| Need some help with an issue....
Posted: 8/24/2004 8:10:46 PM | Greetings all,
I recently join POF and I must say that all of you have the best insight to alot of hard hitting issues between men and woman, that I have ever seen. Congrats to you all!
Ok, here is my problem.
About several months ago, I met this girl "Jackie" at work, and we started talking. She was just finished with a relationship that ended badly and then started talking with me. We met at work and we hit it off great. Well, we started getting serious and started making some serious plans. She wanted to go to 2 different areas, to pursue some educational things, and then we decided to settle in winchester. Now everything was great for awhile, we slept together often, but here is the thing......it started to go downhill real fast. She didn't come home one night after saying she was and we had a huge fight. Well, she came back and then we decided to have along talk and discuss all her emotions. She didn't know what to do, say, didn't have any confidence to go to school, even though I had always supported her emotionally. Now, since then we got into alot of fights and finally she decided that she wants to move out because she needed "space." But the funny thing is, is that I supported her in everyway possible. I was there for her to cry on and so forth, and on top of that, everything I said and did...got done. I found a place out here, with everything that she and I couldn't want and everything else. She now tells me that since I volunteered and so forth, to come out here with her, then I shouldn't be upset.....
But I am......!
I mean, I gave her 110% of myself. I was there and treated her well, with the exception of getting into fights, and so forth. But I did everything I could to show her happiness. I even told her that she didn't have to work and I would and the only thing I wanted her to do, was well in school. Stupid me right.
Now, I just finished having a conversation with her. I am so upset about this. She is acting like she doesn't even care and if moving on with her life. I feel as though she just used me and decided that since she didn't "feel a connection with me" she didn't want to be with me. I don't know what to do. I am having a hard time trying to move on from everything. In the last month, I lost my car, have to bum a ride from her, in a financial hole because of everything we got together and I am so surprised that I have the energy to get up in the morning. I am sure you all know that feeling. Now, I am lost. I don't know what to say or do. I am upset with her, but I don't know how I feel about her. She is laughing it up and keeps saying that I am trying to start an arguement even if I am talking calmly to her.
Does or can anyone give me some advice as to handling how I feel? Am I missing something? I don't know anyone out here and I am trying to find something to ease the pain. Pretty much, I am looking for answers other than my own. Hopefully, it can make the hurt go away.....
Thanks for listening to me. | |
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| Re: Need some help with an issue....
Posted: 8/24/2004 8:24:57 PM | Hello what i am about to say is what I think but its not to hurt you ok...
You have become a doormat..... this woman just stood on you for when she needed you and when you wanted her she put you outside so you can be used again as a doormat.
You will hurt and its ok too feel this hurt but I know some of the people in here will help you threw that hurt.
This woman is chasing rainbows..... hoping to fulfil her void with other men who she really does not want but will light up her rainbow until she does find the one....
You did everything right and it sounds like you were a best friend first but when you became sexually active that kink of put a kink in the chain.
I think you should not show this woman your pain and act like your moving on because maybe this woman can see your a emotional case and laughs at it...... prove her wrong buddy and I have an old saying......
GET BACK ON THAT HORSE....... AND RIDE AGAIN.....
we've all been there ok
just another notch on a belt but we have learned to buy another belt (laughing) | |
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| Re: Need some help with an issue....
Posted: 8/24/2004 9:45:29 PM | | Hi Spider...I'd love to give you advise, but it'll have to wait for morning. My brain isn't working properly after a shift at work. | |
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| Re: Need some help with an issue....
Posted: 8/24/2004 10:07:23 PM | Hi Spider, I agree with Kara. Sometimes in life, you take very hard knocks and when you recover, you will be more careful. Its like a learning process. You are still young and you will be able to find a good person to share the good things in life. Move on is the way to go..
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| Re: Need some help with an issue....
