| I have a realllllllllllll problem here
Posted: 8/24/2004 7:02:01 PM | Hi how are ya 's L's and G's
I am looking for your input . Your talking to a guy whom first doesnt have a whole lot of relationship experiance and Ille telll you why . I Lack confidence . Killer . I have had my balls ripped off at an early age and I am not going to go in to why but it happened at home ! Nuff said .
In any case . Women tell me I am a good looking man (not hot though but handsome) and that I have a great sense of humor ( I can make any body laugh) that I am intelligent, I am sensitive (cry at really sad movies , I can handle peopple expressing their deepest emtions to me Aect ect ) . and that I am a great guy !
But here is what I think of myself when it comes to women . I have no car , I am up to my ass in debt, I am uptight, I dont make alot of money right now and I generally just cant give a women the security that she is looking for in a man.
For example. I met this one girl on line just recently and I like her . she is not a model but damne she is good company . We laugh our asses everytime we we talk . we voice chatted on msn and one night (actually last nite when I had a few beers in me . Thats courage huh !) I asked her so when are you coming in town . None the less she invited me to the drive in with her and I said Ohh no not this weekend I dont get paid till next weekend and I am broke till then and she said MY TREAT. Bonus right.
Any way I am talking to her tonite and when we has to go I say "well talk again soon riiiiiiiiggggghhhhhhhhttttt". That made her feel kinda uncomfortable I am thinking because that was me looking for assurance she would talk to me soon . HOW PATHETIC . I came off sounding totally needy and I am thinking that she wil feel that she will have to maintain me which is what I dont want. I want to be the man . I want to be self assurred but I am not and also I dont want to be a black hole that sucks women in ect ect . From this point I could understand if that would give her a bad feeling about me . I would be thinking. This guy is gonna want to talk to me alllllllllllllll the time . He wont give me my space . Blah Blah Blah . So from this ladies what do I sound like . A weiner , a guy with major issues . Give it to me straight . I can take it | |
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Ruby_
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Joined: 7/10/2004
Msg: 2 | |
| Re: I have a realllllllllllll problem here
Posted: 8/24/2004 7:33:18 PM | I don't think you sounded needy. I think you sounded serious about hooking up.
Don't hide the fact you are having financial woes at the moment. We all know being broke is not a life sentence. We have all been there. This is a good lesson to learn when we are young. I know I would feel extremly bad if a man I was dating kept putting himself further into debt by spending money he didn't have. | |
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| Re: I have a realllllllllllll problem here
Posted: 8/24/2004 8:00:12 PM | hey , you'll do fine,
but dont "hang-on" like you are velcro'd to her, ...
instead of saying "we'll talk later, riigghhhttt?!" how about: i cant wait to hear your voice again, have a great day/ nite!" etc...
let her know you enjoy her company and her as a PERSON,....
sound and act like the strong person you are, and try (when you guys talk) to sound like you are "taking care of business& priorities" , and do so :-)
you dont want to be dependant on her and it sound like youre not, and reasure her that you ARE a man that can "handle" things...
hey, hug for you... and remember one thing at a time....
good luck,
Later,
blondago56/mary m. | |
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yna6
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Joined: 5/2/2004
Msg: 4 | |
| Re: I have a realllllllllllll problem here
Posted: 8/25/2004 12:54:16 AM | Hey...at least YOU get to see a light at the end of the tunnel, in the financial department....I hit the end of the tunnel...can't GO any further here unless I fall into a mountain of cash! (language issues....can't go higher cause my French sucks!)...anyhow's....
you are better off than some...and seeing as how you do have some problems, feel free to share them with this person. Doesn't mean you are asking for help...just feels better when you DO talk things out. Enjoy the relationship...and pull in the purse strings as necessary....sometimes going out costs nothing....like a campfire, or a stroll along the evening streets...free concerts....dates don;t always have to be movies and dinner....even a picnic that you packed yourself ,in the park ,can be a refreshing change of pace.
Enjoy the simple things in life....cause enough shit is gonna come your way anyways...might as well greet it with a friend beside you! | |
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Ruby_
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Joined: 7/10/2004
Msg: 5 | |
| Re: I have a realllllllllllll problem here
Posted: 8/25/2004 3:46:47 AM | My now ex and I were pretty broke when we were first together. We moved from one province to another and had no family around.
This one day I went to the grocery store to buy a bar of soap and I was 3 cents short. The clerk gave it to me anyway, but I went home and cried. I was so shamed. We wanted to have a Tims coffee another day and we only had enough for one cup, we shared it. It was and still is the best tasting coffee I have ever had.
