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| Why do men want a woman who "Takes Care of Herself", yet Don't want one who's "High Maintenance"?
Posted: 6/10/2007 5:05:25 PM | All of my life I've heard men talk admiringly about a woman "who takes care of herself". What does that mean? She looks good? Wears nice cologne and clothes, shoes. Gets her hair and nails done, goes to the spa and exercises, keeps her figure, maybe even a little surgery...? If she has the time and money for all this, she's probably being kept by a sugar daddy or husband. So just what does it mean -"Takes care of herself"?
Then you hear men speaking very angrily about women who are "high maintenance". So what does That mean? She does all the above and it costs money? Of course it does. And the older we get, the more 'maintenance' we need. Take a good look - maybe you need some maintenance yourself? But just because we look good doesn't mean we're to asking you to pay for it. It just might mean we have our own money to spend on ourselves, and why not? Don't you guys waste a lot of money on junk you don't need, like more than one car, or more of a car than you need? Or how about the other "vehicles" like boats, motorcycles, etc. ? I married a man who had a job paying more than I'd ever made, so I assumed if I had savings, he should as well. Not! He ended up blowing his salary & trying to get into my savings and spending it, too. I'd say He was "high maintenance", so this not just applies to women.
Men and Women - what do you think about the conflicting statements of men wanting us to "Take Care of Ourselves", yet Not be "High Maintenance"? Can it be done? Please Tell Us How???? | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 5:14:09 PM | | Deb this has always confused me. I often wonder if it is because so many men have truly no idea how much time and effort many women put into their physical appearance. I am beginning to believe that there are 2 types of mirrors out there, 1 for women and 1 for men. I am also quite surprised by the men that are demanding a women that takes care of herself when clearly the last time he put any effort into his appearance was when he was living at home and his mother wouldnt let him leave the house looking like he did. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 5:16:45 PM | I think the word "maintenance" might be confusing here.
What guys are complaining about are, women that are hard to keep happy. You don't treat her EXACTLY right, she gets annoying/upset/leaves.
In otherwords, babies are high maintenance. With the crying, and the feeding, and the changing of diapers. No one wants to date that, but there are a lot of grown babies out there. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 5:26:47 PM | takes care of herself - exercises, eats reasonably healthy, and has some respect for her body. I'm not talking fanatical, 5 days a week or anything.
For me it doesn't really have anything to do with makeup, hair gel, perfume, nails, pedicures, clothes, shoes, etc. Most of the time, if a woman is healthy from the inside out, you don't need a bunch of other stuff. Although subtle amounts can enhance. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 5:27:04 PM | Taking care of yourself and being high maintenance are two completely different things.
Taking care of yourself means: Looks good, Wear nice (not expensive) cologne and clothes, shoes. Gets her hair and nails done, goes to the spa and exercises, keeps her figure, maybe even a little surgery, eats right etc.. Do you have to wear the most expensive shoes? No. But look good
High Maintenance means: emotionally and monetarily overly needy... Spoiled... Needs constant attention and reasurance or she has a fit . In other words hard for US to maintain without going crazy. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 5:37:34 PM | Im my experience it's usually the men who are still babies. They want to lie on the sofa, "bring me" this and that, or go out and "play" with their friends. They do stupid things without thinking or concern for the other person, don't use the common sense God gave them.
Sorry about YOUR experience with men..but what does that have to do with your question? | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 5:41:28 PM | Why is it I've had guys just take one look at me and make a comment about me being "high Maintenance"? It mudst hav something to do with looks if they can judge it taht fast.
How can you tell just by looking? I think I'm not. I'm very independent, always had to work for what I have, and definitely have not been spoiled ever in my life. In fact, just once I'd like to be sopiled! | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 5:41:56 PM |
I think the word "maintenance" might be confusing here.
What guys are complaining about are, women that are hard to keep happy. You don't treat her EXACTLY right, she gets annoying/upset/leaves.
In otherwords, babies are high maintenance. With the crying, and the feeding, and the changing of diapers. No one wants to date that, but there are a lot of grown babies out there.
Wow, first response is really good. No need to say anything more. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 5:45:26 PM | Two people weho really care for each other should pamper each other some, but no, I would not want an person who demands it. And that is not what I asked, anyhow.
