| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 6/11/2007 2:10:03 PM | Hi there
Just thought I would see how many martial artists are on this site. I do believe martial arts and its philosophy helps relationships. I am a very positive guy who has been into Kung Fu, Muay Thai, and other martial arts since a child. If you cultivate your heart space anything is possible. Yoga and martial arts helps creat balance. Anyone feel free to chat wih me anytime about these topics. I have experience training directly in the jungle of northern Thailand and China. I am a foreign-language person who has a degree in Mandarin Chinese. Thanks for taking the time to read. SO DO MARTIAL ARTS HELP RELATIONSHIPS? I believe they do.
take care
Aaron | |
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| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 6/11/2007 6:50:01 PM | The clubs consist of 99% men. So unless you already have a relationship, martial arts is not the place to go to find one. Whether it helps from that point forward is anyone's guess.
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| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 6/11/2007 8:02:03 PM | I believe what eastdragon is getting at is that it develops "you" as an individual. It's not a marriage couseling session for couples but it works on you as a person inside, not just OUTSIDE. It teaches discipline, it teaches structure, it teaches respect to ones self AND others around you, it teaches how to deal with stress and how to deal with confrontation, whether it be with another indivifual or confrontations with things in life as a whole every day. Its about having an inner peace with yourself, and knowing and showing outwardly as well, how to bring that out to make a difference, and be proud and appreciative of the gift you have within and the gift you have to excel in the training you are doing.
So many people associate martial arts with the "cover page" I always say with what it is really about, or the "commercial" side of things which is usually what the general public sees in movies. But there are so many disciplines and ways and with all those different teachings, you are still taught the basic foundations throughout. Martial arts is the "whole" with it's many types under it for teaching. For kids, you would be amazed at what my sifu and many or all others teach for them at a young age. Martial arts isn't an "offensive" but a "defensive" art, to defend, but by using hundreds of different techniques to turn from a defensive mode to an offensive mode when necessary, so when you are confronted with difficult challenges, you have many different ways to choose from to tackle the task or issue before you, whether it is being stong mentally or being strong pysically.
Just like most or many sports, or your career, there is some sort of structure within the trade that you abide by, that you even create on your own and develope as you from within it, and when you have that it "translates" outwardly into the rest of the things in your life, whether it being your marriage having a rock solid foundation, showing respect and having structure, whether it be your wife, your brother/sister, parents, kids, peers, superiors, whomever, it teaches you things you would think would be normalities in life, but are mostly really forgotten in the grand scheme of this world as a whole.
When I have kids that is one of the first things I am getting them involved in other than just sports in general, but I am amazed at what it does with kids since I have been involved. And just like anything, whether it being working out, nutrition, dieting, YOUR JOB, you have to get familiar and study up, and know your trade or your proffession or your game to be good and proficient at it and to make something out of it and make something out of you.
I was in Kung Fu for a couple years before my back decided to give me issues, and so I have had to put it on hold until that gets resolved, but the minute that is I am back in it. I even do things on my own here at home that I already know and have learned of what I can do for the time being so when I get back I can jump right back in and go for the next belt......and you can always train your brain anytime. I have done sports for since I was itty bitty and I have to say that martial arts is the most gratifying, and that's coming from a person who played baseball for over 17 yrs before... | |
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| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 6/12/2007 6:43:49 AM | | hi there, well i started training in karate when i was 8, i think that when you understand the spirituall side of it you do see things differently, i think it helps to teach respect and confidence, without being over confident! I dont think i will ever stop training unless i have too for health, its a way of life. as for in relasionships, i do belive it helps, my partner gets stressed quite easily so he took it up for a while with me, and the difference was great. | |
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| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 6/14/2007 3:49:25 AM | i do judo...been doin it for ten years...but don't really see a difference in my relationship...
although, it does teach me discipline and changed me personally and how i treat people! suppose it changed my relationship that way | |
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| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 6/14/2007 12:09:46 PM | Hey there dragon,
I've been doing martial arts off and on for 26 years. Like most things in life, its effect on relationships can be a double-edged sword.
