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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?      Home login  
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 WinterWussy
Joined: 5/4/2007
Msg: 1
one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Here's a question for you all:

A woman gets pregnant on a one night stand. The baby's father is much younger, immature, (as she soon finds out by his behavior) and not a US citizen. Should she or should she not tell the father? If she doesn't tell the father, she won't have to hassle with custody, especially during the first year while she's nursing the baby. If she tells him, she risks the father slipping out of the country with the baby. What do you think she should do?
 wwwwwhatever
Joined: 7/6/2006
Msg: 2
one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 2:00:48 AM
Use better judgment in the future...
 Rev.italianviper
Joined: 4/26/2007
Msg: 3
one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 2:08:57 AM
i wouldnt think that it would be that easy for the father to get the baby out of the country,, everyone now has to have passports, including infants, if she doesnt tell the father, then she assumes all responsibility for raising the child on her own, a choice only she can make, much as it was for her to have unprotected sex on a one night stand.
 Harry Peter
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 4
one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 2:23:20 AM
I doubt he's much less mature than the mother given her reported behavior.

So this woman wants the kid and not to abort it I take it?

If the kid ain't born, he can't kidnap it.

Ask him if he wants kids. If he says hell no, safe to tell him. If not, you have a tiny chance of a custody hassle. My guess is, he won't want the kid. But I could be wrong.
 EdwardPartSix
Joined: 4/6/2007
Msg: 5
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one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 2:36:13 AM
Dude has a right to know he's a father.
 SunsetStorm
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 6
one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 3:05:39 AM
I really dont think hes going to kidnap a strangers baby he clearly wasnt Interested In keeping In contact with.

What should she do? Take responsibility for her actions and decide as hes clearly out the picture .. and use contraceptives and common sense next time.

Is that exciting enough for your amusement post ?
 LeSportSac
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 7
one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 3:12:18 AM
If this is a hypothetical question why worry about it?
The father should always know if he's the father of the child whether or not he has any intention to take care of the baby.


 grog27
Joined: 2/25/2005
Msg: 8
one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 3:18:17 AM
Nice try, but we've all seen the trailers for the movie "Knocked Up."
If you're going to attempt this 'viral marketing', at least TRY to be a bit more original! A bit of subtlety wouldn't hurt, either. This isn't even a good troll!!
 meadowman77
Joined: 3/19/2006
Msg: 9
one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 3:58:45 AM
Don't tell him Honey! Any right thinking man, (mature or not) would and will...want his child. I fear it will all go very badly....should you make the terrible mistake of telling this guy. I think you would be surprised, how easily he could spirit the child out of the country. If that wasn't bad enough?.. Should this happen, you'll find it just short of impossible to ever get your child back! Scare tactics? Sure. But I happen to be conveying to you the all too real truth. Good Luck Hon! Your friend, William.
 xvr145
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 10
one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 4:03:14 AM
Absolutely yes he should know. No question. As someone mentioned earlier, he has a right to know he's a father. This woman should not even think she has a choice to make. This baby is half hers and half his. She doesn't get to pick the father anymore and it's her fault she's now tied to this guy forever.

If she wanted her babies to have a father that she was comfortable with, she should have had sex with a man she was comfortable with being the father of her children. Now she has an immature one-night stand foreigner as the father, not some mature, upstanding responsible man she can rely on. But let's not forget what kind of person she is herself: someone who has one-night stands - unprotected - and with foreigners! Sounds like these two are a match and deserve each other.

And just because she made a mistake doesn't mean she has a right to decide now whether she wants this guy as the father. Too late. The decision was already made. To hide it from him now is to sink even lower as a human.

Be aware that he may very well try to get custody. He'll probably want to use the baby as a way for him to become a legal citizen. On the other hand if he runs away to escape the responsibility, she may never be able to locate him for child support. Most likely he'll run away and she won't hear from him until the child is older. Of course at that time he'll have more resources and be able to possibly win joint custody - and make her life a nightmare.

