| Clues that he's an online "player" ..
Posted: 6/8/2007 8:30:59 PM | | Being new-ish to the online dating scene I have some concerns. Wondering if anyone can give me some tips/signs of online "players." I've talked to some guys who seemed real enough but I have also met some that totally misrepresented themselves. Your thoughts/advice por favor! | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/8/2007 8:37:03 PM | | Follow your gut instincts. Online is really no different than in person, with the exception of there being quite a few more choices to wade through. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/8/2007 8:37:27 PM | If you like them online ....... go meet them at a public place ........... you'll be able to tell.
If you find they are totally misrepresenting themsleves ......... NEXT !!!!!! Go with your instincts. Plenty of fish in the sea. Have fun and Happy Fishing .  De nada.  | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/8/2007 8:55:19 PM | More often than not, you aren't going to meet an online player in real life. They are all type (or is that hype?? Hmmmm?) Anyway, having done this forever, you can get a feel for them. They usually can't remember specifics you've told them about yourself, your life, etc. They are horrific IM chatters because they multi-chat and have more than one you the brain. They become instantly "the one for you" and more often than not, if they do get to the phone call stage ~ it's a cell phone or a blocked number. Rarely are they around on weekend nights, because they are off "playing" elsewhere and you'll probably find that they confuse things ~ things that would suggest you are someone other than you. It's hard to tell with some, others are just not skilled at the whole game. Use your own judgment about "separated" men, that seems to be a hot topic here. To me, that is still married, you'll have to decide that for yourself. I think you get the jist, just don't rush into something ~ if someone is willing to give you time to "know" them, chances are, they are sincere. Insta-meetings worry me. JMO  | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/8/2007 9:27:31 PM | I've run into a few of these guys on here. verygreeneyez is right about the phone thing (they hate talking on the phone) and they are chatting with a number of different women at the same time as they are chatting with you.
You can be chatting away with them, then like clockwork (meaning there is a pattern, such as at the same time every time), they get really busy for awhile, but always have an excuse...what they are really doing is meeting up with one of the others.
Forgetting things going on in your life or not wanting to talk about his is another clue. I had one guy actually forget which time zone I lived in and that was after months of chatting!!!!!! | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/8/2007 10:43:35 PM | More often than not, you aren't going to meet an online player in real life. They are all type (or is that hype?? Hmmmm?)
Hey VG ~ good play on words! You've got them down to a tee. I might add that after bombarding you with non-stop attention and compliments for a few weeks or maybe even a couple of months, they disappear into thin air . . . . . However, there are a lot of sincere guys here, also.
Jamieberry , yes the "pattern" is the dead giveaway!! The absolute best is when you find out from your gal pals on here that he's been playing them, too. It's like "ohhh goddd - you girls know each other?!?!?!" The various reactions we get are priceless!!
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 12:19:19 AM | Ok girls, don't be to hard on us guys.
When you meet a guy online e-mail or chat (IM) before you meet in a public place. Go somewhere that you can sit and talk, like a coffee shop. If he's a player, it will show. If he's a good player you will find out later
Oh! The cell phone # thing. A lot of people don't have home phones any more. I do have a home phone only because of my job. I don't give it out any more. I gave it to a woman a while back that I met on line and she ran a search and was able to get my address and a map showing where I lived and the names and address of my neighbor. so now I only give out my cell # | |
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lyndi
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Joined: 7/2/2006
Msg: 8 | |
| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 7:18:58 AM | | well i have been on this site a year or so. I must say up front i seem to be very ignorant to picking up on it. I also must say..there are a LOT of ..too many "players'' so much so..that im just tired of it all. I read all the tips..i dont agree that it is that easy..mine have defied all the tips. They are good tips but not foolproof. I wish i had clues..but i need them myself. I hate not being able to trust people until they prove otherwise..but that would be my tip.. I used to trust people until they prove otherwise..but that just makes you an easy mark. My tip:: dont trust them until they prove they can be trusted. When is that> yea i dont know-----and i tend to not follow my own advice. Dont be like me..i have been hurt and played too many times. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 7:58:15 AM | Players - this word is also confused wth
someone who does not want to be with you- thus labeled
a player around here-
Really - I have really never met an actual "player" - I
think the term player was born in the minds of women
who allowed men to get away with bad behavior towards them.
women do it too- I know of one woman who invited a friend of
mine over, and within 4 minutes, was going down on him. Now
she has stated that he is a player because he did not return whatever
she thought she was owed by her actions. It goes both ways- just
keep your eyes open.
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 8:05:00 AM | Get his name and run it through the county records where you live. Also use other resources like your appraisal district to make sure everything a person tells you checks out. Then meet and take it from there using your brain, not your heart... and see if this person is worthy of seeing again. Most of the time they will fall short somewhere and you will have to let them go... so you don't invite some unstable, confused or psychotic person into your life who has made a mess of their life.
County records will tell you if they have judgements, assumed names, marriages, divorces, evictions, debt and much more. Use your public records BEFORE meeting someone. Players are often ( not always) unstable people who use and feed off others and you will pick up clues if you do your homework. Using all your resources including your brain, you can weed out most all players and use your time to meet people who are better choices. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 9:16:06 AM | It is really difficult to recognize them on line. They seem sweet, caring, honest and decent. You can't see the lies they have on their profile until you get to know them.