Fairycakes is right. It can improve all kinds of relationships in the person who takes the time to understand the spiritual side of these arts. However, most students aren't interested in that part.
Studies of emotionally abusive men shows that they have in increased frequency of being involved in violent sports. These are things like martial arts, boxing, wrestling, etc. I have seen upper level belts and sensais who were guilty of this.
Keep working on the spiritual/philosophy side of this and you should be okay. | |
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| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 6/17/2007 9:37:44 AM | | Being in Taekwondo off & on for 11 yrs. I can say it is has help in relationship in my experience. It has helped me get some for once. I used to be a very shy person, & got rejected everytime, but after I started, confidence grew, I was dating within a year. Of course I haven't dated in almost 10 yrs, but that was due I was so into the Sport Side & not the Traditional side, now it's 50-50, I put those 2 together & I feel like I can get a date with no problem, & be better in a relationship. | |
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| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 6/17/2007 10:46:52 AM | I believe they do.
I practiced Jiu Jitsu and a few other Arts for a number of years and became aware early on the one common thread in any martial arts style is the philosophy "to be without ego". If one subscribes to this philosophy (and hopefully you do if you're a martial artist). I believe that one philosophy alone or in combination with Martial Arts spirituality in general can help with the success of any relationship. | |
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| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 6/17/2007 1:35:48 PM | Serious martial artists are some of the strangest athletes in the world. Most of them are dry with little to no sense of humor and the things that are imporant to them make no sense to most people in the dating world.
I say this because I have a friend who has been in karate for years, and has dated quite a few martial artists she's met. She said its extremely difficult to deal with them, becausethey let their whole lives revolve around the state of mind that martial arts promotes, and that most of them are no fun to be around at all...
Im not making fun, or putting anyone down, this was just her real world experience withe the many martial artists she knows and dated. She prefers to not even hang around with the great majority of those who are extremely serious about it. | |
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| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 6/17/2007 10:49:53 PM | I've never experienced this side of Martial Arts. Of course none of my schools hung around long enough for me to find out either.
I hope to get back into MA some day its just deciding what style and how much time I can devote. | |
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chinua
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Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 12 | |
| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 6/18/2007 5:51:15 PM | green belt in Isshin Ryu; shodan in Shotokan Karate. One thing martial artists are supposed to learn?? respect.
antihero; maybe your friend should take a look at herself; or try meeting guys of different sports- if she's having the same problem, its not the men. | |
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| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 6/21/2007 5:28:00 AM | | i agree with you ^^^^ i have been around theese people for years and some are boring some are extremley good fun, just like in anything you may find fun people or dull people!! | |
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| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 6/21/2007 5:34:26 AM | oh also anti* im a serious martial artist and im not sure what you mean by we dont find the same things important, would you care to ellaborate for me?? Things i find important hmmmm looking after my family, enjoying life, staying active enough to play with my children, education,being the best i can at what i do in life, reducing world poverty, stopping child abuse,the effects of aids in africa ect ect ect oh and keeping the hubby happy in bed
So what is it in the list that is not important to people who dont do m/a? | |
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| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 6/21/2007 10:11:15 AM | anti*hero,
I am a serious martial artist, & I do have a sense of humor. When it's time to train, I get serious, when the training is done, it's time for fun, but I always use what I learn into my life. If anybody is around me, they're going to laugh, they're going to have fun. | |
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chinua
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Joined: 9/30/2005
Msg: 16 | |
| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 6/21/2007 5:54:32 PM | | ^^ and I was the same when I was a rollerspeedskater too. Some people just can't handle being with someone who is focused on something other than them........ | |
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| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 6/21/2007 9:47:37 PM | I practice Aikido-- a Japanese martial art. I know I can handle myself in any situation and also defend innocent people. It gives me a boost of confidence.
My martial art of choice is heavy on Zazen (buddist mediation) because my first Sensei was a buddist monk. It helps me to be mindful of others, find sanity in the middle of chaos and to simmer down a situation before it gets out of control-- definitely great things to have in a relationship.