Posted: 8/24/2004 10:20:20 PM | | Lots of people get swept up in the moment act irrational as if it were required to be really in love. It takes rational thought to make a relationship work and rational thought to get out of a bad one. Looks like you had your sit down talk a bit to late. Its allot easier for people to be assholes when they really know that they're wrong they just to play the role. Seems like you fell in love and you tried to make things work and they didn't live up to your or there parents/there own expectations. Some people are wave riders your the momentum behind the waves, while they swerve and slash the waves while your the one really doing all the work. I think the biggest mistake in love is one person trying to shape it alone. Thats were you end up when that is how it becomes alone. I would chalk it up to bad experience and try to seek out some people you are for sure that care about you. Get the hell out of there asap. Leave her be let her fail on her own she wanted to but you just became an unwilling bystander/victim by trying to save her. | |
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yna6
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Joined: 5/2/2004
Msg: 7 | |
| Re: Need some help with an issue....
Posted: 8/25/2004 12:11:24 AM | Hello Spider.....sometimes we move a bit too fast into a relationship, and ...well...you're there now. Other times we take the time to feel it out...try to make sure it is right....and still get "burned". Ok...what to do NOW though....
First...anything you bought, try to return to the store...get that debt DOWN. Get a loan from a bank, get a car....if the place you are living in is in your name, kick her to hell out. If not, get out of there, and find a cheap place for yourself. DO NOT try to "work things out" in this case. She has to realize that you are serious about "moving on" in your life, just as she professes to be. (I know about this...going through it myself...and rebuilding my life...) Next time around do NOT offer to put anyone through school...have them BE a partner...built it together....this does not mean you can't be supportive...but there is a difference between being supportive, and being a meal-ticket!
the fighting...well...sure, you can be "calm" all you want...ask the wrong question though, and you ARE starting a fight...so get away from it. Even if you have to go see a coucellor, or try a support group...anything to talk a bit, and maybe get some insite (rather than just here).
Good luck...let us know how wonderful things turned out for you....cause they will turn out that way IF you try. (Besides....why should you be killing yourself supporting her sorry ass? ) | |
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Ruby_
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Joined: 7/10/2004
Msg: 8 | |
| Re: Need some help with an issue....
Posted: 8/25/2004 4:20:44 AM | spidersting...You are a young man and it time for you to move on with your life.
She doesn't appreciate what you do for her. Someone who really loves you will help you out as much as you help them.
You can always make money to pay your debts but you won't be able to get your wasted time back.
The only thing this bad relationship is doing is keeping you down and broke.
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| Re: Need some help with an issue....
Posted: 8/25/2004 4:33:37 AM | Mate all I can tell you is, Hang in there and be strong.
I have been in a similar situation except until recently we were in a 3 year relationship.
The feelings you have expressed sound very familiar to me and I know is sux and is very painfull. I found myself crying like a baby to day for 20mins, But then i stood up, wiped my eyes and made my way through the rest of the day.
Bud hang in there, it does get easier (I pray) and if there is any advice I can give you, its cut as many ties with her as poss, move or change your ph number. I can tell you that if you feel (and act) confident and over her, you will see her true colours. But dont weaken (like I did 2 - 3 times) stay strong and true to yourself.
Good luck. | |
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| Re: Need some help with an issue....
Posted: 8/25/2004 5:16:56 AM | Hi Spidersting. Been there, Done that! Not that severe though. It seems like you did everthing you could to make it work. I think you went the extra mile. Unfortunately it sounds like she was VERY badly hurt by someone before you whom she truly loved. IF this is true. (or something similar is true), then she may be terrified by close relationships and only she can overcome that. My advice. Chalk it up as experience, learn from it, and move on bfore it destroys the rest of your life.
PLEASE NOTE!!! The things I say here are only my opinions based on my personal obsrvations and I may be wrong. | |
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| Re: Need some help with an issue....
Posted: 8/25/2004 7:44:54 AM | Hello Spidersting. Read your post. I think you are very serious about this relationship and you really fell hard for her. I dont think she felt the same way towards you and this relationship. She was probably still trying to recover from her broken relationship when she started talking to you. They call it the 'convalescent' stage. People going through that stage is one of the most dangerous people to get involved with. I have to agree with Kara on this. You were there when she needed someone in her life. That's all it is for her. Now that she knows that you are serious about her and the relationship, she feels 'trap' and all she wanted is to get out of that relationship.
Spidersting, I know it must have hurt you deeply. But try to accept things for what it is and move on. As YNA said, the next time, try to take is slow. Give yourself time. That is what you need now. | |
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