But are you trying to say pampering = high maintenance? I think it must be more than just that. My grandfather did things for my grandmother until the day she died, then he made sure everything was as she would have woanted it for her funeral. I didnt consider it high maintenance, but love. But she loved him too. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 5:54:21 PM | I Honestylcan't remember back to who said it or what I was saying, but it probably was something about the education I worked hard to get and how I've worked all those years and did everything for myself.
But I used to alway look very nice, dressed well and wore nice jewelry. I assumed because I looked "expensive" they thought I was "high maintenance". What they probably meant was that I lived at a higher level than them, and maybe they were in a trailer or whatever. But men make more $ than most women, so if they had less than me, it was their own fault. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 6:02:42 PM | A woman who "takes care of herself", at the minimum usage, means a woman who takes care of her body and even as she gets older, always maintains a reasonable figure and health level. Many times it also adds that she takes care of her looks by style of clothes, makeup, hair, etc.
There's not a contradiction of terms here, though. It doesn't make a woman high-maintenance to have and keep a decent sense of style, makeup, hair, etc. It doesn't require a lot of work, it's just the lack of laziness. High maintenance means that she puts about 200% more time into herself to make herself look 2% better, if that. Also, high maintenance can mean on the mental level, as well. It can mean she's very indecisive and wishy-washy about everything, and her thought patterns run in circles, she never really knows what to do, etc. which delays the time in her day, her well being, and organization in her life.
High-maintenance characteristics:
- Takes you nearly 2 hours every morning merely in the bathroom to get ready for a run-of-the-mill work day for a regular type job
- You're unnecessarily picky about everything; what you eat, what you wear, unnoticed mannerisms of others, types of cars, etc.
- You need a guy to cater to your needs all the time. A guy isn't there to be merely the important supporting person in your life, but he is there to provide for you and when you want something, he'll get it for you. Oh, and by the way, what you want is pretty picky, too.
- If you kind of had your heart set on something, but an understandable change of plans came up, you still become frustrated. Change of plans on something you really liked strikes a chord deep. Not just a rare specific situation, but more common situations that you've had your sights set on.
- You want guys to make "the decisions" on things big and small, and don't offer your opinion on what he proposes -- you just want him to make decisions. When decision is made, you get upset when it's not one you liked, despite you withholding your opinion. You may withhold this upsettedness until disappointment builds up too far.
- When it comes to you feeling bad or feeling hurt, nothing else really matters, it's all about you. You don't try and judge how justifiable or understandable the reason was as to why you were hurt, nor how you're acting when you're feeling bad -- if you're feeling hurt or bad, someone is a total bast*rd no matter what, and it's a guy's duty to apologize and/or care for you -- regardless of how offbase your attitude may be. "Taking it out on you? How can you say that? I'm hurting over here!"
Just my 10 cents. :) | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 6:03:25 PM |
But are you trying to say pampering = high maintenance?
Pampering is good to a point. When it becomes expected, that's high maintenence.
I would like to be pampered every now and then, but for me too much is too much. And it gets tiresome quickly. Some people, on the other hand, think that they deserve it all the time.
For someone to take care of themselves, means they do it themselves cause it makes them feel good inside, no matter what it is. To me it shows they have respect and dignity for themselves. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 6:14:40 PM | Takes care of herself:
-Independent
-Outdoorsy...will go camping or canoeing
-Not afraid to get her hands dirty
-Financially secure (that doesn't mean rich but able to support herself)
-Not a couch potato
-Is active and exercises somewhat regularly
-Takes a little intiative in suggesting dates or outings
- Takes pride in her appearance>>>Now some may confuse that with high maintenance but it's not. By that I mean not showing up for a date in sweat pants
-Doesn't 'need' a man to define her
-Being able to properly operate power tools always earns points in my book!
High maintenance:
-Dependent
-Her Idea of roughing it for a weekend is a non poolside room
-85 degrees is too hot for her to go to the fair
-Never offers to pay for a date (I don't mean the first few dates)
-Can't leave the house without makeup and it takes more than an hour to get ready
-If she has 50 or more pairs of shoes..........of course that one doesn't fit high only maintenance women.
-If she whines a lot
-Calls every night.....which also goes along with stalking and insecurity
I can probably think of more later | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 6:15:08 PM | I didn't read the other replies, and to be honest, I didn't even read your entire post...so if there's some inaccuracies in my reply, I apologise.