BTW, mindfulness through Aikido/Zazen practice saved my life on 9/11 and helped me to think clearly when I was in the middle of that Hell. Works great at parties too! LOL! 
Happy fishing!  | |
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| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 6/24/2007 8:59:35 AM | I'd like to think so but some people don't really embrace the spiritual aspect and only pay that lip service.
I've not practised for years now but as I recall I sure did come across some boneheads
wearing black belts. | |
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| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 6/24/2007 10:48:12 AM | | When I started martial arts, it was very hard on my relationship. The difficulty came from the fact that I was growing inside. I learned to set boundaries. I became more interested in life outside my relationship. My new found confidence and happiness bothered the man I was with, and I started to see some very troubling behaviours emerge. The control had been there before but it was much more subtle, and I was much more accommodating. The new me frightened him because he could see I was waking up and no longer the young girl he had learned to manipulate. He also hated the comraderie I had made with together, fit people that would stand behind me if I needed. Of course, I lost that relationship - so it definately made it better! | |
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| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 6/27/2007 5:55:38 PM | Aaron, I have been invovled in martial arts off and on for over 25 years. I have studied several styles and had numerous instructors.
I think if you, as a martial artist, grow and develop the way your martial arts ancestors intended, then yes I do believe martial arts can and will help you in every aspect of your life, not just your interpersonal relationships.
That being said, I have had NO SHORTAGE of macho egomaniacs for instructors from time to time, many of them talking out of both sides of their mouth. One I can remember telling me all the secrets to inner peace, etc, in class, and then afterwards watching him get drunk and grab a womans breast and trying to start a fight when she objected. Hardly a good role model.
As someone has already stated, angry and violent men tend to be attracted to violent sports and activities. This does NOT mean that all martial artists are unbalance psychos. What it does mean is that you as a person must be selective about who you let teach you, and most people of reasonable intellect should be able to sort out the macho jackasses from the genuinly spiritual and balanced teachers. Traditionally a martial arts teacher was SUPPOSED to be very selective about who he/she taught, as there was great danger in giving away their secrets to people of faulty character. But sadly, the almighty dollar wins again, and there are many unscrupulous instructors that will simply teach anyone that can cough up $60 a month.
I am not convinced by the legions of Tae Kwon Do adverts claiming to teach your children self-discipline and confidence. That job should already have been done by good parents, which apparently are on permanent back-order in this country. In the end I think you just end up with a schoolyard bully that actually knows how to hit someone.
I spent 12 years in the Marines and someone asked me if the Marines made you into a man. My reply was "No, but it will prove wether or not you are are one". I think the same is true of these martial arts schools. If you take a bad person in, you are just going to have a well trained bad person on graduation day. The weakness in their character will always shine through in the end. | |
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| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 7/16/2007 6:25:41 PM | Syner g,
You are correct. The most enjoyable people to train with are those who manifest no ego. I just took a sanshou seminar. The instructor was super-cool. We learned great techniques and enjoyed it. If your partner has an ego, then it could get ugly. Sharing and teaching each other can only benefit the relationship. | |
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| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 7/18/2007 7:09:33 PM | Hey awaitingyu, great post. I was Martial Arts as a child and loved it. It's interesting but now I am a cyclist, and it was the things I learned in martial arts, how to fall, how to be discipline what has saved my ass many times. Also, when you build your confidence physically, it works mentally. The fairness you learn it applies to all other aspects of life, from business to your love life.
OutMind | |
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| Martial Arts and Relationship Sucess
Posted: 7/19/2007 11:28:14 AM | Shotgun and Awaitingyu,
What you have said is the way I view the martial arts .... to be used as a defense, rather than an offense ... building up one's inner peace and strength.
I still recall watching the show "Kung Fu" when I was very young. Even though the show probably does not follow the martial art accurately, it did represent to me, the peaceful nature of the artist.
Although I have not taken any martial art yet ........ I am fascinated, and will one day soon ...... not sure which one ... I will have to research the various disciplines.
Aaron, yes, if one follows the objectives of the masters of the martial arts, then he/she will experience and contribute all the best in their relationship. | |
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