I hope this really is a troll post because if that girl really exists, she's pretty much screwed.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 11
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one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 4:05:10 AM
She should tell the father and if she is concerned, make sure the visitation is court-supervised because of the risk of flight. If the guy is immature he may not want to have anything to do with the baby but if the child asks in the future, the mother can honestly say that she did the right thing and failing to be involved was dad's choice.
 Nos800id
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 12
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one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 4:10:31 AM
Thats a tuffy... I guess it would depend on how relaible the man is and what he plans to do here...
 CallmeJewels
Joined: 3/13/2007
Msg: 13
one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 5:18:04 AM
Honesty is the best policy...tell him. He has a right to know.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 14
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one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 6:00:04 AM
She should tell him. She should not be afraid of him or
what he can do. The child is born In the US I pressume -
there are laws and he can relinquish full custody to the mother
once the child is born. He is not a citizen so I dont know if there is much
he can actually do. Not everything is from the movies. Not every
foreigner who has a child with an American Woman kidnaps them and
brings them to another country. Actually he may want to just forget this
ever happened and not even aknowledge this child. You wont know until
you tell him.
My Ex had a friend from Lebanon who came to stay with us for a month.
He got a girl pregnant here while he was here. When he found out she was
pregnant he went back to Lebanon and never ever aknowledged the child.
He was a poor human being to begin with but that is besides the point. Just an
example of what can happen for your friend. He has a beautiful daughter who
is now 13 years old and does not even know her or her him.
Another thing - One night stand - pregnant?? - that is every young womans
worst nightmare- sorry about that. You need to take responsibility for your
actions sometimes.
 stormee-d
Joined: 1/28/2007
Msg: 15
one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 9:30:22 AM
I guess a woman would have to consider and weigh the possible benefits & possible problems it could cause. I'm assuming if it was a one-nighter, the woman doesn't know a thing about the guy!
On one hand, the guy has a right to know ... but will it really matter to him? If he wants to be "a part of it", what implications will that have on custody/visitation of the child? Tough call.
 mlm_mlm_mlm
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 16
one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 9:40:13 AM
Being the situation has led to having to make such a hard descion I would say that if she is going to have one night stands, she should get some very good birth control..... and No I would not tell the man in that situation because he is immature and could not do much about any of it........except make problems. You have legal issues to contend with and I doubt your going to be able to secure child support anyway... not only because he is in another country but also because he is young and immature. If she tells him he will also have rights he may choose to use.... like taking the child to the other country. If his family has financial resources you could end up never seeing the child again or even have to go through several custody battles.
All in all, its a bad situation....... I would choose to not tell him... if you decide you do not want the baby, you can always put it up for adoption.... as some people cannot or will not be able to provide a stable, loving home in that situation. Giving a young, immature man in another country the option to be a full time custodial parent based on a one night stand with you, would not be something I would do to the child. I would give it up for adoption before I would do that and list father as unknown.
 jessikaowl
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 17
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one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 10:02:14 AM
If there's a chance the father will try to 'slip out of the country' as you said..... then hell no, I wouldn't tell him! If he can bring the kid to some backwards country that has no rights for women, I'd loose my baby forever! F that!!!!

And by the way, I wouldn't have slept with the guy in the first place.
 TeJ_25
Joined: 2/17/2007
Msg: 18
one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 10:05:00 AM
this is not an easy one. would think that a guy may want to know that he is a father or not. dealt with a female few years back who would constantly claim she was pregnant and then not. regularly. the type that you think may be carrying a child by you even though you are no longer with her. despite the issue that he may be immature or function under a different set of rules it would seem only fair as a birth right that he be provided this information. on the otherhand, if providing this information is deemed by her to be detrimental to herself, him, and maybe the family, then it may not be unreasonable to try and prevent that sort of thing by not disclosing that information
 xvr145
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 19
one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 11:06:50 AM

If there's a chance the father will try to 'slip out of the country' as you said..... then hell no, I wouldn't tell him! If he can bring the kid to some backwards country that has no rights for women, I'd loose my baby forever! F that!!!!


Unfortunately, the woman in question CHOSE to sleep with a foreigner and now her baby half belongs to a man from another country. Let's not forget THE BABY IS LEGALLY AND ETHICALLY HIS, TOO. If he wants to legally take the baby to his home country if he gets joint custody then he has every right. This woman is being selfish to try to prevent that by not telling him about the baby. She made a really dumb choice by sleeping with the man, but making a dumb choice doesn't excuse her from the consequences. To try to prevent the complications he could cause by being dishonest or keeping the information from him is wrong.

Many posters in this forum are overlooking the fact that while she may be carrying the child, it belongs to both of them. I don't care if the man is a deranged lunatic. She chose to have sex with him. He has a right as a human to know he is a father. If he's bad for the child, the court will decide that he won't get visitation or custody. But the woman doesn't get to make that decision.

She doesn't own the child, that's why there's laws to protect the rights of maternity and paternity.
 migivadamsbusted
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 20
one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 11:08:26 AM
SHE got pregnant from a ONE NIGHT STAND and hes immature???
 MallardHunter
Joined: 4/20/2007
Msg: 21
one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 11:15:39 AM
Your 43 and get prego from a one nite stand....And you call him immature???
 anotherfemalefish
Joined: 6/7/2007
Msg: 22
one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 12:12:45 PM

SHE got pregnant from a ONE NIGHT STAND and hes immature???


err I'm sure she used protection
unintentionally becoming pregnant is about as immature as unintentionally getting hit by a bus
 cute_physics_guy
Joined: 1/12/2006
Msg: 23
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one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 12:39:28 PM

Should she or should she not tell the father?


It sickens me that the option of not telling him is on the table.
 mlm_mlm_mlm
Joined: 4/29/2007
Msg: 24
one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 12:58:05 PM
I feel bad for you OP.... I know your faced with a tough problem. I hope you consider adoption rather than abortion if you are considering not keeping the baby. I know you may be considering how hard it will be raising a baby as a single parent.

This man could be anyone as you do not really know him, his life or background. He could be married, have some terrible disease, wanted by the law. Its sad you ended up in this position. I hope you will do right by the child and make choices that are in the best interests of the child, since it is an innocent party in this mess.
 xvr145
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 25
one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?
Posted: 6/14/2007 1:11:22 PM

...unintentionally becoming pregnant is about as immature as unintentionally getting hit by a bus.


Acting immaturely (not using protection, not using protection properly, taking risks, having sex before you're ready to be a parent, choosing sex partners you wouldn't want to father your children, etc.) results in unwanted pregnancies. No one is saying she's immature for getting pregnant. Just for the actions that led up to getting pregnant.

Having sex carelessly is what is being criticized as immature. What the OP meant is: the guy is being called immature, but the girl had casual, one-night stand, obviously not well-protected sex with a foreigner so she deserves the same label.

Why on Earth would you try to defend someone who acted immaturely and make it out like it's unintentional therefore it's not immature?

Some logic you got there.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > one night stand, pregnancy, he's a foreigner - let him know?