Most men obviously don't want a trashy woman. They want a clean, self respecting chick. High Maintenance isn't the same thing....Paris Hilton is high maintenance. We want a girl that has some personality, and most of these high maintenance girls spend so much time on their appearance to make up for their shallow and inadequate souls...
That may be a little harsh but *shrugs*. I don't want a girl that takes 3 hours to get ready for a movie...but I don't want a girl that won't dress nice for a date. It's as simple as wanting something, but not wanting too much of that something. Just like how alot of women want a confident man, but not an arrogant one...at a certain point it becomes annoying. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 6:18:42 PM | My grandfather did things for my grandmother until the day she died, then he made sure everything was as she would have woanted it for her funeral. I didnt consider it high maintenance, but love. But she loved him too.
Did she demand that he do things? Or did he do them on his own?
The same thing applies to the gold digger argument. There's a difference between demanding being spoiled and being spoiled without being demanded to.
I can't say for sure, but if someone said you were high maintenance just by looking at you.....they were being prejudging. "She looks good, she has nice things. She must demand a LOT out of the guy she finds. Why? Because she can." There's an intimidation factor there. It doesn't make it true or right, but I can see that thought happening. | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 6:23:40 PM | Am sure someone has pointed this out but just in case:
“Taking care of herself” and “high maintenance” are two different things.
That she has good hygiene practices, comfortable in her clothing, clean teeth, good diet, etc = taking care of herself.
Wanting constant attention from you or other guys, trying to be the center of attention in most situations, always fishing for compliments, always wanting to be with you 24/7, etc. = high maintenance. Basically the guy has to work hard at keeping her pleased and entertained - no guy wants that, just as I'm sure no woman would want her guy to be "high mantenance". | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 8:06:13 PM | A woman that" takes care of herself" and "High maintenence" are not even on the same page
In fact the woman that" takes care of herself" is seldom "High maintenence"
"Takes care of herself"?
1) has the ability and willingness to support herself and or help support her partner (not that she nessicarily does)
2) Stays active physically and mentally, isn't a couch camper
3) Cares about her appearance; the basics, cleanliness, a modicum of style
4) Can stand on her own feet, doesn't let people walk all over her. (And this does not mean "never needs help", we all need help from time to time)
She needs/wants.......She tries, if she fails she gets up and tries again. She knows when to accept help
5) She doesn't NEED a man, She WANTS one
"High maintenence"
1) has no room in her life for her partners failures
2) It is always about her, her partner can only have one need ......her. He must dress to match, and at her level. He must cater to her every whim and never expect it from her.
3) He must spend a certain percentage of his income on her to prove his dedicated interest. He must carry the finacial burden of the relationship on his shoulders regardless of the incomes of the man and the woman even if she clearly makes more
4) can not function without full battle gear, eg..........makeup and high heels for fishing, a coleman blow drier for camping. If she shes a tear in the movie she must leave before the lights come up and will be in the bathroom for 45 minutes min.
5) Even while dating he must clear all personal decisions with her as to not conflict with her agenda. Must clear all friends for acceptability and must stop hanging out with those that were unworthy.
6) He must anticipate her desires
7) there is NO guy time or boys night out.....If he has time for that he isn't trying hard enough to make her happy
Now this is the EXTREME of "High maintenence" but These "rules"are not made up by me. They are from a) women writing to me on dating sites b) a woman I dated VERY BREIFLY c) a list given to me by the MOTHER of a lady I was starting to date
d) my exwife e) All of the Above | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 8:56:39 PM | | For me, high maintenance is someone who has a lot of drama, so many expectations, is hard to please, and in some cases materialistic. That's what I consider to be high maintenanance. I don't mind if a girl takes care of herself as long as I don't get too heavy a dose of drama. I know we all have drama. I can accept that. I just want honesty, modesty, and taking caring of yourself is great... | |
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| Why do men want a woman who Takes Care of Herself, yet Don't want one who's High Maintenance?
Posted: 6/10/2007 9:50:16 PM | | High maintenance women expect, in fact demand that they be obeyed, coddled, slavishly catered and pandered to. They also take cruel amusement in tormenting their significant other, and anyone else who falls into their clutches, with drama and psychological warfare. A woman who takes care of herself, on the other hand, is a functional, responsible, mentally balanced, adult human being. So you see, high maintenance and "takes care of herself" are almost exactly the opposite of each other. | |
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