These may be piddley things, we always had enough to eat and a roof over our heads. When we talked about this "hard time" over the years it was not a bad memory, but a good one. Money wasn't what made us happy, we made each other happy. | |
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| Re: I have a realllllllllllll problem here
Posted: 8/25/2004 4:12:24 AM | | Thanx alot guys . I appreciate the ancouragemnet . I aint that broke right now and I hope i wont be. I mean 1 job that pays about 30 to 35 a year and I will be out of trouble in about 3 - 5 years tops as in debt free . What I am talking about is me personally . Alot of times I feel like I just aint man enough . May be every guy struggles with that . What I am wondering is what does that do for a women . What does a guy like me give off . How does a women interpret it. What does a man mean to a women and giving my situiation what ways do I fit and dont fit that . Cause I wanna deal with this in my life . I like being a guy and I got my own idea what a man is and I dont measure up to that and thats probably where alot of "lack of confidence comes from " . I mean here is alot of ways I am strong personally but there is some ways that I am weak (and for those of you who read my last posts in the sex and relationships thread its not that Nuff said LOL). anyway rambling | |
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| Re: I have a realllllllllllll problem here
Posted: 8/25/2004 7:54:06 AM | | Renegade, I am a woman and I think you have what it takes to be a man. HONESTY. I think you are very honest about who you are and that is a good start to begin with. Never be who you are not. Just be your self. That in itself is very appealing to most women. I think if you connect with the right woman, things should work out for you. | |
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| Re: I have a realllllllllllll problem here
Posted: 8/25/2004 8:22:16 AM | /nod listen to these people, they will get you though, specially Matahari, she is a well of knowledge also. They have helped many, you will find the way here.
Gado
Cant never Could, Wont never Will ! | |
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| Re: I have a realllllllllllll problem here
Posted: 8/25/2004 11:11:35 AM | yup..honesty.. and also the will to want to change yourself and improve. That takes courage.
Dont play self defeating games. Know you are a good catch..a good person...and that you can make a woman happy.. and that with you...that gal will be happier because you wil lsee to it to make her feel that way.
Confidence is sexy..not ARROGANCE.. a man who is sure of himself is a big turn on...needy men suck.. i m sorry but i cant stand them..
Also a guy who knows his worth.. so be strong know you you are a great guy..youll be fine!! | |
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| Re: I have a realllllllllllll problem here
Posted: 8/25/2004 2:20:03 PM | This sounds all too familar, partly because I have had the same type of thinking of myself..although not as much as I used to. I can tell you, as well as women will tell you, that us guys appear more attractive when we appear to be okay on our own. Meaning, when we appear to have confidence in ourselves, whether or not the dates are flowing like honey! For instance, a few weeks ago (while me and my gf were still broken up), I saw this very very attractive girl standing out in the hallway..she was a friend of one of my friends from college. Anyway, I just noticed that she appeared to be approachable so I came up and introduced myself and started joking around with her. By the end of the day, her and I had bonded and if it wasn't for the fact that she lived like 4 hours away from me (yeah I am not into long distance relationships), I have all the confidence in the world that her and I could have went out on a date or two. Well, I did get her number..hehehe...but hopefully now since I am back with my girlfriend and happy, I won't need it, but that is just an example that sometimes you do just have to bite the bullet and talk to these girls....I will say this though...for myself personally, some girls DON'T appear to be as approachable as other girls...and I can see approaching the wrong type girls can be a killer to the ol' man ego!
Skins | |
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| Re: I have a realllllllllllll problem here
Posted: 8/25/2004 3:16:59 PM | I personally have a long line of bullies that shreaded my childhood and myself opinion in the process. Don't believe all those negative thoughts in your head there just that thoughts they only have power if you give them it. It took standing up to my bully to allow me to turn around myself opinion. This guy along with a few of his friends tried to get me to fight him for almost 3 years. He followed me to me work to a friends party and treated me as if I was a hate project that he would work on every once in a while. My senior year I had just about enough I saw him everyday walking back to school and one day mister punk ass was coming back from the vo tech school he mouthed off at me and I beat the hell out of him. He would have been hurt much worse if his idiotic friend wouldn't have pulled me off him. I tore this little tormentor apart and I scuffed his cowboy boots and rumpled his hat lol I loved it. I got TLC(Technical Learn Center) bad kid storage for a week dam it felt good. 3 months later I met a girl who I feel deeply in love with it didn't work out but thats another story. My point was I had the confidence to want to make it happen.
