is scared, maybe she truly isnt ready for a relationship with the commitment and intensity you are offering.Perhaps "just friends" is the wisest thing you can do for now to give her room to feel, and give you enough distance not to get hurt more...
"Love is blind, YET only with love can we truly see"
Cheers, Bonnie :)
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| Re: Too many sad stories....let me add one...
Posted: 9/5/2004 3:18:44 PM | Well I can answer yes to those questions. Only because I've told her how I feel, how I felt when I was with her and what I felt from her, and she had told me she felt the same. It's just she's not ready for that yet. So she says...
Now either she is lying and playing with my head or she does feel the same way and needs the time.
There have been many times I've had breakdowns when we've been talking. Completely spilled everything that I'm feeling pretty much everything except that I love her. I just think that if she wasn't interested or didn't feel the same way she wouldn't keep talking to me. But she does......
I've never been through something like this before. Usually when there is a falling out I can let things go. Go on my own way. Still talk to the other person but usually end up moving on and losing touch....That's not happening here. We still talk as much as we ever did....So that makes it very confusing....
Not only that I'm starting a new band and she has mentioned that she'd be interested in singing for us....and right now I know that won't be good....
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| Re: Too many sad stories....let me add one...
Posted: 9/5/2004 4:35:44 PM | WOW, now this has come at the strangest time.Like I said I am the last person who should offer guidance on this issue, as I am in pretty much the same boat-except for the fact I am in her shoes.
Now assuming she is an honest, no head games kinda girl, she is probably being honest with you.She probably is feeling what she is saying, otherwise I am sure she would have cut all contact off with you.
Naturally I cant speak for her. I can say from my own circumstances though however, when I told the fellow I was seeing basically the same thing I meant it.For me I did feel the way I claimed too but like her I wasnt ready for the kind of commitment he was.So not wanting to hurt him further I told him just that.At times though I do miss him, and since I do care, I find myself still talking to him.In doing that though I feel conflicted and torn, I do not want to mislead him, yet I do want him to know I still care.All I could do was to be honest, and tell him I needed time for myself to think, feel, and truly understand what it was I was feeling. I did however tell him it was up to him, what he could handle, and I would understand fully if it was too hard for him to remain friends.Basically I am telling you it is up to you.It all depends on what you can and cannot handle right now.
Now having said that you do have to keep in mind, everyone is not the same.Like I said some people arent quite as honest, or dont want to be, therefore they sugar-coat it, not wanting to hurt the other.Or you have the other nasty minority that simply wants to play games.It is up to you to decide what her true intentions are and what you can handle.Myself I feel honesty is the best policy.Keep in mind though not everyone thinks that way, unfortunately some people are truly wolves in lambs clothing.
So sit down think hard about what you can deal with.If you can deal with friends that may never develope into anything further then I say go for it, see where it lands.You might just achieve that happy ending...If you cannot take that gamble you would be wise to not pursue anything further and save your heart from further heartbreak.
Best of luck to ya,
Cheers xx | |
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| Re: Too many sad stories....let me add one...
Posted: 9/5/2004 7:34:02 PM | Thanks Soulbird
I do hope this has a happy ending and works out the way I'm hoping for and I know not to put myself in the situation which I cannot handle. If I do find myself in that situation and it's too hard on me I know I'll tell her why I have to go...There are times when I can be the friend without a problem but there are times where it's hard and it hurts because I miss her so much.....The thing is I'm not afraid to tell her wether she wants to hear it or not. And after all that's been said we still talk.....
She knows how I feel that's the important thing right now. To me atleast. I'm always upfront and honest with her.
We have fallen into some of our old habits. Talking for up to 2 hours at a time daily. So it's so hard to read what's going on. Especially when she knows how I feel.....And as for her wanting to audition for the band.....I still don't know what's up with that...Just a wrinkle in the plot of things I guess......
Since you're in the same boat as us. I do wish you the best of luck in your situation. As for the guy that's involved. I'm pulling for him. Everything seems to work out for the best.
Good luck with yours.....
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| Re: Too many sad stories....let me add one...
Posted: 9/6/2004 3:05:38 PM | Thanks babygurl......
I've found someone that makes me truly happy......just hard right now being apart.....I'd be happier if things were the way they were when they started... | |
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| Re: Too many sad stories....let me add one...
Posted: 9/6/2004 6:24:17 PM | That's a good start....
I tried to message you to thank you but you don't receive mail from the great white north..
I've been through this before a couple of times...but this one is completely different. But so much was there that I was looking for from before....and then some...
Good luck with the new....You're still young though so don't be in too much of a hurry. It will happen when it's supposed to....Trust me on that....I know that all to well....
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| Re: Too many sad stories....let me add one...
Posted: 9/8/2004 5:04:26 PM | Well.....It got to the point I couldn't take it anymore...Just being the friend....I called her and told her not to try and message me or send any e-mails......Go do her thing....and if she changes her mind to give me a call.....
I didn't know it could hurt to let go.... | |
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| Re: Too many sad stories....let me add one...
Posted: 9/8/2004 5:10:59 PM | I know...but with the way I feel for her....I'm scared that I'll never get that phone call.....That's why it hurt to let it go.....
After everyone I've met in my life.....Being through marriage and divorce....Seeing only bits and pieces of what love is. I thought I had finally found the one I was meant to be with......The one who had everything I was looking for....and I loved completely and unconditionally... | |
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| Re: Too many sad stories....let me add one...
Posted: 9/11/2004 11:19:58 PM | That sucks you had to lay it down like that Lucky. Life ain't worth living with foot prints on your chest. I think you made a postive step forward. One that makes more sense than wasting effort, words and time on something thats just playing you. We look for someone to walk beside us in life. We have to stop sometimes so the other can catch up. Some times we just need to keep walking cause no matter how hard we wish and want they will never be in step with us. You can't make another person's mind up for them no matter how hard you may believe that they should respond to you. Never worked for me no matter how well I laid down the facts they will believe what they want.
Also as a guitar player and former wanna be rocker don't let her be in your band ever. She will only torment you and she will only remind you of what if. Pain makes for good songs use it to make a million give her a sub-note thanking her. Maybe that will make her remember that the red bumpy thing she stepped on was your heart. When we are faced with people who discount us we need not discount ourselves. We should just realize is they are not the one to buy us and keep selling it at the price its worth and thats a mutual balanced love thats not one sided. | |
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