Like the others said, once you start talking & meeting clues are:
they disappear with no explanation
they don't answer your calls and are screening them
they don't want you to see anything on their computer
they don't take calls when you are together
they get their facts about you mixed up
they may have a lot of 'friends' they 'hang out' with
Unfortunately, too often, you're already in deep before you find out. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 9:35:39 AM | | follow your instincts. If something "feels" off, it probably is. As one poster mentioned, the showering of over the top compliments in initial e-mails is a hint. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 9:37:20 AM | When you're IM'ing, they take forever to answer, because they're online with about 20 other people. If they are in a relationship, or married, they will suddenly just go offline in the middle of a chat. They will give you some pic from 1000 years ago, or something they found online. If you do a Google of their i.d., you will find they don't use it anywhere where it can be traced. (Mine screwed up and I found out he was a disabled man who played with people online all the time, as well as on short wave radio). They will want to talk sex a lot, and you may find them online on several sex sites under similar i.d.'s. They will never tell you exactly where they live, or give you a phone number. They will never want to meet you, or will set up a date to meet, and stand you up.
All they really want is to "satisfy" themselves looking at a cam pic of you. They don't want you, they just want their perverted pleasures. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 9:55:21 AM | Some of these guys are sooo good at schmoozing, it's really hard to tell on-line. You just have to meet them in person to figure it out for yourself. You'll find a lot of them have been on here for years so they've had a lot of practice at the fine art of deception and knowing exactly what to say. Of course, if you're as gullible as I am sometimes, I have a hard time even figuring them out in person ...  | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 10:56:58 AM | Like the stockmarket, some people invest, other play for short term gain You can tell by the choices they make re stocks. In dating, there are no pllayers. Only good guys and bad boys. Bad boys do not act! Of the people who sound like good guys, at least 50% are not. So better go with the bad guys and know what to expect, IMO. No surprises.
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 11:20:06 AM | It is really difficult to recognize them on line. They seem sweet, caring, honest and decent. You can't see the lies they have on their profile until you get to know them.........
Unfortunately, too often, you're already in deep before you find out.
and....
You'll find a lot of them have been on here for years so they've had a lot of practice at the fine art of deception and knowing exactly what to say. Of course, if you're as gullible as I am sometimes, I have a hard time even figuring them out in person ...
Players are no different online from the way they are in the real world.... some of them are really obvious~so obvious it's laughable. If I'm in the mood, I'll even play their game with them for a while. It's easy not to get emotionally involved with them. It's the guys that seem humble and sincere and sooo convincing ~ the ones who know how to act and say all the right things to get you to trust them (sigh) .... they are the ones who are responsible for causing me to be overly cautious and suspicious of guys who sometimes really don't deserve to have their motives scrutinized.
It's sad that I can't allow myself to be the trusting, believing person I naturally am. However, fighting my intuition and looking past the obvious signs of a player and making excuses for him because of my attraction for him got my heart broken once but that was one too many times.
Now I listen to my intuition ~ it's usually right on target. If a guy is truly sincere in his words and actions, it eventually shines through ... I'll see it and let my defenses down.
OP > you will have to learn on your own here, just as you did in the real world. I found every word in this thread posted before mine are gospel... Proceed with caution.
Again, it's sad but so true. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 3:08:41 PM | | To me its all about what he focuses on.. I look for depth and substance.. players cannot produce those qualities with any kind of consistency.. and any facade will eventually fade to reveal the underlying truth ;) | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 3:18:42 PM | | be smart and in time u will figure them out...as questions of certain things, act like ur into whatever u talk about and see what they say...like I love whatever u really don't to see what they will say...I met a guy on here from out my way welland area that really made himself out to be someone he wasn't , long term, actually not, he even admitted it to me after time and that he has time for relationship but he works way to many hours etc...and this was not a ploy to get rid of me, it was the truth, so in time u figure out who is palying and who is not. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 3:54:17 PM | | Another clue you've met a player is...he lists himself living in a certain town but lives elsewhere. They will usually say when confronted with this...."I just never thought about changing it" Obviously a problem...it takes 2 seconds to change information on your profile. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 4:05:44 PM | | If a man's profile name is the nickname of his friend or his child's friend....that's a good sign too. Or when a man tells you he'll never divorce his wife and they'll always be friends and any woman he meets will have to deal with this...to find out that his wife has full access to his home, he drives her everywhere, spends all holidays and her birthday together. Bottom line is...if something just doesn't feel right it probably isn't right. We have very good instincts as woman and we have listen to those. They are right. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 4:06:49 PM | Wow that's sad,, "if he sounds to good to be true he probably is " I feel for some of you ladies...if thats truly your outlook on here... | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 4:15:30 PM | 000firefighter: I thought I had met someone really nice. I adored the man. Turns out he was playing a few of us and using the same lines on us all. The reason why he was so nice? To not ruffle any feathers I guess? I don't know. Sometimes men confuse me.
It would have been easier to have just been honest. | |
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| Clues that he's an online player ..
Posted: 6/9/2007 4:31:19 PM | 1) They are on every free site, even ones you never heard of.. especially under different IDS, names and locations
2) They cant call at certain times, or dissapear for days, saying they are working, out of town, or have been very busy.. and only leave thier cell
3) only want to meet on thier terms when they can, , text alot and spend alot of time in the bathroom (usally texting) .
4) turn thier messenger OFF then IM you..
5) always on the computer picking up woman even at work..
6) clear out thier history constantly
7) dont see thier friends, parents, kids, or shares his life with you. just sees / calles when its convient for him
I am at the point where if a guy is online all the time, forget it | |
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