Don't go and attack all the people that have crapped on you forgive those people for there ignorance and focus on making the light inside you brighter. You got some demons you need to slay man before you are going to be ready for anyone. You need to feed yourself enough positve to help counter act all the negative you have had in the past. Or at least to where you can be proud of yourself. Karate is not expensive and it can help you feel more powerful and make your body stronger. Find things to make you a better person look at whats broke in your life. Set goals based on what you see and make an effort to fix those things. The needy thing I can understand wanting a clear response from a social situation its not always attainable thats why you said I will talk to you again right. You wanted a clear cut answer some people see that as needy I see it as wanting to know how to procede. Online to real world encounters are not always what we would call confidence builders. People walk in with more expectations some times and thats a formula for hurt. Also you can't push someone in to liking you, if they are really interested they will respond. I hope you find a happier you in the future good luck man. | |
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| Re: I have a realllllllllllll problem here
Posted: 8/25/2004 8:12:11 PM | Ok money.........mmmmmmmmmmmm we are all poor thanks to the government....
There are ways to get around that weekend you dont have much pay.....
Can you arrange a romantic picnic you cook the food she will be impressed have a CD player handy and go around dusk and light the candles on the portable table or any picnic table and if you have good friends ask one of them to be a butler. This will not cost much.... maybe a few beers for the butler (Laughing).
Then to bring your self confedence back take her hand and ask her for a dance and if there are people around they will adore you for your courage.....
Other ways around a cheap date..... A walk...... in a beautiful calm surroundings....
Flowers..... if you have a good friend with a garden pick out some beautiful ones and wrap them with some lilac ribon and inside the ribon have a note saying..... IOU Another time together with tender thoughts.........
Be open honest and keep smiling.... your true lady will like you for what you are and not how much you can impress her with...... goodluck | |
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| Re: I have a realllllllllllll problem here
Posted: 8/28/2004 8:04:16 AM | Thanx alot guys . Your right about alot of things . The insecurity I feel has actually been slipping away in the last couple of weeks . I have been actually hanging out with a old freind for the last 6 monthes and we talk about this quite frequently . He used to have alot of trouble with women but now that has passed for him . There are three things he tells me consistantly 1) Its all about how many people you meet 2) Believe your going some where in life (if you actually are . You know....doing things to make it happen) 3) be yourself.
Yes I am gonna get shot down . Who gives a shit . Yes Ille get rejected but I will not as well as long as I dont give up and hide and I dont want to cause I know I am going some where and I have goals .
As far as the bullies are concerned , I did dealt with those , almost got charged for assault as a minor as a result of that LOL. The thing was child hood abuse from my step mother . She hates men so thats what I meant by ripping my B*ls off. Anyway I am not going in to that but thats what I believe has been a major part of my lack of confidence with women.
Also I have forgiven my step mother . I dont hate her but I stay away from her . She is to never be in my life again for the mere fact is that she is dangerouse. To invite her in to any aspect of my life would be just plain foolish. I know also that there alot of situations where women have suffered the same thing as a result of abuse at the hands of men. The sad thing about stuff like this is it sounds gender specific but the reality is abusers are just people who have given in to fear and chose to hate. They dont wanna believe that they can forgive and that they to can be forgiven and that Love from other people can enter thier lives and transform them in some ways. They have lost some or all of the measure of faith dealt to them by God and that is sad . When I think about it I feel compassion for them.
Blair | |
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| Re: I have a realllllllllllll problem here
Posted: 8/29/2004 12:11:07 AM | | Hello Renegade...am no expert on child abuse but I truly believe any form of child abuse will rip the child off from his or her self esteem..thank you so much for sharing. I am very happy for you because you are able to accept that and forgive your step mom...that is a very big step indeed...keep walking...and walk tall.. | |
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| Re: I have a realllllllllllll problem here
Posted: 8/29/2004 10:11:35 AM | Sorry I shouldnt say a couple of weeks but about the last week . I am focusing my attention actually on what a freind of mine(who is a lady killer) has been telling me and I have been dealing with the thoughts that come in to my head when dealing with women and I will be blunt about some thing I have realized . I dont like people kissing my ass . I lose respect quickley . How are women any different right ! They are just as much a person as I am and equal.
I went out on a date friday nite and you know what . I was completly relaxed . so relaxed my date joked at me and said "well you just go ahead and make your self comfortable now". I like this. I am gonna continue on this . and also folks me letting you on a little bit of my past was no pitty trip . I was just leting you know what I meant by having my b*lls ripped off
Blair | |
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| Re: I have a realllllllllllll problem here
Posted: 8/29/2004 10:44:14 AM | | Yeah but its not going to go anywhere . I like her. she is cool but I am not attracted to her . I am gonna tell her that if the conversation comes to that but to be honest I think she feels the same way . Ohh well . I did invite her out next week for pizza. | |
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